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lizi -> RE: Would mental illness bar a submissive from being picked? (1/30/2011 7:49:18 AM)
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This is hard for me to answer but it's something I have dealt with so I feel compelled to throw in my two cents. It would depend on the person, how I felt about that person, and the length of the relationship. If I had checklists in front of me with personal traits and I had to choose someone, I'd not pick someone who had mental illness on that check list. If I was with someone and loved them I'd accept the mental (or physical) illness and try to learn to deal with it. If I were with someone for a length of time, didn't love them but wanted to keep the relationship, I'd try to deal with the mental illness. Btw, I have clinical depression. At one time it was crippling, I was medicated heavily for 15 years (various things, long story, tolerances and all that), and have been mostly depression free and off meds for 3 years now which I credit strangely enough to exercise. So, it's a road I've walked.
I feel that all you can do really is do concentrate on doing whatever it is that you can for yourself and find yourself worthy enough to pursue that goal with a vengence. Hard to do when you're depressed...I know...when I didn't care about it I remembered that my kids did and knowing they were there enabled me to push harder than I would have on my own. Do what you can for yourself and present whoever that is to others and see what happens. Its really no good to assume that you're damaged goods that no one wants. You may find someone who has a mental illness herself or has it in the family and is ecstatic to find someone who understands it. Yes, you have a condition that isn't exactly conducive to finding a partner, but once you believe that it'll never happen for you, it won't. You are a human being, you have a set of unique qualities, there are pros and cons, everyone else is the same. Go forth with what you have and see what is out there.
I'd like to close with an example. I was dating a guy for a few months that I really liked. We hit it off well, liked each other in many different ways, enjoyed doing things. I was feeling very positive about our partnership. Then winter came and I found out that he had SAD. I was ok with it and wanted to continue things with each other, after all, I have depression. I wasn't scared away. He'd come home from work and sleep till the next day, he never called much anymore, when he did talk it was short and bland. I was still ok, I understood what was going on. We go from this starting at the end of Oct to the end of Dec- he finally finds at that point that he feels horrible enough to go to the Dr. for the annual meds. 2 freaking months later, he finally gets help. 2 entire months that I sat home alone and I can't even imagine what his kids went through. Only to have him discontinue the meds after about 3 weeks when he felt better in Jan.
What did I learn from that? That no matter how much I liked him, my future with him was going to be subject to his illness which he wouldn't do squat to manage effectively. That I obviously mattered little, that his family mattered little, and he was preoccupied with not being 'weak' and resorting to taking meds [8|] - good God. In the mean time he would spend all his time in bed. If he had tried to do what he could to get better, I'd have respected that. I was comfortable with the whole thing, I was ready to deal with his illness and compensate for it, but I couldn't deal with him doing nothing until he hit rock bottom and then throwing the help out the window before he was stabilized.
I found out later that this is what he did every year, it was not an isolated thing. He'd wait too long because he didn't like to take medication. I understand that some people feel this way, it's their perogative- I personally feel that medication can be a positive thing depending on the circumstance. In his case the meds helped with no side effects. When he'd finally get the meds he'd get better, but then he'd stop the meds too soon and he'd get depressed again- this time the depression would last until the days got longer and he felt better. He knew it was a substandard approach to his illness and did it anyway, repeatedly, year after year. I found him special enough that his particular illness would have been a hurdle if he'd dealt with it effectively, it was not a dealbreaker until I realized that it was a cycle I'd have to repeat with him endlessly and at that point I had better things to do with my time. I know this is not the same level of illness that you are describing, my own illness is closer to what you are dealing with.
So....go try to be the best you that you can be. I'm very sorry it's been a hard road for you and I can empathize. Your primary goal should be yourself, living your life well. As a secondary concern you can work on what you have to offer someone such that it is. Don't assume that what you have to offer isn't good enough, because you don't know that. Don't stop looking, you may find someone who is familiar with what you are going through and willing to work with you. I wish you the best [:)]
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