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could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 6:45:40 AM

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So i've been wondering lately... what's it like to switch? I mean we have a great dymanic as it is and find that we naturally fit into the roles we have as D/s but what would it be like to reverse it and play with that?

Anyone ever been in a loving relationship and get curious like this? How did you first start to switch? If you were already D/s did it affect your views of the other person?

I ask because I'm thinkin about it and my only big concern is that I'll "lose" something in the switch. Does that generally happen? He's switch for sure- has been for years but it's just not our dynamic. But I'm kinda wondering if it could be. I think it would be fun to change things up for a little while and I know he'd be up for it too. So what am I worried about? Well, I'm worried I'll lose that respect I have for him now. That way that I'm just in awe of him. Why would that change? I don't know if it would so I'm asking what your experiences have been with this...

Thanx,
HisGirl

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 7:11:59 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisGirl8
Anyone ever been in a loving relationship and get curious like this? How did you first start to switch? If you were already D/s did it affect your views of the other person?

Sure, that's exactly what happened with my local partner. We first started to switch at a bonfire party in October. It just felt like it was the right thing to do, it was what I wanted inside myself.

It affected us in opening an entirely new level of our relationship.

quote:

Does that generally happen?

Only if the initial foundation isn't strong and if you aren't being true to yourself (kinda general answer for all relationships)

quote:

That way that I'm just in awe of him. Why would that change? I don't know if it would so I'm asking what your experiences have been with this...

Thanx,
HisGirl

I can't tell you how you will feel about it. I can tell you that my awe of him has gone beyond anything I would have imagined.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to HisGirl8)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 7:20:57 AM

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Thanks for starting this...I'm interested in this also.

(in reply to HisGirl8)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 7:29:57 AM

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LA- how did I know you'd be the first to reply and with such a good answer too.

Our foundation is strong- very strong, and healthy and happy. I just think this would be fun... and maybe good for us?! It's scary though cause I wonder how it will affect us. I wonder if anyone else has this initial concern and how it plays out.

I can't say I exaclty feel like a switch... if that can really be said at all. I tend to be very submissive with him- on many levels. But I also think I could bring a "loving" domination aspect to this that would be really good... but I'm still nervous lol

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 7:31:57 AM

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Hey Bandit,

Glad you're interested too... care to branch out and tell yor side to this? I'd love your thoughts :) I've been thinking about this for a while now and want all the feedback I can get...

HG

(in reply to bandit25)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 7:36:39 AM

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Well, the my dom and I have talked a bit about this. We both love bondage and he's not adverse to me tying him up, but I have the same concerns you do. I'm afraid I'd or we'd lose something. He doesn't seem worried, but I sure am. It's good to hear LA's experience.

(in reply to HisGirl8)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 7:40:33 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25
Well, the my dom and I have talked a bit about this. We both love bondage and he's not adverse to me tying him up, but I have the same concerns you do. I'm afraid I'd or we'd lose something. He doesn't seem worried, but I sure am. It's good to hear LA's experience.

I'll also add- don't worry so much about the label. Tying up your dom and having a bit of fun kinky play with you on the top isn't going to topsy-turvy everything you think you know overnight (well it might, but it's unlikely).

I've been topping/playing as a top for years. But it's only very recently that I've started applying the label "switch" to myself.

If it sounds fun and like a good idea and everyone thinks they will enjoy it, then give it a whirl. If you decide it doesn't work, then you don't do it anymore.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to bandit25)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 7:55:34 AM

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It is always good for me to hear others' experience. I've been wondering about this and I'm getting closer to changing some things. I like the opening up of many more possibilities and since our communication is so good I think it will go fine but of course I worry about things.

Like Bandit, he doesn't seem worried though I will say he's asked if I would lose respect for him. I love him and want to do this for him/ with him but am just curious what I should be cautious about...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 8:03:36 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisGirl8
Like Bandit, he doesn't seem worried though I will say he's asked if I would lose respect for him. I love him and want to do this for him/ with him but am just curious what I should be cautious about...

I guess the question is- why do you respect him? Where does your respect for him come from? And will doing this change any of those reasons?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to HisGirl8)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 8:16:03 AM

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Well that just throws a wrench in it...

I respect him for so much actually. He is an incredible man who I admire greatly and my respect for him far outweighs anything D/s. That said part of it is grounded in this also. He is my man and as ridiculous as it sounds I look to him for so much and his domination of me commands this different kind of respect. I think part of that may be damaged but in turn I think we'd gain something deeper.

I guess it's just about try and learn since I can hypothesize about this till I'm blue in the face but won't have any real answers unless I get brave enough to go for something new.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 8:37:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisGirl8
I think part of that may be damaged but in turn I think we'd gain something deeper.

Changed does not equal damaged :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to HisGirl8)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 12:38:58 PM

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To the OP, I think there is some element of risk anytime you change a dynamic but I say go for it.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 1:54:35 PM

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Well, you and LA already had a pretty in-depth discussion, but I'll chime in anyhow with the idea that my opinions are helpful (which they probably aren't haha).

I think it's all much more simple than you're making it out to be (but I tend to think that about many bdsm issues). If it sounds like something that might be fun, and both of you agree to experiement with it, than do so. To me, the best fun about bdsm play is the ability to experiement with all sorts of interesting things (scenes, props, ect). If you don't enjoy the experience, then you won't have to do it anymore...if you do, then you can dicuss more switching or possibly alternatives on how to play different switching scenes. To me, there's always been an interesting benefit to each side of play...and I've always thought, if possible, each side should be enjoyed from time to time.

(in reply to WyrdRich)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 3:25:26 PM

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I can say that being a switch opens up possiblities that perhaps didn't exist before. It can really strengthen a relationship and make you closer than before. You share in a lot of new experiences that tend to bring you closer, at least that has been my experience.I dont see how you could loose respect for him, respect should be mutual and should have nothing to do with switching.
Give it a try and see how you like it. You may love it after a few times.

But with that said I do know a M/s couple, he was Master, that when he wanted to switch she lost respect for him. She said it made him less a man in her eyes. I think to me it showed how wrapped up in the *machoman* fantasy she was, as he was the very same man as before.

Good Luck,
~Lashra

(in reply to GeekFreak)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 3:26:53 PM

SubtleCuriosity6

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I started out as a sub. I never even imagined me as a top. I had someone talk me into trying it and I found I loved it. It gave me the space to use my own deranged imagination which was something that I could never really do as a sub. I've found that switching roles with the same partner doesn't work well for me, but I could do so. The only thing that would probably make a Dom lose my interest, if I were to top him, is if he couldn't handle being a bottom. I think he would lose my respect. "Don't dish it out if you can't take it" sort of thing. Actually seeing a Dom who is able to bottom makes me respect him more.

(in reply to GeekFreak)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/9/2006 4:41:45 PM

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To the OP:

Only way you will discover anything is by doing it yourself. You can read the testimonials of the rest of the known world, and it won't mean a single thing until you, yourself, do it. Personally, I find it a fun way to avoid boredom and/or complacency in a relationship, but that's just how it works for me, so don't anticipate it being like that for you. Nobody knows what chocolate tastes like until they put a piece in their mouth. Good luck in your explorations. I'll cross my fingers for you in hopes of you finding a new dynamic to enjoy with your partner.

- Dustyn

_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to SubtleCuriosity6)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/11/2006 5:29:14 AM

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Well... thanx for all the replies! I guess it really has to just be tried before I can know if it will work for us or not. Still nervous but excited too... wonder how it will go :)

Thanx again!

(in reply to Dustyn)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/11/2006 10:43:57 AM

crouchingtigress

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One thing I would add, I have found that switching fro me is a whole mindset thing that actually grows stronger as time goes by....

So for me switching is more rewarding when I give myself time to really feel my new role, talking weeks and months here....

The deeper you go the deeper you get type of thing...

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(in reply to HisGirl8)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/12/2006 6:34:06 AM

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Myself, being labled as a "switch", has learned that it's more of a mindset. I have this absolute need for there to be control in every situation. I have also found that it takes an exceptional Master to be able to invoke the submission feelings from me. I have been very fortunate in that i have found a Man who can do just that, allowing me to pass over full control to Him. I find it hard to be submissive to most men, almost impossible at times. I have been with men, that, left me no choice but to step up to the plate and carry the dominant role, which i feel comfortable in, just not where i want to spend the rest of my days. I do believe that two switches being in a relationship, is a train wreck waiting to happen. There needs to be clear roles as to who is what at all times, to keep the relationship and the home working properly. So, even with my opinion ( merely as such ), i see nothing wrong with "switching" during playtime, as long as You both remember that it is strictly play time. It's hard sometimes to flip the switch, back to being a sub, once that can of worms is opened. So, communicate with your Dom the types of emotions or effects that "Switching" during playtime has on you. If you can keep an open mind and still remember who you are AND who He is outside of the bedroom, everything should work out fine.
( hoping this makes sense, since i have had to re-formulate my thought process after an accidental deletion of the original post i was working on.. D'oh!! )

_____________________________

"On my knees, i think clearer"

~Thoughts are like arrows: once released, they strike their mark. Guard them well or one day you may be your own victim. - Navajo Proverb~

(in reply to HisGirl8)

RE: could we switch?! - 5/12/2006 6:52:19 AM

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Well I knida understand where you two are coming from.

Tigress- it seems this sort of applies. I kinda want to switch for a specific period of time. knowing that I will return to my place offres a sense of security.

But what Candle said makes sense too. We just sort of have certain roles in the relationship that we are both very natural and comfortable with. I don't anticipate this to change even while I'm "in control". I believe I'd have a completely different style and it could be a lot of fun and potentially very good for us. I couldn't imagine not doing all the things that sort of make me submissive. But I do think I could do it from a different role. Does that even make sense?! lol

HG

(in reply to candleTC)

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