Long-distance training?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Long-distance training?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Long-distance training?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 10:30:27 AM

zumala

Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline

I'm relatively new to the realm of bdsm, and my limits are a little unusual. There have been a few folks who have offered to train myself and my husband as submissives via the Net. Can anyone tell me how well this works?

Thanks.

Zuma

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 10:38:46 AM

foxnotinsox

Posts: 84
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: eastern Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

There have been a few folks who have offered to train myself and my husband as submissives via the Net. Can anyone tell me how well this works?

In my experience, it works not well at all....
Yet would depends on what sort of training you are looking for.
If for just the mental aspects, then may be good ... if for how to deal with your husband <evil grin> then perhaps not so good.
I was lucky enough to meet somebody who, 5 years ago this month, became my Mentor. While we do not play necessarily, He is a marvelous sounding board for a lot of things I have gone through.
Online training is intense (for it is *just* mental) and this can put a skewed outlook on what is happening in real life. I think .. and this is just my opinion .. that if the training is real life, then your Trainer and/or Mentor should be real life too.
Best wishes,

_____________________________

oxox,foX
Veni vidi veni

(in reply to zumala)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 10:40:19 AM

petcerina

Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

i had a Mentor for two years before getting into real life relationships in BDSM. W/we did not play, but He did help me find resources to study with and answered any questions i had. It worked well for me, but i'm not sure it would work well for everyone.

(in reply to foxnotinsox)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 10:40:42 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I cannot imagine even trying it to be honest.

(in reply to foxnotinsox)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 10:43:09 AM

darq

Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline

Online training is about as effective as reading a book ... If the Mentor/Trainer is really good then you'll probably get a lot of information that you can put to use in your life but you won't really be able to develop skills. I mean, if you wanted to learn how to use a flogger properly, for example ... Reading a book would give you some good ideas but it won't critique your style and show you how to improve.

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 11:00:52 AM

zumala

Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darq

Online training is about as effective as reading a book ... If the Mentor/Trainer is really good then you'll probably get a lot of information that you can put to use in your life but you won't really be able to develop skills. I mean, if you wanted to learn how to use a flogger properly, for example ... Reading a book would give you some good ideas but it won't critique your style and show you how to improve.

That's true... and I'd be reluctant to try something that required much skill (I think flogging would) lest I goof up and injure my hubby. Or vise versa. Perhaps an online Mentor could offer suggestions, advise, and non-technical commands? We might be able to attend technical (how-to) classes with a local bdsm group?

Zuma

(in reply to darq)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 11:12:28 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

There have been a few folks who have offered to train myself and my husband as submissives via the Net.

zum,
Unless the "net" is a shorter distance than the longest "toy" in the Dom's toy bag the "experience" you gather will be meaningless.

Get to know someone on-line. Generate a comfort level about everything; types of play, goals, experience. Then meet. If it takes longer than a couple weeks - move on. If they insist on "playing" on-line - move on. If not, next thing you know you'll be on-line for 8 months complaining about the time you've wasted.

(in reply to zumala)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 11:23:59 AM

zumala

Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline

It would probably take longer than a couple of weeks to meet someone because I am cautious as HELL.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 11:31:03 AM

foxnotinsox

Posts: 84
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: eastern Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

It would probably take longer than a couple of weeks to meet someone because I am cautious as HELL.

Ahhhhhhh ... then all the more reason to get out there.
What do you have to be afraid of? <evil grin>

No, seriously ... actually I'm answering a previous post you made .. about going to workshops and learning first-hand. This is a splendid idea .. not only to gain experience but also to speak with others about problems that you may have experienced or are worried that you may encounter. And who knows? You may meet somebody who is willing to help both of you along.

_____________________________

oxox,foX
Veni vidi veni

(in reply to zumala)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 11:38:55 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: zumala

It would probably take longer than a couple of weeks to meet someone because I am cautious as HELL.

zuma,
Don't read into what I'm saying. Meeting someone doesn't mean "play". Meeting at a neutral place is part of cautiousness. Meeting and talking is a step in the process not the end of the process. Meeting makes it less likely that they are lying about themselves and their relationship status, if that is important to you.

For instance, we are contacted by many "couples" to meet. When we request a get together we insist that both parts of the couple show up. Just insisting that, ends many contacts. Do you think they lost interest or do you think the "couple" was really a guy and whichever of his hands he was dated this week?

(in reply to zumala)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 11:49:27 AM

zumala

Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline

Point taken. I have an advantage safety-wise because I do have a husband who'll go with me. I took enough chances when I was younger. I laugh because I met my husband on-line and then he came to visit me RL after a year or so. Worked out rather well.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 1:59:08 PM

slaveladyj

Posts: 161
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

Again I offer a differ view. I have a cyber dom, who since my bf is finally taking an interest has directed bf on ways to secure me, torture me, and explore my submissive nature. And it is working, bf is getting good at it. Not as good as my cyber dom, but he is starting to come up with his own ideas.

(in reply to zumala)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 2:31:30 PM

genvieve

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/14/2005
From: SF Bay Area
Status: offline

Online training is what you get out of it. If you go into it with an open mind... like reading a book, you are able to gain knowledge and wisdom from those who have been in the lifestyle longer than you. However, that being said, you could also gain this knowledge from making friends online who are involved in the lifestyle; or from being involved in discussion boards, like this one here.

But don't be afraid to jump into r/t. If you have a local BDSM community...try going to a munch (which is a r/t get-together at a restaurant, or somthing) . Since these are non-sexual environments, or are supposed to be, they can be a wonderful way to make friends and to learn and to sort of scope out the Dominant you have your eye on.

Also, keep in mind... at play parties, there are ALWAYS dungeon mods who, if you tell them you are aprehensive and a lil new... would be more than happy to show you the "ropes" so to speak.

Just...food for thought. i hope you find what you are looking for.

_____________________________

In the quietness of myself, i find myself at the mercy of Your hand.

Musical Wishes Design

(in reply to slaveladyj)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 2:47:02 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

me as an online trainer: Now what I want you to do is sit in one spot for 6 hours and not move for any reason other than your life is in danger.

(6 hours go past)

you: "i did it, I did it!!"

me: oh, really?

you: yes!!!

me: oh, well that was fun, lets do it again....

you:.....ok

(6 more hours go past)

you: "I did it, I did it!!"

me: oh...well that was fun..lets do it again...

you: oh....

( 6 more hours go past)

me: hello are you there?

.....

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to genvieve)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 5:34:21 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Darq,

I have to strongly object to your comparing online training to reading S&M books as a knowledge source. Since 95% of the people you meet online are idiots, your chances of finding someone to talk you through anything who has the slightest inkling of what they are doing is slim and none. The comparison might be valid if the books you were refering to were Anne Rice's Beauty series or some Gor novel, but not the non fiction BDSM books available today.

The S&M classics however contain a wealth of knowledge gained not from cyber spanking, video beating, and whatever other online bullshit, but from people who have been to more parties, had more real world partners, and fisted more people than most of the attendees here on Collerme combined.

Reading Jay Wiseman's book on bondage will provide more safety info than the most paranoid person could ever want and combine that with Midori's book on Japanese rope bondage and you know more than enough to have fun and so some pretty advanced rope work.

If new submissives were required to read Dossie's The Bottoming Book, chat rooms across the world would empty out and cyber doms worldwide would be wacking off to silence. Combine that with The Topping Book and most submissives could be better Doms than many out there now.

Heck, even Screw the Roses has some rather good and interesting stuff in it.

As someone who has attended classes taught by those same authors and many others, I have learned great things and garnered more than a small amount of wisdom from those books and I find something new or gain some deeper insight ever time I reread them.

(in reply to darq)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 5:48:06 PM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

Zuma,

i am a strong believer in real time Doms and have no interest in online. It works for some though. i guess i just want real physical contact.

Good luck to you.

sub tara

(in reply to zumala)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 5:54:15 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

Online training is good for learning about online BDSM.

For some that is (or has to be) enough.

If you want to learn about real world 3D BDSM, then an online trainer isn't going to be of much help.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to sweetbbwsub31)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 5:57:03 PM

Kendra

Posts: 92
Joined: 5/17/2005
Status: offline

kendra thinks that online is a good communication source and a good research medium, but has been always out in the poublic domain, even if discreetly when it comes to play, i want someone human not words on a screen. insist on meeting even if just for a coffee.. hell i met a '''So Called Dom'' on friday night last in a pub with friends and one of my girlfriends took him home and spanked him,, just goes to show some of them can talk but not walk,,, ( he wasnt my type anyway)
insist on meeting someone,,, you would insist on meeting/ knowing your preacher and he doesnt even get near the medical aftercare issues that your online instructer has to cover...
for me it would be a trust thing,, go to munhces parties and gatherings there are always demo things happening ( although I do live in Oz?) find someone real that you can trust and see how it goes from there..

with respect

_____________________________

kendra... freedom through submission......

(in reply to sweetbbwsub31)

Profile

Post #: 18

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 5:58:18 PM

Kendra

Posts: 92
Joined: 5/17/2005
Status: offline

shaking her head, shoots the typist.. sorry still waking up

_____________________________

kendra... freedom through submission......

(in reply to Kendra)

Profile

Post #: 19

RE: Long-distance training? - 5/2/2006 6:12:33 PM

yoursnatch

Posts: 28
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

some people get lucky with meeting on-line. My sister is marrying her dom that she met right here on collarme. But she also has more expierance than me, i don't know if that makes a difference in telling the experianced Dom's and the not so expireanced one's or not. But one thing i do know is that you can't really enjoy the pleasure of being truly submissive by yourself in your bed room or where ever you computer is lol. But then again we are all different and what might not work for some will work for other's. Good luck to you.

(in reply to zumala)

Profile

Post #: 20