RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (Full Version)

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zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 8:23:23 AM)

I take that with a grain of salt, after all if they aren't reported how do they gather stats? I'm guessing that there are many who simply don't say a word to anyone so it's impossible to gather accurate stats. The fact that so few are punished is hardly encouraging for those who have been assaulted.




HannahLynHeather -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 12:41:00 PM)

quote:

60% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police
that's fucking dumb, why don't they report it?

oh yeah, i know, maybe because
quote:

15 of 16 rapists will never spend a day in jail


i don't see the relevance of your stats. 1 out of 6 will be assaulted, so fucking what?




kalikshama -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 2:08:42 PM)

quote:

i don't see the relevance of your stats. 1 out of 6 will be assaulted, so fucking what?


This is in response to the idea that a woman must be mentally ill (paranoid) for checking public records before making herself vulnerable to a man she's met online.




HannahLynHeather -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 4:03:53 PM)

i knew that. the one has fuck all to do with the other. besides, i don't think they meant paranoid as in you're mentally ill and need medical attention, more that you're being fucking paranoid about it.




tj444 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 5:22:01 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
oh and tj, regarding the DNA crack....[sm=sodoff.gif]  it was supposed to be a put down!! Try to pay attention! [:D]

lol well, regarding your DNA crack/put down, my remark/crack was a put down of yours, in a sarcastic way. You obviously havent been paying attention to the way i use humor. [sm=poke.gif]

There are certain things I would do to see if a guy was lying to me at the start of a relationship. After all its one's heart and with stds/aids, possibly one's life at stake here. There are other methods to find out if a guy is cheating on you once you are in a relationship and suspect things are not as he claims. They do say that if a woman suspects the guy of cheating, 90% or so of the time they are right.. so those methods would verify that so she would know for certain to dump the guy. I personally would not do those things unless i was in that situation tho.

Are you trying to say that if you intended to have sex with someone that you would simply take someones word that she didnt have any stds?




tj444 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 5:27:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Tristan

If you want to get to know someone's real character, then take him or her on a wilderness trip preferably in the rain or snow.  There is nothing like adversity to bring out one's true nature. 

My ex used to do that to me! He called me his little duck cuz i walked behind him in the rain and snow yakking away like one of those ducky pull toys for kids... hmmm... maybe thats why he stopped going on long hikes... [8|]




Arpig -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 6:23:28 PM)

quote:

Are you trying to say that if you intended to have sex with someone that you would simply take someones word that she didnt have any stds?
Yeah..why not? I mean unless I had any reason to doubt them, in which case I probably wouldn't be sleeping with them.




littlewonder -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 6:28:14 PM)

If you thought they were lying why would you meet with them? Why would you have sex with them? Why would you want a relationship with them?

I'm of the opinion that if you doubt someone from the very very beginning you'll always doubt them from that point on and really...do you want to be with someone you constantly doubt?






Arpig -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 7:27:25 PM)

I agree littlewonder, that's why I said I doubted I would be sleeping with them if I had reason to doubt them. I didn't rule it out altogether because, let's be honest here, if some hot yet questionable 18-25 year old offers me a one-off piece, I'm going to wrap up my willy and go for it...especially if she's a redhead.

Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!




littlewonder -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 7:30:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

I agree littlewonder, that's why I said I doubted I would be sleeping with them if I had reason to doubt them. I didn't rule it out altogether because, let's be honest here, if some hot yet questionable 18-25 year old offers me a one-off piece, I'm going to wrap up my willy and go for it...especially if she's a redhead.

Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!


Hey if it works for ya...just be sure she's not a nutcase that's gonna keep calling you and saying "but we had sex. I thought you wanted meeeeeee!!!??". [X(]





tj444 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 7:55:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

I agree littlewonder, that's why I said I doubted I would be sleeping with them if I had reason to doubt them. I didn't rule it out altogether because, let's be honest here, if some hot yet questionable 18-25 year old offers me a one-off piece, I'm going to wrap up my willy and go for it...especially if she's a redhead.

Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!

you do realize that condoms dont protect you 100% against all diseases, right? condoms only reduce the risk, they dont eliminate it. They should also be used when oral is performed on a guy and dental dams should be used for oral on a woman... [8|]

Oh yeah, and what if the person you trust tells you she has no stds and she believes that but doesnt know that she actually does have something? Some people think no symptoms = std free [8|]




Arpig -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 8:29:53 PM)

quote:

you do realize that condoms dont protect you 100% against all diseases, right? condoms only reduce the risk, they dont eliminate it. They should also be used when oral is performed on a guy and dental dams should be used for oral on a woman...

Oh yeah, and what if the person you trust tells you she has no stds and she believes that but doesnt know that she actually does have something? Some people think no symptoms = std free
Then I catch something. Ooops. I go get the shot and I'm cured, and if it's AIDS, well...the way I see it is I'm 52, AIDS generally takes 10+ years to manifest, so I'll be in my mid to late 60s at the earliest. I don't see that as such a major tragedy. So I spend my 70s popping a ton of pills every day, no biggie.

I'm not averse to a little risk in my life, in fact I rather enjoy it. I've never been particularly worried about the possible consequences of the things I do. I admit I have cut way back on the risky stuff, but that just because my kids are still relatively young, and need me, not out of any real urge for self-preservation. If I do something dumb and die...oh well, tough shit for me, hopefully I was having fun doing whatever it was that did me in. I haven't caught anything yet, and I've never been a very monk-like fellow, so I'm confident the odds are in my favour.

And dental dams??? Not a fucking chance! If I can't taste it, I'm not eating it.




Iamsemisweet -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 8:31:56 PM)

Just cause you are paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
Obviously, a back ground check will not unearth someone who is lying about their name, etc. I think we all agree that you have to spend time getting to know someone and trust your instincts. The OP was incredibly reckless.

But in the last 4 years I have twice dated men, one vanilla, one not, who later confessed they were married. Mother fuckers. One of them I was pretty emotionally involved with, so finding that out was not pleasant. It is not going to happen again. I am also looking for a serious relationship, not play partners, not casual sex, so this kind of thing matters to me. So yes, I could spend a hours hanging out and talking with someone, and eventually find out they were lying to me. Or I could spend a few minutes on the Internet, find out a lot about them, and not waste my time.




Arpig -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 8:32:47 PM)

quote:

Hey if it works for ya...just be sure she's not a nutcase that's gonna keep calling you and saying "but we had sex. I thought you wanted meeeeeee!!!??".
A slutty 20-something redhead actually calling me back!?! Oh baby, you KNOW what I like! [;)]





Arpig -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 8:34:46 PM)

Can you access Canadian records?




Iamsemisweet -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 9:28:08 PM)

I don't know, I never tried.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Can you access Canadian records?




tj444 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 9:42:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Can you access Canadian records?

I think it depends on where you live and how the province handles things and the privacy act of that province. A lot of things used to be public info that isnt any longer (like the voters list, etc).

When i had to sue a realtor & lawyer when i lived up there (in BC) I would access the court records online to see if there were any current or past lawsuits against the person or i could also go down to the courthouse myself and do a search and then pay a fee to see the file. I dont know if divorce court or marriage docs are public info or not tho. If i wanted to know about property records then i would go down to the BC assessment office and look it up myself, assuming that was the office that covered the address.

But i did those things for other reasons, not on anyone i was looking to be in a relationship with.




tj444 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/24/2011 9:49:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

you do realize that condoms dont protect you 100% against all diseases, right? condoms only reduce the risk, they dont eliminate it. They should also be used when oral is performed on a guy and dental dams should be used for oral on a woman...

Oh yeah, and what if the person you trust tells you she has no stds and she believes that but doesnt know that she actually does have something? Some people think no symptoms = std free
Then I catch something. Ooops. I go get the shot and I'm cured, and if it's AIDS, well...the way I see it is I'm 52, AIDS generally takes 10+ years to manifest, so I'll be in my mid to late 60s at the earliest. I don't see that as such a major tragedy. So I spend my 70s popping a ton of pills every day, no biggie.

I'm not averse to a little risk in my life, in fact I rather enjoy it. I've never been particularly worried about the possible consequences of the things I do. I admit I have cut way back on the risky stuff, but that just because my kids are still relatively young, and need me, not out of any real urge for self-preservation. If I do something dumb and die...oh well, tough shit for me, hopefully I was having fun doing whatever it was that did me in. I haven't caught anything yet, and I've never been a very monk-like fellow, so I'm confident the odds are in my favour.

And dental dams??? Not a fucking chance! If I can't taste it, I'm not eating it.


ok thats all well and good, its your dick and if it falls off then what the heck. [:D]

Btw, there is no cure for genital herpes and a few other things too i believe.. Which makes it much harder to find someone after that... [8|]

But, not everyone wants to take the risk and they are willing to take a few precautions, some people like me want to live to be 150 years old. [:D]




Awareness -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/25/2011 4:30:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
Btw, there is no cure for genital herpes
  Who gives a shit?  Seriously.  Herpes has to be one of the most ridiculous fears anyone can have.   Except for rare progressions into encephalitis or upper respiratory tract infections, Herpes is often asymptomatic and barely impacts anyone's quality of life.

From the Wikipedia article on the virus [bold emphasis mine]:

==================================================

Herpes simplex was not always stigmatised. It was merely a cold sore in an unusual place until the 1970s. As late as 1975, a study of “Psychological morbidity in a clinic for sexually-transmitted disease” (Richard Mayou, The London Hospital) [85] does not mention herpes simplex because at that time, there was no significant morbidity problem (i.e. mental anxiety or illness) associated with the virus. In the Journal of Clinical Investigation,[86] Pedro Cuatrecasas states, “during the R&D of acyclovir (Zovirax), marketing [department of Burroughs Wellcome] insisted that there were ‘no markets’ for this compound. Most had hardly heard of genital herpes...” Thus marketing the medical condition – separating the ‘normal cold sore’ from the ‘stigmatized genital infection’ was to become the key to marketing the drug, a process now known as ‘disease mongering’ [87]
Since the creation of the herpes hype, some people experience negative feelings related to the condition following diagnosis, particularly if they have acquired the genital form of the disease. Feelings can include depression, fear of rejection, feelings of isolation, fear of being found out, self-destructive feelings, and fear of masturbation.[88] These feelings usually lessen over time. Much of the hysteria and stigma surrounding herpes stems from a media campaign beginning in the late 1970s and peaking in the early 1980s. There were multiple articles worded in fear-mongering and anxiety-provoking terminology, such as the now ubiquitous "attacks," "outbreaks," "victims," and "sufferers." At one point the term "herpetic" even entered the popular lexicon. The articles were published by Reader's Digest, U.S. News, and Time magazine, among others. A made-for-TV movie was named Intimate Agony. The peak was when Time magazine had 'Herpes: The New Scarlet Letter' on the cover in August 1982, forever stigmatizing the word in the public mind.[68] The scientific reality is that most people are asymptomatic, the virus causes no real health problems for a vast majority of people, and a vast majority (around 90%) of the Earth's population carries HSV-1, 2, or both.[89][90] Herpes support groups have been formed in the United States and the UK, providing information about herpes and running message forums and dating websites for "sufferers." People with the herpes virus are often hesitant to divulge to other people, including friends and family, that they are infected. This is especially true of new or potential sexual partners whom they consider casual.[91]
==================================================

While I'm from a country that rams the safe sex message into teenagers' heads while they're in school and I always encourage people to use condoms and get regular std screens, I think in light of the scientific fact, worrying about Herpes is like fearing your goldfish won't get a good college education.  And from the stats, it's highly likely that at least 50% of the people reading this post already have it without knowing.






kalikshama -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/25/2011 4:35:29 PM)

quote:

So yes, I could spend a hours hanging out and talking with someone, and eventually find out they were lying to me. Or I could spend a few minutes on the Internet, find out a lot about them, and not waste my time.


I spent 5 hours on a date with someone a gf of mine had known for a year before he confessed to us that he was married. Asshole.




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