hausboy
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quote:
o offense, hausboy, but I think you just talked yourself into a corner here. I'm not trying to say that one category of people is more screwed up than another. What I will say is that if I were in the position that some folks have been, it would probably screw Me up. Especially if My family couldn't accept Me and I was no longer in the lives of My children and grandchildren like has happened to some folks who are trans. That's coming from Me who will generally say that I don't care what most people think. Losing My family though would mess Me up but good.
You said it yourself. You're stealth and don't have to deal with prejudices. What if you weren't and you had to? Are you really going to say that doesn't have an affect on people? I'm not exactly a blushing flower here, but I'd have to think it would affect Me.
I think if we're going to discuss the topic in fairness, you have to look at the whole picture. Not just the part where people are completely through transition and have created their new life on the other side.
]ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Hi LadyPact
I want to address what you've said here--because I believe what you've written is a very compassionate response.
My response to Steven was tongue-in-cheek---his comment that he felt that TG people would come with too many emotional issues made me reply and it was a bit glib--but given how many insane, unpleasant non-TG people there are, I felt that his generalization of TG people was not a fair portrait.
But since you have brought up very important and sensitive issues, I'll put my two cents in on it. Before transition, I can honestly say that my life was an utter and complete trainwreck. I was dealing with addiction, depression, suicidal feelings, anxiety--I couldn't hold down a job, had serious issues with anger and rage, and most employers wouldn't give me a chance at a better job to better myself. I was angry at the world because it just seemed like I would never get a fair shake at a normal life.
I was a young, ambiguously androgynous 20-something and the male-dominated occupations wouldn't hire me, or if they did, I couldn't advance--I had to deal with daily misogyny. Every day, when I worked on loading docks and in warehouses, I had to hear men telling me that I had no business being in THEIR line of work. When I went to temp agencies and tried to get office jobs which paid more, I was told that I didn't fit the description of what the employer wanted, and perhaps if I put on some makeup, grew out my hair and made myself more feminine, I'd be more marketable.
Discrimination? It was always hell when I had to look for a new apartment, and when my girlfriend and I would go to restaurant, we became readily accustomed to being sat in the back, by the kitchen., even when the place was empty. We confronted the manager once--we were told that he didn't want to "scare away" the customers. I'll never forget being called "it"
This doesn't even include the number of times I was assaulted, chased by assailants, had objects thrown at me from moving cars, been thrown out of bars and restaurants "we don't serve your kind here"....and yes, one of those was a gay male leather bar....I had numerous friends who were raped, assaulted--a few killed themselves, a few others overdosed unintentionally (I think).
When I finally transitioned, I continued my work with a really good therapist. I knew going into transition that the hormones were no magic bullet, and so if I wanted to be less anxious and have fewer problems, good therapy was a necessity. I lost friends. Well, not really friends. Just a LOT of people who once called themselves my friends. I lost my job--I was 2 shots into the process and had already come out at work--and I was handed a pink slip and a cardboard box to pack my belongings.
I was fortunate that my immediate family was there for me the entire time. (a few relatives disowned me but I'm well over it) But my second family--I'm a volunteer firefighter--made life hell. The misery and bigotry I endured as a lesbian firefighter was NOTHING compared to the ignorance I continue to face as a TG firefighter. I'm still not over this loss--and I continue to deal with it on a weekly if not daily basis.
So there are two ways to go, as I see it. I can hate the world for the way it treats transfolks, hate the universe for doing this to me and shut down emotionally. Or I can take the other route--live a very full life, enjoy the gifts I have from my transition and live as the type of man I always admired. Every single day I have on this earth, as a man, is a special precious gift, and I truly intend to make the most of each and every day I have. I didn't go through hours of therapy, painful surgery and drain my bank account down to the last dime so that I could be miserable.
I've lobbied for Transgender civil rights--and we won them in Baltimore City. I routinely address the State Board of Education to improve their anti-bullying laws and protect kids based on gender identity/expression. For many years, I conducted sensitivity training for corporations, agencies and even State Govt to help them better understand and help Transgender clients and employees. I even worked with the DC Metro police to help them improve treatment of TG prisoners.
So some may see it as "abusing male hetero privilege" but these days, I just want to blend into the wallpaper. I've earned the right--and paid my dues--to sit in the front window of the cafe. The decent treatment I receive now--customer service, workplace treatment, greetings from strangers--there's no comparison to how my quality of life has improved. I no longer suffer from the panic attacks, anxiety, neurosis, depression and thankfully, am not needing any medications. I was able to enter into a new health career--one that puts many peoples lives into my hands--and I'm considered to be one of the top nationally in my area of expertise. I could not have accomplished this had I not gone through what I've been through.
My experience is not unique. So that's my long-winded diatribe. There's no question that many transfolk endure countless more hardships than those who aren't. But those of us with hard lives do not equal damaged goods. For many of us, it has just made us stronger.
thanks to those who read through this whole thing...
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