|
sheisreeds -> RE: Fetlife, and the expanding BDSM scene. (5/2/2011 4:47:40 PM)
|
Thank you everyone for the thoughtful responses. To start I'm going to address my own questions, so my bias it out there. I plan to respond to comments individually when I'm less brain dead from work ;)
Is easier access a good thing?
Overall, I say yes. I was definitely saner and safer when I resurfaced in BDSM and was able to access sites like Collarme. When it was easy to encounter BDSM tablers at other sorts of events. Rather than running blind, I had a lot of people to guide me, and my life isn't definitely more fulfilling. I couldn't have done it without the internet.
I also have a fetlife account, which has been great to have. I can see which of my friends are going where, have indepth discussions on specific interests, and keep up with those I care about.
However, everyone and their mom has a fetlife account now. Collarme is similar in a lot of ways, lots of BS profiles, predators, etc. However, the difference with fetlife is that is specifically a social networking site. You can find every local group, event, and venue within 5 minutes of logging in. So where a lot of us had to do some footwork to figure out where to go to meet others like us, a lot of these newer folk do not. I've met quite a few who explicitly state they are not into kink, they are just there to hang out. Also predators can make it into the real world a lot easier. Most groups have fairly good monitoring and controls, my local TNG does have an under 35 policy that is enforced if there are creepy old dudes.
Is bigger better?
Yes and no. Right now there are a ton of different groups locally, each with a membership over 50, most have membership in the hundreds. The issue right now is they are all about the same. Hopefully with time they will begin to differentiate a bit. Scene expansion did cause the local goth club fetish night to restart. Groups are starting to focus more locally, create membership policies, 101 prerequisites, and starting their own education sessions.
Eventually, I'll say selfishly, I'd like to see a new old guard. Those of us who have 24/7 dynamics, engage in a lot of edge play, specialized skills, etc having our own group. This happens informally now, and maybe it always will, and that is fine. However, it is hard at times to feel comfortable at an event when I'm into blood play, and everyone else is into the occasional spanking. However, walking up to one of my friends and talking about scalpels is a great way to clear the area and have a private conversation.
Thankfully, most parties have not been an interest to those who are barely interested. Almost all cost between 20 and 35 to get in. This is for fully equipped, and well maintained dungeon spaces. Which isn't worth it for people who just want to stand around.
What is there to make of people who actually have no interest in kink but think it's cool to look kinky?
These folks used to just piss me off, and now they are starting to scare me. With the creation of new groups, now these guys are starting to organize. They have been starting to have their own events, often renting the same spaces reputable groups own. Which is fine in theory however . . . for a laugh my partner and I went to one and were floored and terrified about how poorly anyone there, including the organizers, understood about running a dungeon. There was no sense of basic protocol (not interrupted, standing to close, or walking through scenes in progress). They removed all the lights from the medical area, leaving both tables in near darkness. The place was all and all a freaking hazard. Overall, this was fine as practically no one was playing (believe it or not for $30 a head most of them watched TV the entire time). However, people get dumb, and do dumb things. It's important that someone there have a lick of sense.
These folks have tentative involvement with the more formal scene of classes, and events. However, they have no clue what they don't know. They also are often the first people other new people meet.
I'll be so glad when fetish is out of fashion. However, I am not talking about people wearing spiked collars, I'm talking about people who are showing up with no vested interest in why these venues and groups are there.
Is there a loss of safety with expansion?
Really covered this above. Though to add to it, people can now get just enough knowledge to try things like fire play and needle play with no proper training whatsoever. Come to a munch or purely social gathering or two, and you can get to a party. I have seen some reckless shit. I have seen needles too deep, and some ridiculous ideas on how to play with fire. People can get exposed really quickly, and begin doing dumb things very quickly.
People have the right to do dumb shit, but I'd rather they do it at home. Folks running these venues try to catch what they can. Organizers try to coach their peers and get them some real schooling when they see blatant dangerousness. Though I've seen an overall rise of it in the past year. As the numbers of people coming in are rising too quickly for organizers to catch up.
I do agree there is also an increase in safety. I have enough knowledge to know how to look for safe people if going outside the community, have plenty of people to verify safe people in the community. I know at least 1 expert on just about everything, I always have an ear to listen to and check for ways to make my insane ideas safer. Despite play much harder, more often, and with a larger variety of toys my play is actually safer than it was before.
Is there a loss of values?
Right now, totally! In the future hopefully things will rebound. It seems like there is an invasion of new attendees every spring, by summer problems emerge, and by fall there is corrective action and that sticks. The local TNG went to having no membership, to now having membership, to now having a required dungeon 101 prior to attending any even that involves play. Hopefully soon there will be an increase in education.
My guess is that it will even out to more sometimes kinky folks having some involvement in the scene and being more out, and a wider level of acceptance for all of us.
|
|
|
|
