RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now for privacy reasons"

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RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/20/2010 10:13:47 PM

Posts: 96
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReginaMirus
Guys that do this, do you have any other explanation that makes sense, other than what I've listed above?

Yeah, my ex wife scans websites like this one, knowing I'm into D/s, trying to find my profiles so she can use them against me in court. I make the profile as detailed as possible without giving away who I am, and I don't use a photo of my face. It's not morally right that she could mess with me if she found me, but it's true.

Witty Name,

It is a shame that you have to leave in fear of the courts and your ex just because of what you enjoy and seek.

Be Well

PS do you know what the number one cause of divorce is?

----

---- nope not money

---

keep guessing

----
--

nope not that either. Keep guessing.

----

-------

---------

It's marriage ;)

(in reply to wittynamehere)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/20/2010 11:04:09 PM

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

I am not a guy. But I am kinkster who, as my SOP, doesn't send photos for privacy reasons. Those reasons are very simple - my jobs are such that (while not famous/important on any level) I do not want to be spotted as a kinkster by random people I don't know at them. I'm less worried about losing my job and more worried about having to deal with crap while attempting to work. That said... I will tell people I meet in person at kink events where I work if I think they would be interested in what I do. I just don't want random Internet people. Though if they can spot me from my photoshoped pic, I'll be impressed and give them cookies.

If someone wants to see what I look like, I am more than happy to meet them at a poly meet in a nearby city, at my city's local dungeon, if they are female they can attend one of the munches I host or, after some messages, they can meet me at a local coffee shop.

If that makes me a fantasy player in someone's mind... well... I'm ok with that. I know the truth.

And I really don't care if people don't think my reasons are legit - I know what I am comfortable with. If someone is going to be with me, they need to respect that I'm comfortable with. If they can't... best we part early!

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 10/20/2010 11:05:11 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ReginaMirus)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/20/2010 11:26:32 PM

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I'm very careful who I send my pic to.

Because of my job I need to be discreet. I would lose my job/career if anyone knew I was "into" bdsm and could prove it, so I am careful. If I'm planning on meeting someone with a view to a relationship, then I'll send them a face pic, but not through this site. I'll usually email it or do it through an IM account.

If I'm just chatting with someone with no view to meeting for whatever reason (they're too far away, too old/young for me, whatever) then I'll be honest and tell them that I will not be sending a pic, and explain why. I do sometimes get the "fake" accusation, in which case I bid them farewell and wish them luck in their continuing search.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 12:53:31 AM

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

ReginaMirus,

quote:

Guys that do this, do you have any other explanation that makes sense, other than what I've listed above?

I give my picture to very few people online these days. This is because I meet lots of people in real life and, though this may sound snotty, I prefer conversing with someone who is so involved in probing my mind that pictures are a secondary (or forgotten) priority. I'm more likely to share pictures (without being asked) when I've built trust with the person. It sets off a waring signal when someone demands pictures or asks for pictures too soon. Call me old fashioned, but this is my system and I find it an effective filtering mechanism.

Elan.

(in reply to ReginaMirus)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 1:58:00 AM

Posts: 240
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

Seriously?

These guys proposition me first, having damned near nothing in their own profile, yet talk to me at length about how wonderful my profile is, blahblahblah. We exchange 4 or 5 CMails, I request a photo and get this response, yet I'M the one that's supposed to be so engrossed in "probing their mind" that I shouldn't really be asking for a recent photo?

Are you fucking KIDDING me?

You'd think that if they went to THAT much trouble to message me in the first place and talk to me at length, I would have already "passed" all their little filters. Generally, by the time we've gotten that far and I get that kneejerk response, I'm thoroughly engrossed in wanting to know why something as silly as a photo is such a sticking point. It generally tells me they've no intention of meeting me in person at all, and are just trying to bait me long enough online to get at least a little something out of me before I catch onto their personal little headgame.

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 5:11:27 AM

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I'm very careful who I send my pic to.

Because of my job I need to be discreet. I would lose my job/career if anyone knew I was "into" bdsm and could prove it, so I am careful. If I'm planning on meeting someone with a view to a relationship, then I'll send them a face pic, but not through this site. I'll usually email it or do it through an IM account.

If I'm just chatting with someone with no view to meeting for whatever reason (they're too far away, too old/young for me, whatever) then I'll be honest and tell them that I will not be sending a pic, and explain why. I do sometimes get the "fake" accusation, in which case I bid them farewell and wish them luck in their continuing search.

You mean you're not REALLY a bunny? *pouts*

(in reply to myotherself)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 6:42:30 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

I used to have a pic with my yahoo instant messenger, and whoever talked to me there after talking with me here for several weeks got to see my pic. Not anymore. I do not want any pix of mine floating around on the internet. Even if I sent it in a letter it could be captured and used to make a profile here or somewhere else.

If anyone called me a fake because I won't hand over a pic...pfft. Since I'm willing to meet up in a public place within two weeks, if someone wants to see me all they have to do is show up.

I have never asked a man for his picture. Seriously, I do not care how they look...I am more concerned with what he chooses to say when he writes to me. Do we bore each other silly or do I find him interesting or peaceful to be around, and if we have vanilla things in common.

(I only answer for myself, as my own preferences matter only to me. No need for anyone to take what I say personally.)

At one o'clock today I will be having another first meetup in public with someone from CollarMe and I am clueless about how he looks like other than the stats mentioned in his profile. After four dozen or so, I've lost count of the people I've met from this site over the years...too bad none have been from the message boards so far. Whenever my vehicle stops needing umgawa money each month with a different repair, I will make it to Beckley and see those in that area like BOUNTYHUNTER and whoever else attends SMACK.

WV is full of teeny towns nestled into the mountains, so I know several in this area who are school teachers and will not hand over a pic. They are newbies who haven't scened in r/t yet so I am friendly but do not take them seriously unless they meet up with me in person.

Since people can steal pix from all over the web, or even work in a photo developing place and make extra copies for themselves...I could never be sure the pic I am shown is of the person I am talking with until I meet up with them.

No, I don't own a web cam.

(in reply to ReginaMirus)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 7:51:04 AM

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I'm very careful who I send my pic to.

Because of my job I need to be discreet. I would lose my job/career if anyone knew I was "into" bdsm and could prove it, so I am careful.

This. But I do put a picture that is not facially identifying on here. Someday, I might put my face on here but, right now, NO.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to myotherself)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 9:45:49 AM

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

You mean you're not REALLY a bunny? *pouts*

I am...I'm just not the bunny in the pic...

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 9:56:47 AM

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

I feel lied to.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to myotherself)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 10:16:50 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We never exchanged photos. I didn't have a camera phone all those years ago, nobody did. I still don't have a webcam nor any plans to buy one. I don't even have a chat program installed.

We sent emails, and eventually moved to phone and then met for coffee. If for whatever reason there was no real life chemistry, we still would have enjoyed talking to each other in person and making a friend.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 10:27:34 AM

Posts: 81
Joined: 9/14/2010
Status: offline

I don't do pics and I'll tell you why. I haven't taken many since I was about 5. I hate how I look in pics and I'm not a natural smiler. I will describe myself to someone as accurately as I can and share a lot about myself. If that's not enough to garner a face to face meeting where I feel comfortable with them getting their first "view" of me then the odds are that looks rank far higher on the scale then anything else and they are probably too shallow anyway.

I haven't found it to be a major issue. 99% are fine with it even if they naturally may like one. The ones I've met up with haven't run the other way though a couple times that chemistry simply wasn't there on both our parts.

Personally I'd rather they share their minds versus their pics. I am far more forgiving on looks then I am on an ability to stimulate my mind. A hot pic does nothing for me and may not even be them.

The bottom line is are you going to send a pic of yourself to someone whose never met you that you don't like of yourself? Probably not. You'll send a good one. So if one doesn't like how they look in pics why would they want to? Like you they want to present themselves feeling good about how they look.

< Message edited by subkatslut -- 10/21/2010 10:39:37 AM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 10:46:18 AM

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I have to say that I am not in the habit of asking for photos, or even phone numbers. I often head out to the cofffee shop with no clue of what the other person looks like. It's when someone I've gotten to "know" gets all omg noes over sending me a pic that I get annoyed. Until I bid them adieu and they fall off my radar :)

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to subkatslut)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 11:04:09 AM

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

You know, I have to say that being kinky is not a crime. It is not a fire-able offense. In fact, it is no one's business what you do in your off work time but you. As long as you are not using company resources or doing kinky stuff during company time, they have no reason to take any action against you what-so-ever.

If you are worried that someone is going to find out that you are into kinky sex, try showing up to work in a dress or asking to be called "Bob" when your birth name is "Melissa".

Being kinky is no-big-deal, really.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 11:36:22 AM

Posts: 81
Joined: 9/14/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim
It is not a fire-able offense.

I don't know where you live but in MY state they can fire you simply because they like to fire people. Though discrimination is illegal on the basis of some things how does one prove that when someone doesn't even need a reason to fire someone? lol

They fired me because I'm gay and that's discrimination. Judge asks so and so why they fired you. Them-because they picked their nose. Judge-well ok you're entitled. Next...

(in reply to OttersSwim)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 11:45:54 AM

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subkatslut

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim
It is not a fire-able offense.

I don't know where you live but in MY state they can fire you simply because they like to fire people. Though discrimination is illegal on the basis of some things how does one prove that when someone doesn't even need a reason to fire someone? lol

They fired me because I'm gay and that's discrimination. Judge asks so and so why they fired you. Them-because they picked their nose. Judge-well ok you're entitled. Next...

Yep, that is true. I guess to me it comes down to a question of how much we are willing to hide who we really are, for the sake of money. It is a question that I am debating a lot these days, being transgendered. I am not saying we have to shout it from the rooftops...but I am only willing to go so far to conceal who I really am, and the older I get, the more narrow that gap becomes.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to subkatslut)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 11:47:59 AM

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/1/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

I want to see Batman's photo. I think he's fake.

it's a lie! Dam Joker!

I'M Batman

I'm also willingly submitting images of my personage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hjp0I_okX0w

Look at my face! It's the scum that makes me wear a mask.

(in reply to Twoshoes)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 12:03:58 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subkatslut
I don't know where you live but in MY state they can fire you simply because they like to fire people. Though discrimination is illegal on the basis of some things how does one prove that when someone doesn't even need a reason to fire someone? lol

They fired me because I'm gay and that's discrimination. Judge asks so and so why they fired you. Them-because they picked their nose. Judge-well ok you're entitled. Next...

Many states are known as "employment at will" states. Without bringing every exception on the books into the discussion, all it means is, unless you have a written contract, neither you or your employer are locked into you holding your position where you work. The same works in reverse. If there's no contract, you can quit your job without an obligation to your employer (such as two weeks notice).

Most people aren't the perfect employees that they would like to believe, with spotless records, and no infractions of company policy. If you're going to try the discrimination angle, don't count on winning unless you've never made even the slightest deviation from what the employer expects from your performance.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to subkatslut)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 1:24:24 PM

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

FR

Until fairly recently every single photo I ever sent anyone on a kink site was up on facebook too. That way there was no chance anyone could prove it was actually *me* sending the photos-anyone who was my friend on facebook would have access to them, and could have set up this account with my photos.

Plausible deniability is the name of the game.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: "I don't want to disclose my photo right now f... - 10/21/2010 1:33:47 PM

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subkatslut

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim
It is not a fire-able offense.

I don't know where you live but in MY state they can fire you simply because they like to fire people. Though discrimination is illegal on the basis of some things how does one prove that when someone doesn't even need a reason to fire someone? lol

Here too. WA is a "hire and fire at will" State. They don't need to have a reason. And, as far as I know, being kinky isn't a protected minority here.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to subkatslut)

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