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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=-


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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/24/2011 5:56:09 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		For me it is definitely highly sexual. I don't play casually, only within a committed relationship and part of our compatibility is our mutual interest in sex.

I know there are people who can submit to those they have no sexual interest in, but I'm not one of them.


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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/24/2011 6:07:29 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Sometimes a BDSM relationship is totally about sex, a great example being Heather's relationship with Hannah.

Other times the sexual element is secondary, for example in a one-time only session in which the giving and receiving of pain is the primary motivation.

It is my opinion, however, that a sexual element is pretty much always there. If I were to go to a public dungeon with my bag of tricks looking for a non-sexual session, I would be looking for primarily male subs, b/c my gender preference is for males.

This doesn't mean I wouldn't dom a female, I would, if she attracted me in some way.

So for me, at least, there is always an essential sexual undercurrent. After all, having power over another is a sexual charge all on it's own. As Kissinger said: Power is the great aphrodisiac.


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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/24/2011 6:17:44 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PdxJ
. . . . . . . . ummmm. . . . . .did I miss something? When did the 'S' change to meaning sex? The 'S' stands for sadism.
And, BDSM isn't about the sex, or rather, doesn't have to be. I always liked the quote - "Sex is just the icing on the BDSM cake".

Long ago and far away, BDSM stood for Bondage Discipline & SadoMasochism.  S&M stood for Sadism and Masochism. 

The BDSM acronym has been badly bastardized over the years and even now the Wikipedia incorrectly defines it despite protests to correct it.  Wikipedia claims that the 4 letter acronym has 6 meanings . . . the D & S are really D/s giving them double billing to include domination and submission.  If the trend to reinvent the acronym continues, I expect the TPE crowd to eventually jam their 2 cents in an try to include slave & Master into the meaning. 

Will BDSM eventually become BDDSsM or BDDSssMM?


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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/24/2011 6:22:24 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		FR

I quite enjoyed sex the last time I had it, and would enjoy having it again, if at all possible.

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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/24/2011 6:38:43 AM   
Marc2b


Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline 		BDSM (which to me will always mean Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism) is NOT about sex.

It's about FOREPLAY! REALLY AWESOME FOREPLAY!

And then it's about sex.

Okay, a bit more seriously now... BDSM is not always about sex but it is about sexuality. I really don't see how to seperate the two. I think any "lifestylers" who say "it isn't about sex" are being less than honest with themselves. It may not be only about sex but sexuality forms the core of the relationship. Sexuality forms the core of your average vanilla relationships... why would BDSMers be any different?






< Message edited by Marc2b -- 5/24/2011 6:41:10 AM >

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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/24/2011 7:15:13 AM   
PdxJ


Posts: 195
Status: offline 		@ ResidentSadist - Thank you for clarifying. I thought I'd learned or was remembering incorrectly and Im not old enough to start doubting my memory.

@ Marc2b & ChatteParfaitt- I like your perspective. It is, regardless of if sex is involved, extremely sexual. Excellent way of stating that.

< Message edited by PdxJ -- 5/24/2011 7:16:50 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/24/2011 9:03:33 AM   
VirginPotty


Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		How's my favorite Sadist??
I thought you finally saw the light when I saw the title of your thread but alas I see that you're still the perv I met in FL.

I have a slave girl & I'm straight.  She knew that when she applied. She just wants to serve in anyway that she can & hopefully be worthy enough to get a Scooby snack thrown her way on occasion.  When it's earned she can play w/herself & that's the only sex she gets from me.  I'll administer alot of pain to her body in the form of whippings, floggings etc., but sexual contact has serious limitations.  It just doesn't appeal to me w/females.  We're both very happy with our relatonship.  It won't work for everyone but it does for us and in our world that's all that matters.

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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/24/2011 9:08:48 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
Long ago and far away, BDSM stood for Bondage Discipline & SadoMasochism.  S&M stood for Sadism and Masochism. 

The BDSM acronym has been badly bastardized over the years and even now the Wikipedia incorrectly defines it despite protests to correct it.  Wikipedia claims that the 4 letter acronym has 6 meanings . . . the D & S are really D/s giving them double billing to include domination and submission.  If the trend to reinvent the acronym continues, I expect the TPE crowd to eventually jam their 2 cents in an try to include slave & Master into the meaning. 

Will BDSM eventually become BDDSsM or BDDSssMM?


Thank you for saving Me on that one.  It's very much appreciated.

We probably do have different views on the original though.  While at the core of it psychology had originally defined sadism as as sexual perversion and all of that happy stuff, I don't think BDSM is necessarily sexual for everyone.  I can certainly say that it isn't for Me in every instance.  A good example of this is when I top females.  I enjoy the sadistic part of it immensely, but the sexual element is gone. 


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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/24/2011 9:21:08 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		From the beginning when I first had sexual fantasies, it was about this.

So my sexuality if fueled by BDSM.

In that way, for me it is about sex but the problem is I have to actually care about who I am doing it with, so unfortunately I cannot just play casually, just as I will no longer do casual vanilla sex.

It is an issue because I need it for ultimate sexual satisfaction, but without the caring partner, I would rather go without totally.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/24/2011 10:11:47 AM   
PdxJ


Posts: 195
Status: offline 		Funny enough, I'm arguing the point that it doesn't have to be sexual (and it doesn't) but I have never done anything in public, dungeon or otherwise, and I can't think of a single time where playtime did not involve some sort of sexual act. I'm sure there must be a time or two that sex wasn't involved but I can't think of one. In my relationships, sex is always at the core. 

< Message edited by PdxJ -- 5/24/2011 10:12:22 AM >

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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/24/2011 4:36:39 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		Sorry. Even sex isn't about sex for me.

pam

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/24/2011 5:58:15 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I can do kink and bdsm an seperate it from sex and have no sexual act or feeling from it. Or if I do get slightly aroused don't automatically mean I am going to have sex acts with the person. So it's not always bout sex, but I admit I do hate those people who try to put their views on it's not.... Or it is.... Absolutely on every one, because there's no one way it is.

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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/24/2011 6:30:40 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Hell daddy was spanking me this morning an I was so mellow an far from it being bout sex I nearly went to sleep. Lol.


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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/25/2011 2:52:54 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverMark

Somebody is going to get off on it....might as well be ME!


If you're going to get off on it... it might as well be WITH me!!!

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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/25/2011 1:28:47 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

Oh yes it it is!! It's all about sex! I'm not saying I get turned on by washing the dishes, but when I'm doing that and I am wishing I didn't have to, I think of why I am doing them. And then, yes, I get turned on. Just belonging to Hanners turns me on. Anything that reminds me that I am her slave turns me on. Every day is like some long strange internal mental fuck that just never ends.

When the alarm goes off and I get up while Hanners rolls over to get some more sleep, it starts. It goes on all day, ebbing and flowing but never going away, until I fall asleep in her arms. I am having the most wonderfully intensely private and personal form of sex from the moment I wake up til the moment I fall asleep. Everything I do for her or that she does with me is sexually charged in my mind.

When you can bring yourself to the brink of orgasm by doing housework, then you know its all about sex. I've been there repeatedly, so don't even try telling me its not about sex.
Fuck I want a girl like you...just like you! I don't suppose you have a sister?


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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/25/2011 1:32:08 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

Hell daddy was spanking me this morning an I was so mellow an far from it being bout sex I nearly went to sleep. Lol.
Spanking...you're doing it wrong.

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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/25/2011 1:36:53 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

quote:

And, BDSM isn't about the sex,
Oh yes it it is!! It's all about sex! I'm not saying I get turned on by washing the dishes, but when I'm doing that and I am wishing I didn't have to, I think of why I am doing them. And then, yes, I get turned on. Just belonging to Hanners turns me on. Anything that reminds me that I am her slave turns me on. Every day is like some long strange internal mental fuck that just never ends.

When the alarm goes off and I get up while Hanners rolls over to get some more sleep, it starts. It goes on all day, ebbing and flowing but never going away, until I fall asleep in her arms. I am having the most wonderfully intensely private and personal form of sex from the moment I wake up til the moment I fall asleep. Everything I do for her or that she does with me is sexually charged in my mind.

When you can bring yourself to the brink of orgasm by doing housework, then you know its all about sex. I've been there repeatedly, so don't even try telling me its not about sex.


Its all about sex.. for you. For others, it isnt.

I really hate it when people state how it should be for everyone else based upon their own experiences. No two relationships will ever be the same.


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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/25/2011 1:42:03 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		tazzy, I didnt get that she was saying that it must be that way for everyone.  Notice how many times she stated "I" in there?  I didn't once see "you".

Heather.. I just noticed the latest addition to your sig... *applauds*

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RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/25/2011 1:45:09 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

When you can bring yourself to the brink of orgasm by doing housework, then you know its all about sex. I've been there repeatedly, so don't even try telling me its not about sex.


As I said, its her experience, her opinion. Its not that way for everyone, something she doesnt even try to point out.

Just how it read to me.

And, yeah, I do adore that addition too!

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Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: -=BDSM isn't about sex=- - 5/25/2011 1:47:17 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		ah.. ok, I missed that.  I still think she meant it only as personal experience, not one twueness LOL
How ya been?

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Profile   Post #: 40
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