VirginPotty
Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
just chiming in to say that barelynangel, masterofholly, and especially Aynne hit the nail on the head for me. i met girls like this in therapy and support groups -- though i will say, for a lot of them they don't "enjoy" being the broken wing, but they are so used to it as their reality, that they aren't exactly looking to change despite saying they are, because at the end of the day change is SCARY. even when i was dealing with my issues (and i'm talking flat out having violent revenge fantasies and hurting people; especially people who seemed "threatening" to me) i was actually pretty scared when i saw myself changing and went through several reversion periods, where i purposefully took on a "don't fuck with me" attitude. it was familiar and that alone made it safe. the process of becoming someone else was more terrifying.
but at the same time, if you really want to change something, you have to change it. it isn't up to other people to fix you. you fix yourself. it isn't up to other people to knock on your door and say "hello, i'm one of the best of the best, please come with me and see my world." it's up to you to be someone that those people WANT to be around. because seriously Hannah, they don't want to be around you, anymore than you want to be around the bad guys who used you. you're given this carte blanche to use your "experience and learned prejudices" to say absolutely ATROCIOUS things about people you've never met, to curse and scream, and say "fuck off" to anyone who isn't worshiping you like a little orphan Annie who made it out. you judge people by preconceived notions based off a bunch of assorted 0s and 1s on a computer screen -- well what about you? what impression are we supposed to get of you from the attitude you present us here and in other places around the forums? we have the right to make judgments, too, and you continually tells us that we're wrong about you while posting things in a way that proves us right.
on one hand i feel bad for flipping out at you for bashing RF, one of the nicest people i've met here, but on the other hand, i will always defend my friends, especially when people who normally have nothing but good to say about him sit and turn a blind eye to your absolutely horrible posts about him.
and of course the dismissive "they just don't get it" attitude that many people are copping is part of the problem -- Hannah herself isn't even the bulk of the problem with this thread, the majority of the problem comes from the non-Hannahs who are using her to justify their own worldview. you don't know that we don't get it, because you don't know us and we haven't written huge threads with a blow-by-blow of our issues. the fact is, a heck of a lot of us DO get it. for all the people who love their statistics so much -- you KNOW the statistics on rape, molestation, incest, and other forms of violence that women experience, so to assume that none of us "get it" when statistically, a TON of us clearly ought to, is just so short-sighted. i said before that i understand and relate to the emotions that make conclusions possible, even if i don't relate to the conclusions.
i met girls like you all throughout therapy and like Aynne said, they were just tiresome to be around. "the girl who had it bad" is their definition, and they will preach it to anyone who will listen. i totally understand that; victims often feel that they've NEVER been heard, and so many of them decide to MAKE people hear them. but again, you're not someone the "best of the best" want to be around, and frankly, that's up to you. they absolutely would not tolerate you because they don't invite people like the "you" you've presented us with into their worlds, for good reason.
a lot of us HAVE been victimized, traumatized, beaten up, raped, commoditized, disrespected, looked at as disposable, etc etc; Otter said your story made him feel a completely alien terror, but it didn't for me because i know where you're coming from. but believe it or not, there are people who have gone through worse things than you have (Note: i'm NOT saying that to dismiss her experience -- normally i hate that "some people have it worse, so suck it up" logic because someone having it worse doesn't change anything about what you yourself lived, and frankly it can be horrendously dismissive and disrespectful to say to a victim). have you heard any of the horror stories from girls from the Congo and other war-torn areas of Africa? but have you also seen how many of those girls turned around and became successful? they did that not by expecting some entitlement from the world around them to "prove itself" to them, but by taking what they needed to heal from the world and moving forward UNDER THEIR OWN POWER. some of them with physical injuries, fistulas, AIDS, things that will physically hamper them for the rest of their foreseeable futures, and yet they still TRY.
Peon asked a pretty good question which was about the point of this thread and how we get to it. because unfortunately it's become a toxic little cycle with "men are bad!" as the final conclusion. And frankly, i don't care what you think of me, you calling someone a "bitch" is like me saying the sky's blue. it really has no weight anymore. and i'm determined to make this my last visit to this thread because it's absolutely going nowhere. One person pops in to try to offer another opinion, another person chimes in with "omgz u sew don't get it," and there's a "fuck you, you fucking fuck, you don't fucking have a fucking clue about the fucking way i've fucking lived," and it repeats itself over again. It's like cancer that won't ever heal because there's too much at stake to LET IT HEAL.
You are responsible for your outcome, at the end of the day. You take the lessons you've learned through life and see how you can apply them to where you want to go tomorrow; if something you've learned is a hindrance, you have to get rid of it. And yeah, a lot of that is easier said than done. I don't think anyone's expecting you to pull a 180 tomorrow and be someone else. but frankly, i think it speaks volumes to even start off an "i don't hate men" thread with the phrase "guys suck." GUYS as a general group don't suck, there are some of them who do. but your attitude is that they all suck -- no matter what you say to us about giving people a neutral start with you, you really don't. and sometimes things like this become self-fulfilling prophecies.
Anyway, that's the last I have to say. I hope things turn out well for you, but at the end of the day, that's up to you.
This post bears repeating^^^ with my own little addendum.....some folks just enjoy being a victim. There are plenty of people that have been vicimized but they're able to work out their issues their way without hating (or blaming since you said that you don't hate men) 50% of the world's poulation.
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Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 
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