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needlesandpins -> RE: Insomnia (4/4/2011 9:57:21 AM)
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fr
i suffer with insomnia. to the point where i don't sleep for days on end. my general version of sleep is the state you get to where you can hear everything still, but have no idea what is going on. the slightest thing will bring me out of that though. my record so far is 10nights, 11days with no sleep at all.
nothing works. i guess medication would do, but it's a false sleep and i didn't want to be drugged so that i couldn't wake up if something went wrong. i can manage it quite well and it tends to be more of an issue for those around me. having spoken to someone recently about it it actually turns out that i was pretty much always a person who needed very little sleep. as a child i went to bed reasonably early and would still be able to hear other kids outside playing. i had no concept of time at home because i did as i was told and wasn't allowed to question anything i was told to do. i most certainly would never have made a fuss about being in bed awake, the consequences of that were not worth it. so i stayed quietly awake. i watched others out of my window, i quietly played games or let my imagination run riot, and when it got dark i watched the stars or the clouds go by (probably where my facination with space comes from). i would usually be awake as the sun rose if not well before. i've never really needed an alarm clock to get up, it's there just incase really. for the bit of sleep i did get; something happened to cause night terrors that i couldn't wake from and so i became too scared to sleep. i was taught how to realise that i was dreaming and how to control it so i could wake up. the down side to that is that i can dream when in the lightest of sleep and so easily wake up. this is also a reason why i've never wanted to take tablets. the ability to control those terrors and wake myself up has never stopped them happening and on the rare occasions where i do sleep they can still happen. i'm worried that if i were to take meds i would lose the control and not be able to wake up from them. again it's a risk not worth taking.
i've had alsorts of things suggested to me over the years, but mostly people are under the illusion that the dr can fix everything with his magic pills. either that or that talking everything over will suddenly cure it this time, although it never has before. they get frustrated with me because i won't take pills and then thinking that something that worked for their very mild case will fix me. well i've lived with this for most of my life, i don't see it changing just because i take a pill or pure out all my troubles to someone i don't know who can't wave a magic wand and make it all go away. it's how i'm wired and i survive very well with it for the vast majority of the time.
over this last couple of years i have very bizzarly been able to get some sleep when with my playmate. at most a couple of hours, but usually 10mins here and there while we watch a film. we cuddle up on the sofa or in bed and he will feel me get heavy for a brief time. i guess i'm the ultimate power napper lol
the one thing though that really winds me up is when other people are off with me. they get moody and snappy at me and say 'well it's coz i'm tired'. seriously, you bring that at me it means nothing, i won't forgive you for being an arse with me when you are tired. i get it, i really do but you are talking to the person who lives in a state of near exhaustion all the time, and i will never blame my behaviour on that. take a deep breath and consider what you say and do, just like i have to all the time. if not, expect me to tell you to sod off until you've sorted yourself out.
i shall watch this thread with interest though, just to see what does work for others.
sweet dreams all.
needles
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