RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway clueless male's perspective

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RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/18/2011 12:28:27 PM

Posts: 32566
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I'm going to refer right back to what I said in post #67 on this one. Considering the number of profile views that women get here, somebody who takes a look once every two or three months probably isn't even going to register on the radar. My hat is off to anybody who is going to notice somebody who views their profile maybe three or four times a year out of the thousands of times a profile is viewed in that same time period.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 2:49:43 AM

Scala

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Joined: 7/5/2008
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I hadn't really thought about that the one or two "views" from me is not going to stand out from the potential many views that this lady will be getting. So I think that very soon I will be sending an email to her and mention the age difference as part of this email. Somehow I will word it so that it does not come across as being arrogant and conceited or ignoring her wishes.

Lady Pact, I understand that it could be construed as rude if I write knowing full well that I don't meet her ...lets say requirements. Even so, these thoughts go through my head :

Is the age really a hard limit or would she be willing to compromise on this?

What would happen if another guy ignores her requirements and she takes takes him on anyway ?

I have been told that I look younger than my 52 years ..

I sometimes act like an eight year old so maybe I can deduct a couple of years from my true age ?

Whats the worst thing that could happen? That I just get no reply or a no thank you email.

I know her profile word for word as well as her contributions to the forums. My impression is that finding a man who serves and respects her needs is the highest priority plus Intelligence and humor.The age criteria could be less relevant but this is only an assumption on my behalf.

maybe I could write ..Dear Lady ... I am 49 years and 38 months old

and its thoughts like this that probably go through most mens heads and this is why they write to you anyway even though your preferences are clearly stated

..I will probably wait another few years and see what happens. Who knows maybe she will read this thread :-)

Scala

< Message edited by Scala -- 1/19/2011 2:51:47 AM >

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 7:26:52 AM

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Scala, what you've written is exactly what I am talking about. When we list a requirement, that is what we are listing. By all means, write to this lady, but don't split hairs and for heaven's sake don't LIE about your age! (You wouldn't really start a friendship with a deception, would you?)

Indecisivenes and passivity are not pleasing qualities in a submissive of any gender. Trust me, even if the lady you admire is on the forums, what you have posted is not going to catch her eye.

When it comes down to it, this is just the internet. *You don't know that lady* you've already implied that you are willing to twist the truth to get her attention. Get over your obsession and write, then move on. NEXT is the operative word.

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RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 7:36:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

When it comes down to it, this is just the internet. *You don't know that lady* you've already implied that you are willing to twist the truth to get her attention. Get over your obsession and write, then move on. NEXT is the operative word.

I don't think so....

quote:

maybe I could write ..Dear Lady ... I am 49 years and 38 months old

He is not twisting the truth, if somebody isn't able to figure out that 38 months are 3 years and 2 months, then I think he might not really be interested in her....

His approach won't work for everybody, but then no approach will work for everybody, for me it would work as it would make me laugh, for Lady P it wouldn't work...

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Those who do and those who don't!

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 7:54:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
His approach won't work for everybody, but then no approach will work for everybody, for me it would work as it would make me laugh, for Lady P it wouldn't work...

Very true. I figure if somebody can't adhere to My preferences in a profile from the very beginning, I don't have any reason to believe that they are going to respect My preferences about anything else.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 8:03:43 AM

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But I don't see CM as meeting play partners, it's more just being in touch with other kinky folks and if it is a nice and funny approach and they're near or I will be near their location, I don't mind going for a coffee.

To be honest some of the nicest friends I made on here are people I would be rather incompatible with when it comes to BDSM, but then I never saw CM as some sort of a dating site.

I guess we're all different, the CMails I get where somebody is looking for a relationship/kinky girlfriend are the ones I tend to delete as I say quite clearly I am not looking for one, somebody sending me a mail that makes me laugh in a good way (and nope, dick shots don't tend to do that, even if some are quite ridiculous), those are the ones I tend to answer, and somebody saying "Alright, you are only looking for people who are younger, so I decided to count my age as X years and 38 months" - that's a sign of somebody having a bit of humour, I like that, I mean this whole "Oh BDSM so freaking serious, we must not ever crack a smile" really turns me off, isn't BDSM supposed to be fun? It might be a twisted kind of fun but it wouldn't make us happy we wouldn't do it, so I rather go with the laughs and the fun.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 8:21:15 AM

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LadyC, the impression that I've gotten from the last two pages of the thread is that it's not a friendship situation. It seems to Me that Scala is specifically interested in her. She stated very clearly in the profile, "you must be younger" where he is not. I'm pretty big on the theory of never expecting to be the exception to the rule. Just the same if people state in their profile that they don't want contact from poly people or they aren't interested in anyone of the same gender. I guess I am more hard lined because I figure no means no when you're dealing with someone who you haven't even met.

To Me, this actually ties into the original. If folks would actually read the profiles of Dominant women, respect their preferences, and so on, there would be a better signal to noise ratio to begin with. That would lead to less of what Dominant women have to endure and might even lead to a better atmosphere where those who do fit the preferences listed in a profile would receive positive answers more often.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 9:25:17 AM

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Personally I believe offering a friendship without strings is a good start, showing polite interest but not being pushy - even if it doesn't become a BDSM connection, a solid friendship is not a bad thing.

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There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 9:28:00 AM

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I'd try your way, Lady C. It's the sort of 'chat-up' that would sit right for me. However, it's a tactic that only works, I've found, if I honestly have nothing invested in it other than the wish to send a note of friendly admiration. That is, it's had to have been light.

Put it this way: that's how a few women have approached me, at CM, before. It's been flattering, endearing, and has never felt like strings have been attached. But the tone, to re-emphasise, is crucial. That tone just will be wrong if the feeling behind it is wrong. Or, at least, I personally have never been able to get it right if I've pretended a tone I don't feel.

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(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 11:21:18 AM

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Friendship is another thing entirely. I have friends/pals/acquaintances from age 100 to 100! We're not talking about friendship here, we're talking about submissives approaching dominants. And doing it wrong.

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(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 11:25:54 AM

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But a submissive could approach a dominant for friendship, even if he has a crush on her, he can still approach her for friendship as long as he's not pushing, not demanding more, and especially not having an agenda... Sometimes it becomes more than friendship, but don't count on it and if you are trying to use friendship as a way to "get in there" - you're bound to be disappointed...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 11:27:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Friendship is another thing entirely. I have friends/pals/acquaintances from age 100 to 100! We're not talking about friendship here, we're talking about submissives approaching dominants. And doing it wrong.

I never do it wrong.

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 11:54:26 AM

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I'll take your word for it, Darling!

LC, it's that "taking a chance" thing that makes me take suchc a hard line. I have sub male pals who will never be more than that, they know it, and it's all good. If someone approaches me with an ulterior motive, it's doomed from the outset. He will never see ME, he will see the hoped-for Mistress. Do I want to deal with his jealousy when I play with other people? Have others serving me? No.

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 12:02:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Friendship is another thing entirely. I have friends/pals/acquaintances from age 100 to 100! We're not talking about friendship here, we're talking about submissives approaching dominants. And doing it wrong.

Agreed. Since we have the example to go on in this thread, I think it's a perfect example.

Friendship isn't listed in a single one of the comments. In fact, it's a clear statement of "being what she's looking for, except the age".

I guess I'm more rigid. When I say I'm not interested in X, it really does mean that I'm not interested in X.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 12:04:53 PM

Scala

Posts: 63
Joined: 7/5/2008
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Its precisely because I am aware of the number of men that completely ignore the lady's preferences, that I have hesitated to contact her. Lady Constanze has understood my message above as it was intended, respectful but mainly humorous and friendly in approach.

I appreciate that you all don't know me, so its difficult to "judge" just based on what I have written and my (dated) profile. However , I would never mislead or lie in any of my messages. This applies to anyone I correspond with.

All of the comments above have helped me to arrive at a decision. So thank you everyone for your views and the time taken to write them here.
My decision is that I will wait until the next time when this lady comments on a thread here at CM and then engage her in discussion and see where this may lead to.

Lastly on a more lighter note. My ex mistress received a few years ago a really nice email from someone who wanted to massage and worship her feet. Even though my Mistress was not really looking for any RT contact, following a few more emails, she agreed to meet and they had a really enjoyable session. The gentlemen in question was 74 years old.

I wish you all well and take care

Scala

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 12:05:47 PM

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Me and LP, OFFICIAL CM HARDASSES!!

:)

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(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/19/2011 8:52:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
LC, it's that "taking a chance" thing that makes me take suchc a hard line. I have sub male pals who will never be more than that, they know it, and it's all good. If someone approaches me with an ulterior motive, it's doomed from the outset. He will never see ME, he will see the hoped-for Mistress. Do I want to deal with his jealousy when I play with other people? Have others serving me? No.

Amen to that! On another site, a guy messaged - he is 50something. That equals old enough to be my father, and that equals weird for me. Not happening - not now, not ever. I made it clear that if we talked, it would be as only friends - nothing more. He kept talking about what a wonderful submissive he is - I told him that I was done talking to him and he got all offended because I thought he was being rude, presumptuous, and arrogent - and I thought that, because he was trying to (in his own words) "show me what I was missing" ... um ... excuse me ... I know what I'm missing - and I'm not missing it much at all.

I have other friends who are fine with being friends and no more, and they have NEVER tried to push the issue. It's an entirely different mindset and tone when I talk to them vs when I was talking to the guy on the other site. I won't tolerate that. As LP said - if they can't respect my preferences at the beginning, how do I know that they will later on?

Same as the fact that Holly and I specified when we were writing the profile to read the entire profile before messaging - and it's pretty obvious who does and who doesn't. If they start out with "Hello Sir/Mistress" "Hello Mistresses" or "how r u" then we know that they haven't read it, as the profile clearly states a- we are both female, b- we are only called Mistress by those we already own, and c- we hate netspeak. If they start out unable to follow a simple instruction - geared towards letting them know a bit more about us - then how can we expect them to follow later, more important instructions?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Me and LP, OFFICIAL CM HARDASSES!!

:)

Oh, please add me to that list, Hib

*edited because the site is being a PITA

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 1/19/2011 8:54:34 PM >

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/20/2011 7:46:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Me and LP, OFFICIAL CM HARDASSES!!

:)

Yes, and I freely admit it.

I'm pretty sure that it comes from the hundreds (if not thousands) of times that I have had to say exactly the same thing when returning email. It goes like this:

"My profile specifically says that I am only interested in correspondence with local people and regulars from the forums. I would appreciate it if you would respect My preferences."

And, yes, I've already had to do that twice this morning.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/20/2011 8:17:41 AM

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When she says no, a woman really means, maybe.

I can talk her into it. I'm charming and she really is wrong.

Just tell her you love her or want whatever she wants and you can get her to do what you want.

These types of statements are not something I think kindly on. I never have and never will. I mean what I say and I say what I mean and if someone thinks that when I take a stand on something, that I really mean something else, can be talked into something else or can be manipulated, they have disrespected me, my judgment and my wishes. That just doesn't work. Especially with someone unknown to me, not under the age of three and really grand child sweet.

This doesn't mean that in a relationship I won't compromise or see another persons point of view. It simply means, you better take me seriously if you wish to be taken seriously or even considered as someone I will have in my life. It's a matter of respect. You don't show it, by taking my words to mean something, you will never mean anything to me.

You want a dominant... well, guess what? Don't be surprised when she knows her own mind, wants what she wants and will follow through no matter who or what tries to convince her. If she isn't totally off her rocker... expect that manipulations and disrespect won't get you far and she has already evaluated whatever it is. Someone who can be manipulated, is weak kneed because he is so cute... so charming... isn't the kind of dominant woman I am. It just won't work for anything but to piss me off.

Just as I say what I mean and mean it... I expect a submissive to as well. If he is going to try to convince me I am wrong about myself... he has something coming and it won't be what he wants.

Is that a hard-ass or a dominant woman that knows what she wants?

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(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: What dominant women endure online - a halfway cluel... - 1/20/2011 8:19:16 AM

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both?

*grins*

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