CaringandReal
Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
quote:
ORIGINAL: ownedbyPF
say they want someone who hasn't been a slave before. In my experience, the people that usually say that aren't saying it because of training. They want someone that is new because someone who has never been involved in D/s M/s BDSM has no idea what to expect and it's easier to take advantage of them.
Yes, a lot of disreputable dominant people do this. But you can be genuine and have someone's best intentions at heart and still want this, if your past experiences tell you that inexperienced individuals are more likely to have open, pliable minds.
That's a point my sig tries to address a bit: it isn't just inexperienced people who can be open and that, past experiences to the contrary, the believe that openmindedness is the province of youth or inexpereince, when generalized upon all submissive women, can be misleading and possibly cause you to overlook something that might be of considerable value.
Reminaing open-minded even as the accumulating years tell you that certain things are "just so"or "will never vary" is an art form, a trait that must be carefully and consciously cultivated, as the mental accretions start to... accrete? I visualize a martial artist when I think about it because, as when meeting an overpowering physical force, it's a poor strategy to face the entropic stregth of accumulating and mutually reinforcing convictions head on: a successful approach seems always to be an indirect one that uses the very qualites of these things (size, momentum, lack of flexibility, blindness to everything except themselves) to neatly sidestep them, or even throw them on their heads upon occasion. :)
I don't agree with a thought expressed earlier in this thread that previous owners do all of this work on their own, and in particular, nothing as simplistic as "trian[ing her] in the idea that if she left that relationship, it was always better to enter a new one as a blank slate." But I can see how that might be a legitimate interpretation of the quote, and if I keep it around I'll refine it a bit so that concept isn't implied. In my experience the slave does the bulk of this work, in response to her master's desire for a servant with an open mind. Additionally, her owner (well at least in my experience) isn't exactly "expecting" her to go on to a "next relationship"--ever. I respectfully suggest that just perhaps the "expectations" of a possessive owner might be 180 degrees away from that particular view? ;)
Of course, one's worst nightmares sometimes come true and a slave may find herself adrift in the world and alone, without it ever being anyone's desire for this situation to occur. If the former slave survives such a severance intact, she'll definitely carry her previous owner's stamp in her mind and personality, the form given to her or required of her, but that signature may include abilities that aid, rarther than retard the progress of her future unmaking/remaking.
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"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo
"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris
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RE: "pre-owned slave" - 
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I would rather be with someone who has been down the road a time or two and learned a decent amount about themselves than someone who is just getting started. 
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