LadyPact
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued LadyPact, I've had my hard limits pushed in ways that were positive by some and in ways that were negative by others. To me, it all depends on the nature of communication, how a dominant inspires me to reconsider, and my own feelings as I consider new information and feelings. Usually, anything of this sort takes time to process so short circuiting this isn't a good approach and is likely to force me into saying a hard "no". I've been in situations where I said to a Domme I'd try something, but, when we came to that thing, I was unable to continue. I happen to agree with you here. I don't know if you'll remember this one, but years ago, we had a thread on something similar. The Domme wanted her sub to break the same hard limit so she set it up as a public party thing. She made this big production of the deal and then got ticked because the guy couldn't do it. I remember sitting on My side of the screen thinking just how poorly I thought of the approach. quote:
I'm usually pretty clear when agreeing to have my limits pushed (hard or soft) that I'll try, but I'm just as clear that such an agreement does not include a guarantee of how my feelings and performance will be in the moment. In other words, if I need to say "no" in the moment, this is part of the agreement and my exercising this isn't failure. There have been times it has taken several attempts (needle play comes to mind) before I was able to experience an activity. Other times the process has resulted in a more cemented belief that the activity isn't right for me. And, sometimes I try an activity I didn't think I could do and immediately find it enjoyable. My standard procedure in this area goes something like this: If I agree to take someone on who has hard limit X, I should accept the possibility that it might always be a hard limit. Yes, I might get that activity later on if a deeper trust has evolved and progress has been made. The other possibility that I might never get it is just as real and I accepted the submissive with those terms and conditions. That's the deal that I've made and I have to be willing to live up to it if the limit doesn't change for the submissive. quote:
Much of the "enabling" factor is a result of how a dominant handles my concerns. Acknowledging my concerns and talking about them is a great way to provide comfort and to get me reconsidering an activity. It's also helpful when my domme discusses what she likes about an activity and why the activity turns her on, and helps me find resources to learn about the activity. The flip side of this is when someone outright ignores my feelings when I've indicated that going to a certain place is psychologically damaging for me. When this happens, it's a good indication that communication and compatibility issues exist, and these need to be discussed outside the activity that brought them about. We've talked about this one before, I think. What I highlighted here is usually a very safe way to introduce any subject for the submissive to start rolling over thoughts in their own mind. This can be done in a very non-threatening way. Very much like has been done in this thread, such as talking about past experiences, etc without any pressure for a person to engage in the activities. Case in point, I know you're not thrilled with needles (or weren't at one time) but you're open enough for Me to talk with you about the rush that I get from needles. That really is what gets the process going. In fact, that's exactly how clip and I started the process for him to get passed his limit in that area. It wasn't an overnight process, but it was certainly worth the investment.
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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie. Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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