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RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/15/2011 7:22:28 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
As I see it, there's absolutely nothing "personal" about a web forum... unless you are the duck in your avatar, for example (which I'm fairly sure you're not), then anything shared is quite impersonal -- as nobody knows the person behind the duck, if that makes sense?!!


It's true that i'm anonymous here, but it still feels like a "personal question" when it would be impertinent to ask the same question to a stranger on the street. i mean, i'm anonymous to them too, right, and yet i would hesitate to tell a stranger what color panties i'm wearing, or how i like to fuck, if *they* asked. Having said that, i have more information to go off of when i'm attempting to judge whether the stranger at a bus stop is a pervert, and less information to judge some screen name on the internet. i'm not sure i would answer the question in either case, but the real life person might be able to convince me that they're legit, in a way that a stranger on the internet could not. It has less to do with my being scared of the wrong person hearing what i could reveal, and more to do with being able to judge a person's intentions.

It also seems like good manners to offer intimate details about yourself before asking strangers to share those details about themselves. i dunno, maybe not. i mean, i realise that i can just as easily *not* answer the question, if i think it's impertinent. And i realise that some OPs might not want to answer the question for themselves so as not to sway people, but i don't think that's much of a problem around here. i suspect that most forum posters would answer candidly, no matter what the OP said he (or she) thought.

I'm more likely to answer a stranger's intimate question if they answer it first themselves. Seeing an OP reciprocate that information does a lot to convince me that they're asking in good faith. (And since information is what they're after, reassuring me of their good intentions is in an OP's best interest!) i don't resent them for being new. i don't resent them for asking the question. i just want them to go first, because that demonstates that they're interested in an actual discussion and not trolling for wank material.

pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 5/15/2011 7:34:43 PM >

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/16/2011 6:40:40 AM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		To be clear: i don't have a problem with people asking nosy questions. i think they're perfectly entitled to ask, although they may also be entitled to the answers that they get. i'm seldom offended by a question. If i don't want to answer, i just move on. But i do think it's a good idea for anyone who asks information from strangers to offer up a little something themselves. People will be much more likely to answer if they do.

pam

(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/16/2011 10:46:20 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		You know you're basically saying, "you first", when it seems pretty well established that any kind of less than painstakingly worded self disclosure in here is just asking for Thirty pages of snarking before anybody bothers to answer the question.

You're clever, I get it.

If you want to self disclose, then do it, if you don't, don't.

(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/16/2011 10:55:14 AM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

...i would hesitate to tell a stranger what color panties i'm wearing, or how i like to fuck



Sooooo... what color panties are you wearing, and how do you like to fuck?!!

 <--- smart ass




_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/16/2011 10:59:24 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

...i would hesitate to tell a stranger what color panties i'm wearing, or how i like to fuck



Sooooo... what color panties are you wearing, and how do you like to fuck?!!

 <--- smart ass



She just said she wasn't an exhibitionist smart ass - oh wait - I just looked at her pics - she not wearing any panties!

Tricky girl!

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/16/2011 12:52:56 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve
You know you're basically saying, "you first", when it seems pretty well established that any kind of less than painstakingly worded self disclosure in here is just asking for Thirty pages of snarking before anybody bothers to answer the question.

You're clever, I get it.

If you want to self disclose, then do it, if you don't, don't.


Uh... i'm rarely snarky, i try hard to remain on topic, i've disclosed plenty of personal things that did not result in 30 pages of snark, and although i do like to word things carefully to avoid offense and abiguity, i don't much care if the entire forum disagrees with what i have to say. i try not to start threads asking for personal information without first answering my own question. i don't stress out because of what people on the internet say to me, and i still think that most of the responses have value, even with the tendency to get off topic. i also think that a poster isn't gonna be able to avoid the snark altogether, whether they self disclose or not, so they might as well. It makes for a better thread.

i do think that newcomers are often unprepared for the in-your-face attitude of the forums, and i try to warn new posters if i think they're being dealt with harshly, so that they don't take it personally.

i think i already judge pretty well when to self disclose, but this thread was about other people's self disclosure. i stand by my statement that posters are more likely to have a very intimate question taken seriously if they offer their own personal information first.

im wearing tan granny panties and i don't like to fuck, but when i do i like it missionary.

There are two people in that photo. Which one do you think is me?

pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 5/16/2011 12:58:24 PM >

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/16/2011 1:38:43 PM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		I dunno, but neither one of 'em is wearing panties.

Nice pussy, BTW.

(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/16/2011 2:44:10 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		You didn't see my pussy, unless You're talking about my cat.

pam

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/16/2011 3:30:41 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

Okay, I get what you've stated here, but if I may, I'd like to explain?  For me personally, I've found in most forums of this ilk that I've frequented over the years that a very small percentage of posters actually know each other outside the forums.  I, for example, do not know a single person here... not because I'm anti-social, but because I simply don't have the time or inclination.  Clearly this is different for you, but I'd be tempted to guess that a very small number of people who frequent these forums actually know each other (i.e., face to face... in person) outside of them.  So if I may, I'd like to amend my statement to "As I see it, there's absolutely nothing 'personal' about a web forum for most...".  


quote:


And as an aside, MSLA, it rarely does anyone any good to tell them they shouldn't have the feelings they have.


Sorry if you took my comment as you shouldn't feel a certain way, SM... by stating "It shouldn't irritate you", what I was implying was, by viewing it in a different way, it wouldn't be "irritating".  I understand why many opening posts do not include the OPs views -- it's a way to ensure one does not bias/lead the responses -- or simply that the OP is far too "new" to even have (or feel confident in) an opinion.  That's what I meant... by viewing it in this way, you'd likely not feel "irritated".  I hope that clarifies things a bit?!!




Hello LA -
Thank you for taking time to explain. I think actually this forum must be kind of different than others you've been on. A fairly large number of folks do in fact know each other. Some of the Brits talk about places they've been / experiences they've shared. In the USA there are a couple of annual get togethers that draw people - Wash DC, Florida, Chicago, - the BDSM crowd as well as the Goreans have get togethers. Several people who are regular posters have participated in / led discussions at events. These are just the get togethers that have been posted on the boards! I happen to know that there are folks who very quietly invite people to private get togethers - I travel a good bit for work, and I'll check in with folks when I do. Hey I'll be in Denver for a business trip... I wonder if that hottie tottie Dark Steven would be interested in getting together for a cup o' java....and who else lives in that area? Hmmmm... lemme see. That kind of thing. (As an aside - anybody wanna meet me in Spain?)

I've met over 80 people from this website myself. My first foray into meeting was with the lovely Lushy. I was flying to the USA and had a layover in Chicago. She picked me up at the airport and we spent a lovely evening together - dinner, music, dancing - she's a great date! There's an expat forum on FetLife that has a number of cross overfolks (CM and FL) who live outside our home countries. We are planning an international munch (go on - try to find a day and time for everybody to meet when we are flung all over the planet - literally ALL OVER THE PLANET).

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/16/2011 7:56:13 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I've met over 80 people from this website myself.



Holy smokes... you HAVE met a lot of people?!!  You must have a TON of Frequent-Flogger Miles saved up?!!



_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/16/2011 8:31:23 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

...i would hesitate to tell a stranger what color panties i'm wearing, or how i like to fuck



Sooooo... what color panties are you wearing, and how do you like to fuck?!!

 <--- smart ass






I only wear panties when noone's looking....girl on knees pleading with those sky blues...nakie of course

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/16/2011 8:47:41 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I've met over 80 people from this website myself.



Holy smokes... you HAVE met a lot of people?!!  You must have a TON of Frequent-Flogger Miles saved up?!!




Waaaaaay back in my IRC days. I knew ppl that would travel the globe and go to get togethers. I didn't get it then and I don't get it now. I used to travel quite extensively but pretty had much better things to do than to spend time with strangers i'd chat with online.

Never Got it. BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/16/2011 8:55:06 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hello everybody,
I've noticed that when people begin a thread and ask others to express how they do something, why they do it, their experience, etc. and yet don't tell their own story, it irritates me. My hackles go up. Why does this person want to know? It's not quite that strong, more like a little nagging thing in the back of my head, but there it is.

When it is someone new, I can't help but wonder about the logistics of trust. When someone who is a known entity - a regular poster - asks a question, I don't have this response. I already have built a relationship of trust (or distrust or neutrality) with them and then make an educated choice about responding. When it is a new person, though, I can't help but wonder about their motivation. My initial, knee-jerk reaction is "you first".

How 'bout you all? Do you have a "show me" kind of attitude? Any thoughts about this trust / distrust continuum regarding posting?

best,
sunshine



Rarely do I spend time wondering why someone wants to know something, even less time is spent on pondering about their experiences.

I am a curious person, curious about all manner of different things and often they've nothing whatsoever to do with me. I'm just.. curious. And I love gleaning bits of knowledge about things previously unknown to me.

Trust never enters into the equation at all, not on a message board. My response to a question *or my question* doesn't rely on trust. It relies on perspective which is something else I'm always curious about lol, peoples perspectives on things. I don't actually understand your point about trust. Why would I, why should I trust or distrust anyone here? Random people.

I know that most on this site get very impatient with newbies asking what they consider to be stupid questions *shrugs*, I've always had the thought that heya I'm glad they are thinking and questioning. No matter their own background or history.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/17/2011 5:57:28 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

You didn't see my pussy, unless You're talking about my cat.

pam
Yeah, I like the one with the paw stretched out.

(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/17/2011 6:45:29 AM   
lovelyesme


Posts: 31
Joined: 1/26/2011
Status: offline
quote:

Then there are the submissive women that are old enough to have their AARP cards yet ask questions that lead one to believe they've not got a brain cell rattling around in their skulls......humorous and pathetic.
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

One is warned. You are the "Queen of Smug"
I  write professionally.  I am also a professional psychologist. So giving the backdrop to a question can be ridiculous.  Which lens shall I use to frame my question? In addition, a general,question leaves the opening for answers wide-which can make the answers more useful to others who might then engage in extrapolation.  Regardless of all my degrees,  certifications, years of wisdom I am new to this world in any form beyond bedroom games.  So I ask a question I already know the answer to from one frame of reference because i wish to hear it from the other.
Clutching my AARP card pathetically.....esme

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/17/2011 6:49:41 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Huh?

maybe I'm just tired but that post didnt make much sense to me in the context of quoting LaT (or anything else I'd read)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to lovelyesme)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/17/2011 9:18:01 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Apparently she feels she has asked a really stupid question so that my comment about grown, adult, women, asking questions they should already know the answers to, considering their age and, one would hope, maturity.........applies to her.

Esme, I will address your issue. Let us create a hypothetical situation and I will use myself as a guinea pig. I will admit that I am quite late in the game to BDSM fun. And let's imagine I want to try cutting/knife play. I know plenty of people on here that have actively done it so I might ask for some input......just a few things to consider that perhaps I had not already thought of.

Granted, I will weigh whatever replies I get with my own common sense. And would never take anything as fact, but there might be a few pointers, concerns, or specifics that I had not considered.

Now consider a different scenario. Let's pretend I just met a woman at a party, had hot wild kinky sex with her, then found out she is married with 4 kids, did porn for 15 years and has bi-husband that is HIV positive, and they are both swingers. She thinks she is madly in love with me, wants to bring her 3 kids and move in with me......serving me till death do us part.  And I come to the Collarme forums and create a thread with a beginning theme of "OMGGGGG, whatever should I doooooo?!?!?" And describe, in detail (probably with no paragraph breaks) my night and the events after, leading up to the current crisis and thread creation.

Or, if I was the type to ask for any type of relationship counsel.......let us say I create a thread on new relationships and how to meld a new person, into a poly relationship and all the other family members. Using myself and my personal relationships as an example, in hopes that I can get some pointers from others that have been in more long term, poly, power exchange, situations.

Now, which one of the above three hypothetical threads do you think I am talking about, as an example of a mature of age person, acting like an utterly brain dead fool?

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 5/17/2011 9:19:42 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/17/2011 11:44:13 AM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve
She just said she wasn't an exhibitionist smart ass - oh wait - I just looked at her pics - she not wearing any panties!

Tricky girl!


i love it how everybody's looking at my profile now. i see you perverts!!!

pam

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/17/2011 11:46:48 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve
She just said she wasn't an exhibitionist smart ass - oh wait - I just looked at her pics - she not wearing any panties!

Tricky girl!


i love it how everybody's looking at my profile now. i see you perverts!!!

pam


This is News?!?!?!?!?!?

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Self-Disclosure - 5/17/2011 11:48:15 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve
She just said she wasn't an exhibitionist smart ass - oh wait - I just looked at her pics - she not wearing any panties!

Tricky girl!


i love it how everybody's looking at my profile now. i see you perverts!!!

pam


You say pervert like it's a bad thing.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 80
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