RE: bipolar Dom in a depressive phase and shutting me out

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RE: bipolar Dom in a depressive phase and shutting me out - 6/15/2011 8:13:35 PM

JstAnotherSub

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anjelica, you are such a kind person.

I have to admit my thoughts ran directly to "He probably is not even bi-polar, he is just an asshat, using a fake mental illness as a way to string an on-line thing out a bit longer because he really never had any intentions of meeting her."

Very good advice you give to the OP. I just can never see something someone tells me on-line as being the truth. I have to look in to their eyes and take it from there.

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RE: bipolar Dom in a depressive phase and shutting me out - 6/15/2011 10:53:40 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zigeuner

...relayed in a terse text telling me "for the love of Christ, back off".

That's your answer, isn't it?!! Find someone else... who's mentally/emotionally more stable.

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RE: bipolar Dom in a depressive phase and shutting me out - 6/16/2011 3:51:19 AM

tiggerspoohbear

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I've suffered from clinical depression, G.A.D., S.A.D., Borderline Personality Disorder and was just diagnosed with bi-polar disorder last week. Yes, there are times when I don't deal with people too well. I'd rather be on my own, but I never shut anyone out who's there for me, to love me, to help me through the difficult times, to love me. But that's people I know well, who know how to deal with me and give me space should I ask for it.

This is still on-line, and typed words just don't equal time spent together in person. You obviously don't understand what it's like to suffer from deep depression or being bi-polar. This man is willing to see that he needs medical help and may need to admit himself for as long as it takes. Not many people are that self-aware and willing to get their meds adjusted. It's tough for those who suffer from mental illnesses as there's still such a strong stigma attached to it.

Am I unable of carrying off a fully satisfying relationship? NO!!! Do I hide my mental illness? NO!!! It's an illness, and not enough people are willing to accept that to this day. To some it's still a dirty little secret. I will not be judged on my illness, anymore than I will be judged on being a female. I get the help I need, I know when things are starting to get out of whack and I let those close to me know what's going on so they won't be surprised.

This isn't about you, if he is indeed telling the truth. But you have no way of knowing whether or not he is. Give him the benefit of the doubt for now. He's getting the help he needs, he's asking for it. A rare things these days.

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RE: bipolar Dom in a depressive phase and shutting me out - 6/16/2011 4:42:39 AM

0ldhen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Tell him I am here when you want me to be, and leave him the fuck alone.

This is exactly what I was going to post.

Be patient, right now this is not about you in any way.

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RE: bipolar Dom in a depressive phase and shutting me out - 6/16/2011 5:34:08 AM

Kana

Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zigeuner

Hello everyone.

I've been speaking to a Dom I met here for the past two months, and we had made some tentative plans to meet next month. Up until recently we seemed to be an excellent match: we wanted very much the same type of relationships and we were both attracted to one another physically and mentally. He told me a few weeks into our acquaintance that he had bipolar disorder, which I've had some experience dealing with in others in the past. I didn't feel it was going to be a huge issue, especially since I was getting what I thought was a pretty good feel for his general temperament as we spoke daily.

Until last week. We went from talking several times a day to not at all. He sent me a message on Friday saying that he was in a depressive phase and didn't want to talk. I got no further information until Monday, when I messaged him saying I needed to know everything was ok. I got a short answer. I begged him yesterday to talk to me because I was getting worried. He messaged me back saying we would talk today, but we didn't because he had a two hour doctor's appointment and discussed going in patient for a while. That information was relayed in a terse text telling me "for the love of Christ, back off".

I understand depression, and I understand sometimes the feeling that you need to isolate yourself, but I'm rather upset over this. I guess I feel hurt and disrespected that he didn't/doesn't feel it's necessary to even give me a hint that he's doing ok until I beg for it. I'm also feeling a huge amount of hurt over the fact that we were having some intense conversations with long distance D/s, which just stopped abruptly with no warning and no apology. This whole episode has made me start reconsidering him as a good match for me.

I just want to know what other people think, or what others would do in my situation. Am I out of line in feeling that I've been treated unfairly? Like I said, I understand bipolar disorder is a hard disease. If we were "together", this would be much easier, I think. At least I would know what was happening to him, and not at the mercy of when he feels well enough to get back in touch with me. Thanks.

Let's see-He's crazy. She's selfish.
Hmmm, possible compatibility issues loom.
You know those red flags folks talk about? There they are...

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RE: bipolar Dom in a depressive phase and shutting me out - 6/16/2011 6:08:10 AM

poise

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

He told you to back off...so respect his wishes and back off.

When he's ready to contact you he will.

Until then live your life. If he contacts you again, great. If not then you're already living your life.

Makes perfect sense to me!

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Post #: 46

RE: bipolar Dom in a depressive phase and shutting me out - 6/16/2011 7:23:35 AM

DarkSteven

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You're overthinking.

He goes into times when he wants no contact. You can't deal with that.

It's not question of who's right here. Your dynamic won't work for you.

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RE: bipolar Dom in a depressive phase and shutting me out - 6/16/2011 1:19:54 PM

uncertainlyizzy

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Joined: 4/11/2011
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I think you have unrealistic expectations of him. I also think you'd have a problem with a lot of non-crazy people too not just a bipolar person. Some people have lives outside of their significant others that will take precedence. A man with a child. A man with a serious medical/mental health issue. A man with an elderly parent. A man dedicated to his career. You're not going to be the first priority all the time with people like that. They have things they have to do regardless of what you want from them that day. I don't think any of those types of people would be a good match for you just from the tone of your post. I think you should walk away. His illness isn't about you. But your inability to handle it is. If you're not the type of girl who can be with that type of man then you need to be honest with yourself about it.

windchymes -
I understand you were burned. But you were burned by an asshole who also happened to be crazy. He wasn't an asshole because he was crazy. They were unfortunate conditions that were co-existing. Women all over the world are treated in that same manner by "sane" people every day. My ex was sane and he would play his music/video games at loud volumes while I had migraines so bad I was seeing things and puking. Some people are just dicks. Has nothing to do with their mental health dx's

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Post #: 48

RE: bipolar Dom in a depressive phase and shutting me out - 6/16/2011 5:18:53 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zigeuner

Hello everyone.

I've been speaking to a Dom I met here for the past two months, and we had made some tentative plans to meet next month. Up until recently we seemed to be an excellent match: we wanted very much the same type of relationships and we were both attracted to one another physically and mentally. He told me a few weeks into our acquaintance that he had bipolar disorder, which I've had some experience dealing with in others in the past. I didn't feel it was going to be a huge issue, especially since I was getting what I thought was a pretty good feel for his general temperament as we spoke daily.

Until last week. We went from talking several times a day to not at all. He sent me a message on Friday saying that he was in a depressive phase and didn't want to talk. I got no further information until Monday, when I messaged him saying I needed to know everything was ok. I got a short answer. I begged him yesterday to talk to me because I was getting worried. He messaged me back saying we would talk today, but we didn't because he had a two hour doctor's appointment and discussed going in patient for a while. That information was relayed in a terse text telling me "for the love of Christ, back off".

Yanno it's just crazy. I have heard countless similar stories before with the whole OnLine thing. I knew one guy drove 500 miles to meet somebody and she refused to open the door. Girls waitng at the airport and him not getting off the plane. Kinda like the dog ate my homework excuse. It's just one of the many pitfalls to online.

So don't waste anymore energy on this person. Hopefully you have learned a valuable lesson.

BadOne

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RE: bipolar Dom in a depressive phase and shutting me out - 6/16/2011 5:34:09 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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This: TY DS.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You're overthinking.

He goes into times when he wants no contact. You can't deal with that.

It's not question of who's right here. Your dynamic won't work for you.

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RE: bipolar Dom in a depressive phase and shutting me out - 6/16/2011 5:38:22 PM

sexyred1

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I agree with DS.

However, I do have to say to everyone who has told the OP that this is not about her.

Uh, excuse me, it IS about her and what she wants in a relationship, whether it starts online or not.

She has every fucking right to be upset and hurt about his inability to speak with her, regardless of whether that is caused by mental illness or lying because he is uncommunicative asshole. I know people with real life BP , and I also know men who say they have it so they can run around and do what they want without commitment.

So, stop telling someone it is not about them, when in any type of relationship, it is about BOTH PARTIES.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 6/16/2011 5:39:12 PM >

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RE: bipolar Dom in a depressive phase and shutting me out - 6/16/2011 6:06:41 PM

JstAnotherSub

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