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ORIGINAL: leadership527

I'm a bit confused on what it means to "feel submissive" not in relation to anyone else. Isn't dominance and submission an exchange between people? What do you mean, exactly, when you say you "feel submissive" or you don't? Perhaps the problem is that there's no actual dominant influence in your life which is making you feel submissive?

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ORIGINAL: ImaginativeWhims

Hello and Good day a1111,

   We are human (alright, most of us -glances at FT-),

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ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

OP, could you explain why you seem to equate being quiet, withdrawn and nervous with submission in a D/s sense.

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ORIGINAL: xelinda

I am going to take a stab at this because I think I understand where you are coming from with this.

You are currently back at your mum's house and you are finding that you are reverting back into old habits...becoming withdrawn and quiet again. You did mention that there is a lot of depression and other mental health issues at your mum's house. I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that as you were growing up, you probably have felt some sort of abuse or neglect. If not physically, then mentally. It was easier to be the quiet one and not rock the boat or cause further disharmony in an already disfunctional household.

Growing up, I came from a similiar situation. I lived with an aunt who dished out abuse on a regular basis. As a child, all I longed for was to be loved and accepted, but that wasn't forthcoming. I did everything I could to be the model student and not cause waves, but nothing I ever did was good enough. As a defense mechanism, you learn to be very obedient in that situation. After I left that situation when I was 17, I never went back there, but I did run into my aunt on occasion at family situations and other places. Everytime I saw her, I reverted back to that scared child. Away from her, I seemed normal and content.

I would gather to say that you are using the same defense mechanisms that you learned as a child. It's what you know in that situation.

As for advice, the world is open to you and you have tasted it. You already know how you can be if you want it badly enough.

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

to be honest it doesn't sound so much like you are submissive at your mom's home but that your mother intimidates you. She has you wound tightly around her finger. It happens quite often to men. You just need to learn to be a grownup and step up to the plate when you need to stand up for yourself.

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ORIGINAL: CalifChick

It sounds like you are confusing dominance with domineering, and introverted/shy/withdrawn/quiet with submissive.

Cali

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ORIGINAL: a1111

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

to be honest it doesn't sound so much like you are submissive at your mom's home but that your mother intimidates you. She has you wound tightly around her finger. It happens quite often to men. You just need to learn to be a grownup and step up to the plate when you need to stand up for yourself.

Maybe but i wouldnt know what to do, if i every say anything she goes a bit crazy or starts crying, i dont understand it i suppose and i feel like i use bdsm to ease my feelings

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ORIGINAL: mbes

Sounds like you just get into a show-your-belly mindset around your mother because you've learned over the years that that is safest, and it carries over into everything you do when you are there. Then when you get away, you don't need it, so revert to your natural inclinations. Nothing weird about that, although it would probably help you more to learn your boundaries better, so that you can communicate them to her now that you are grown. It's not always easy to do that, so you'll have to consider how much time you spend with her, and if it is worth the upheaval to learn new roles with each other.
In bdsm, weak doesn't equal submissive by orientation or choice, so it's going to ruffle feathers to suggest that they are the same.

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ORIGINAL: oceanwynds2

a111
I might not totally be understanding what you are saying, so if I miss the mark please excuse me. What I saw by your posts is that you easily go back to the natural headset you have with your mom. This is common amongst children and their parents. If you refer to it as being submissive, than it is how you will see it.

With the other factor of not being in a submissive mind/nor dominant mind when in your own crowd of people, and it feels natural to you, if I remember reading that correctly, that too is part of you. I believe my own core is submissive, but i can also regulate how much of that comes out in my world. I have a bit of a fire energy in me, blessed ARies, and some see me being very dominant, but I am not. It just the way I carry myself. I not sure if I am making sense. What I am saying is yes there are different people and situations that my submissiveness comes out more than other times. There are times, for instance, running my own business that I will show more of a authoritve personality. Clue though is i am an expert in some areas, which does not distract from my own submissiveness.