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RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 7:41:26 AM

Posts: 47
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

Yes, I admit the offer on my journal to do housekeeping on a first date was a somewhat desperate gambit after years of writing introductions and trying to get to know women on the Internet and possibly in person. The only openings were from pro-Dommes.
I'm not being critical of pro Dommes.
I'm not saying lifestyle Dommes don't exit.
To me, however, they're a myth. I haven't met one.

(in reply to kickable)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 7:42:46 AM

Posts: 47
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

I'm sure there must be something I could do better.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 7:42:49 AM

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

OK. Everywhere in the world. Desperation is uncomely. (Never let them see you sweat even if you are ready to stick a fork in your tonsils over the deal).

Ron(ne)

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to kickable)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 7:44:14 AM

Posts: 47
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

Yes, male Doms, Female submissives and pro Female Dommes. Although, I'll admit I only went to one local meeting.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 7:45:26 AM

Posts: 47
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

That is the weakness in my feelings, I have not attended a lot of meetings.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 7:59:46 AM

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kickable

That is the weakness in my feelings, I have not attended a lot of meetings.

Well and there is no better time to begin to address that than today! Look, it is true that on the other side of CM, there are a LOT of fakes and scammers among the Female Dominant profiles - Welcome to the Internet. However, it honestly is easier than falling off a log to spot 99.999% of them, and you will almost NEVER encounter one of them at a munch or event.

Your chances of actually -getting what you want- go way up if you engage in more than an internet path to find it.

< Message edited by OttersSwim -- 5/12/2011 8:01:58 AM >

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to kickable)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 8:06:38 AM

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kickable

I think I've written fairly good introductions and responses.

Well if you've achieved nothing since 2004 then by definition you haven't. The only useful measure of quality is success, and by that measure you've failed utterly. If you 'think' you've been fairly good then the evidence says you're deluding yourself.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to kickable)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 8:22:26 AM

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kickable

I think I've written fairly good introductions and responses.

OK, what would you say to a person who's been job seeking for a couple of years and says "but I've written fairly good introductions and responses" but still has no job... Would you then say that jobs are just an urban myth or would you say his introductions and responses weren't good enough, or maybe he wasn't convincing enough in personal interviews, or maybe he was looking for at jobs that were out of his league and he was qualified for? Since the job seeker didn't have any success, he's done obviously something wrong... Now if you haven't found the right partner, maybe your communication isn't as good as you think, maybe you wear chick repellant, maybe you're trying to date out of your league...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to kickable)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 8:36:02 AM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

quote:

OK, what would you say to a person who's been job seeking for a couple of years and says "but I've written fairly good introductions and responses" but still has no job... Would you then say that jobs are just an urban myth or would you say his introductions and responses weren't good enough, or maybe he wasn't convincing enough in personal interviews, or maybe he was looking for at jobs that were out of his league and he was qualified for? Since the job seeker didn't have any success, he's done obviously something wrong... Now if you haven't found the right partner, maybe your communication isn't as good as you think, maybe you wear chick repellant, maybe you're trying to date out of your league...

Maybe they live in a ghetto.

_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 8:47:38 AM

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kickable

I think I've written fairly good introductions and responses.

I'm sorry, but your profile definitely presents your kinky and sexual wants first, without discussing who you are as a human being or the kind of human being you would want to get to know. Huge red flag for me of a shallow user or player who does not want a friendship or a human relationship, just to get his kinky rocks off and walk away without caring about me, who I am or what I want.

I would probably accept you as a client, but I would not agree to meet you socially or play with you personally, because I am turned off by the way you seem to view women as objects to fulfill your sex fantasies rather than as fellow human beings who are worth getting to know and make friends with.

The problem isn't all dominant women, it's you. There are tons of male subs, some of them on this thread, who are friendly and personable and polite and nice, and who aren't waving their dicks in our faces. I do meet those kinds of guys socially, and date them and play with them. I absolutely refuse to date male "subs" who lead with their sexual and kinky laundry list and who appear not to care about the human aspect at all.

Revise your profile and lead with your personality and friendliness, and it will go a long way.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to kickable)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 9:50:54 AM

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kickable

Yes, male Doms, Female submissives and pro Female Dommes. Although, I'll admit I only went to one local meeting.

To continue the job seeking analogy, I had a friend who was unemployed for two years and wasted a lot of time filling out applications on websites like SnagAJob. He was hired at the one in person job fair he attended. Get thee to a munch.

Additionally, you are only a 4 hour drive from the Sodom and Gomorrah that is South Florida and the Fetish Factory's Memorial Day Extravaganza is right around the corner: http://www.fetishfactory.com/anniversary/

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

OK, what would you say to a person who's been job seeking for a couple of years and says "but I've written fairly good introductions and responses" but still has no job... Would you then say that jobs are just an urban myth or would you say his introductions and responses weren't good enough, or maybe he wasn't convincing enough in personal interviews, or maybe he was looking for at jobs that were out of his league and he was qualified for? Since the job seeker didn't have any success, he's done obviously something wrong...

(in reply to kickable)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 10:47:33 AM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

quote:

ORIGINAL: kickable

I think I've written fairly good introductions and responses.

I'm sorry, but your profile definitely presents your kinky and sexual wants first, without discussing who you are as a human being or the kind of human being you would want to get to know. Huge red flag for me of a shallow user or player who does not want a friendship or a human relationship, just to get his kinky rocks off and walk away without caring about me, who I am or what I want.

I would probably accept you as a client, but I would not agree to meet you socially or play with you personally, because I am turned off by the way you seem to view women as objects to fulfill your sex fantasies rather than as fellow human beings who are worth getting to know and make friends with.

The problem isn't all dominant women, it's you. There are tons of male subs, some of them on this thread, who are friendly and personable and polite and nice, and who aren't waving their dicks in our faces. I do meet those kinds of guys socially, and date them and play with them. I absolutely refuse to date male "subs" who lead with their sexual and kinky laundry list and who appear not to care about the human aspect at all.

Revise your profile and lead with your personality and friendliness, and it will go a long way.

This. I read your profile narrative, started in on your journal entries, then had to stop because it became so incredibly tiresome being all about you, your needs, your wants, your fantasies and nothing about the integral qualities of the partner you strive to find and what you can offer her besides kink. Kink is endlessly available to women of all stripe; there's absolutely nothing special about yours and absolutely nothing in your profile as it stands to give you an advantage over people with more to offer than you. You make the common mistake so many do here; you assume because you are on a kinky dating site all the regular guidelines for social interaction go out the window. The only way to circumvent that is pay for it, as you've been finding out. Listen to LadyN, she is both a successful professional and fulfilled lifestyle dominant; she knows what she's talking about here.

Do something about the narrative in your profile, get rid of your tedious journal entries, post a nice g-rated picture of yourself smiling with your face. Start over with the right outlook and attitude and you actually have a chance.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 11:20:31 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kickable

Yes, I admit the offer on my journal to do housekeeping on a first date was a somewhat desperate gambit after years of writing introductions and trying to get to know women on the Internet and possibly in person. The only openings were from pro-Dommes.
I'm not being critical of pro Dommes.
I'm not saying lifestyle Dommes don't exit.
To me, however, they're a myth. I haven't met one.

Ummmmm, Dude, I know lifestyle Dommes in your area in Florida. Don't let the location on My profile fool you. The five years that I lived in GA, I got a number of chances to meet folks from across the region at SELF. DomCon Atlanta pulls some folks up from Florida, too.

You went to one activity and didn't meet a female Dominant. I'll give you that one. There have been a number of times over the years that I've been the only female Dominant at a munch. The next munch, there might be more. In some areas, attendance fluctuates according to gender and dynamic orientation. Sometimes, you have to keep trying. There's no other kind of social interaction (book club, etc) that says you're going to walk in the door the first time and guarantee that you're going to walk out with a date.

The other folks have already addressed the problem with your profile and journal entries, so I'll go another route. Even if you are writing stellar introductions, the profile is going to hang you up. Plus, you are going to have to remember something. The number of guys out there just like you way, way outnumber women like us, especially on the internet! A lot of us would rather meet folks at real life munches/events/play parties/clubs because it cuts through a lot of the crap. Not everybody agrees with Me on that because they don't have a liking for events. In My case, it really works.

ETA - I think you should have a read of the Positive Experiences forum. You might see for yourself just how many people meet each other in real life.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 5/12/2011 11:27:19 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to kickable)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 11:44:29 AM

Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kickable

I've contacted women by message. I've posted journals. One of my entries offered to do housework on a blind date.
Lifestyle Domme = Urban Myth.

Dude...

I read your profile and your journals... if your messages are of the same quality, there is no wonder you're only getting pro-Dommes.

Try a profile on a vanilla dating site and write in your profile:

"I seek a woman to have sex with. I love french kissing and I want to give and receive a lot erotic massage. I also like to have sex in a lot of different positions, here is a list of my favorites: doggy style, missionary, her on top.
Looking for a relationship that at least includes an interest in these and other activities as passion play."

Then wait and see how many women are interested in that... you'll soon conclude that Lifestyle Vanilla woman = Urban Myth...

Your profile is the kinky equivalent of posting that kind of profile on a vanilla site. The reason you're not finding any actual woman that wont charge you is because you seem to think that women are lifelike blowup dolls that live for nothing but fulfilling your every sexual fantasy.

Ishtar

_____________________________

Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

(in reply to kickable)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 11:52:11 AM

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kickable

I'm sure there must be something I could do better.

Oh goody......another toddler running around corners looking for an audience.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 5/12/2011 11:53:48 AM >

(in reply to kickable)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 11:58:09 AM

Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kickable

As for a true lifestyle Dominant Woman, I still have to rate that as an urban myth. I don't think it exists.

I disagree. I think lifestyle dominant women exist. I know I've found a few in real life. But it's also a matter of finding one who meshes personality-wise and who shares a mutual attraction. Trust is also an issue, especially in the world of BDSM where you're practically putting your life in someone else's hands. So, trying to find someone where all these factors click together (and one who isn't 2000 miles away) is exceedingly problematic.

I've never gone to a pro-domme either. Not that I'm against the idea, nor do I believe that there's anything wrong with that. But my wariness is strictly on a business level, since pro-domination doesn't seem to operate like any other business I'm familiar with. There's no licensing or accreditation that I'm aware of, and I don't see any of them mention that they're members of the Better Business Bureau. Some claim to have degrees in psychology, so at least that's something.

I've also noticed that the lopsided ratio of dominant women to submissive men gets mentioned frequently, but that only really tells part of the story. There are other types of social settings where the women might outnumber the men. It's never been all that difficult for me to find "a woman," or to even find one with a compatible personality and mutual attraction. But when it comes to the moment of truth and having to mention "oh by the way, there's this little quirk about me I think you should know," that's when things start to go sour. It's like I hurt their feelings in some way, as if they were expecting me to be different.

So, I've learned to be careful and play it pretty close to the vest. Not so much for myself, but for others around me. I know the score, and I know how this is perceived by most people. So, I'm not going to reveal that side of myself unless I know the other person would be receptive to it, and I know that most people just don't accept it. But that's okay, too. I'm actually more at peace with this than I was 15-20 years ago. I've mellowed, and I've taken a more detached, philosophical view on things. In a hundred years, nobody is going to care about any of this anyway.

(in reply to kickable)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 12:21:23 PM

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

After reading the journal and the profile, I understand why the OP is mainly contacted by pro dommes, I mean if you talk about a menue and what she should do, your experiences with other pro dommes, it does give the impression that this is what he is looking for...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Zonie63)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 12:47:18 PM

NiceGuyNihilist

Posts: 194
Joined: 3/25/2011
Status: offline

FR:

That a woman is willing to accept money in return for domination doesn't prove she doesn't sincerely enjoy control, or that she wouldn't be a Domme if she didn't get paid for it. The sheer number of submissive men, and the general intensity of their urge, simply provides a niche in the market for enterprising women. If there were scores of women who were willing to pay to suck my cock, do you think I'd turn them down? And do you think money could diminish the inherent pleasure of a blowjob?

Don't succumb to the morality of resentment; don't insist on seeing the world through shit-tinted lenses just because there are certain parts of it that are presently beyond your grasp.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 12:52:21 PM

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceGuyNihilist

FR:

That a woman is willing to accept money in return for domination doesn't prove she doesn't sincerely enjoy control, or that she wouldn't be a Domme if she didn't get paid for it. The sheer number of submissive men, and the general intensity of their urge, simply provides a niche in the market for enterprising women. If there were scores of women who were willing to pay to suck my cock, do you think I'd turn them down? And do you think money could diminish the inherent pleasure of a blowjob?

Don't succumb to the morality of resentment; don't insist on seeing the world through shit-tinted lenses just because there are certain parts of it that are presently beyond your grasp.

Sorry but you are talking out of your nether regions here. I have NOTHING against pro dommes, in fact I used to be one, thank you very much, but what you might not grasp is that there is a difference between a client and date, what he seems to be asking for is a service, and most dominant women don't service for free.

Now if you pay for BJs or not has nothing to do with the matter, it only shows that you're a bit clueless as to what pro dommes do - oral services are not included in a professional service (giving or receiving) but strictly for private use.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to NiceGuyNihilist)

RE: Mistress for Sale - 5/12/2011 12:54:51 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Which, brings up another point. I am in the minority on this one, but it's still pretty common. A number of lifestyle Dommes won't consider folks who have been clients of pros. In some cases, it sets a really bad precedent. As clients, they are getting what they want, which is what they are paying for. Some of them think that is how it works on the lifestyle side of things, too. It doesn't. When a client doesn't like their session, they find another pro. When that happens in a dynamic or a play situation, they either work it out or even <gasp> get told to submit.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

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