Not your average intro...

Not your average intro... (Full Version)

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KingBee68 -> Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 10:58:46 AM)
Greetings, everyone! I'm an intelligent, confident, good-natured, articulate, easygoing, professional white male - 42 years old, with a wicked sense of humor and a burning desire to tease, torment and otherwise have my way with attractive, curvaceous, submissive women. I'm looking for someone local who wants to be whipped (not necessarily literally) into a frenzy of pleasure/pain/passion/bliss. I love music, dogs, music, the beach, music, movies, and music. I also love demonstrating that all woman are inherently multi-orgasmic. So that's the good news. Then there's this... I am in a sexless (but otherwise very happy) marriage. I know this is a deal-breaker for many women - and I respect your right to such an opinion, but I do wish more women would take into consideration that sometimes, "sexless" can't be helped. And just because a man really needs an outlet for 3+ years of pent up passion does not mean that he wants to hurt the one true love of his life or cause irreparable damage to an otherwise perfect relationship. So, while an LTR with me is absolutely not in the cards, I am very much available for one or more intensely pleasurable, discreet, erotic encounters with those who can understand and make allowances for my situation. Obviously, I hope to find some compassionate, open-minded people here on collarme.

BurntKitty -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 11:06:00 AM)
Hello & welcome to CM. You may wish to read this thread

RedMagic1 -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 11:09:47 AM)
I wish you the very best in resolving the areas of your life that lack resolution, King Bee. I do have to point out, though, that middle-aged men looking for a piece of kink on the side are very common first-posters on these message boards. So, unfortunately, your introduction is rather "average." Instead of painting gold plate onto shit, it makes more sense to fix the septic tank. That's a harder, messier job of course, but it's the only thing that really works.

KingBee68 -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 11:46:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 I wish you the very best in resolving the areas of your life that lack resolution, King Bee. I do have to point out, though, that middle-aged men looking for a piece of kink on the side are very common first-posters on these message boards. So, unfortunately, your introduction is rather "average." Fair enough. I can speak to how different my situation is until I'm blue in the face, but when people have their minds made up from the start, it's going to be (at least with regard to those specific people) completely futile. quote: Instead of painting gold plate onto shit, it makes more sense to fix the septic tank. That's a harder, messier job of course, but it's the only thing that really works. You're making the (mistaken) assumption that the problem can be fixed.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 11:49:45 AM)
I apologize. I was not aware you were here with your wife's blessing. That would be a good thing to add to your profile and to your intro thread. People would be less likely to jump to conclusions.

KingBee68 -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 11:58:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 I apologize. I was not aware you were here with your wife's blessing. That would be a good thing to add to your profile and to your intro thread. People would be less likely to jump to conclusions. Just because my wife is unable to have sex doesn't mean I'm going to ask for her blessing to do this. She's suffering enough as it is; I can and will spare her the knowledge that I am trying to fulfill my physical needs. I have no use for those who can't see the compassion in that -- nor for those who are too cynical to allow for the possibility that sometimes people find themselves in extraordinarily difficult situations.

LadyPact -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 12:05:00 PM)
Which part of that doesn't translate to "cheating on the wife and she doesn't know"?

KingBee68 -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 12:13:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Which part of that doesn't translate to "cheating on the wife and she doesn't know"? At what point did I state that I was not cheating on my wife? Where did you read (and why would you infer) that she does know? Try reading the OP. I thought I made it clear that the relationship was sexless - and there's no way that can be remedied - but it is, in every other way, a wonderful and happy relationship. (To the extent that any relationship can be so when one of the partners is in a constant state of severe pain and suffering.)

Twoshoes -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 12:15:31 PM)
Grats on spelling 'discreet', correctly. [;)] IMO, If she won't have sex and you've already tried the "being irresistible" and "being understanding" approaches, just ditch her. You can be friends and maybe even roommates without being married.

KingBee68 -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 12:21:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BurntKitty Hello & welcome to CM. You may wish to read this thread Thanks for the welcome. Having read that thread, I find it extremely ironic that people in this lifestyle can be so closed-minded. I would think that most (if not all) in this lifestyle would find it aggravating to be faced with the ongoing disapproval and closed-mindedness of those outside the lifestyle. And yet they can't bring themselves to open their minds on this?!

KingBee68 -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 12:24:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Twoshoes Grats on spelling 'discreet', correctly. [;)] IMO, If she won't have sex and you've already tried the "being irresistible" and "being understanding" approaches, just ditch her. You can be friends and maybe even roommates without being married. There's an ENORMOUS difference between "won't" and "can't". I've loved her with all my heart for fifteen years and I will continue to do so. I just love all the attitudes on this forum. As though what I'm doing is so contemptible. What would truly be contemptible is abandoning the one you love simply because s/he develops a devastating, long-term illness.

LadyPact -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 12:45:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KingBee68 At what point did I state that I was not cheating on my wife? Where did you read (and why would you infer) that she does know? Try reading the OP. I thought I made it clear that the relationship was sexless - and there's no way that can be remedied - but it is, in every other way, a wonderful and happy relationship. (To the extent that any relationship can be so when one of the partners is in a constant state of severe pain and suffering.) True. I apologize. I had read RedMagic's comment and thought you had been honest and honorable with her. I was incorrect about this. My bad. ETA - It's still contemptible. Just because your reason for cheating on her is because of her health doesn't make you some kind of wonderful guy. Also, just because people are kinky doesn't mean that all morals and ethics get tossed to the wind.

lizi -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 12:48:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KingBee68 quote: ORIGINAL: BurntKitty Hello & welcome to CM. You may wish to read this thread Thanks for the welcome. Having read that thread, I find it extremely ironic that people in this lifestyle can be so closed-minded. I would think that most (if not all) in this lifestyle would find it aggravating to be faced with the ongoing disapproval and closed-mindedness of those outside the lifestyle. And yet they can't bring themselves to open their minds on this?! There is nothing close-minded on the thread that BurntKitty provided being as people were asked for their preferences. You just didn't seem to like seeing that most people had a preference for having non-married partners. You don't get provided a sex partner simply because you come to the kinky side - the people there have preferences just like anyone else. It is a shame that your wife is ill, my sincere condolences. You do seem to feel some entitlement as a result of being deprived of a physical relationship with her which is not attractive. I'd not want to be your 'physical release' instead of being a partner to you. That's the part that you are missing here and what was included in that thread. That many of us want more than casual sex. You are looking for the side dish, that's your perogative. No matter how wonderful and nice you are, what you are offering part of a relationship to people like myself instead of the whole thing. I can and will wish you well with your search, but I can also say it's absolutely not what I want in my own life. There is nothing close minded in that, just an acknowledgement of what I'm looking for.

KingBee68 -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 12:54:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact True. I apologize. I had read RedMagic's comment and thought you had been honest and honorable with her. I was incorrect about this. My bad. ETA - It's still contemptible. Just because your reason for cheating on her is because of her health doesn't make you some kind of wonderful guy. Also, just because people are kinky doesn't mean that all morals and ethics get tossed to the wind. You can shove your contempt. When you've walked a mile in my shoes, then you get to judge me. You think I don't feel tremendous guilt over this? These forums are all about sex. You try living without it - indefinitely - and see how cut and dried (and contemptible) everything is then.

KingBee68 -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 1:06:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi There is nothing close-minded on the thread that BurntKitty provided being as people were asked for their preferences. You just didn't seem to like seeing that most people had a preference for having non-married partners. I disagree. There's a tremendous amount of closed-mindedness reflected in those responses. As for preferences, sure, everyone has theirs and they are entitled to them. Anyone who refuses to consider ANY sort of extenuating circumstances is closed-minded. I'm just trying to point out that things aren't always so cut and dried. quote: It is a shame that your wife is ill, my sincere condolences. You do seem to feel some entitlement as a result of being deprived of a physical relationship with her Entitlement? Hardly. Physical needs are just that - and we all have them. For how many years do you suppose you could completely deny your own before they began to really overwhelm you? quote: I'd not want to be your 'physical release' instead of being a partner to you. Fair enough. You're looking for more of an LTR, and that's not something I want to pursue. I already have one which, under the circumstances, is quite demanding. I do understand that many people aren't interested in short-term (or even one-time) encounters. But for those who might otherwise be, it's a shame to me that so many have a "hard limit" in this area - without regard or allowance for extreme/extenuating circumstances.

Twoshoes -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 1:11:42 PM)
Well, maybe you can ask for her permission. She probably notices the lack just as much as you do. She will probably suspect you're cheating on her, anyway. And I'm not judging you. I'm just suggesting solutions, which won't leave your wife feeling deceived, lied to and disrespected.

BonesFromAsh -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 1:12:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KingBee68 There's a tremendous amount of closed-mindedness reflected in those responses. As for preferences, sure, everyone has theirs and they are entitled to them. Anyone who refuses to consider ANY sort of extenuating circumstances is closed-minded. I'm just trying to point out that things aren't always so cut and dried. KB, don't you see the closed-mindedness of your statement above? So far, your posts both here and on the other thread BurntKitty linked in the beginning give me the impression you're trying very hard to justify your actions. My question is...to who?

LadyPact -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 1:22:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KingBee68 You can shove your contempt. When you've walked a mile in my shoes, then you get to judge me. You think I don't feel tremendous guilt over this? These forums are all about sex. You try living without it - indefinitely - and see how cut and dried (and contemptible) everything is then. Yeah. I'll shove it the same place you have seem to put the "in sickness and in health" part of your marriage vows. It probably belongs around the same place as the argument that sex is a "need" rather than a want. Celibacy is not a scientifically proven requirement to support life. If it was, I'd be dead. I'm a military wife. so I'm familiar with celibacy during those periods that he's deployed. Oddly enough, I still have a pulse. Same thing if he were too ill and My sex life was over. It's most likely going to happen someday, even if it's from advanced age. These forums are not all about sex. Maybe Alt or AFF, but these are more focused on bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism, and power dynamics. I'm not saying there aren't some folks who join up here thinking that people are willing to have sexual encounters, but cheating husbands aren't exactly rare here. Speaking of forums, welcome to these. Please enjoy the comments.

KingBee68 -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 1:22:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Twoshoes Well, maybe you can ask for her permission. She probably notices the lack just as much as you do. She will probably suspect you're cheating on her, anyway. And I'm not judging you. I'm just suggesting solutions, which won't leave your wife feeling deceived, lied to and disrespected. I appreciate your stated lack of judgment. Thank you. Of course she notices (and regrets) our nonexistent sex life. Who wouldn't? She feels the lack very keenly and it tears her up. I've spent years reassuring her that it's OK, that it doesn't matter, that I'm not going anywhere - and even so, you're right - she has suspected me of cheating for quite some time. Until you've experienced it or dealt with it firsthand, it's difficult to understand the psychology of along, slow, debilitating illness. Little by little, you lose so many of the things that you once took for granted. Little by little the walls crumble and you feel like less and less of a person. I'm not going to bring the roof crashing down on her by asking her if I can cheat. I'm just not. Quite the opposite, I'll take every precaution to make sure she never finds out, so she'll never have to feel deceived, lied to and disrespected.

BurntKitty -> RE: Not your average intro... (10/28/2010 1:35:50 PM)
I have nothing more to add, but perhaps you're on the wrong site. AFF is filled with married people looking for something on the side. Alt.com is the same, but with kink. There's other sites catering to married people wanting a fling. Good luck, and you may want to retain a divorce lawyer... just in case.

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