Najakcharmer
Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
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Crossposted in part over from a femdom board I found recently, female-led-relationships.com.
How many folks here believe in female supremacy - in other words, you think that everyone else in the BDSM community is doing it wrong and would actually be happier in a heterosexual femdom relationship?
For myself, I am proud to be a member of the leather/BDSM community. This is my tribe, this is my extended family. My brothers and sisters in leather include men and women of all genders, sexual orientations and D/s orientations.
I have a lot of love and respect in my heart for the wonderful human beings I have met in my years in the leather community. Gay leather daddies, lesbian bois, beautiful and brave transgendered folk whose personal vision of themselves was strong enough to sustain them on a very difficult road to walk. Loving male dominants, powerful female dominants, intelligent and feisty female submissives defending their lifestyle choice in a society that condemns it, strong and savvy male submissives with wit and wisdom and a fine sense of humor.
These are my brothers and sisters in leather, all of them. Disrespect any of them and you disrespect me. I am a female dominant, but my orientation is not the single right one for everybody. Different people need to walk different paths in life, and I offer my respect and support to them as they freely offer it to me.
We don't need to waste our time and energy arguing who should be doing what and with which and to whom. We have far more important things to focus on as a greater BDSM/leather community. If we don't stick together, the outside world is quite ready to stick it to all of us individually.
I don't care who holds the whip in your relationship. That isn't my business, it's your choice. I only care that we all need to stand together to defend our rights to use those whips on our consenting adult partners and to make our own lifestyle choices. We all benefit when we can share good information about safety and technique as a community. I can't say what is right for you in a D/s relationship. I can only say what is right for me. I feel secure enough in my lifestyle choice and my sexual orientation that I can appreciate and respect people who are different from me.
I can learn good things from other D/s couples without the need to tell them that they're doing it all wrong because their gender mix and match isn't the same as mine. I don't care one bit who is giving the advanced bondage demo, whether it's a male-male couple, a female-female couple, a femdom couple or a male dominant couple. You can learn some amazingly good stuff about safety and technique from a skilled expert even if they are not the same orientation as you. If you cut yourself off from 75% of those opportunities, I think you lose something very valuable.
I have been around the community long enough to have seen how other M/s and D/s lifestyles work, the good and the bad. I rejoice in the diversity of the greater BDSM/leather community, and I am happy to exchange ideas and information and support with gay leathermen and lesbians, male dominants and their submissives. And some of my friends are bi poly genderbent switches who bottom to transgenders on alternate Tuesdays. I think that's great and I'll be right there at the play party cheering them on. It's not about who you beat or dominate or who you're beaten or dominated by, it's about who you are as a human being and as a member of the BDSM community.
And that is why I cannot support or condone female supremacy. I don't feel the need to justify the fact that I am dominant and my partner is submissive by trying to convince myself that this is some kind of universal truth for everybody. Years of living in the real-world BDSM community tells me that it *isn't* a universal truth, and that other people are wired differently from me and need different things to be happy and fulfilled. A gay leatherman top is not a good candidate for being happy in a femdom relationship. Do you really think he should try anyway? Do any of you female supremacists want to to try to explain to Guy Baldwin why he should change his orientation to femdom because he's been doing it wrong all his life? If there are any volunteers, I'll be selling tickets to watch the comedy show.
I see people on both sides of the fence, female supremacists and chest-thumping Domly-Doms, who quote "scientific facts", examples from the animal kingdom, statistics, religious citations, etc (sometimes even the same ones viewed through a different cultural filter) to "prove" that their sex is the one that is "naturally" supposed to be dominant. I suppose if you are fundamentally insecure in your role, you might feel the need to convince yourself that your sexual orientation is really a mandate from God or is the scientific natural order or whatnot. But the BDSM community is always going to be bigger than your sexual orientation, whichever one it happens to be, and so is the spectrum of human needs and nature.
I'm okay with that. In fact I think it's great. I don't fully understand people who are not okay with that, but I'm waiting to hear your point of view.
< Message edited by Najakcharmer -- 5/16/2006 1:32:06 PM >
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Female supremacy? - 
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