LadyPact
Posts: 32566
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Sorry for the delay in getting back. It has been one of those non stop weekends.
quote:
ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
I can't speak for anyone else, but I didn't mean any disrespect to you, Lady P - I know your relationship is both ethical and based on mutual trust. I just don't see how that can acheived behind someone's back on a website (or even online full stop, really - I'm not sure anyone could be positive they had the wife's consent without sitting down in a room with her).
VC, I know that you didn't mean it that way. I happen to be pretty cynical. Plus, I'm a straight from the horse's mouth kind of gal. I would have a tough time with hearing it's ok with the spouse from anyone besides the spouse. (I'm something of the same way even about casual play, so I'm trying to include both genders here.)
quote:
ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
I disagree with this. I know several married men who are also in D/s relationships outside of the marriage. Their wife is completely aware of the outside arrangement, and it seems to work for them.
I do agree with you when it comes to married subs who are being deceptive, and their wife doesn't know about the Domme. In that case, the wife is really the Domme since she is the one who dictates if or when he can come see the domme. She is the one who dictates if the domme can leave scars or other physical evidence on the sub. She is the one who dictates if/when/where the domme can call the sub. She dictates if the domme can make the sub shave his pubes. In basically every way, the wife is in charge, and the domme becomes nothing more than a chick on the side with a limited list of activities that she can participate in with her married sub.
Personally, I have had a Domme while I was also in a serious vanilla LTR. My vanilla girlfriend knew about my kink, and she wasn't interested in it. So she was okay with me having a relationship with a Domme. Her only stipulation was that there be no intercourse involved with the D/s relationship. So it IS possible to have a D/s relationship with a married or meaningfully attached male sub. But you have to make sure that the wife or significant other is aware of the D/s relationship.
Bottom line: If the wife or significant other knows about you, then it can work. But if the wife doesn't know about you, then you're just his "mistress". Literally.
This was so good that I just had to say something about it. Roch, you totally nailed it! What you've got in the above is the very difference between the two.
When I looked at the difference for us between D/s and M/s a while back, this was the very pivot point in it for Me. "What would be out of My range of power and/or situations where clip wouldn't obey Me?" Sex? No. Permanent marks? No. Contact limitations, interaction limitations, was there any kind of limit to what I could do with him? The military was a bigger problem with that than his marriage. LOL.
The one and only thing that I could come up with was, "could I command him to leave his wife?" Probably not, but then again, who would? Literally, what kind of owner would want to take their slave away from a loving, positive, beneficial, secure relationship with another human being that's lasted over twenty years? Not My style as an owner. 
_____________________________
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: Lack of male slaves - 
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