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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 9:02:50 AM

RapierFugue

Posts: 4740
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From: London, England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

This site was GREAT for me as a newcomer!

I seriously do not understand why people think new people are systematically picked on. I never once felt that way. Oh sure, I got told I was being a putz when I wrote putz like stuff, but how the hell would I know I was being a putz if they hadn't yanno?

Personally, anyone that runs from here sobbing into their pablum, needs to leave anyway. I've no patience for immature whiny pussies masquerading as adults.

You see that post, allthatjaz? That could be construed by some as "rude", when in fact it's just forthright commonsense.

Nicely worded forthright commonsense, at that.

IMHO, of course.

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 9:05:11 AM

LaTigresse

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At this point in my life, I've heard/read I am being rude so many times I've begun to see it as a compliment.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 9:10:57 AM

tazzygirl

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quote:

No one came out and said "You, OP, are a judgmental cunt." People know they will get mod slapped for that. However, "judgmental cunt" was used several times in a post on the first page and if not referring to the OP, then who, the Easter Bunny?

"Whore," "stupid," and "fat bitch" were also used as well, again in a way to not to get mod removed, but the intent was clear. I thought the OP was extremely patient [for most of the thread] and while perhaps her individual references below misdirected, her frustration completely understandable.

Welp (and i did spell that right!) since i am the one who posted the following words...

quote:

Oddly enough, because you are posting on this forum, and your picture is quite visable, you could be considered a whore who will fuck anyone who spanks your ass. And that would be a kind assessment by the vanilla world.

Judgements can work both ways. You dont like overweight men. I dont like blue eyed men. I dont like skinny men either.

.... i am woman enough to own them. And, no, i wont take them back. At no time did i call her a whore. My posts was about assumptions people make about others merely by looking at a picture on a web site.

Now, if someone has an issue with what i said, please be adult enough to address me personally.

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 9:12:22 AM

RapierFugue

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
At this point in my life, I've heard/read I am being rude so many times I've begun to see it as a compliment.

I wouldn't go that far (when talking about myself, not you), but I certainly have got to the point where I no longer give a flying fuck if I offend someone, if (upon reading back the source of the offending article to myself) I feel it wasn't aimed in that manner, if that makes any sense. Since I very rarely do aim posts "at" people (unless they're complete fuckwits, in which case it's entirely acceptable IMHO to poke them with a stick if one chooses to) then it's unlikely that, upon reviewing said "offensive" post, I'm going to think it unreasonable.

If I re-read it and think "actually, that was a bit too far" or "I can see where they'd get that impression" then I'm happy to clarify my point, or apologise, depending on which I think is appropriate.

But sadly, so much of the modern world’s interactions seem to be about treading on eggshells in order not to upset sensitive types, for fear their ickle fwuffy bunny feelings might get hurt. Fuck that, and fuck them. To quote Chopper; “Harden The Fuck Up” ;)

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 9:18:26 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
I recommend, instead, that they attend a munch or find a partner (if they don't already have one) and explore with them. I recommend books to read and websites that might offer some interesting information...but I don't recommend they join an online forum to gain knowledge of bdsm activities. That's what living is for.

Absolutely this.

Which brings up some other really good points. Some folks join up here and expect this place to be the fast food version of learning about all of this. Add water and stir....... Instant expert. There's a thread in another section right now where the OP came here for 'help' with his question. I'm not going to link the thread, but I got the distinct impression that he was just here to get just enough information to pull the wool over some girl's eyes. I'm not going to be a part of that. There's another thread where someone who claims tons of experience at what she does, where I gave the tiniest speck of info that she wasn't aware of. People like that have no credibility with Me.

I've said this on other threads before and I realize that I'm in the minority about the subject, but when I perceive that someone is going to be potentially dangerous in taking that tiny bit of information that I give them and run rampant with it, I want no part of it. While I may not be responsible for the outcome, I've still got a contribution there.

Someone said the other day that you can't get to know a person through these message boards enough to vouch for them. I get that, to a certain degree. However, I can see enough of a person on these message boards that I'm willing to put enough faith in them that I'm going to do a little more in some cases than others. When I can see the difference that they aren't taking short cuts in what they are trying to learn or I know from their track record here that safety and responsibility are important to them, I'm going to make more of an investment in their case. Some of the folks on this thread know that to be true.

Unlike a lot of folks, I didn't start in BDSM through the net. It wasn't a part of My formative education about all of this. I've been doing it a good while now and I can't condense everything I've learned over the years into some Reader's Digest version for a message board. I can't tell you how much time I've spent learning through demos, etc, what I've acquired through personal dynamics, reading books, and good old fashioned hands on experience.

Those same methods are still available. Every single one of the non fiction books on BDSM that are currently on My shelf are still in print. If I can sit down and read them to further My knowledge, so can anybody else. No, it's not the instant gratification method of education, but it works today just like it did when I started out. I'm not saying it's better or easier, but it is more detailed and more thorough.

In a number of cases, I do tend to think that folks would do better on these boards if they would make the personal investment of reading a book or having some experience before posting here. The thing is they have to be willing to do the work. Even if it's just research, they would get such a better response if they were willing to have some initiative. Nobody can convince Me that I should have a more vested role in their education than they should have in themselves.

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 9:22:26 AM

LaTigresse

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I think my biggest frustration with people, bother in person and online, is the speed in which many take disagreement soooooooo personally.

My head doesn't work that way. It used to, when I was younger and much MUCH more insecure. Now, I have such a deep sense of self responsibility. Not only for what I project in words, but even moreso in how I filter others' words back into my own brain. It is difficult for me to understand how a person can give a fig what another person that doesn't live in their skin, let alone an unknown person says or thinks in relation to themself.

Now the sadist in me sees the above sensitivity, and is all too tempted to use it for my own fun, in some situations. Something I am occasionally not so proud of.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 9:29:40 AM

RapierFugue

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I think my biggest frustration with people, bother in person and online, is the speed in which many take disagreement soooooooo personally.

How fucking DARE you!

Oh ... sorry ;)

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 9:32:11 AM

81song

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Well said LadyPact, fast food version very well might be for some. But for new comers as to this site, I guess if someone had a question this would be one of the many sites if they were curious about to post a question. But in many way being online at least for me is one thing but REAL is the best, real people, real life, real friends. I use to go to the chat rooms and all but I am done with that.

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 10:06:35 AM

allthatjaz

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Joined: 8/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue
I wouldn't go that far (when talking about myself, not you), but I certainly have got to the point where I no longer give a flying fuck if I offend someone, if (upon reading back the source of the offending article to myself) I feel it wasn't aimed in that manner, if that makes any sense. .

This. People get offended because they read something into it that was never intended. You try to re-iterate what you previously said and they still come flying back at you with the whole thing totally misconstrued. This is the difference between online and rl conversations.

quote:

I think my biggest frustration with people, bother in person and online, is the speed in which many take disagreement soooooooo personally.

Unlike you LT, I hate to think I have offended someone unless I offended them deliberately and I save that for those that deserve it. If on the other hand I accidentally offended someone it would bother me. Telling people what they don't want to hear is different. If they ask for your opinion and don't like your answer then that's their issue and not yours.
I strongly agree with you when you say people get offended by your opinion and they skulk off, never to talk to you again. It should be water off a ducks back but sadly for many they form a grudge.

quote:

My head doesn't work that way. It used to, when I was younger and much MUCH more insecure. Now, I have such a deep sense of self responsibility. Not only for what I project in words, but even moreso in how I filter others' words back into my own brain. It is difficult for me to understand how a person can give a fig what another person that doesn't live in their skin, let alone an unknown person says or thinks in relation to themself.

Now the sadist in me sees the above sensitivity, and is all too tempted to use it for my own fun, in some situations. Something I am occasionally not so proud of.

I understand totally about the sadistic bit but mine tends to be saved up and taken out on ring leaders and bullies in rl. I love watching a loud mouth squirm.

quote:

Yes but you are decently indecent. Or indecently decent. I think I like that one better. But whichever way you want it.

BTW - is that henna next to your tattoo or more tattooing?

Hi Aquaticsub, part of it is a brand and the other part was being marked up for a continuation of that brand. It doesn't show up well on pictures now though because its white.

quote:

ok ok!! you are an indecent wench..
happy now?

ecstatic!
Hugs

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 1:43:46 PM

LaTigresse

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It has been my experience that, no matter what you say or how you word it, someone is always going to twist it around, either in their own head or on purpose. Then get upset about their version.

I used to question myself, walk on eggshells, worry that I was going to offend or upset someone. Now, fuck it. I am done taking responsibility for other peoples' screwed up perceptions and issues.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 1:51:51 PM

RapierFugue

Posts: 4740
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

It has been my experience that, no matter what you say or how you word it, someone is always going to twist it around, either in their own head or on purpose. Then get upset about their version.

I used to question myself, walk on eggshells, worry that I was going to offend or upset someone. Now, fuck it. I am done taking responsibility for other peoples' screwed up perceptions and issues.

<fx: puts on his "100% fair" hat>

It needn't necessarily be that their perceptions are "screwed up", per se, merely that their interpretation differs from yours (or mine, or another's ... you get the drift) ... what will cause a major punch-up is if the party of the second part then immediately, on the back of those perceptions, goes for the jugular.

That's why I generally (but not always) ask for a clear reiteration of what I think has been said*, before lowering the boom and reaching for the Louisville Slugger :)

*unless, as I stated earlier, I'm dealing with a rank fuckwit. In that case I don't have the time to waste. Or, frankly, the desire to bother.

< Message edited by RapierFugue -- 1/5/2011 1:52:31 PM >

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 2:08:24 PM

LaTigresse

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Interestingly enough........I tend to not have the 'go for the jugular' reaction. What I have seen is the reactions that either A.) big mean Tigre beating up on the pooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrr wittle (insert whatever) or B.) some fuckwit thinking they can out snark the snarkmasters/mistresses I enjoy and actually say something that will hurt or upset me, in retaliation.

A....... is either solved by a "Chill dude, you are getting your panties wadded for no reason other than you misunderstood." or, the people crying what a meanie I am, just haven't gotten up to speed on what a fuckwit the person is I am being so evil and mean to, so I don't really give a shit if they think I am being mean or not. Sooner or later they will see what I see.

B......I laugh and go on about my day.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 1/5/2011 2:09:12 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 2:13:59 PM

sYncalis1

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Im a newbie and ive been virtually ignored. So I never really got to into the site.

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 2:13:59 PM

SpiritedRadiance

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I never had an issue as a new commer.... I get called on my shit when im out of line, either by regular posters or by mods...

And yet I still havent had an issue with the site or with being insulted. However i have a thick skin and while some peoples opinions matter more to me then others, most of the people here havent met me in real life....

Its Online, its not mamby pamby land.... we arent all going to get along because we are all kinky...

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 2:15:19 PM

LaTigresse

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I just poked your penguin.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 2:17:54 PM

SpiritedRadiance

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Be careful.. hes been known to shoot with a gun, curse in extreme till he blows his little head off or hit you upside the head with a hammer....

eta, he also apparently has new pokes where he uses a flame thrower, bites off your finger, casts a magic spell, and goes kungfu on your ass

< Message edited by SpiritedRadiance -- 1/5/2011 2:19:38 PM >

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 2:18:51 PM

LaTigresse

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I'd like to see option two please.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 2:20:22 PM

SpiritedRadiance

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http://www.gamesville.com/html_downloads/pokePenguin.php

Heh

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 2:25:23 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

http://www.gamesville.com/html_downloads/pokePenguin.php

Heh

Ohhhhhhhhh, that is just adorable!!!Thank you thank you!

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Is CM really good for newcomers? - 1/5/2011 2:32:28 PM

poise

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sYncalis1

Im a newbie and ive been virtually ignored. So I never really got to into the site.

Hi sYncalis1, and welcome to the forums side of the site. Being that this
is your first post here, we can assume by "being ignored" you meant by
people on the other side of this site, yes?
You will become much more visible when you start posting more here,
then we will have the choice to ignore you or not.

In relation to the OP, I have witnessed many a heated thread, as well as a few
train wrecks. I have been guilty of purchasing a few tickets myself.
I still feel that this site was a gem for me as a newcomer, and there are quite a
few members that have joined just in the past month that continually post today,
yet I don't see any negativity directed at them. Some have even posted in this thread!

Somewhere in this thread someone mentioned that being on the internet tends to make us
bully more easily. My thoughts are, because we are on the internet, it also makes people
ask or behave in such a manner that would encourage being ridiculed. It goes both ways.

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