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Happiness for other people - 5/13/2011 3:14:21 PM

LadyPact

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Yes, it's a repeat. Deal with it.

I often sit on My own side of the screen, hearing good news about other CM forum regulars. Every time, I get My own little bit of happy for them. Two people found each other? Great! Things are working out? Fantastic! New moves, new jobs, new strides in relationships? I'm thrilled to hear it!

That doesn't mean I'm not a cynic sometimes. I'm anti-velcro collar. I really do want people to examine themselves and look before they leap. I hope they are avoiding mistakes that they will pay for later.

Let's talk about other people's happiness.

You start.

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Post #: 1

RE: Happiness for other people - 5/13/2011 3:28:02 PM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I find myself happier and happier for other people as I get older. I read somewhere that when we are young we are often in a competitive stage. We are trying to grasp it all for ourselves, and many of us see the trappings of what we think of as happiness differently, like if someone gets a better job, mate, education, or toys... well that leaves less for everyone else. Now I am older, I do not feel that way nearly as much, and the people in my life seem much more happy for me when I succeed.

I suppose I think the only way to bring success to my life is wishing it for others, and I heartfelt do wish others success. It makes for a generally more positive life to look for the good in everything, even if it is in other people's success. In fact, when other people succeed, it seems more likely I will as well.

As far as being happy for other people in regard to relationships...well, yes I am, but it isn't something I am really focused on in general (relationship success), I am much more likely to focus on other people's career successes these days because that is where my head is at. I do not know if that makes any sense or not.

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RE: Happiness for other people - 5/13/2011 3:32:51 PM

NocturnalStalker

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I like when people are happy.

I dislike when people don't know how to use that happiness constructively.

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RE: Happiness for other people - 5/13/2011 3:43:03 PM

FullCircle

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My studies of other people's happiness have lead me to the conclusion that other people's misery and suffering is just around the corner. On a positive note however they can feel happy that flies aren't using their face as a motorway. It's all relative.

< Message edited by FullCircle -- 5/13/2011 3:47:20 PM >

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RE: Happiness for other people - 5/13/2011 3:51:19 PM

NuevaVida

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What a cool thread idea. I'm often happy for other people's happiness. If I happen to be in a funk for whatever reason, I find the happiness of others to feed hope.

I also hope for the happiness of others. I hate seeing people kicked when their down and instead, hope they find whatever positive lessons they can in their situations. I recall when I began pulling my own life together, someone I knew had a hard time with my growing happiness and would make negative remarks about it. I found myself distancing myself from her, and even told her I needed to surround myself with people who would support my happiness.

So I feel the same of others - I'm all for celebrating their happiness. It just makes my world brighter.

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Post #: 5

RE: Happiness for other people - 5/13/2011 4:05:04 PM

gungadin09

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When i was young i felt everything very strongly. In fact, i rarely watched t.v. or movies, because i felt too much empathy for the characters, and it would really stress me out. i felt for everybody, all the time. But eventually all that emotional energy put me into overload, and made it hard to function. My emotional level has caused me some problems in my life, and as the years go by i get more and more jaded, and feel less and less for others. i liked myself better the other way. i hope eventually i will get it back. But right now i'm going through a selfish phase, i guess. i don't feel much of anything for other people right now.

i do think that as i get older i'm less jealous and insecure. i can see other people's happiness and success without feeling like i have to try to measure up in every way. i'm more content with who i am instead of trying to be someone i'm not, and that self esteem helps me to be happy for other people instead of feeling jealousy.

But, like i said, right now i'm kind of taking a break from feeling very much for other people. Sorry.

pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 5/13/2011 4:16:43 PM >

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Post #: 6

RE: Happiness for other people - 5/13/2011 4:18:28 PM

LadyConstanze

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I love it if I hear that things worked out for somebody, it's just nice. Sometimes you see good people struggling and you wish you could help or make a difference but you can't always apart from offering an ear and support, so when it all comes together for them, it's just a nice and cozy feeling. A bit of happiness in the world is never a bad thing.

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Post #: 7

RE: Happiness for other people - 5/13/2011 4:24:40 PM

ParappaTheDapper

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I'm all about the PMA (Positive Mental Attitude). Some people treat their souls the way Scrooge McDuck treats his money! They try to lock it up in a vault so no one can get to it! I've learned that misers with good will are just as miserable as misers with money. I always have mad love for good people when good things come to them!

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RE: Happiness for other people - 5/13/2011 4:36:49 PM

Arpig

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If I know somebody personally, then yeah, I can be happy for them if its something really big. But most of the time I am just unmoved. As a rule, I don't really care about other people very much. I don't like most people really.

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RE: Happiness for other people - 5/13/2011 4:51:41 PM

SinFix

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I enjoy feeling happy for other people.... nice warm fuzzy feelings when things go right for them...

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Post #: 10

RE: Happiness for other people - 5/13/2011 4:54:50 PM

sunshinemiss

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Hello LadyPact (and everybody!)

I hate to say it, but I do have mixed feelings about "happiness". When I can see that people are finding happiness, within the context of reality, there's something peaceful and lovely about that. It feels like all is right in the world, and I feel something deeper than happiness about it - some kind of contentment - and can be with them in their happiness. That's a wonderful feeling. I celebrate that.

However, when I know that they are lying to themselves, and that they are choosing a path that will lead to some kind of destruction, I don't feel the wonderful feeling. I can still (usually) be at peace about it, recognizing that they need to go down that path, knowing they have a lesson of some sort to learn. But I'm not able to step into their happiness with them - for me it would be like stepping into their lies/self-deception. It's not a judgment - heaven knows I've deceived myself many a time. I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, so I try to put a positive spin on things - "I hope you find what you need," or "it sounds like you have some exciting changes happening," - things that aren't negative, but don't buy into what I see as self-deception... and I really do hope they find what they need and the changes are exciting, even if they are eventually going to be awful.

When someone has a new haircut that looks dreadful on them, but they LOVE it, why would I want to take away their joy? If they ask, "do you like my new haircut? I just love it." I'm going to deflect. I'll say something like, "Isn't it great when you get what you want?" If on the other hand they say, "do you like my haircut? I'm not sure about it," I'm going to say, "you know it's not the most flattering thing I've seen you have. What did you want?" This is a silly example, but I don't see any reason for dumping on people. I do tell the unfiltered truth when the time is appropriate. I consider it a gift to give people, but it is a gift to be given with love and kindness. Sadly, many people say they want the truth but then resent you for it.

Best,
sunshine

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RE: Happiness for other people - 5/13/2011 5:10:31 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

However, when I know that they are lying to themselves, and that they are choosing a path that will lead to some kind of destruction, I don't feel the wonderful feeling. I can still (usually) be at peace about it, recognizing that they need to go down that path, knowing they have a lesson of some sort to learn. But I'm not able to step into their happiness with them - for me it would be like stepping into their lies/self-deception. It's not a judgment - heaven knows I've deceived myself many a time.

I completely relate to this. I recently had to tell a friend of mine I couldn't support what she was doing, despite the smiles and giggles it gave her, but that I'd be there for her regardless.

I hadn't considered the "happiness through self deception" possibility, but it does exist. Like you, though, I recognize everyone has their own path to travel, and I hope for the best.

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Post #: 12

RE: Happiness for other people - 5/14/2011 4:24:47 AM

myotherself

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On a 'wider world' note - I hated my last job mainly because I was surrounded by stressed, unhappy people.

Now I work with young people and it's their happiness that I strive for. Not immediate gratification in the 'I want to sit and watch a movie NOW instead of doing maths', but in the 'OMG - I got a better grade than I hoped for because I worked instead of sloping off!' kind of way.

That happiness stays with you, feeds your soul and helps you through the tough times.

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Post #: 13

RE: Happiness for other people - 5/14/2011 5:29:21 AM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
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From: Palm Beach County, Fl
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I think we all know someone to whom happiness is a zero-sum game. you know, the kind who resents if something good happens to you because it means it didn't happen to them. (For me, it's my own sister). That kind of person just sucks the energy out of any relationship.

In my world, if something great happens to someone I care about, then it's a win for me, too. I celebrate in the happiness of others.

(Of course, I agree with Sunny about when it's self-delusion and not reality-based happiness.)

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Post #: 14

RE: Happiness for other people - 5/14/2011 7:32:07 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hello LadyPact (and everybody!)

I hate to say it, but I do have mixed feelings about "happiness". When I can see that people are finding happiness, within the context of reality, there's something peaceful and lovely about that. It feels like all is right in the world, and I feel something deeper than happiness about it - some kind of contentment - and can be with them in their happiness. That's a wonderful feeling. I celebrate that.

However, when I know that they are lying to themselves, and that they are choosing a path that will lead to some kind of destruction, I don't feel the wonderful feeling. I can still (usually) be at peace about it, recognizing that they need to go down that path, knowing they have a lesson of some sort to learn. But I'm not able to step into their happiness with them - for me it would be like stepping into their lies/self-deception. It's not a judgment - heaven knows I've deceived myself many a time. I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, so I try to put a positive spin on things - "I hope you find what you need," or "it sounds like you have some exciting changes happening," - things that aren't negative, but don't buy into what I see as self-deception... and I really do hope they find what they need and the changes are exciting, even if they are eventually going to be awful.

When someone has a new haircut that looks dreadful on them, but they LOVE it, why would I want to take away their joy? If they ask, "do you like my new haircut? I just love it." I'm going to deflect. I'll say something like, "Isn't it great when you get what you want?" If on the other hand they say, "do you like my haircut? I'm not sure about it," I'm going to say, "you know it's not the most flattering thing I've seen you have. What did you want?" This is a silly example, but I don't see any reason for dumping on people. I do tell the unfiltered truth when the time is appropriate. I consider it a gift to give people, but it is a gift to be given with love and kindness. Sadly, many people say they want the truth but then resent you for it.

Best,
sunshine

Said so well, it is my thoughts almost exactly.

I am ecstatic when I see others sincerely happy. Someone else mentioned being almost too empathetic and I have to admit that I completely relate to that. It is the reason I have distanced myself from many people in my life. I can be hugely supportive during someone's difficult life moments, but when they constantly create difficult life moments, never seeming to learn from their trials, just a never ending cycle of melodrama......I have to withdraw. If I don't, it drains me too much. I cannot sacrifice my own stability of life, for others.

When others find happiness, peace, whatever their life goals.....I am truely very happy for them. Happy doesn't even seem to be a sufficient enough word to me. I know where I've been in my life, the less happy times, less peace inside. To see someone else find their way through the difficult times and into the light gives me such joy.

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RE: Happiness for other people - 5/14/2011 7:39:58 AM

OttersSwim

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I like people who take personal responsibility for their own happiness. We don't always have control over what occurs in our lives. We have total control over how we react to it, and what we choose to do about it.

I look for that responsibility in myself and those I surround myself with. Thus, I find myself often happy on their behalf.

The lack of this responsibility in people leads to a victim mentality which I am pretty sure finds it roots in this generation squarely at Fox News. But that is another topic in another forum...

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RE: Happiness for other people - 5/14/2011 8:36:24 AM

angelikaJ

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I love the happiness the comes into the lives of others.

I think too often though we don't trust happiness and just wait for the other shoe to drop.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UoMXF73j0c

In a world in which it seems we too often focus on the negative, beauty and genuine happiness in all it's forms should be celebrated.

I have a friend who sees the world as being against her and she just can't see that good that is there if she would only stop and look for it.

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RE: Happiness for other people - 5/14/2011 8:53:17 AM

LadyConstanze

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So much shit happens, stuff we have no influence over, so if something really nice happens and it makes somebody happy, it's a lovely reminder that not everything is awful, even if there are days or weeks where everything looks bleak. Sometimes life makes funny twists and turns, for example I had a rough couple of months with a nutcase stalking me and causing all sorts of trouble, thanks to one of his attempts causing trouble and sending the RSPCA around (claimed I abuse my dog) I got another dog - when they came to check on the supposedly abused animal and found not only a very happy dog but also very happy cats who cuddled with the dog, they offered me an absolutely wonderful dog who others claimed was a problem dog because they figured I know the breed and I'm prepared to put in the work they need. It's twice as great if something nice comes out of somebody trying to be nasty.

For some odd reason I can't really be angry with the tosser, I just think what a miserable life he must lead if all that keeps him going is trying to make another person miserable - mind you, I don't sympathize too much, I just think karma is going to bite him in the arse one day and she's a bigger bitch than I could ever be (and I'm not a slouch).

It's kinda nice if the light at the end of the tunnel is daylight and not an approaching train...

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Post #: 18

RE: Happiness for other people - 5/14/2011 9:04:48 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I like to see people happy because well....I'm selfish.

When I see people who are happy, it's infectious and makes me smile even if just for a moment. It helps to bring a little sunshine in my life and being the depressive that I am, every tiny little bit helps me.

Also when other people around me are happy it makes my life easier. For example, when my boss is unhappy which is pretty much every single day these days, she takes it out on me at work and by the end of the day I come home and I'm unhappy and I try not to take it out on others but it does come out on others no matter how hard I don't want it to. When she's happy though she leaves me alone all day and it's a good day. I go home in a little bit of a better mood.

So yeah, other people's happiness affects me.

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Post #: 19

RE: Happiness for other people - 5/14/2011 9:14:26 AM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
When someone has a new haircut that looks dreadful on them, but they LOVE it, why would I want to take away their joy? If they ask, "do you like my new haircut? I just love it." I'm going to deflect. I'll say something like, "Isn't it great when you get what you want?" If on the other hand they say, "do you like my haircut? I'm not sure about it," I'm going to say, "you know it's not the most flattering thing I've seen you have. What did you want?" This is a silly example, but I don't see any reason for dumping on people. I do tell the unfiltered truth when the time is appropriate. I consider it a gift to give people, but it is a gift to be given with love and kindness. Sadly, many people say they want the truth but then resent you for it.

Best,
sunshine

Oh believe me, its not a a silly example

you haven't seen my new haircut

I can totally relate to that one as a friend was a bit irritated yesterday when we met as she wasn't expecting my new haircut...

Now, short hair and long hair looks ok on me...hair in chin length...not so much...

Nevertheless I ended up with chin long hair now last week monday

and whilst there is a certain way to style it that I do look ok with it...often it falls down like a bob, in which case it doesn't look so good anymore....but well, I can handle it, so it is not an issue for me

So I do know what you mean

If I am happy for a person or not often depends on the relationship I am having with a person, though I can also be happy for people which I don't know.

For example, if I read, as it was during the tsunami disaster some years ago, that a mother had had to let go one of her two kids to be able to save herself and at least the other kid and then still had the luck that the other kid also survived thanks to whatever circumstances (the one she had to let go) I was very happy for her.

At my previous employer I had 2 years in a row where I received not so great attitude from other staff about the fact that I made sure that those guys go abroad on holiday and kept myself going, knowing that it will make those guys happy and if I don't do it then (due to the staff which was working there during that time) nobody else will do it and they will only be taken to trips within the UK....(nothing wrong with that but I made sure their wish to get them abroad was being heard). So whilst it was quite disheartening at times I kept myself going with remembering that I am doing that and tolerating the attitude for the guys...and don't have to take it too personal...

In regards to the boards its just like in real life, many of the regulars I am happy when I hear good news such as school results or people returning safe from trips abroad, etc. and then others I couldn't care less (though those are rare).

I also can relate to that

quote:

thanks to one of his attempts causing trouble and sending the RSPCA around

as I had a colleague who send them to me last year, when she was sulking as she realised she won't be having my birman kitten free of charge (I would have sold it to her for the fee what you pay for a normal cat in the store already, so just 1/3 what you pay for a pedigree normally, but that was obviously too hard for her to accept

). Well, as I was reluctant anyway to sell him I then was more than happy to just keep him

If she can't appreciate the fact that I had a lot of expenses, then quite frankly not...I wasn't "searching" a home for him, after all

Most of the time if someone behaves out of order I feel sorry for the person and don't go down to that same level, e. g. at my previous employer there was once a colleague who was in a very foul mood one day where I refused to argue and just ignored her attitude and sticked to the facts which needed to get done...so when she said "you always blablabla" i just replied "who is taking J out now you or me..."

Life was too busy for me with uni and work to waste energy on arguing...

Anyhow, most of the time I am happy for other folks and sometimes I also have my moments where I don't care...

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 5/14/2011 9:20:05 AM >

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