RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants

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RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 9:14:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny
Okay the Dommes obviously don't have to worry about limited options - they're in the greatest minority. Male submissives do.

But - my experience in talking to dominant women informs me that as many male subs per Domme as there are, there are not always alot of really good options. Most male subs are not at all suitable for the Domme. . There are certainly some good male submissives out there but I would be willing to bet you occasionally experience a sense of dread when you check your inbox and wonder how many pictures of old hoary schlongs you will have to look at, at lest if you were currently looking that is.

Now you do realise obviously that it is difficult for female Dominants to find a really good option from the overload of their submissive available males...but according to your other replies, don't realise that it is just the same shit for Doms and female subs, that it is difficult fro them to find a really good option ... my oh my, I need more crackers and cheese

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to YourToDeny)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 9:20:00 PM

Posts: 223
Joined: 2/17/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny
I am not here to debate your identity but to bring to the attention of the community the surge in misrepresentative - or at the least 'insufficiently specific' - profiles. They are drowning out the minority, that rarest of rarities, the dominant woman with the double-x chromes. In a way it is misogynistic to allow it to continue without in the very least being discouraged.

"We must either kill or relocate the Misrepresentatives! It is the only way to get to the rarest of rarities that can be found around where they are!"

I ask again, does this remind ANYONE of Avatar?

(in reply to YourToDeny)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 9:26:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
There's a category for Trans on CM profiles.

I see absolutely no reason why transgendered people should not list themselves as transgendered.

Maybe because they don't see themselves that way....

Frankly, i wouldn't want the "label" either. But i do think any prospective partner has the right to know something like that, and *not* telling them constitutes a serious violation of trust.

i don't think people should be required to identify as TG in their profile, any more than people in real life are required to wear labels identifying them to the world. But i believe that it's only ethical to let any prospective partner know it, and certainly before the relationship gets serious.

In this case, a prospective partner's right to know supercedes an individual's right to privacy.

pam

(in reply to Arpig)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 9:27:12 PM

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Joined: 2/16/2011
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quote:

Now you do realise obviously that it is difficult for female Dominants to find a really good option from the overload of their submissive available males...but according to your other replies, don't realise that it is just the same shit for Doms and female subs, that it is difficult fro them to find a really good option ... my oh my, I need more crackers and cheese

That is a whole other can of worms but of course I realize finding compatible mates is difficult for everyone in the community which is why it would help everyone involved to begin with a policy of honesty.

I have had a good amount of success as a sub - mainly the reason is that I'm very honest and open and true to life about who I am, what I want and what I can do or can't. For me, its not that I can't find 'some Domme' its that I'm looking for THAT Domme - the perfect one for me that I am perfect for as well - which is what your stated dilemma refers to, which is what we all want.

It starts with putting ourselves in the appropriate and most honest category - not conceptually, but in reality. There are significant differences between all groups in BDSM - we all need to be in the right category. A little bit of variation is fine but there are an incredible amount of XY chromosomes in the Fem Dominant category this year.

(in reply to Phoenixpower)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 9:31:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rick1283

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny
Its easy to throw stones when you're in the majority as a 'dominant' male.

And you obviously believe that the "majority dominant male" are all so twuly dominant and describe themselves perfectly who they are right

It would seem so! If this is the case then maybe I could change my profile and be the first male dom to EVER lie! Oh my! Just THINK of all the possibilities!

thanks for that invitation, but I truly don't need to "think" about it...I try to forget about those

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to rick1283)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 9:49:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny
I never met anybody.

Then I would suggest to stand up...switch off your computer and go out of the house and actually bother to meet people...before you try to advice folks here where many of us actually do and did go out to meet others

some of us even took the effort to fly to other countries to find their match

quote:

anybody who thinks there aren't TG's out there who are willing to exploit submissives to coerce interaction is blind and senseless.

as are the ones who believe that other folks have it so much easier just because more people advertise themselves in that other category.

You truly still have a lot of growing up to do when this is just the start of your discovery that there are people out there who do exploit, as quite frankly, the group you keep ranting about are the far minority to other groups in the real world, who deceive and exploit...

my oh my and now the store is closed....I need damn more crackers

quote:

but I do want to point out that there is a huge surge of TG's in the female dominant category. The OP was meant to point out not just those, but the TV's as well who are also posting themselves as female. The point is not to say I care how I identify themselves, but that its no more correct for them to choose how the community as a whole gets to identify women.

well...there also could be (I say "could" as I don't know if there is an actual surge, so I don't pretend to know facts which would only be my personal view if that would be my view) a surge of men who lie about their age, their physical health, their weight, their country they live in, their nationality, their relationship status, their situation in regards of having dependents, their financial stability....the list is endless

Welcome in the real world

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to YourToDeny)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 9:54:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
Post-op they have gone through hell to get where they are and are deservedly recognized as gender-reassigned by the legal and medical communities.

As long as you refuse to see them for who they are, continuing to see them as transgendered, the prejudice will continue.

Um...trasngendered *is* who they are. Transgendered means that they identify with a gender other than the physical sex they were born as.

FWIW calling someone what they really are doesn't mean that prejudice will continue. I don't see anyone saying that we should stop calling people gay because they will be discriminated against, or stop calling people black because of racism.

If anything, saying that transgendered is somehow a bad thing and you should avoid calling people transgendered will make prejudice continue because it puts it as a big taboo.

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 9:55:20 PM

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Phoenix: Nice - moral equivalency - wonderful.

< Message edited by YourToDeny -- 2/26/2011 9:58:16 PM >

(in reply to Phoenixpower)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 10:00:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
I used to have the same outlook...but I had several exchanges with some TG people on here and did some reading...transgender is not simply a matter of how you feel...it is how you are...a person who is born with male genitalia but who's whole self identity is female is by all rights a female...it isn't the genitalia that determines gender, its far more complex than that. A trandgender person IS the gender they identify as...their body is just behind their mind. You misrepresenting yourself is not the same thing at all..they are not lying...they are being dangerously honest and should be supported not derided

You're right that it's not just genitalia that determine gender...but to me chromosomes determine more than personality. I actually find it interesting how people can self-identify as female, what the inherent "femaleness" of the brain consists of, and whether this difference is extreme enough to affect social roles and gender norms. I mean, if inherent "femaleness" is so strong that a person with a female brain would find it intolerable to live in a male body that has to say something about us, right?

I still don't see how "female" is *more* honest than "transgender" though. Generally "female" means having female chromosomes, whereas "transgender" is the most accurate term for someone whose mental gender doesn't match their physical gender.

(in reply to Arpig)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 10:02:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny

Phoenix: Nice - moral equivalency - wonderful.

Speaking of which, I noticed on more than one occasion during this thread that you have mentioned your length of time on the site. Looking at your joining date here, the current profile is ten days old. Yet, I do not see a sig line referring to your prior name here on CM. I didn't find it in your profile either.

What an interesting paradox.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to YourToDeny)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 10:05:53 PM

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Joined: 2/16/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
I used to have the same outlook...but I had several exchanges with some TG people on here and did some reading...transgender is not simply a matter of how you feel...it is how you are...a person who is born with male genitalia but who's whole self identity is female is by all rights a female...it isn't the genitalia that determines gender, its far more complex than that. A trandgender person IS the gender they identify as...their body is just behind their mind. You misrepresenting yourself is not the same thing at all..they are not lying...they are being dangerously honest and should be supported not derided

You're right that it's not just genitalia that determine gender...but to me chromosomes determine more than personality. I actually find it interesting how people can self-identify as female, what the inherent "femaleness" of the brain consists of, and whether this difference is extreme enough to affect social roles and gender norms. I mean, if inherent "femaleness" is so strong that a person with a female brain would find it intolerable to live in a male body that has to say something about us, right?

I still don't see how "female" is *more* honest than "transgender" though. Generally "female" means having female chromosomes, whereas "transgender" is the most accurate term for someone whose mental gender doesn't match their physical gender.

Agreed - either female means something specific and innate about biological identity, or everyone is female and the word means nothing....

(in reply to Elisabella)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 10:08:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny
Agreed - either female means something specific and innate about biological identity, or everyone is female and the word means nothing....

That's not quite what I was saying.

(in reply to YourToDeny)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 10:09:17 PM

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Joined: 2/16/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny

Phoenix: Nice - moral equivalency - wonderful.

Speaking of which, I noticed on more than one occasion during this thread that you have mentioned your length of time on the site. Looking at your joining date here, the current profile is ten days old. Yet, I do not see a sig line referring to your prior name here on CM. I didn't find it in your profile either.

What an interesting paradox.

I don't know about you guys but when I am in a relationship I delete my profile. As a cuck I certainly don't expect my lady to do the same but fidelity is how I operate and that means no online romance. I start from scratch when I'm ready to begin again.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 10:12:53 PM

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Joined: 2/16/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny
Agreed - either female means something specific and innate about biological identity, or everyone is female and the word means nothing....

That's not quite what I was saying.

I know. I agreed then added.

(in reply to Elisabella)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 10:15:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
From a neurobiological and medical standpoint, that is absolutely correct. Latest research very strongly suggests that an interruption in hormonal cascades during a crucial point in fetal development can cause the brain to become gender-wired one way while the body develops the sex characteristics of the opposite gender. Postmortem studies on transgendered people's brains generally concur. This is the simple medical truth. No more and no less.

Right, but that doesn't make them female, it means they have a neurological condition that makes them see themselves as female.

FWIW they don't have "female brains" but they also don't have entirely male brains.

http://www.psydir.com/Psychology-Articles/imaging-the-transgendered-brain/

"In contrast to previous investigations, this new study found that male-to-female transsexuals grey-matter was similar in most areas of the brain to the male rather than female comparison group.

Except, that is, for one area, the putamen, a deep brain structure that forms part of the basal ganglia - known for its wide range of functions and connections to the frontal lobes and action control areas."

It also says that a possible reason for the difference between this study and the postmortem study was that the living brains were not altered by hormone therapy.

< Message edited by Elisabella -- 2/26/2011 10:16:30 PM >

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 10:17:24 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny
I don't know about you guys but when I am in a relationship I delete my profile. As a cuck I certainly don't expect my lady to do the same but fidelity is how I operate and that means no online romance. I start from scratch when I'm ready to begin again.

How nice of you to allow that privilege for yourself, but not anyone else.

Deleting the old profile doesn't mean that other folks shouldn't be aware of your old identity. If you made posts under the old name, for example, people might want to look those up. It could just as easily be said that you are hiding that past identity, since you choose not to list your past screen names.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

As an aside, not every person on the forums is here for any sort of online romance. I think you probably already knew that from reading My profile.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to YourToDeny)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 10:24:21 PM

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Joined: 2/16/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny
I don't know about you guys but when I am in a relationship I delete my profile. As a cuck I certainly don't expect my lady to do the same but fidelity is how I operate and that means no online romance. I start from scratch when I'm ready to begin again.

How nice of you to allow that privilege for yourself, but not anyone else.

Deleting the old profile doesn't mean that other folks shouldn't be aware of your old identity. If you made posts under the old name, for example, people might want to look those up. It could just as easily be said that you are hiding that past identity, since you choose not to list your past screen names.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

As an aside, not every person on the forums is here for any sort of online romance. I think you probably already knew that from reading My profile.

I'm going to go ahead and refer to your postulation as moral equivalence as well. There is no logical comparison. I see what you're trying to say its just not very well supported out on that limb... If I wasn't a female supremest I'd be insulted by any woman trying to tell me that desiring her is the same as desiring a man. Turn that in reverse and that is what we're talking about.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 10:24:28 PM

vield

Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I have seen this debate going on and stayed out of it until now, but it seems to be one of few threads that is generating discussion, so I'll chip in.

The problem of people pretending to be what they are not is actually very ancient. Cosmetics have been around for thousands of years.

The internet has made this far easier to do. That is one reason I highly recommend to people that they get out and join groups in or as near as possible to their home area, to make friends with similar interests. No matter how one gets a photo to post on line, meeting the person in person at a Munch or social or meeting or event will give me the ability to decide whether or not their physical and emotional characteristics are those I can be comfortable with in a partner. Of course this does NOT mean they will be attracted to me nor I to them.

Any discussion of statistics about there being more or less folks of whatever BDSM perspective one seeks is not going to be something one can "prove". Some groups have a LOT of dominant women as members. But if you are a male sub seeking a female dom, the numbers will probably not help you if most of the women there are oriented to other women.

Some groups are mostly committed couples. They may or may not take on a "3rd" of whatever gender or power level. Numbers can often be very misleading.

Anyone who is telling me major falsehoods about their background is not likely to be a potential partner for me. But simply being truthful does not guarantee I will be attracted to you, or that you will be attracted to me.

If one has most of their BDSM knowledge from porn it may indeed appear that dom women are very few and sub men are very many. If one gets a major part of their knowledge from paid encounters with professionals, this may also seem true.

If I attend a Munch and 40 of the 60 people attending are women, this still does not mean I will be right for them or they right for me.

If I go to an event with an open mind and no expectations, I may have a very lovely time! If I am courteous and helpful this improves my chances of fun. If I also volunteer to help work at an event, this will let many people see me in a positive light. Even if none of thw women who are members of the group are available or interested in me as a partner, if they become my friends I may meet other female friends of theirs at other events, and who knows where that will lead.

The closest thing to a "guaranteed connection" with a dom or a sub is to hire a professional to perform what I think might meet my needs. And I must be careful in negotiating what I expect to get for my money, too. Most Dommes are not mind readers.

It is NONE of my business who claims to be what, here or elsewhere. My personal opinion is that the only label which accurately fits anyone is a label they have voluntarily put on. It is also my opinion that I can not claim to know what the label means to the wearer unless I take the time to discuss this with them at some length.

_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to Phoenixpower)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 10:32:51 PM

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
From a neurobiological and medical standpoint, that is absolutely correct. Latest research very strongly suggests that an interruption in hormonal cascades during a crucial point in fetal development can cause the brain to become gender-wired one way while the body develops the sex characteristics of the opposite gender. Postmortem studies on transgendered people's brains generally concur. This is the simple medical truth. No more and no less.

Right, but that doesn't make them female, it means they have a neurological condition that makes them see themselves as female.

Wow...this is so fucking ignorant...it hurts...

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to Elisabella)

RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Fem... - 2/26/2011 10:36:13 PM

Posts: 3939
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

Wow...this is so fucking ignorant...it hurts...

I'm sorry that it hurts, but the study I linked showed a difference between male brains, female brains, and transgendered brains. The transgendered brains were not female brains in a male body, but brains with a unique makeup that were similar to male in some areas and similar to female in another.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

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