RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic?

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/22/2011 2:32:10 PM

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Greetings

I can answer this very quickly, no, I am sure some who are narcissistic are drawn to being Dominants, however all Dominants are not narcissists. Most Dom's I know are kind, warm hearted and willing to sacrifice allot for the subs in their life as well as for their friends and family, they are just generally alpha types which is not the same as being narcissistic, often it is the other way around as the leader often is the one who have to put his needs aside for the good of his followers.

I wish you well well.

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/22/2011 3:20:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: beinbluesbeech

People are individuals till we put them in little catagories.

im not seeing any difference between this question and "are male subs all closet homosexuals".

You know that's right!!!

BadOne

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/22/2011 4:34:21 PM

NocturnalStalker

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I am very modest and humble. In fact, I may be the most nice person on here.

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/22/2011 4:39:02 PM

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Do you have a doctorate in psychology? At the very least, a master's? No? Then don't go around tossing those kinds of labels.

If the dominants you meet are all like this, it doesn't mean that all dominants are like this. What it means is that you're choosing people like this. So why are you doing that? And finding that out requires you to do some soul searching, if not professional therapy.

Remember, the only common element in all your relationships is you.

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/22/2011 4:51:05 PM

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Narcissism is developmentally normal in childhood and the "adult" diagnosis of it infers an extreme developmental arrest or delay. As a sub, I've met many folks with "disorders of self" including narcissism ... truth is there are many developmental problems that affect both sides of D/s. Being masochisitc, and dependent on others to make decisions and exact power over the sub is no less disordered. We can tolerate most folks in the short run but disorders of self literally wear a partner out ... their needs are voracious and your ablitiy to fulfill them will ultimately fail.

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/22/2011 5:03:42 PM

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I admit to being a bit of a narcissist. (Yeah...just a bit...uh-huh...)
But I think in me it comes more from singing in bands rather than being a Dom.
Though it definitely comes to the surface in both areas.

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/23/2011 11:22:57 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cuffkinks

I admit to being a bit of a narcissist. (Yeah...just a bit...uh-huh...)
But I think in me it comes more from singing in bands rather than being a Dom.
Though it definitely comes to the surface in both areas.

I might be wrong, but I think the fact that you have a loving, happy and fulfilling relationship with someone you adore, by definition, pretty much excludes you from the naricissist club!!

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/28/2011 10:53:41 PM

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"If you feel that conversations like this hold merit, please report to the principal when class is dismissed!" ~Albert Einstein

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/29/2011 1:48:53 AM

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I'm not narcissistic, just give me an inch with somebody I'm into and I'm fucking their brains out and using them for miles. LOL (I'm too busy and preoccupied with what I want, and don't have much time to worry about self flattery or pumping up my ego like an inflatable doll)

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/29/2011 1:51:36 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: goddessofdenial
I think there way are more narcissistic submissives than dominants.

this.

I double ditto it!

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/29/2011 5:12:52 AM

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It's not narcissism if you're actually perfect

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/29/2011 7:23:36 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Patrickjoh

A true dominance is about service. Creating a safe space for the sub to feel safe, respected and loved while engaging in rough play that stimulates both parties and feeds a need and desire is a responsibilty. One that a true Dom embraces and revels in.

Your true dominance is about service - another's might not be.

Just sayin

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/29/2011 7:35:39 AM

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Narcissistic?

MOI?

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/29/2011 1:34:21 PM

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To give a more serious objective response. I've meet, known or otherwise encountered a number of narcissistic people not into the lifestyle or BDSM.

In many regards, I find that people which take "the lifestyle" or BDSM seriously...are or become more attuned to behavior patterns and the screwed up things that people do (in a general sense).

What it is we all do, tends to make us more self-aware and explore aspects of life that many people would piss themselves out of fear just thinking about.

People with a healthy sense of self-esteem and ego can appear to be rather narcissistic to people with unhealthy self-esteems. There is always a degree of personal perception or bias that is involved in topics such as this.

What is viewed as narcissistic by one person, might not be so in the eyes of another. There is always a difference between the text book meaning of a word and the personal meaning that people hold onto.

Ask yourself as well, which is the lesser of perhaps two evils. Being Narcissistic or being the opposite extreme of it? Keep in mind that some people with very low esteem toss this word out like loose change and mislabel others. Keep in mind some people will be extremely by the text book definition of it. Also that even the text book definitions tend to change over time as well.

There is a certain degree of relativism and personal human bias involved on this and similar topics.

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/29/2011 1:40:51 PM

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Well sheez, since Whiplash went ahead and got serious I guess I will too.

I actually believe in dominance and submission. I think they are real things that don't need a supporting framework. Accordingly, I think that dominant people are ... tada... dominant. Trying to pawn dominance off on narcissism is like trying to hang submission on weakness. You only need to find a different peg to hang the hat on when you don't believe in the obvious peg.

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/29/2011 7:19:29 PM

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From someone whose ex was a casebook narcissist....it is about respect. An N does not respect you while a Dom does (not all, it depends on the person themself). I thought my ex was a Dom because he had the tendencies and it took me over 12 years to figure out he was just an insecure dweeb who believes the world revolves him. The Dom I am with now is a complete opposite of the ex and I kick myself in the butt all the time for not leaving sooner.

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/29/2011 9:43:35 PM

xssve

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It's a narcissistic culture, and everybody is pretty much a narcissist to some degree, most outgrow it or learn to control it as it's a psychological and not a neurological condition, but mediating it does mean you have to take into consideration the needs of someone besides yourself, which one tends to be forced to do to at least some degree in the average interpersonal relationship.

Since pathological narcissism is characterized by alternating bouts of self aggrandizement and often crippling self doubt - narcissists often self-sabotage, the whole syndrome essentially the result of unrealistically high self-idealization (superego), i.e., basically unattainable, thus the self doubt at being unable to live up to delusionally high standards - it would seem to be pretty much role neutral, i.e., it's as likely to afflict a submissive as a dominant, i.e., submissives often seek validation through submission - again, it's really not a huge problem unless it's patently self destructive, or destructive of others - nobody's perfect, that's the whole point.

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/30/2011 4:23:39 AM

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FR
I'd hope any femdom with whom I got together would be at least a little narcissistic. On occasion. And with it under control. Fun!

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 4/30/2011 4:29:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

There is a certain degree of relativism and personal human bias involved on this and similar topics.

Yup. I have a suspicion that while we're all trying hard here to embrace kinkdom, we haven't left behind our kneejerk disapproval of certain character traits that might well be part and parcel of being kinky. I'd expect that a certain degree of a mixture of arrogance, vanity and aggression go with being a dominant sort. Like anything else, the essential point is to be aware of such traits and stay in control of them . . . .

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 4/30/2011 4:30:09 AM >

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RE: Are doms/dommes just narcisstic? - 5/6/2011 1:10:24 AM

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I am not a psychologist and I have not yet had a real Dominant in my life.
Having said that, I believe one of the hallmarks of narcissism is a disregard for the feelings of others and a lack of empathy.
Not someone I would would want in my life, bdsm or not.
It is my understanding that a D/s relationship is based upon trust, consent, making the s (partner) feel safe and secure, attentiveness to the s's needs, an authentic, albiet specialized, give and take -- all concepts which I think do not exist for a true narcissist.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

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