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:: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 6:34:45 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
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Hello everyone,

In society, people tend to gravitate toward like-minded folks. Birds of a feather, and all that. However, a number of regular posters often disagree - sometimes pleasantly, sometimes un-. And yet, here we are. It's brought up the question of the norms / accepted netiquette here - these are not necessarily the same thing.

I'm curious how folks see the norms of this board. For example, there is a distinct trend toward relationships rather than one night stands, real life interactions rather than online, low tolerance for "whining", etc. Other websites have distinctly different norms. For CM, what are the norms as you see them (an example / illustration could be helpful)? What are your opinions about them?

best,
sunshine

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Post #: 1

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 6:53:33 AM

hertz

Posts: 1315
Joined: 8/7/2010
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I think CM members don't like 'players' or 'cheaters'. Moral conservatism is the rule of the day.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 2

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 7:36:19 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'll take fantasy vrs reality.

I don't think fantasy goes over very well here. The one exception to this being the Creative Writing forum. Otherwise, I think people on the forums are much more receptive of topics that are reality based, rather than what a person has gathered that they think this is all about, derived either from porn or on the net. Lack of real time experience is one of the quickest ways for a thread to go down the tubes quickly.

There has been a shift in the use of the term 'wannabe'. For some reason, the term has evolved to 'fantasist'. Often, either term is correct, though somehow 'wannabe' is viewed as some type of insult. I don't tend to see it as such. Rather, it is often an accurate description. If a person hasn't actually experienced anything in the physical realm of BDSM due to lack of opportunity, they are still in the stage of "want to be". No matter which term is used, topics don't go over very well coming from that mindset.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 11/8/2010 7:37:24 AM >

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Post #: 3

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 7:51:16 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Don't start threads about body mass.

Submission is NOT a gift, no matter how you personally view it.

Don't start a thread about a topic that has been discussed in here previously. Use the search function to find out what you want to know.

If you want to comment on something you found when using the search function, start a new thread, don't bump the old one. Just make sure the topic hasn't been discussed in here previously.

Photos of genitalia are not welcome.....unless we already know and like you.

Photos of killer buff 8-pack abs are welcome anytime.

It's okay to call each other vile names in the Politics & Religion section if their opinion doesn't agree with yours.

Ron will work for blow jobs.

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Post #: 4

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 8:01:15 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

I think CM members don't like 'players' or 'cheaters'. Moral conservatism is the rule of the day.

If moral conservatism means that I would hope someone practices full disclosure to all parties they are screwing then colour me conserved

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(in reply to hertz)

Post #: 5

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 8:29:22 AM

hertz

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Joined: 8/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

I think CM members don't like 'players' or 'cheaters'. Moral conservatism is the rule of the day.

If moral conservatism means that I would hope someone practices full disclosure to all parties they are screwing then colour me conserved

I rest my case.

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 6

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 8:31:06 AM

hertz

Posts: 1315
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Fakes are OK, but complaining about them isn't.

(in reply to hertz)

Post #: 7

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 8:39:23 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
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There does seem to be quite a bit of YKINMK except when talking about things such as adult babies, diapers, human toilets, and weirdly - tickling. All of these often get an ew reaction

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(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 8

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 8:42:30 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone
If moral conservatism means that I would hope someone practices full disclosure to all parties they are screwing then colour me conserved

I rest my case.

I have to ask in return, why is this a bad thing? Are you willing to say that, in your own life Hertz, that you don't also choose to associate with those who have morals comparative to your own? If you place a value of honesty in your life, how many pathological liars do you wish to keep as trusted friends? The same thing could be said if you place trust to invite people into your home and prefer that they not be kleptomaniacs. No difference, really.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to hertz)

Post #: 9

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 8:58:01 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

It's brought up the question of the norms / accepted netiquette here - these are not necessarily the same thing.

Indeed.

Norm is defined as "A standard, model, or pattern regarded as typical" according to Answers.com. Netiquette is defined as "Etiquette practiced or advocated in electronic communication over a computer network." again, according to Answers.com.

I believe there are accepted norms for CM, but I don't believe netiquette is of importance to everyone who chooses to post on CollarChat. Yes, there are various links offered in the FAQs thread, but I have a feeling few have bothered to read them or care to apply them to their online discussions. At least that's been my impression.

quote:

For CM, what are the norms as you see them (an example / illustration could be helpful)? What are your opinions about them?

I see the majority tend to be relationship-based discussions followed by smaller amounts of fetish or "one-night-stand" sort of interaction discussions. When theory-based or practical topics come up, they also tend in the direction of a relationship-based dynamic.

I find there to be a mix, not always equal, of in depth discussion and total nonsense. I also find that many of the recent threads (recent being in the past few months) started tend to be about basic human nature or relationship questions and how they relate to D/s. I think it's great we have the Off-Topic, P&RS and P&R forums because they help to give a more balanced (?) view of what CollarChat is about. Kind of like everyday life...people aren't always going to agree, but that doesn't mean we need to become an ill-mannered ass about it.

Just my thoughts...they're a bit broad and not quite as in depth as you might have hoped for, but there you have it.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 11/8/2010 8:59:20 AM >

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 10

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 9:05:42 AM

hertz

Posts: 1315
Joined: 8/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone
If moral conservatism means that I would hope someone practices full disclosure to all parties they are screwing then colour me conserved

I rest my case.

I have to ask in return, why is this a bad thing?

I'm not necessarily taking a position (although I clearly do have some thoughts on the matter). I'm just pointing it out, as the OP invites.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 9:14:56 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

I think CM members don't like 'players' or 'cheaters'. Moral conservatism is the rule of the day.

Could you please explain what you mean by "moral conservatism"?

(in reply to hertz)

Post #: 12

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 10:48:33 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Don't start threads about body mass.

Submission is NOT a gift, no matter how you personally view it.

Don't start a thread about a topic that has been discussed in here previously. Use the search function to find out what you want to know.

If you want to comment on something you found when using the search function, start a new thread, don't bump the old one. Just make sure the topic hasn't been discussed in here previously.

Photos of genitalia are not welcome.....unless we already know and like you.

Photos of killer buff 8-pack abs are welcome anytime.

It's okay to call each other vile names in the Politics & Religion section if their opinion doesn't agree with yours.

Ron will work for blow jobs.

Wind, funny! And true, I've been called every name in the book in Politics and Religion!
To the above I would add; "If you're an Independant those on the Left will never believe you and call all your opinions "conservative."
Conversly the Conservatives take me at my word and don't call me a "liberal".
Now who's the more "open-minded" there?

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Post #: 13

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 11:45:11 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
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Status: offline

May wanna figure out the why behind that, pops.

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Post #: 14

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 11:50:49 AM

DomYngBlk

Posts: 3316
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline

Last I checked pops you liked calling every name it the book as well. Quit crying

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 15

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 12:05:44 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

WAAAAAAHHH!!!

Attachment (1)

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Post #: 16

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 12:19:29 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

This board definately has hot buttons, things where a personal opinion will be attacked and ripped apart even if the person is saying "This is just how I see it, others will see and do differently". And there is definately a bit of a damned if you do, damn if you don't situation with "search for previous threads but don't bump them".

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Post #: 17

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 12:58:10 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

~Fast Reply~

And there is definately a bit of a damned if you do, damn if you don't situation with "search for previous threads but don't bump them".

I think sometimes people ask because they want the contact. They want to feel less alone in their feelings or their thoughts or their questions. Doing a search can't sub for that.

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Post #: 18

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 1:06:34 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

~Fast Reply~

And there is definately a bit of a damned if you do, damn if you don't situation with "search for previous threads but don't bump them".

Have to disagree with you here, Aqua. It's two entirely different things. Reading research material without bumping an old thread isn't that difficult. The Mods have even been good enough to put the suggestion of starting a new thread and linking the old one in the FAQ. I think where people have difficulty is that they don't read the information that's provided.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 19

RE: :: CM Etiquette :: - 11/8/2010 1:24:08 PM

hertz

Posts: 1315
Joined: 8/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

I think CM members don't like 'players' or 'cheaters'. Moral conservatism is the rule of the day.

Could you please explain what you mean by "moral conservatism"?

I wish you hadn't asked that - there's a real danger of thread hi-jack. Plus, I've probably opened my mouth and ventured an opinion without having a clear idea of where it might lead, so please excuse me if it seems inconsistent.

I guess I am assuming that as in the 'real world' there is a fairly specific moral vision at work in CM. It isn't necessarily the same as the one outside of CM, but it does exist. In relation to you question about 'etiquette', I guess my view is that the rules people apply as etiquette are based, in part, on that underlying moral vision. It is my belief that even if we are unable to clearly express that moral vision, we are at least all aware of its boundaries, and we are aware when we cross the line.

What I am suggesting is that as a group, most of the people here do not 'cross the line'. Generally, I see CM as fairly homogeneous. It hangs together because everyone, generally believes in the same underlying moral vision. People who do not 'fit', leave. Or they keep quiet about the areas where they diverge from the group vision.

CM isn't a forum full of free-thinkers. It is a forum with its own specific (if unstated) morality. And it is expected that people will conform to that morality. This is what I mean by moral conservatism. The society that is CM has little time for those who do not conform.

One of the areas where a person might fail to conform is in the amount of 'disclosure' they are willing/able to indulge in. And it's interesting, I think, that in this particular area, CM is possibly even more conservative than the world outside, although in other areas, especially as regards sexual conduct, it is much more liberal.

*prepares fire extinguishers*

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 20

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