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RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 9:33:06 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: genvieve

Ok.  i have a difficult question and please, i do not mean this to be offensive at all...so rather i'm just going to shoot the question out there and see what Y/ya'll have to say about it.
 
How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married?  Does the marraige effect the relationship and how?


My first question would be.. Does their spouse know about the relationship?? If it's no then no way, it's cheating on line or rt makes no differemce.       In a healthy relationship all parties enhance each other.  I'm involved as a bottom with Knight of Mists, He has two slaves  and I am married.  We are lucky in that the dynamic we  have  works for us, we are all friends and can spend time together without worrying about jeolousy, but we are also poly freindly and our relationship is real life not online.

Some people may think online  is harmless, a simple fantasy but it can cause alot of damage to a relationship especially if  secrets start being kept.

denika

(in reply to genvieve)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 10:13:38 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: genvieve

Ok.  i have a difficult question and please, i do not mean this to be offensive at all...so rather i'm just going to shoot the question out there and see what Y/ya'll have to say about it.
 
How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married?  Does the marraige effect the relationship and how?


Although I don't do the online collaring.
I wont become involved with someone who is married unless I personally confirm that their spouse is aware of the situation and has no issues with it. Marriage is a very sacred thing to me and built on trust and I personally will not be a party to someone violating that trust. If someone can not be trusted by their spouse why should I be able or willing to trust them?
 
 
 
Nika{Phoenix}

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to genvieve)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 10:21:01 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveladyj

Going to go the opposite here of everyone else. My bf knows of my online dom, knows of the things I do, and is completely fine with it. In fact he assists me, and my dom is mentoring him in dominating me too.


slaveladyj,
 
The fact that your b/f knows is the catcher for most.
 
Phoenix and I are soon to be married.
He knows I am very much a switch and seeking a submissive/slave. I am very upfront with everyone I speak to about that relationship and invite them to speak with Phoenix as well as myself.
 
In my opinion the issue "most" have is when the spouse or partner does not know that their spouse or partner is sneaking around with a dom/domme, submissive/slave.
 
Nika{Phoenix}

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to slaveladyj)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 12:12:43 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: genvieve

Ok.  i have a difficult question and please, i do not mean this to be offensive at all...so rather i'm just going to shoot the question out there and see what Y/ya'll have to say about it.
 
How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married?  Does the marraige effect the relationship and how?


i don't go for purely online relationships normally, so this rarely comes up, but my generally rule is that all parties must know.  they don't have to be involved, but i'm not going to be in a situation where i or my partner have to do a lot of dodging and sneaking to carry on or risk massive drama down the road.

as to how much the married relationship affects ours, i can only speak from an in-person point of view so i'll stop here. :)

(in reply to genvieve)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 12:34:43 AM   
bekah78


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		I am very lucky that I have a husband who supports and encourages me to continue to stay as active as possible in D/s. We tried learning together but he quickly found it wasn't something that he enjoyed participating in so the relationship became an open one. I have had a successful relationship in the past with a wonderful Dom for 2.5 yrs until He moved too far away. And two other relationships that we are still friends with both couples. I have always encouraged anyone who wanted to know me to also talk and meet my husband so that hopefully the lines of communication would stay open between all parties.

So far this has worked for us but if at any moment I thought my marriage was in trouble or that my husband felt slighted, I would have to end the D/s relationship and focus on my husband.

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 12:41:27 AM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Its a difficult one.
Personally, i dont feel id be any good at playing second fiddle to anyone. I deserve to be number one, the one that comes first. So, id have to decline the on line infidelity thing.
Im a believer that online partners, would detract from the energy that should be coming my way, and visa versa.
And where can it all go? Without someone getting dreadfully hurt?

(in reply to slaveladyj)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 1:17:25 AM   
ServiceNTucson


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: genvieve

Ok.  i have a difficult question and please, i do not mean this to be offensive at all...so rather i'm just going to shoot the question out there and see what Y/ya'll have to say about it.
 
How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married?  Does the marraige effect the relationship and how?


I wouldn't have a problem with being owned by a married Domina, as long as her husband knew about it and approved.  He and I would have to know each other too.  I DO have a problem with the whole concept of being involved with a Domina "online" if this means that online is the only connection we have.  There has to be face to face (or face to, umm, whatever) time, regularly.  Otherwise, we are not, in my opinion, "involved" with each other.

_____________________________

Harry

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

Groucho Marx


www.desertdominion.org

(in reply to genvieve)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 3:27:43 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married?  Does the marraige effect the relationship and how?


I have, once. And I insisted that her husband know all about me. That relationship lasted over two years, she lived in England and flew over once to spend a couple of weeks with us, the next time they both flew over and spent time with us. We're still the best of friends and I absolutely adore both of them. I think together we made her marriage stronger. Now they explore the lifestyle together.
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to genvieve)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 4:30:27 AM   
SirCumsSlut


Posts: 433
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

http://www.collarchat.com/m_298084/mpage_1/key_married/tm.htm#298084
collared when married to others

http://www.collarchat.com/m_194066/mpage_1/key_married/tm.htm#194066
poly and the secrets from extended family




Thank you LuckyAlbotros  maybe these will help put an end to repeat questions on the boards

_____________________________

Peace
His slut


"Your firm hand and compassionate heart are what guide me in my journey....I am Yours, Sir" His slut

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 5:55:30 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirCumsSlut
Thank you LuckyAlbotros  maybe these will help put an end to repeat questions on the boards

They won't and they shouldn't :) Old links aren't meant to stifle new thoughts and connections, moreso to create/access a resource of perspective and thought.

Although it is hopeful that they will see the links and think to look for older threads next time to get more information and refine their questions next time.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SirCumsSlut)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 5:58:05 AM   
rapture2778


Posts: 53
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		i really believe "to each his own" and can only comment on how i feel personally about the situation....but i see marriage like i see a collar, it is a commitment to another person....with that said, if it is an "open" relationship and the spouse is more than ok with it, no harm done (this i believe is VERY uncommon!)  for me, i don't do it...before (when i was "single") and i would be approached by a married Dom, i would simply say "no thank you"...because in a way i see that as him being disrespectful to his wife, and i wouldn't be able to submit to a man that i believed intentionally did disrespectful "things"....and as others have mentioned, the "drama" just isn't worth it!

(in reply to slaveladyj)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 6:44:17 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

Its a difficult one.
Personally, i dont feel id be any good at playing second fiddle to anyone. I deserve to be number one, the one that comes first. Im a believer that online partners, would detract from the energy that should be coming my way.....And where can it all go? Without someone getting dreadfully hurt?


Where "can it all go" when you expect two people to be everything for one another?

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 6:55:52 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: genvieve
How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married?  Does the marraige effect the relationship and how?


I don't do the online thing.
As for the married thing, it's a no-go. If someone is married, I go even beyond their spouse *knowing* or *approving*, into *also seeking to be involved with me*.
The last thing I want to be is a home-wrecker.
If they are looking as a couple, that's fine. Otherwise, I really don't have time for someone already married.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to genvieve)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 12:12:43 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		TallDarkandWitty....

I was being sarcastic...the married sub male was the one that was shocked that a Domme would have morals. I know quite well that many Dom/mes have morals. I don't recall anywhere within My comment that I judged any Dominant that does see married clients. It was My opinion, regarding whether I would do so. In fact I repeatedly used I and Me. Not quite sure where You saw Me taking the high ground there or being hypocritical. Perhaps it simply was a miscommunication.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 12:22:50 PM   
OnyxGoddess


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: genvieve

Ok.  i have a difficult question and please, i do not mean this to be offensive at all...so rather i'm just going to shoot the question out there and see what Y/ya'll have to say about it.
 
How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married?  Does the marraige effect the relationship and how?


I will only play with a married person IF the other person knows and consents.  If they don't -forget about it.  No trying to pull a fast one because when we set up a meeting the spouse HAS to be there otherwise it's a no go.  No online stuff. 

(in reply to genvieve)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 12:25:56 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

Isn't a cuckold a married man??



Yes a cuckold is a married man, one that is being cuckolded by his Wife typically with his knowledge. Far different from someone going behind their spouses back to engage in BDSM without their knowledge and agreement.

note: This was in reply to MontaukDaisies and not Luckyalbatross wrong reply button engaged.  My apologies in advance.

< Message edited by SDFemDom4cuck -- 5/2/2006 12:29:28 PM >

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 2:58:52 PM   
genvieve


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/14/2005
From: SF Bay Area
Status: offline 		~continues to read~

_____________________________

In the quietness of myself, i find myself at the mercy of Your hand.

Musical Wishes Design

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 4:49:20 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck
I was being sarcastic...the married sub male was the one that was shocked that a Domme would have morals.


You have my most sincere apologies.  I misunderstood the meaning of your post, and withdraw my comment...

Unfortunately, the attitude I spoke of is not unknown in this community...though I am quite pleased you do not share it!

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 5:10:04 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

You have my most sincere apologies.  I misunderstood the meaning of your post, and withdraw my comment...

Unfortunately, the attitude I spoke of is not unknown in this community...though I am quite pleased you do not share it!

Taggard


Taggard,

Most humbly accepted and appreciated, Thank You. Although I can see how it was not quite clear that I was quoting the married sub. Understandably, I too have experienced that same attitude and see your frustration in that a community so open minded would still be judged at times by others, both from within and outside it. It was never My intention to do so nor will it ever be. As My quote says, Be who you are and say what you feel; those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." --- Theodore Geisel

Thank you again; it takes a Man of great character to apologize both publicly and privately as You have done.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Married partners - 5/2/2006 5:18:21 PM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		can it cause problems... yes... can crossing the road cause problems... yes...

anything can get fuckered up with almost no effort... I've fuckered up a lot fo things in my life by doing absolutely nothing... LOL

granted, I don't personally think monogamy is all it's cracked up to be.. but that's just me.. .dun expect anyone else to agree with me... do what you think is right nad move on...

- Dustyn


_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to slaveladyj)
Profile   Post #: 40
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