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stellauk -> RE: A rant about the grim ones. (2/28/2011 4:14:39 AM)
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Greetings to the OP, one of the many friendly familiar faces and screen names here which gave me a warm feeling on coming back.
I understand his feelings and sentiments entirely. I don't know whether this is because BDSM is becoming more mainstream or whether it's because of the state of the economy and changes in society but yes I admit that it seems this site could be renamed TrolleyMe, (think of Wal-Mart) the online superstore of sex, kink and perversion.
I think everyone who has been coming here to this site for a considerable length of time goes through periods of frustration, exasperation and maybe even fear for the future of Mankind and the BDSM community as a whole. It's human nature, we all operate primarily out of self-interest, we all require some sort of attention, recognition, and acknowledgement of who we are deep down and we all have hopes or expectations of some sort of change or development in this part of our lives.
I think technology and the Internet plays a part here. Over the years I've seen the BDSM community transform and develop with the development of the Internet, which I think is the main reason BDSM has become more widespread and mainstream. I've been in and out of this community for donkey's years from way back pre-Internet and.. and... I can't even remember how it was back then (now I feel old) but this much I know, you didn't get anywhere unless you were prepared to make the effort, do the legwork, make the contact and have the right attitudes.
This is true both of dating and BDSM. I can't remember going down to a nightclub and finding men approaching women dancing round handbags demanding that they take complete control of their bodies and force them to complete surrender. I think the Internet has somehow given people the opportunities to smudge over the boundaries somewhat.
As with everything it depends on attitude and your expectations. I see everyone who comes here as an individual, so are their reasons for coming here, and so are their reasons even for logging on every day. Those reasons are so diverse they can stretch the limits of your imagination, because they range from someone just seeking a thrill, others who need emotional support, some require validation, others want a relationship, people who want to be locked up, a few people who perhaps need locking up, and I think we've even had someone here who wanted to be transformed into a bird.
It's also important to remember that with the state of the economy and changes in society generally communities are breaking up, changing, people are losing their jobs, going through difficult times, some fall ill, some are marginalized, and there's a lot of people who don't have that network of friends or access or opportunity to meet people. All they have is a computer, keyboard and mouse, they maybe go out to work (if they're lucky) come home, nobody there for them, nobody calls to say hello how are you, it's just them and sites like this. All they are looking for deep down is attention, someone to pay attention to them, listen to them, talk to them, share a piece of their lives and maybe one or two experiences.
It's important not to have too many expectations to begin with. I first started out with this site when I was living in Poland, my first experiences were when I was homeless, at the end of my time there, and I was desperate. I remember even sitting in an Internet cafe at Warsaw Central station, freezing, cold, lonely, hungry, and receiving a message from a domme in Bristol sending me positive thoughts and wishes. It gave me hope and made me feel much better. Similarly when I came to the boards for the first time early in 2007 having recently moved into an apartment I was in a terrible headspace and I could write a long list of names of the regular posters here who reached out to me, befriended me, and without asking for anything in return gave me that emotional support and validation I was looking for at the time.
There are some truly wonderful, amazing examples of humanity lurking about on this website, people who fascinate, people who know, and people who give you a warm fuzzy feeling when they send you a message. And this is what is important to remember. In among all the people who exasperate you and frustrate you there are others who if you encounter them will inspire warm, positive feelings and restore your faith in human nature. They don't even have to contact you, it's enough to know that they're here too.
But as with everything it's all down to one thing - perspective. You project energy out to others through your communication, either positive or negative, and this alone influences the sort of contact you attract back.
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