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getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/2/2011 4:34:19 PM

LadyJane

Posts: 12
Joined: 1/4/2004
Status: offline

Hello all,

I hope this is the right place. I have recently had opportunity to get to know a few individuals online. I am transparent. I want the other individual to know that I am who I say I am; Video is a great way to do this; and perhaps telephone contact.

What I am puzzled by are the individuals who will not respond with the same; no webcam, no telephone?

Have others had a similar experience? It is all well and good to exchange information in chat but really, there is no way to know who the other individual is with confidence.

I suspect in fact that I have met some individuals who are into do just that; snookering the Mistress if you will; as soon as I make the point that this has change the other individual stops communicating.

Does this sound familiar to others?

Lady Jane

Post #: 1

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/2/2011 5:03:36 PM

Selectivelight

Posts: 191
Joined: 9/30/2010
Status: offline

Yeah, there are a lot of people in this (and frankly every other) group that don't want to participate so much as prey. Insincere, just out to bait and lead until they get what they want.

Personally, you'll never get a webcam show out of me. I don't have a webcam. I don't want one. It's just not worth the effort. As for the phone, if you have my number, things have already progressed to a point where you should know and trust that I am who I say I am, we're beyond idle pleasantries at that point.

My own relatives don't have my phone number. If I give it to you, you're someone special and meaningful to me.

But this is the internet. What can we really know about each other from text? Here's an example - I'd bet good money that you don't speak the same way in person that you do in text and type. Why? Because when you type, you have more time to consider your words, to pick and choose how best to communicate your thoughts and opinions to the world. Your personality online is different than your personality live. Just for the extra handful of moments it takes to tap out your messages before sending them.

But I digress from the point, don't I?

Safety issue advice is as follows; don't give out your address, your phone number, or anything else that can personally identify you. Take -a lot- of time getting to know people. If you want some kind of confirmation, don't accept excuses, expect results. If they don't have a camera, for ten bucks they can get and have developed as many as 30 photographs from a cheap disposable. -Make unusual requests, such as a sign with their profile name, or some other bit of data. Make sure it's not just clipped from the web.-

Anyway, yeah, it's a common complaint. You'll either get used to it, or give up on the internet as a method of meeting people.

(in reply to LadyJane)

Post #: 2

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/2/2011 5:30:03 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

My advice is just the opposite of SelectiveLight, I am afraid. Meet in real life, fast, preferably within seven days of first email contact. People who show up without "expecting" anything are much more likely to be playing you straight.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Selectivelight)

Post #: 3

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/2/2011 5:40:15 PM

tyrasia

Posts: 102
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline

~FR~
i will libra-like agree with waiting for a little bit, and not expecting anything. For me it is a month or less. I'd personally like to know one way or another, if the meeting is not right then no time wasted, if it is right then swiftly move to meat and taters, sharing life thing ... Tho if i met people RedMagic1's way i'd save myself a lot of hopefulness. :D

However, i agree fully with the no expectations rule. If someone is expecting something than help with something mundane or me to be me, then i will not go to meet someone. All i can ever be is me and if they expect more or other , then they have unrealistic expectations.

just my few

in the bank

tyr

Oh yah....ALWAYS follow your gut, ALWAYS, even if it is not logical or rational and regardless of how you personally feel about it. It will never be wrong.

_____________________________

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.'

'If i can laugh at something 3 times i can deal with it to it's completion' ~tyrasia~

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 4

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/2/2011 5:58:00 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I don't have a webcam. I'm not even sure that I could attach a pic to an email. I used to but AVG's update has done something to my pictures.

I emailed with him for a couple of weeks, then he talked me through installing a chat program, we did that for a couple of weeks. And exchanged phone numbers just before we met. I think we just picked what color shirt we would wear so as to be recognized at the coffee shop.

The last thing I'm willing to do is cam for a stranger, because once it's on cam, it can be all over the net. To me, that's highly unsafe. And unless you get a new phone regularly, I wouldn't want some stranger to have that number.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to tyrasia)

Post #: 5

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/2/2011 6:10:49 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJane

Hello all,

I hope this is the right place. I have recently had opportunity to get to know a few individuals online. I am transparent. I want the other individual to know that I am who I say I am; Video is a great way to do this; and perhaps telephone contact.

What I am puzzled by are the individuals who will not respond with the same; no webcam, no telephone?

Have others had a similar experience? It is all well and good to exchange information in chat but really, there is no way to know who the other individual is with confidence.

I suspect in fact that I have met some individuals who are into do just that; snookering the Mistress if you will; as soon as I make the point that this has change the other individual stops communicating.

Does this sound familiar to others?

Lady Jane

You don't mention how long you are talking to these individuals before expecting this, which makes a difference. As someone else said, no one will ever get web cam action from me. I don't have one and if I did, wouldn't use it as a "getting to know you" tool.

Personally, I like to chat on line with someone for a while getting to know them a bit before even thinking about phone or face to face. But that is just me. I have had quite a few get pissed and stop communicating to me when I refused web cam or phone after just a couple of email exchanges.

My advice is don't expect web cam or phone until you have been speaking at least a week, and I mean every day for a week, not two or three emails or chats. Second, BOTH people need to be in their comfort zone before moving forward. When someone starts bitching that I am not moving as quickly as them, that's my cue to stop communicating. If they aren't paying attention to my cues at such an early stage of contact, there is no hope they will improve on that in the future.

(in reply to LadyJane)

Post #: 6

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/2/2011 7:07:23 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I've never owned a webcam, have zero interest in ever owning one, rarely take pics and before meeting Master in real life we didn't speak on the phone at all and he only had a fuzzy pic for me to go by.

Didn't stop me from communicating with him and meeting him in person. I just saw it as meeting someone for coffee. Whether he was actually who he said or not wasn't extremely important to me. If he wasn't then so be it. I got a free coffee and got out of the house for a little bit.

That's how I always saw meeting people from online. I've never understood why people get so outraged by it.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 7

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/2/2011 7:33:38 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

This:

quote:

If they aren't paying attention to my cues at such an early stage of contact, there is no hope they will improve on that in the future. LafayetteLady

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 5/2/2011 7:34:31 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 8

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/2/2011 8:08:53 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

You are free to set whatever standards you want, and people who want to get to know you can either abide by them or not. I have pretty stringent "rules" and more matter how insistent a man is that he wants to get to know me, I don't compromise on these rules, and I will be the first to admit they are TOTALLY one sided.

I don't send pictures to strangers and I don't go on webcam for strangers, but I expect (and require) them to do that for me. What gives me the right to be unfair like that? My own safety, for one. Unfortunately I'm non anonymous, I already have stalkers, and the last time I trusted someone with photos they did share them with some crazies I did not want to have them, and I have had men screen capture webcam video - and this was several years ago when it was harder to do and less prevalent. I have a web site that has been up more than 15 years and as a result there are people who have followed me a long time, so I can't risk it - and that's just the way it is.

I get on the phone almost immediately however. I also have enough people who can vouch that I am legitimately who I say I am, and I have such a long and documented history online it's not as if I am some anonymous person who will disappear.

My rule is that someone can have pictures of me when I trust them enough to meet them. Most men aren't that patient. Their loss. The men I do meet stay close to me a very long time, but I absolutely have to be able to trust them with my life.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to LadyJane)

Post #: 9

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/2/2011 8:19:28 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Is the photo thing new, Aakasha? I've seen a pic. If that means the Asshole Wind blew into your life recently, I'm sorry to hear it.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 10

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/2/2011 9:49:15 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Is the photo thing new, Aakasha? I've seen a pic. If that means the Asshole Wind blew into your life recently, I'm sorry to hear it.

The pictures I have on here are the only ones I share unless I plan to meet someone. When I ask for photos of men, they tend to want more of me, and if we can't come to an agreement on that we just have to move on. I have given personal photos out and have them end up with other people, but that was some time ago. Still, I learned a lesson. There was a guy who used to make up residence in my chatroom and PM everyone that entered asking for pictures of me. Even if you think you can trust someone, it's really hard to do.

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 11

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/2/2011 10:23:11 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Hiya Lady Jane,

The problem with finding partners online is that everyone is a bit paranoid at first. You don't know if they are serious, and they don't know if you are. Some people are understandably leery about sharing a picture, or a phone number.

I found that when I was looking it was best to set some rules in my search. If they were not affiliated with their local munch then I passed them by. I might have missed meeting some really nice people, but that rule really worked for me. It was fairly easy to get to know a few people who attended munches and they always knew someone who knew someone...so I could check out the people I met online. I stopped wasting time with those who just wanted to whank online and talk dirty. I think the whankers are the biggest problem for most dominant women. There are soooo many horny men who have fetishized a dominant woman. So many of those men are married or would never actually want to have a real time relationship that was female led.

The problem with meeting real time is that so many do not live close enough to meet in a timely manner. Heck, it would seem you have to know all the kinky people in your town. But if someone were from say Vancouver, 6 hours away, well, what is a good time to actually meet for real?

IF the men you are talking to are really serious...IF they actually are capable of moving to live near you....it would seem to be a small thing for them to show themselves on a cam if you are also prepared to prove who you are. I really do not see a problem.

If they live fairly far away...if they are not able to find a weekend when they could meet with you...then just let them go. They are not worth thinking about.

You are a lovely dominant woman. You are repected in your community. You are a leader in that community. Don't sweat the small stuff.

(in reply to LadyJane)

Post #: 12

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/3/2011 2:16:59 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJane

Hello all,

I hope this is the right place. I have recently had opportunity to get to know a few individuals online. I am transparent. I want the other individual to know that I am who I say I am; Video is a great way to do this; and perhaps telephone contact.

What I am puzzled by are the individuals who will not respond with the same; no webcam, no telephone?

Have others had a similar experience? It is all well and good to exchange information in chat but really, there is no way to know who the other individual is with confidence.

I suspect in fact that I have met some individuals who are into do just that; snookering the Mistress if you will; as soon as I make the point that this has change the other individual stops communicating.

Does this sound familiar to others?

Lady Jane

I won't give pix online anymore. I don't ask to see any, either. If someone wants to meet up in a public place after about a week or two, and my spidey senses aren't tingling, then I do.

As for the phone, unless someone is a close friend, or is mine, I am not giving out my landline phone number. I do not have a cell, and use a Trak phone for safe calls. Last year I spent a few hundred dollars on Trak phone minutes in just two months talking with someone I was interested in and I've decided not to do that again. Five minutes is enough before a first meetup, longer than that and some jerks will wank off...and assume I don't know what the grunting and moaning and gasping is all about right before they hang up. It happened twice this past year and my patience dried up.

Someone can either choose to meet up with me in person so we can get to know each other r/t, or they can contact someone else. Pressure to hand over a pic isn't going to work.

Long time ago, some asshat thanked me for my pic that was posted in my Yahoo chats...said he had printed it out and had wanked off and shot his load all over my face. Repeats? No thanks.

(in reply to LadyJane)

Post #: 13

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/3/2011 6:46:41 AM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

"said he had printed it out and had wanked off and shot his load all over my face."

LOL. I mean, it's one thing to do that, but quite another to tell about it.

But the topic at hand........

There are two issues in play here - gender and purpose. For example, will a Woman be in fear to go meet a Man she never met to buy a car or a toaster oven or whatever ? I think not. Will a Man be [physically] afraid to meet a Woman he never met for dating/romantic purposes ? Not at all. That said, there is another thing.

The long term. First of all I met a Woman last week, she seems interested but I'm not. I'm not interested in anyone in that way right now because I have a few pressing issues, among them financial. It's just too much trouble right now, later who knows ? But this Woman had a relationship, it was wonderful for years she said. He was so nice. He was so nice that recently he put her in the hospital, she has just barely recovered enough to be able to function normally.

How many relatioships go along just fine until one day BOOM, Dr. Jekyll has been replaced by Mr. Hyde ? According to her, he didn't drink or do drugs so he didn't even have that "excuse". She said he had been abused as a child, but once you get into your thirties, frankly it's time to get on with life. She didn't know he was going to flip like that and really, I doubt he knew it. Even if he was totally honest with her, how can he tell her something even he doesn't know ? You think he went into a relationship thinking "Yeah, I'm going to be nice for years and then beat the shit out of her" ? I don't think so.

The reality is that safety is an illusion. You can make your odds better but you're never safe, ever. That's because safety is a feeling. My gun increases my odds if trouble comes along, but it's not safety, what if I'm not fast enough ? Your car can have 99 airbags in it but if you happen to be on the train tracks at the wrong time you are groundmeat just the same.

Now if you can't be safe after knowing someone for years, what the hell can you tell from a picture, or even a voice. Did Dr. Jekyll look like a monster ? Would that Woman's ex have revealed the future via voice stress analysis ?

No matter what, forget safety, just increase your odds. The old phone a friend trick. Bring a friend, many other ways. Nothing anyone says on the internet or even in person means a thing.

The fact is we live in a world full of maladjusted misfits, and no segment of the population is immune.

T^T

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

Post #: 14

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/3/2011 8:11:46 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

You make a very good point. I wish this woman all the best. What a horrible thing to happen and like you said, there is no way to know something like that in advance.

At the end of the day, as you said, all we can do is take normal precautions and hope for the best.

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 15

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/5/2011 5:33:27 PM

jewelsthepoet

Posts: 132
Joined: 12/28/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

My advice is just the opposite of SelectiveLight, I am afraid. Meet in real life, fast, preferably within seven days of first email contact. People who show up without "expecting" anything are much more likely to be playing you straight.

This is absolutely unsafe for a woman and some men. You don't know who the heck you're meeting, could be a mass muderer or a rapist or a thief. 7 days is absolutely not enough time to gauge whether it's safe to meet someone or not

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 16

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/5/2011 5:35:40 PM

jewelsthepoet

Posts: 132
Joined: 12/28/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJane

Hello all,

I hope this is the right place. I have recently had opportunity to get to know a few individuals online. I am transparent. I want the other individual to know that I am who I say I am; Video is a great way to do this; and perhaps telephone contact.

What I am puzzled by are the individuals who will not respond with the same; no webcam, no telephone?

Have others had a similar experience? It is all well and good to exchange information in chat but really, there is no way to know who the other individual is with confidence.

I suspect in fact that I have met some individuals who are into do just that; snookering the Mistress if you will; as soon as I make the point that this has change the other individual stops communicating.

Does this sound familiar to others?

Lady Jane

Google is your friend.. it now has something called google talk that allows you to use your real phone to ring, yet they call a google talk phone number. They are all california area code numbers from what i've known from using them and it rings on your own phone to let you know that someone is calling in. That way, you don't give out information to someone who could turn out to be a stalker, predator or other undesireable

(in reply to LadyJane)

Post #: 17

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/5/2011 5:36:30 PM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jewelsthepoet

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

My advice is just the opposite of SelectiveLight, I am afraid. Meet in real life, fast, preferably within seven days of first email contact. People who show up without "expecting" anything are much more likely to be playing you straight.

This is absolutely unsafe for a woman and some men. You don't know who the heck you're meeting, could be a mass muderer or a rapist or a thief. 7 days is absolutely not enough time to gauge whether it's safe to meet someone or not

Why? I like to meet someone new at a cafe and talk a bit over coffee or tea. How is that unsafe? How is 14 days any safer?

(in reply to jewelsthepoet)

Post #: 18

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/5/2011 5:54:27 PM

jewelsthepoet

Posts: 132
Joined: 12/28/2010
Status: offline

Because 7 women or so were found in barrels just 20 miles from where i now live that met a guy online who seemed nice and didn't think to wait to meet him, somehow got talked into going somewhere with him and he raped and murdered them, one of them with her child and one who was pregnant. That's why it's not safe.

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 19

RE: getting acquainted online--safety issue - 5/5/2011 6:01:06 PM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jewelsthepoet

Because 7 women or so were found in barrels just 20 miles from where i now live that met a guy online who seemed nice and didn't think to wait to meet him, somehow got talked into going somewhere with him and he raped and murdered them, one of them with her child and one who was pregnant. That's why it's not safe.

That has nothing to do with meeting someone in a public place after exchanging emails for a week. That has more to do with being gulible enough to be talked into going somewhere with a stranger.

The same thing could have happened if these women met this man at a bar, in a park or at the grocery store and after striking up an interesting conversation, gave them their phone number and met for a date.

Common sense, unfortunately, isn't so common. If you can't use a bit of common sense then you (general) don't belong in the adult dating scene...in my opinion, of course.

*ETA.....About 11 years ago, a young woman was held against her will and raped over a two day period in a house less than 200 yards from mine. All she did was knock on the wrong door at the wrong time looking for signatures for a petition. Who knows, maybe we should just stay indoors and avoid meeting anyone. After all, who knows what they could do.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 5/5/2011 6:14:01 PM >

(in reply to jewelsthepoet)

Post #: 20

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