cooth, uncooth whose to say?

cooth, uncooth whose to say? (Full Version)

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Lairaimmortelle -> cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 12:32:20 PM)
I've had an encounter with an individual, a Dom. Met on here, chatted quite a bit, and met up for the first time last night. All fine and dandy. We discussed a few more things over coffee and bingets (SP?) I was asked if I wanted to go for a ride elsewhere in the city to his favorite bar, no problem, a few drinks would be nice. Oh wait he forgot something at his house, "it will take me just a moment, please step inside" Again, no problem, not until he came up behind me, "Lets see how good of a sub you are..." as he reached down my shirt. I chicken winged that SOB and left. Now that I've shared that I ask this: What is ok for a first date? Maybe I over reacted, but last I checked, at least for myself, true submission is gained through trust, trust is build off of respect, and for either of those you have to get to know one another. Am I wrong in this ideal? I mean he's the third one to try and pull some shit like that. I'm done.

KatyLied -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 12:47:20 PM)
It is healthy to have boundaries.

LadyPact -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 1:03:48 PM)
Would it have been ok if he was calling himself a date rather than a Dom?

Inthewoods -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 1:12:30 PM)
I think the answer might be not to go into their houses on a first date...

Hillwilliam -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 1:14:19 PM)
Sounds like you did perfectly and the so-called Dom is nothing more than a sexual predator. By the way, in your photos, the Imperial Stormtrooper in a kilt is freakin PRICELESS.

poise -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 1:19:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lairaimmortelle I've had an encounter with an individual, a Dom. Met on here, chatted quite a bit, and met up for the first time last night. All fine and dandy. We discussed a few more things over coffee and bingets (SP?) I was asked if I wanted to go for a ride elsewhere in the city to his favorite bar, no problem, a few drinks would be nice. Oh wait he forgot something at his house, "it will take me just a moment, please step inside" Again, no problem, not until he came up behind me, "Lets see how good of a sub you are..." as he reached down my shirt. I chicken winged that SOB and left. Now that I've shared that I ask this: What is ok for a first date? Maybe I over reacted, but last I checked, at least for myself, true submission is gained through trust, trust is build off of respect, and for either of those you have to get to know one another. Am I wrong in this ideal? I mean he's the third one to try and pull some shit like that. I'm done. I think you trusted far too soon to be led away from your initial meeting spot, and he read your signals wrong.

Lockit -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 1:22:23 PM)
Okay, wait a minute. You have to ask if you took that wrong? You were set up and had you not protected yourself it could have turned out far worse. You allowed yourself to be put into a situation that nearly cost you far too much. No dom... sub... date... or anything but criminal set up in my mind. But until you get this down pat on what is right or not... I wouldn't be taking any more rides from strangers. Please figure out why you would try to make it something less. It was what it was. A set up so he could take advantage using your own interests or nature to get what he wanted and tried to take without consent. Assault.

LaTigresse -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 1:41:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poise quote: ORIGINAL: Lairaimmortelle I've had an encounter with an individual, a Dom. Met on here, chatted quite a bit, and met up for the first time last night. All fine and dandy. We discussed a few more things over coffee and bingets (SP?) I was asked if I wanted to go for a ride elsewhere in the city to his favorite bar, no problem, a few drinks would be nice. Oh wait he forgot something at his house, "it will take me just a moment, please step inside" Again, no problem, not until he came up behind me, "Lets see how good of a sub you are..." as he reached down my shirt. I chicken winged that SOB and left. Now that I've shared that I ask this: What is ok for a first date? Maybe I over reacted, but last I checked, at least for myself, true submission is gained through trust, trust is build off of respect, and for either of those you have to get to know one another. Am I wrong in this ideal? I mean he's the third one to try and pull some shit like that. I'm done. I think you trusted far too soon to be led away from your initial meeting spot, and he read your signals wrong. This

Lockit -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 1:48:46 PM)
Being willing to go someplace with someone is not permission to grab and take. He lied to get her into a position. If he hadn't have lied to get her there, I might say he could have misunderstood some signals but would have a hard time believing it. That was thought out. He could have had her wait in the car to pick up whatever he forgot. No... he wanted her in the house and intended to have her there. Her willingness to enter wasn't the smartest thing, but it isn't permission to do more and anyone that takes that as permission is someone that has something seriously lacking.

clitwhipscream -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 1:50:32 PM)
You should not have agreed to go anywhere with him. When he asked if you wanted to go with him, and you agreed, the chase was on. All doms have a predator mind. That is why they are so fucking hot. It is up to you, the prey, to determine the rules for the game, and to make it clear when you are not playing. Consent dosent just happen once, it happens step by step, he led, you followed him, he led a little more, you followed him again. Become consious of your miniute to miniute choices. DONT drink on a first meeting. DONT ever leave your non alcholic drink out of your sight. If you dont want raped, dont be raper bait. I would not call that assault, not by a long shot. Unless he chased you, drugged you, refused to let you leave the house tied you up in the basement ect., after you clocked him. Because that was his first signal that you werent playing yet. Next time, dont leave your original meeting space. If you decide to go somewhere else, you get in your car and meet him at the new location. NEVER get into a car with a stranger. You can bend over and smack yourself for that one right there. Good girl.

SorceressJ -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 1:54:08 PM)
What poise and Lockit said. And for what it's worth, we're glad you're alright. Listen to the sensible advice you've been given here, hold on to that sense of self-preservation good and tight, and cease placing yourself in situations with strangers that you have not taken the time to get to know. NEVER leave the initial meeting place in his vehicle; come in your own vehicle or have a friend drop you off, and never leave the public's eye at all until you've gotten to know him better, i.e. some other time. ALWAYS have a friend you can call if you get into trouble. Protect yourself, remember that being submissive does NOT mean not retaining the right to say "no", and always trust your instincts, for they will never lie to you. Wishing you all the happiness with the right One that you deserve ~ the Sorceress )O( EDITED by me, because I'm pretty sure poise is not a posie..

TheOldMan -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 1:55:58 PM)
Maybe a little careless going with him instead of "Meeting him there" but on the other hand the sleazeball purposely mislead you so it says again , stay in place.

SpaceSpank -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 2:19:33 PM)
Doesn't matter what roles you were both looking to play, that was inappropriate. Perhaps if the date had moved naturally to his place later on and you both were getting hot and heavy that might have gone over well. But he simply tried to cop a feel and use the "good sub" line to make you go along with it. Glad you ran, guys like that give real Dom's and Masters a bad name.

anniezz338 -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 2:25:07 PM)
Sounds more like just plain lying to me. Negative manipulation. What trust I had at that point would have dropped. Nah, your not wrong. He f'd up with you. Don't let it make you quit....he's just a bad apple. Some people just don't get it.

Lairaimmortelle -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 2:32:55 PM)
Thank you for your responses. I will keep this in mind from now on, and promise not to put myself in these situations ever again. Either that or carry mace/pepper spray. :)

clitwhipscream -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 2:42:54 PM)
Mace, now you are thinking. Another good trick is to give them your safeword right off the bat. If he steps out of line, use it. If he ignores it, you are not dealing with a leatherman and are fully justified in beating the living daylights out of him. Happy hunting.

Lockit -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 2:46:05 PM)
I wouldn't count on mace. My ex got through a number of cans of it, eight cops and the only one's that had a problem with it were the rest of us, the cops and the fire department that had to come clean out my house. He kept on coming. He slobbered a lot, but mace didn't stop him, but eventually the eight cops did and it took all eight to do it. Damn me for opening the door late at night on a hot summer eve. lol

Musicmystery -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 2:47:31 PM)
quote: What is ok for a first date? Why don't you just talk about that first before the date? Seems simple enough--and prevents misunderstandings.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 2:52:22 PM)
You said he's the third one to pull this on you? First, what he did was wrong. He lied and manipulated you into his home and used that tired old line implying a good sub will let him have his way with her. Second, if this is the tird time this has happened to you, there has to be something wrong in how you are expressing and delineating your boundaries. Finally, I want to make it clear that I'm not blaming you for what happened. I'm just saying that if you can see a pattern in THEIR behavior, maybe you need to look inward at your own pattern of behavior that is possibly putting you into these positions. WinD

angelikaJ -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/12/2010 3:21:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: clitwhipscream All doms have a predator mind. That is why they are so fucking hot. It is up to you, the prey, to determine the rules for the game, and to make it clear when you are not playing. This is an untrue and unfair generalisation. My Master did not see me as prey. Predation is not part of his make-up. I get your point about having clear boundaries and find that to be a frequent issue with many newcomers here. Is it ok?... is a question we see posed here quite often and the answer is that if it isn't okay for you then no, it isn't ok. If it isn't ok, then speak up. Respect your own boundaries.

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