RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority?

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RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/20/2010 7:08:54 PM

WolfyMontgomery

Posts: 234
Joined: 9/28/2010
Status: offline

I do believe that my definition of love is a little bit hard for even me to define. There needs to be trust, care, compassion, fondness, attachment, protectiveness, affection, passion, desire... I need to NEED that person in my life, as a part of me, someone who understands me, someone who feels the same things about me as I feel about them and lets me know it. It's a craving, it's a lusting, but it's also a comfort, an attachment in emotional and physical ways. I need to be held, to be told that I am appreciated, cared for, longed for, and I need to hold them and be able to tell them the same back.

I need to feel that attachment before I can give myself, but I often don't notice that attachment until I start giving myself, if that makes any sense. Another way that I could put it is... if I can't fall in love with you (and feel that large amount of devotion and attachment) in a vanilla sense, I couldn't give myself to the person in a D/s or M/s sense. If I wouldn't want to or wasn't allowed to contemplate marrying you and spending my life with you then there's no way I could give myself so totally to you.

It is the reason why Master and I work so well together, because we started vanilla, and grew to love each other before we even started dabbling in BDSM. If I lost him (beyond the fact that it would be very hard to recover, but if I did) I would have to start over in the same way - meet a man and start a vanilla relationship with him before I could have a D/s relationship with him.

Did that make sense? I hope it did... I even confuse myself sometimes =P

_____________________________

~Eleven

-A Wolf of a Different Color

Fear me and my Gleaming Metal Chompers of DOOM!
..........that means my braces. >_>

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 81

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/20/2010 9:08:02 PM

smilingjaguar

Posts: 271
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel
I am really curious as to what people think about the relationship i speak about, the one wherein don't tell me you love me show me you own me is at play. Do you think as it seems many do it was somehow less than or devoid of something like emotion or romance or caring or need or what? Do you think its a cold relationship, unemotional or somehow not bonded?

Angel, it feels like my relationship. One where the truest form of devotion is his mastery over me, keeping me in my place. One where yes I can be and often am spoiled absolutely rotten or be completely under his thumb, and when things are really grooving I get both at the same time.

I used to say I love him. More and more the natural word that comes out is adore. The more he exercises his property rights the more secure and connected I feel to him. I need that short leash. It brings out warm fuzzies and security and adoration and occasionally love, but love is not the focus. The drug is his control, his concern, his vested interest in my life and his expectations of me. He knows that showing me "love" is best done by bringing me to heel and setting his standards high.

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 82

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/21/2010 11:34:22 AM

TotalDiscipline

Posts: 225
Joined: 5/5/2010
Status: offline

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love

love is not a such slimy word....people always seem to have "Titanic" the movie in mind.
The first sentence of the wiki says it for me.....nicely explained without fluff and candles

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 83

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/21/2010 1:23:47 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Honesty, loyalty, trust, compassion, desire... those are the biggies for me.

Plus emotional vulnerability. If he doesn't feel right telling me his deepest darkest secrets and if I don't feel safe telling him mine, then it's lacking something. And I need it to be a two way street, because unless he's equally vulnerable I'm not going to strip myself bare.

I frequently add that he needs to love me as much because of my flaws. Not despite them.

Unless there's a huge emotional risk for him, which translates to love in my eyes, I simply won't ever trust him enough to be open to him. I could do his laundry or cook his meal or even have sex, but I wouldn't ever allow him to control me - every single thing I would do would have my conscious choice involved. I would weigh every request, because he wouldn't have the right to command and I would constantly be watching him, judging him, expecting him to screw up so that I would refuse.

For me love is the difference.

But I'm curious about whoever said these days she uses the word 'adore'. I'm not allowed to adore him, to worship him. I did that in the beginning and he stopped it. He knows he isn't perfect and he doesn't want me to see him in that light. Because when you expect perfection and don't get it, you frequently do get resentment and anger.

I'm also curious as to why the op assumes in a full loving relationship there could be no authority. Is he really that weak, that insecure? Or does he not know that when we fall in love with a man because of the natural authority he has that we respond to, one of the qualities he has that we love and need is that authority? Taking away his control would be like taking away my trust in him. I would be hurt and bereft. So why is he unable to have authority over someone he loves?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 84

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/21/2010 1:39:34 PM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

But I'm curious about whoever said these days she uses the word 'adore'. I'm not allowed to adore him, to worship him. I did that in the beginning and he stopped it. He knows he isn't perfect and he doesn't want me to see him in that light. Because when you expect perfection and don't get it, you frequently do get resentment and anger.

the concepts of reverence and worship are not tied to perfection...i've never understood those who make that connection. i accept my Master as an imperfect human being. but i worship and revere him as the One who has total power over my life, even down to the continuance of that life. He gave me life and purpose, if he pleased he can take those away. He is the source of all my needs...from shelter to affection, from clothing to friendship. i am grateful for this life he has given me and continues to give, and i fear losing his favor above all else. how on earth could i not adore him? revere him...worship him?

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 85

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/21/2010 3:58:13 PM

WolfyMontgomery

Posts: 234
Joined: 9/28/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TotalDiscipline
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love
love is not a such slimy word....people always seem to have "Titanic" the movie in mind.
The first sentence of the wiki says it for me.....nicely explained without fluff and candles

That definition totally works too =D

Maybe I just like all the fluff and candles and romance stuff ;P

Master always says I'm the hopeless romantic type - I just got lucky and got not-so-hopeless!

_____________________________

~Eleven

-A Wolf of a Different Color

Fear me and my Gleaming Metal Chompers of DOOM!
..........that means my braces. >_>

(in reply to TotalDiscipline)

Post #: 86

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/21/2010 6:06:54 PM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Plus emotional vulnerability. If he doesn't feel right telling me his deepest darkest secrets and if I don't feel safe telling him mine, then it's lacking something. And I need it to be a two way street, because unless he's equally vulnerable I'm not going to strip myself bare.

I frequently add that he needs to love me as much because of my flaws. Not despite them.

Unless there's a huge emotional risk for him, which translates to love in my eyes, I simply won't ever trust him enough to be open to him. I could do his laundry or cook his meal or even have sex, but I wouldn't ever allow him to control me - every single thing I would do would have my conscious choice involved. I would weigh every request, because he wouldn't have the right to command and I would constantly be watching him, judging him, expecting him to screw up so that I would refuse.

For me love is the difference.

This is brilliant, and absolutely how I feel. Thanks for putting it that way.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 87

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/21/2010 9:17:25 PM

OneMaster4You

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/5/2009
From: San Francisco
Status: offline

It is importnant never to forget the dynamic that brought you together. The need to be controlled and given guidance is always essential in the relationship. One can love in a firm disciplinarian way. To show affection is not a sign of weakness. To forget ones' position is!

One must always be wary of the submissive who attempts to top from bottom. Just like children they will test you. A weak parent gives in to the child. A strong parent stays firm and true to the realtionship of parent/ child out of love.

Such is the same dynamic between submissive and Master. always be Master first, lover second. To allow down times when you share sensitive and intimate moments is not unusual. Hpowever know that they will always challenge you. it is their way of asking... Do you love me enough to be strong for me?

Be strong and never forget who is the Master and who is the submissive. Love her for that. Respect her for that. Hold her on a pedestal for that.

Her submission, her obedience, her surrender is her gift to you. She will always want to make sure you are worthy of it.

Gotta love her..... nuff said

OneMaster4you

(in reply to Jaybeee)

Post #: 88

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/21/2010 10:20:32 PM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

Do you see any conflict between how much love/affection you can lavish on a slave, and your dominance over her? If you are IN love, do you think there's a point at which too much lovey-dovey stuff, if it starts to cut into the 'stern' times, will lead to a loss of authority?

Greetings Jaybeee,

My love and affection for her does not in any way cut into 'stern' times or weaken my ability to exercise my absolute authority. This because a master is a master first and lover second. A master thinks "she is my slave, what a beautiful and intelligent woman, she serves me well most of the time, I love her" instead of "I love her, what a beautiful and intelligent woman, she is my slave...".

How else could it be?
Lover first and master second? Clearly that would lead to a breakdown in control, quickly.
Master and lover in some balance? What a constant battle that scenario presents.

No, you were master because that is your calling before even meeting her. Being a master who also loves his slave works because you remain true to yourself, that original calling. If you do not remain true to yourself then you have lost control of yourself and your authority over others withers and dies. You are no longer master of yourself.

Live well,
Arturas

(in reply to Jaybeee)

Post #: 89

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/21/2010 10:24:00 PM

WolfyMontgomery

Posts: 234
Joined: 9/28/2010
Status: offline

quote:

How else could it be?
Lover first and master second? Clearly that would lead to a breakdown in control, quickly.

While that may not work for you, it quite obviously and easily works for my Master and me. He is most definitely in control, at all times, and that control has never lessened or broken in any way.

What may not work for you can and will work for others.

Added to say, he doesn't say "I love her, she is my slave", and he does not say "She is my slave, I love her".
He says, "I love my slave." =)

_____________________________

~Eleven

-A Wolf of a Different Color

Fear me and my Gleaming Metal Chompers of DOOM!
..........that means my braces. >_>

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 90

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/21/2010 10:31:02 PM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WolfyMontgomery

quote:

How else could it be?
Lover first and master second? Clearly that would lead to a breakdown in control, quickly.

While that may not work for you, it quite obviously and easily works for my Master and me. He is most definitely in control, at all times, and that control has never lessened or broken in any way.

What may not work for you can and will work for others.

Added to say, he doesn't say "I love her, she is my slave", and he does not say "She is my slave, I love her".
He says, "I love my slave." =)

Greetings,

I would be interested in hearing it from your master. Is that possible?

Be well,
Arturas

(in reply to WolfyMontgomery)

Post #: 91

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/21/2010 10:34:15 PM

WolfyMontgomery

Posts: 234
Joined: 9/28/2010
Status: offline

Not entirely, as he does not have a Collarme account. If you would like to know, please PM me, and I'll ask him if I can share his email with you via there, as I don't think he'd be entirely pleased if I put it out here for the whole forums to see. ;)

_____________________________

~Eleven

-A Wolf of a Different Color

Fear me and my Gleaming Metal Chompers of DOOM!
..........that means my braces. >_>

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 92

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/22/2010 5:14:23 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

Wolfy why do you take every concept being explained here that is different from your own as meaning you have to defend your relationship?

angel

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to WolfyMontgomery)

Post #: 93

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/22/2010 5:50:44 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Wolfy why do you take every concept being explained here that is different from your own as meaning you have to defend your relationship?

I don't see it as defence-more an exploration of the differences between her relationship and others'.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 94

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/22/2010 5:56:41 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

Maybe. It was just something i noticed so i asked. To me, it seems as if its becoming a defense now rather than an exploration. But i guess its about perception.

angel

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 95

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/22/2010 7:45:35 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Maybe. It was just something i noticed so i asked.

See that statement right there? It reads kind of defensively. I don't know if you meant it that way, but do you see the problem? You're right-it is all about perception.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 96

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/22/2010 7:53:20 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

VC relax. The question wasn't to you. She can answer it or not. It not as deep as you are trying to make it. It's simple a question.

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 97

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/22/2010 8:09:57 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

Eh-don't snark at people if you don't want the snark being questioned

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 98

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/22/2010 8:51:00 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

Who was snarking. Again its not as deep as you are making it. You are the one making it some big evil thing. Lol. Perhaps YOU want to snark so you are blowing things out of proportion. Again relax it's not that deep

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 99

RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain aut... - 10/22/2010 9:42:33 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

Either I'm snarking or I'm taking it too seriously-make up your mind...

This:

quote:

Wolfy why do you take every concept being explained here that is different from your own as meaning you have to defend your relationship?

was kind of aggressive. I'm not 'making it into' anything-I don't think it's some massive deep thing, I just think it was uncalled for.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 100

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