What answer does a Dom expect? (Full Version)

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sirssubk2008 -> What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 2:25:52 PM)

This question is based on a scenerio when you and your sub are really getting into 'it'. You ask your sub if he/she likes what's being done. Do you expect an honest answer or do you expect them to just say 'yes' because it pleases you? What ifthey remain silent?

How about a little different angle: you tell your sub to say they like it. Do you expect them to say 'yes' because you demand it, do you want an honest answer, or does silence from your partner mean anything?



littlewonder -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 2:46:06 PM)

in our relationship it's always honesty. If I'm silent then I usually get a slap or a hit somewhere until I answer because if I'm silent it either means I'm zoned out to the point I can't hear or decipher anything or I don't want to answer...neither is what he wants when he wants an answer.

I can't think of a situation where he would tell me to say something that isn't true but if that's what he wanted then that's what he would do but then afterwrds we would most likely discuss the situation.





NorthernGent -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 2:51:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008

This question is based on a scenerio when you and your sub are really getting into 'it'. You ask your sub if he/she likes what's being done. Do you expect an honest answer or do you expect them to just say 'yes' because it pleases you? What ifthey remain silent?

How about a little different angle: you tell your sub to say they like it. Do you expect them to say 'yes' because you demand it, do you want an honest answer, or does silence from your partner mean anything?



She remains silent? no problem providing she's thinking it through. In the West, we can be poor communicators in that we have a tendancy to speak before thinking. My time in Japan cemented my view that reflection is an integral part of good communication.

I demand an honest answer at all times.

Edited to add: ah, missed your 'getting into it' bit.



LadyPact -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 3:02:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008

This question is based on a scenerio when you and your sub are really getting into 'it'. You ask your sub if he/she likes what's being done. Do you expect an honest answer or do you expect them to just say 'yes' because it pleases you?

I want the honest answer.  I already know he's going to submit to it whether he likes it or not.

quote:

What ifthey remain silent?

It's not permitted.  Unless he is unable to answer due to subspace, etc, if I ask, he's required to answer.

quote:

How about a little different angle: you tell your sub to say they like it. Do you expect them to say 'yes' because you demand it, do you want an honest answer, or does silence from your partner mean anything?

Different area to Me.  Now we're talking about obedience because I've told him specifically what I wanted him to say.  Just My personal style, but the only time I'm going to engage in something like that is some form of objectification.  When he's just being a fucktoy, I don't expect the same honesty standard because I'm using him as a thing.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 5:05:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008

you tell your sub to say they like it. Do you expect them to say 'yes' because you demand it, do you want an honest answer, or does silence from your partner mean anything?



You're confusing communication under the guise of "use" and "conversation".

Example:  Assuming the couple enjoys a humiliation/objectification dynamic...

Use Scenario: 
- sub/slave: Ordered to say, they love having their ass raped.
- Owner: "Does it love having it's ass raped?!!"
- sub/slave: "Yes, Master... it loves having it's ass raped... it loves having it's ass raped!!!"

Conversation Scenario:
- Owner: "Did you enjoy having your ass raped?"
- sub/slave: "Yes, very much so!!!"  or  "Not really... but I hope you were pleased using me this way?!!"

[:)]




Zoe61 -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 6:42:38 PM)

First the question isn't directly expressed and perhaps, as a result, the few responses are just as unclear..Yikes..Who wants any kind of relationship where the truth gets you in trouble?..Be yourself and if really submissive, he will appreciate your answer and if he doesn't, he is not right for you.



sirssubk2008 -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 6:43:50 PM)

quote:

Edited to add: ah, missed your 'getting into it' bit.
Does this change your answer in anyway?




sirssubk2008 -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 6:49:32 PM)

quote:

It's not permitted. Unless he is unable to answer due to subspace, etc, if I ask, he's required to answer.



Thank you LadyPact. This brings up an interesting, even if slightly off topic, question. Can you accurately determine whether or not he is in subspace? I am not meaning this as any kind of disrespect. I have never experienced this so I have no idea if there are outward signs.



sirssubk2008 -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 6:51:58 PM)

Thank you littlewonder.

I'm guessing that the 'zoning' out that you refer to is something totaly different than the 'subspace' that LadyPact refers to?



sirssubk2008 -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 6:55:10 PM)

Thank you MasterSlaveLA.
What you have said kinda makes sense.



sirssubk2008 -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 6:57:52 PM)

Thank you Zoe



ResidentSadist -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 7:06:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008
You ask your sub if he/she likes what's being done. Do you expect an honest answer or do you expect them to just say 'yes' because it pleases you?

I expect them to obey.  If I ask for an opinion, it means I want an opinion. 

quote:


What if they remain silent?

Then the gag is way toooo tight because they wouldn't dream of not complying.  Silence is not a rendered opinion.  If no answer was promptly available, they would say, "I don't know if I like it yet Sir."

quote:


you tell your sub to say they like it. Do you expect them to say 'yes' because you demand it, do you want an honest answer, or does silence from your partner mean anything?

I mean what I say.  I would expect them to say they like it... why would I ask for things I didn't expect to get?  Even if they really hated it and verbalized their anguish by saying,  "I love being rammed with your dirty, rusty garden tools Sir.  I love needles too.  Which will come in handy when I get those excruciatingly painful tetanus shots later." 




littlewonder -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 7:08:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008

Thank you littlewonder.

I'm guessing that the 'zoning' out that you refer to is something totaly different than the 'subspace' that LadyPact refers to?


No, it's the same thing. I just happen to hate the term subspace.
And for me there are outward signs....think about when someone is high and zoned out....glazed eyes, relaxed joints, not "there"....zoned out.





Awareness -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 7:34:46 PM)

  Getting a truth out of a sub while in subspace is not going to work terribly well.  They'll simply agree.  In subspace, a sub is highly suggestible and very agreeable.  Unless the Dom violates a core value and jolts them out of subspace, they'll simply go along with whatever they're being told.  Likewise, silence in subspace is unlikely.  A sub will do her best to comply.

Outside of the subspace trance state, I'm uninterested in ordering a sub to lie.  I find that asinine.  What I prefer is to uncover the hidden truths lurking beneath the surface.  So what I expect is the first, unthinking response which springs instantly into her mind.  There's a difference between a sub admitting she likes something versus simply lying that she does.  One is the exposure of a buried truth, a confrontation of their own desires.  The other is just a wank experience which simply edifies the ego or indulges the predilections of the Dom.



sirssubk2008 -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 7:45:21 PM)

Thank you for the explanation littlwonder.

Thank you Awareness. For you I have another question.
quote:

So what I expect is the first, unthinking response which springs instantly into her mind.
Is it possible that her desire to make you happy would run deep enough that her automatic unthinking response would be yes, even though the real answer is no?



sirssubk2008 -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 7:48:09 PM)

Thank you R.S.

But just to clarify, sarcasm is allowed?



Awareness -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 8:03:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008

Thank you for the explanation littlwonder.

Thank you Awareness. For you I have another question.
quote:

So what I expect is the first, unthinking response which springs instantly into her mind.
Is it possible that her desire to make you happy would run deep enough that her automatic unthinking response would be yes, even though the real answer is no?
In subspace, she'll probably say yes anyway.

Out of subspace, a sub will know that lying to ostensibly please me would in fact do the opposite.  Integrity is mandatory and I'm reasonably adept at reading people, so lying would not only be a risk, but would disturb the openness and intimacy of the experience.  And if by some chanced, I missed it, eventually the lie would come out.

The other issue here is that I don't regard a sub as a machine to manufacture pleasing words for my edification.  I simply don't need such things.  I want her thoughts, ideas and responses.  A sub's uniqueness is an intrinsic part of our interaction and stomping on that uniqueness so she can manufacture a set of cookie-cutter responses for my ego strikes me as an exercise in self-worship.  A trait I find incongruous in a Dom.



sirssubk2008 -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 10:18:19 PM)

Thank you for the clarification Awareness.



BKSir -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/24/2011 11:02:15 PM)

I expect honesty from my pets... pure and simple. That's rule number 1. Period. In all things.



ResidentSadist -> RE: What answer does a Dom expect? (4/25/2011 3:43:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssubk2008
Thank you R.S.

But just to clarify, sarcasm is allowed?

Yes, conditionally, if done with good acting, a submissive tone of voice (not snippy) and the entertainment value of the comment is better than the crappy example I made up off the top of my head.  A skilled submissive can "read" a situation and present their feelings/protests/comments with humor and within protocol. 

I have seen a lot of "scenes", public and private, in my lifetime.  I rarely see an entertaining stunt that creates laughter get met with sincere reprimand.  A good example of this would be from a birthday party for a Domme at a public dungeon.  All her friend lined up to administer the 47 spankings to her submissive on the bench who was taking them on her behalf.  We all had history together and I was known to be a little sadistic (can you imagine me sadistic?).  The slave counted dutifully until my turn.  I was # 17, I whacked him once and he yelled "47" . . . the place was in stitches.  The Domme pointed out that he had lost count and would have to start over again . . . which for him was just fine.  He liked the attention and the spankings.

To me there is difference between a SAM saying something stupid like "is that all you got" and a slave following orders to count but expressing distress by "accidentally" losing count and calling out the number that should end it.  Sort of a creative compliance I guess. 

So yes, funny expressive comments within protocol are sometimes allowed in my world.



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