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Rape paradox - 10/12/2004 2:59:37 PM

ChrisGreen

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/9/2004
Status: offline

Hello Mistresses,

I have been in the scene from around the age of 10, however I was raped on Christmas Day 1958, at the age of 5; the abuse lasted for another 5 years and Mum caught him at me.

Who or what he was is immaterial.

As I have progressed in my own section of BDSM, i.e. masochism, or extreme sensualism, I have found an increasing need to be taken by a lady with a strap on, as the finale of a punishment scene.

I find myself repelled and revolted by this need to be play-raped, yet the urge to undergo this is so strong.

Why?

What is happening?

Is part of me seeking to undergo rebirth (catharsis)?

Or is part of me enjoying all this?

Or is there a need to regress and face up to what was done to me?

I am usually able to figure out what is happening to me, but suspect that this is so close to my core as a human being, that I am unable to stand outside myself.

_____________________________

Chris Green

Matron, sister or nurse wanted,
to administer discipline to unruly patient.

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Post #: 1

RE: Rape paradox - 10/12/2004 8:06:51 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline

I find your fascination, interest and desire to re-enact the scene of rape to be quite normal.

It is your mind, now strong enough and experienced enough and distanced enough, trying to re-integrate the experience, to come to grips with it and put it in the past.

You should go with this. Find a Domme who is skilled and sensitive, who is experienced enough to know how far to go and when to stop.

In a way, just as broken skin, while healing, itches intensely, it is like your mind and soul, in the healing process, are 'irritated' or 'itching' and you need to soothe, confront and deal with the causes. I think that this desire on your part is perfectly normal. But it will require a mistress of great skill to help you re-enact this without causing further hurt.

Sometimes the very most important part of a cene is the "aftercare" which comes immediately afterward, then the next day or so as well. The sub and the Domme talk it out, re-hash and revisit the scene, parsing out the details and finding revelations in the directions the play took.

Good luck in your search. I would advise you to go with what your mind and soul want you to do. This is the *very* best, most positive, healing aspect of BDSM.

Lady Sonelle

_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to ChrisGreen)

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RE: Rape paradox - 10/16/2004 9:07:20 PM

ChrisGreen

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/9/2004
Status: offline

Dear Lady Sonelle,

My thanks for your reply, and I have an appointment coming up in the next month or so, as I have an arrangement with Matron Jay, in that I indicate a couple of weeks which I am keeping free and she sends me a written summons indicating whatever day she has decided upon for my Administrative Interview.

At my next visit she will have another Matron with her, who specialises in strap ons, and instead of it being a couple of hours of discipline, she has allocated a full day and evening.