Training and serving (Full Version)

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desiretooserve -> Training and serving (3/7/2011 11:37:53 AM)

Hi, my name is Mandie. I am 25 years old and have only been introduced into the BDSM world about three months ago. My boyfriend who is now my Master gave me a taste of it and i found i loved it. I love being able too serve him and make him happy. Right now we are looking for another slave or submissive female too join and train beside me or too help me in my training. He would like too broaden my knowledge. My Master is firm and strong. Knowing when too discipline and when too show approval and reward good behavior.

[image]local://upfiles/1172244/DC26B252297D47EC85036D300A981563.jpg[/image]




peppermint -> RE: Training and serving (3/7/2011 1:50:33 PM)

Use the term "unicorn" in the search box you will find at the top right of this page.  That will give you some idea of where you might look for yours and how difficult the search may be.

May I also suggest you put off looking for several more months.  You are new to an M/s relationship and your relationship with your boyfriend/Master is also quite new.  You two have a lot of adjusting to do without adding a third who will quadruple the adjustments you will all have to make. 

Welcome to Collarme.  This can be a very informative site and you can learn a lot while reading here. 




aerten -> RE: Training and serving (3/7/2011 2:30:49 PM)

quote:

Use the term "unicorn" in the search box you will find at the top right of this page. That will give you some idea of where you might look for yours and how difficult the search may be.

May I also suggest you put off looking for several more months. You are new to an M/s relationship and your relationship with your boyfriend/Master is also quite new. You two have a lot of adjusting to do without adding a third who will quadruple the adjustments you will all have to make.


A snippet from my own life, Mandie... i searched with a Master that i was in a committed relationship with for five years. We searched for over a year, and in that time met a minor host of various loons, frauds, and just plain liars. 

As for the suggestion of putting off the search? Definitely. Our relationship was on life support after that experience, especially after one girl made a serious attempt to go monogamous with him, ignoring the pregnant wife (me) in the picture. Build yourselves up first.

Relationships fail all the time from perfectly ordinary stresses. Make certain this one is secure before adding a semi-extraordinary stress.




Delilya -> RE: Training and serving (3/7/2011 2:47:06 PM)

Good luck




DevilishEnvy -> RE: Training and serving (3/7/2011 3:24:35 PM)

There's always hope. My slave and recently found two other local slaves (not on here) for play. It was more accidental than anything.two of her friends came over while I was disciplining her and "eavesdropped" then asked to come play. You never know. [:)]

Good luck!




ashjor911 -> RE: Training and serving (3/7/2011 4:03:56 PM)

Welcome To CM




desiretooserve -> RE: Training and serving (3/7/2011 4:32:15 PM)

thank you for the advice....i think i do wnat too put it off longer...im not ready too share my Master yet...i have wanted too tell him that for a bit now. i think i will tell him that tonight when i see him...thank you again




BonesFromAsh -> RE: Training and serving (3/7/2011 4:39:24 PM)

Welcome....good luck with whatever direction you and your partner choose to take.




CarnalNightmare -> RE: Training and serving (3/7/2011 9:09:27 PM)

Yeah...good luck with that. 

Nothing wrong with going after what you want...but no plan survives contact with the lifestyle. 




desiretooserve -> RE: Training and serving (3/8/2011 1:55:23 AM)

I have asked permission too speak on this topic with my master and he listened too my thoughts and concerns and agreed that it would be best too wait for a while on finding another slave too join...Thankyou all for giving me the courage too come forth




Sunny27 -> RE: Training and serving (3/8/2011 2:05:59 AM)

I can deffinetly say that being with my master now for 3 n a 1/2 years that we have a very strong relationship but we are also looking for another female slave to play with. They have to live in Ireland though as we can't pay for them to come to Ireland and they won't have the money I'm sure!!
We are still looking for a place together. Good luck after a year if you still have a strong relationship and are still looking for another slave then go for it all the best Treasure!




desiretooserve -> RE: Training and serving (3/8/2011 6:30:11 AM)

thank you very much




OohAahMrs -> RE: Training and serving (3/8/2011 6:49:57 AM)

Blimey, the worlds full of couples wanting female slaves!




kalikshama -> RE: Training and serving (3/8/2011 7:49:39 AM)

OP - Glad you guys are slowing down. Here's a good thread and post for you: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3586242/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#3590431

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
Why would a single woman elect to join a couple when there's an exorbitant amount of single dominant men looking to establish poly relationships? Why walk into an existing situation when she can be build it from the ground up instead?


I'm going to respond from a FMM poly perspective rather than an MFF one, because that's where I personally am.  I don't think it actually matters however; the answer is the same either way.  My secondary elected to join my poly family because he was a really, really good fit with us.  That's pretty much it in a nutshell.

The energy and chemistry between my secondary and I was definitely hot, and it started to move in a more romantic and sexual than casual play partners direction despite his initial misgivings about doing poly.  He and I also had an excellent foundation of mutual liking, respect and friendship in addition to a growing D/s relationship.  I checked in with my primary very early on when it looked like things might be going in that direction, and we communicated every step of the way.

While slowly moving forward, we found out that he was able to build that same foundation of mutual respect and friendship with my primary partner.  The energy between them was not sexual but it was definitely positive; they were very much kindred souls and got along excellently, sometimes even leaving me out of their animated conversations about subjects of mutual interest.   I kept things at a slow pace until his relationship with my primary was a good and solid and comfortable one.  I figured we were well on our way when the two of them spent most of their time at a play party geeking out with each other over D&D and anime and largely ignoring me.  LOL  Yes, it probably looked bad to the other dominants, but I'm no dummy; their getting along was important enough to me that I really wasn't interested in complaining.  After that I scheduled more family nights so the two of them could see each other more often and get their geeking on.  It worked.

He fit in with both of us very well, and he chose to become a part of our family because we all think of each other as really nifty human beings who have a lot in common.  In an nutshell, that's why. 

Poly additions that are mainly driven by the dominant chasing their dick (regardless of the gender of the dominant) have a much higher chance of imploding in bad drama, IMO. 






LillyBoPeep -> RE: Training and serving (3/8/2011 8:01:28 AM)

that bolded section is REALLY important.
welcome to collarme, and good luck!




tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Training and serving (3/8/2011 7:50:49 PM)

Welcome to CM and the boards.  Take all the time you need to build up the trust, honesty and communication needed between you and your Master.  Get to know each other, and above all have fun.  It doesn't have to be all serious all the time.  Glad you took the time to speak with him about bringing in a 3rd before you were ready.  




desiretooserve -> RE: Training and serving (3/10/2011 8:37:48 AM)

THank you very much...yes we are going too wait..he has told me i have his heart and no one else but i still dont feel like im ready too share his body either...lol...not a good slave theory i know but its how i feel..my love for him is still new...Thank you everyone for all of the advice




kissheels -> RE: Training and serving (3/10/2011 9:21:00 AM)

best of luck and welcome to Collarme




hisdevin -> RE: Training and serving (3/10/2011 9:30:27 AM)

I know that you have already decided to wait, but I did want to echo those sentiments. I personally think that it is critical that you be trained before bringing in another submissive person, even as a mentor. Things can get way too confusing that way. He wants you to learn his ways, and introducing another girl only doubles the load on him in terms of training. Another girl cannot train you until she is trained by him, so why would he not simply start with you and then look into bringing in another girl and allowing you to be the one to help with training?

I have not found that finding a second has been difficult. We had one for a while, though it didn't work out well at all. We didn't find her online though. My wearing a collar in public was sufficient to generate interest.




kalikshama -> RE: Training and serving (3/10/2011 9:45:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: desiretooserve

THank you very much...yes we are going too wait..he has told me i have his heart and no one else but i still dont feel like im ready too share his body either...lol...not a good slave theory i know but its how i feel..my love for him is still new...Thank you everyone for all of the advice


A bit off tangent but perhaps of interest - this has happened to me several times:
1. I express a hard limit to a potential Dom
2. His response is "that's not very submissive"
3. I get bad vibes, review our previous conversations, find a potential for boundary violations, conclude I can't trust him, and the relationship withers on the vine.

I find "that's not very submissive" to be invalidating and a big turn off. If he's willing to discuss / negotiate / work with me around soft limits, I'm totally open to compromise. It's never come up for hard limits though.

Just because you identify as a slave does not mean you do not have needs, and being monogamous may be one of them.

Personally, I am open to certain types of poly relationships, but being "girl bait" is a hard limit.





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