AAkasha
Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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In the discussions about nature vs. nurture and if women are "born dominant," there are often debates about "alpha women" and women who are leaders, enjoy control, etc. I have a lot of female peers who are professional, successful ladies because that's a big part of my social circle being a female business owner. I would say that most of these women are "alpha," and most are leaders, controlling, "wear the pants" in their romantic relationships, and many are now considered "cougars" if they are single, as they enjoy the company of younger men and are 100% really driving the sexual frequency, intimacy, etc.
However, most of these women are 100% NON KINKY. These are women that subs may target as potential femdoms as they are controlling, assertive, drive the courtship process, state what they want, and want to be the leader in their relationship. But aside from unintentional "denial" of his orgasms (meaning she isn't playing chastity games, she's simply too tired from working her ass off and sex is a low priority), there's 0 kink in the bedroom. Bondage, S&M? FORGET IT! These women are not afraid to lay the rules in the bedroom, and those rules are often, "Sex when I want it and leave me alone, and whatever you do, don't whine about it." If a man were to make any suggestions for a little variety in the bedroom even in the form of light roleplay or bondage, he'd be shut down in a heartbeat as she's strong enough to say, "Hell no. Don't bring it up again, either."
At the same time, I know some women who aren't particularly "alpha," like a more even-keeled relationship (balanced, collaborative, both people pretty much share the control when it comes to courting, social life, money), and they are wildly kinky and open minded. No one would label them as "alpha" though.
I'm fairly "alpha" myself, but I feel that this is 100% just a reflection of my ambitious side and that I was raised to not be meek. My sister is the exact same way, but could be described as more equal in the bedroom and not one shred of kink in her; when side by side, though, outsiders would probably label us both as "alpha" in our relationships and work world with her more likely to be kinky, because she's more of an extrovert than I am when we're side by side.
I think the fact that I am a sexual and/or sensual sadist is unrelated to being alpha. At the same time, I think a lot of men look for alpha women hoping they are kinky. On top of that, I think a lot of women who like to be controlling or like "super devoted" men or "faster tracks to devotion" see submissive men as somehow more prone to loyalty or doting in nature, but the women at the same time don't have a care for kinky sex at all, but do it as they feel it's part of the obligation of their role.
I would be tying up, hurting, humiliating men even if I was teleported into an age and time where in relationships women were raised to be totally beta. I don't mind letting others take the lead; I could survive in a relationship with a man who was a bit of a control freak as long as he wasn't an idiot about it; however, I could not be happy longterm in a relationship where I could never express my sexual and sensual sadism or explore bondage and S&M with great frequency.
Does alpha = kinky?
Akasha
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