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RE: Do you seek out dominant personality types of your ... - 5/29/2011 1:39:27 PM   
SAMHAIN09


Posts: 207
Joined: 11/8/2010
Status: offline 		I don't seek anything they seek me :)

< Message edited by SAMHAIN09 -- 5/29/2011 1:40:04 PM >

(in reply to sweetbiggal)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Do you seek out dominant personality types of your ... - 5/29/2011 3:15:01 PM   
whatisthewhat


Posts: 43
Joined: 4/12/2011
Status: offline 		I am submissive in my primary relationship.

I absolutely cannot stand dominant men in my workplace relationship demanding a place of power because I am in a position of power over them. Just as in my private relationship, everyone has her or her place in the pecking order. I despise having to point it out to a subordinate, just as he despises having to point it out to me. Learn your role andl love it, IMHO!

(in reply to ParappaTheDapper)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Do you seek out dominant personality types of your ... - 5/29/2011 3:36:47 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ParappaTheDapper

Interesting. I hate to derail my own thread here, but I've always been fascinated by the ways we (I do it too) seek to identify doms and subs in the wild. What are some things you look for, and how effective are you at it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I do not seek out dominants or submissives, rather I *identify* dominants and submissives. This is helpful in my knowing how to effectively communicate.




Alpha personalities as well as submissive personalities are fairly easy to identify. The female walking down the street, head down, with her purse clutched tightly to her breast, letting others bump into her though she is trying to move out of their way? She's a sub personality. The female walking down the street swinging her briefcase with a song in her step, head held high and willing to meet anyone's eye, so powerful in her stance that others automatically part so as not to interrupt the flow of her walk? She's an alpha personality.

These are exaggerations, but really for the most part they are not hard to pick out. But we are talking personality, not sexual orientation or role.

I have been very successful hiring groups of people for projects. For instance, if you hire 5 alphas, you won't get anything done, they will spend too much time in pissing matches over who is the boss. Hire 5 subs, and the same thing, nothing done, b/c no one will want to take charge and be accused of acting "too bossy."

Just my perspective, YMMV.




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(in reply to ParappaTheDapper)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Do you seek out dominant personality types of your ... - 5/29/2011 4:12:27 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
SAMHAIN09

for
I don't seek anything
they seek me

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3696442/mpage_2/tm.htm

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Do you seek out dominant personality types of your ... - 5/29/2011 4:29:56 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I "rely" on my family, owner, and very close friends.  At work I'm rather assertive and tend to collaborate with others of like mind.  I have no idea if they are dominant or submissive in their personal relationships.  I like being around people who are positive, motivated, smart, funny and compassionate.  And that's what I tend to gravitate toward, be they male or female.

My last manager was female and she was a passive aggressive idiot.  My current manager is a female and she is awesome, although oddly enough, the men on our team have a problem with her (which means they probably have a problem with me, too, lol).


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to ParappaTheDapper)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Do you seek out dominant personality types of your ... - 5/31/2011 4:45:12 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I tend to gravitate toward friendly, open people that are comfortable in their own skin. Some appear more dominant than others but it's generally just the fact they are quietly confident no matter whether they are men or women. I've found that people like this tend to enable the folk around them to relax and be themselves too, even if they're shy or selfconcious. And I like that :)

agirl


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See how easy it can be?

(in reply to ParappaTheDapper)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Do you seek out dominant personality types of your ... - 5/31/2011 5:15:22 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Do other submissives feel a similar urge to hang out with and to some degree rely on strong personality types of your preferred gender?

Not particularly.

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(in reply to ParappaTheDapper)
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RE: Do you seek out dominant personality types of your ... - 5/31/2011 6:06:11 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		As friends, I mix with women of all types and tend to get along with them well. But when it comes to relationships I almost always attract submissive chicks, even in `Nillaland.

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"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to sweetbiggal)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Do you seek out dominant personality types of your ... - 5/31/2011 10:17:58 AM   
jacXjackXattack


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/31/2011
Status: offline 		It's actually totally the opposite for me-- I like shy, nerdy men just because I think they're cute, and in most relationships (friends, romantic, even sibling) I have the dominant personality. I was raised as the older sibling of an Autistic kid a couple years younger than me, so I was always given a lot of responsibility. Also, my nickname at age 5 was "Shirley Temple" because I was so outgoing and friendly. Though I've mellowed a lot now that I'm an adult, I'm still used to that dynamic, and it shows up in all types of relationships. My current Master isn't that way at all-- we have about equally dominant personalities. But he came off as very reserved at first, so I can't say that I was attracted to him for his dominance in any way.

I actually think it's really sexy when a shy guy starts taking control of me sexually. Well, that was what I always hoped for but it never happened. :P

-Jaclyn

(in reply to sweetbiggal)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Do you seek out dominant personality types of your ... - 6/1/2011 1:20:45 AM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

Do other submissives feel a similar urge to hang out with and to some degree rely on strong personality types of your preferred gender?


Yes, sort of.
i don't have a preferred gender for my dynamic partners, so i can't really relate to that specifically.  i also don't really see myself as a particularly dominant personality in everyday life, so i can't really relate to that either.

i do notice that i have a tendency to work well with female dominant personalities when they have authority over me. Specifically, if they're slightly genderbent, i notice that they take me under their wing--Mother Hen me a bit. Conversely, the one time a very feminine female dominant type was someone i was supervising?  Everyone expected one of us to lose an eye.
As far as dominant males in the workplace, i generally get quietly treated as a sort of equal, a sort of personal cheerleader or ignored.  Anyway, that's how i'd sum up past experiences. 

Fun to ponder, thanks for the thread. :)


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Be excellent to each other.


(in reply to ParappaTheDapper)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Do you seek out dominant personality types of your ... - 6/1/2011 4:14:04 PM   
KeptDoll


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/23/2011
Status: offline 		I was thinking about this not long ago and I realized that I do unconsciously gravitate toward strong or dominant personalities in everyday life. I generally always have. They're not necessarily loud or pushy (though some can be), but they're confident and assured.

(in reply to ParappaTheDapper)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Do you seek out dominant personality types of your ... - 6/11/2011 5:53:54 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i actually do tend to gravitate towards men who express something i respond to. i think, for me, it's a "total package" thing -- if i can't be friends with the guy, how can i sub to him? and even if we never become a unit, i still find that the personality types i respond to are the ones i find most interesting in general.
that said, i have a variety of different types of friends, some not kinky at all, some sub males, some sub females, etc etc. but i tend to get along better when men with a dominant streak.


_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to KeptDoll)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Do you seek out dominant personality types of your ... - 6/11/2011 10:20:46 AM   
Acephale


Posts: 61
Joined: 6/6/2011
Status: offline 		I agree with what agirl said. And to answer your question about whether or not you can tell if someone is a dom or a sub by looking at them, the answer is no. Most certainly not after meeting someone one time. I like to make people comfortable when I meet them, that involves being assertive, but also being very open and receptive. I'm pretty conservative when I first meet someone and that may or may not come off as passivity, but really I'm just trying to figure out what their boundaries are. There are always exceptions, every once in a while you'll find yourself in the company of someone who is painfully shy or so outgoing it's on the verge of arrogance.

When you say a strong female personality what do you mean? There are plenty of confident and assertive women who are not necessarily forceful or the center of attention.

I personally just like people with good character. I don’t care what people do (within reason) as long as they own up to it. I agree with a lot of these posts, a sense of humor is absolutely necessary. I don’t understand how people survive in this world without one, furthermore I correlate humor with a strong sense of self.

As for you liking to spend time with women, I think that's only natural. Women are easier to talk to. I love men, I do, but it can be difficult to find one that can express their emotions properly.




_____________________________

The eyes of others our prisons; their thoughts our cages.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Do you seek out dominant personality types of your ... - 6/11/2011 10:25:55 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I don't believe you can identify someone as submissive or Dominant; if you think you can, you are projecting upon an individual what you want them to be, or...you are making an assumption of a particular behavior (ie. if I am making a presentation to 100 people in a major boardroom, then I must be a Domme.)

I do not gravitate to a particular type, I gravitate towards people who attract me, whether on an intellectual, emotional or physical level.

I have friends of various types, natures and dispositions. The commonality is that we get along and they love me. :)

(in reply to Acephale)
Profile   Post #: 34
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