RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s)

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HannahLynHeather -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 11:35:32 PM)
it bugs me too, but that's because if we are getting close, and you ask, i'll tell exactly how many times and what the fuck for of all my legal run ins. i'm not ashamed of them, its just fucking part of life.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 5:37:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Awareness Tonight in Stalker Theatre, we'll be showing you how to evaluate the sexual history and net worth of any man you meet. Plus, in our regular series on evidence gathering, we'll demonstrate the five telltale signs that reveal the state of a man's relationship with his mother. You people are fucking nuts. And I emphasise the 'fucking nuts' bit. Arrest records? Divorce papers? Property deeds? Why don't you go the whole hog and hire a private detective just to be sure? I would not waste my time with a woman who was that paranoid, had such low self-worth and whose instincts were so poor she couldn't work me out just by getting to know me. Shit like this screams "issues" in bright red neon. See, to me this screams "something to hide". The men I've chatted with and ended up hooking up with didn't mind my checking them up first. They had nothing to hide and welcomed my doing a check since it would make me more comfortable meeting them. Zeph

kalikshama -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 6:54:28 AM)
quote: I research real property records myself. If they own property, I can see where it is and who else is on title. I have access to Federal and State court records, so I look at those. If they claim to be divorced, I can look for the divorce file and arrest records. I have also done that ussearch or whatever that website is called, but I find I can get better information on my own. I have some qualms about it, but I hate surprises. And for anyone who says they don't have his last name in order to do this, well, IMO, in that case you don't know him well enough to be fucking him. Twice when I felt red flags about someone, I looked them up in my county's Clerk of Courts database and found they each had two domestic violence charges. Another time when I felt someone was lying to me I looked him up in my county's property appraiser records and found that the condo he "owned" was in fact in his father's name. Also found the mother of his child had to sue him for paternity.

kalikshama -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 7:06:10 AM)
quote: i see. When do you find out his real name tho? I can see being able to do those searches if he gives you his real name but have you run into guys that gave you a wrong name or even someone elses (with a clean record)? Do you ask to see his id to verify his name? I can see a guy just wanting a fling not telling the truth, a guy wanting a relationship would be more likely to give his real name tho. I had a guy insist on seeing my license, which I thought was funny, so had no qualms asking for his, and then I texted his address to my gf, which he had no problem with. Truly, if one is not comfortable asking to see an ID, they should not feel comfortable going to a stranger's house. I have some other tricks but am not going to describe them here - feel free to CM me.

kalikshama -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 7:18:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth quote: ORIGINAL: Awareness Tonight in Stalker Theatre, we'll be showing you how to evaluate the sexual history and net worth of any man you meet. Plus, in our regular series on evidence gathering, we'll demonstrate the five telltale signs that reveal the state of a man's relationship with his mother. You people are fucking nuts. And I emphasise the 'fucking nuts' bit. Arrest records? Divorce papers? Property deeds? Why don't you go the whole hog and hire a private detective just to be sure? I would not waste my time with a woman who was that paranoid, had such low self-worth and whose instincts were so poor she couldn't work me out just by getting to know me. Shit like this screams "issues" in bright red neon. See, to me this screams "something to hide". The men I've chatted with and ended up hooking up with didn't mind my checking them up first. They had nothing to hide and welcomed my doing a check since it would make me more comfortable meeting them. Zeph Having the experience of my red flags being confirmed by the domestic violence convictions has taught me to trust my gut. These men very very attractive to me and I'm sure the relationships would have ended in disaster had I proceeded. I'm grateful for the ability to get a reality check. An attorney friend of mine has access to a more comprehensive database and found additional convictions for assault and battery. The OP would not have proceeded had she known the guy was married ahead of time. Now she knows to check first.

littlewonder -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 7:20:59 AM)
I just trust my instincts. If i' m uncomfortable from the very beginning I simply just didn't go any further beyond that..no background checks or anything...just no more contact. If I felt that way at the beginning i most likely had a good reason for such and couldn't imagine why I would want to meet them again.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 7:23:52 AM)
quote: An attorney friend of mine has access to a more comprehensive database and found additional convictions for assault and battery. Any way you could post a link or send it to me on the other side. I trust my gut feeling but hey extra tools don't hurt. Zeph

kalikshama -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 7:24:15 AM)
quote: However, I am not going to beat myself up for this more than I did for one day. ALL of this feedback is useful. I did a stupid thing. It is fantastic that so many of you are so perfect and have never done anything stupid ... ever. I will probably stop checking this message board now. Again, thank you! We just want you to learn from our mistakes :) Do keep coming.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 8:34:26 AM)
No kidding. CL is for losers quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 quote: ORIGINAL: dew69 What i really wondered is if it was craigslist cuz that place, the guys are either married or nutbars... [:'(]

kalikshama -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 10:20:58 AM)
Here's some great advice for noobs from Oside Girl: http://www.collarchat.com/m_149477/mpage_1/key_novices/tm.htm#149477

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 10:49:57 AM)
quote: No kidding. CL is for losers Oh I don't know, it's a great place to find a psychotic killer. Zeph

tj444 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 11:59:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Awareness Tonight in Stalker Theatre, we'll be showing you how to evaluate the sexual history and net worth of any man you meet. Plus, in our regular series on evidence gathering, we'll demonstrate the five telltale signs that reveal the state of a man's relationship with his mother. You people are fucking nuts. And I emphasise the 'fucking nuts' bit. Arrest records? Divorce papers? Property deeds? Why don't you go the whole hog and hire a private detective just to be sure? I would not waste my time with a woman who was that paranoid, had such low self-worth and whose instincts were so poor she couldn't work me out just by getting to know me. Shit like this screams "issues" in bright red neon. Get real. Bundy and various other killers/nutbars were very adept at fooling people, even those with good "instincts". Some people can even fool lie detectors. We have been talking about accessing public records, not stalking anyone. Employers routinely do background checks on prospective employees, why shouldnt anyone else that is going to put their trust in someone they dont know well enough yet or at all. Btw, I have had men be more cautious about me than I was about them. So even big strong men can be cautious when first meeting someone from online...

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 1:06:41 PM)
So, on the one hand, the OP was told more than once that she was a fucking idiot for being taken in by someone she didn't check out more carefully, and now you come along and say she would be a fucking nut if she had? No wonder the poor girl ran screaming from the room. Ah the joys of asking for advice from anonymous people on the Internet. quote: ORIGINAL: Awareness Tonight in Stalker Theatre, we'll be showing you how to evaluate the sexual history and net worth of any man you meet. Plus, in our regular series on evidence gathering, we'll demonstrate the five telltale signs that reveal the state of a man's relationship with his mother. You people are fucking nuts. And I emphasise the 'fucking nuts' bit. Arrest records? Divorce papers? Property deeds? Why don't you go the whole hog and hire a private detective just to be sure? I would not waste my time with a woman who was that paranoid, had such low self-worth and whose instincts were so poor she couldn't work me out just by getting to know me. Shit like this screams "issues" in bright red neon.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 1:59:43 PM)
quote: I just trust my * instincts. If i' m uncomfortable from the very beginning I simply just didn't go any * further beyond that..no background checks or anything...just no more * contact. If I felt that way at the beginning i most * likely had a good reason for such and couldn't imagine why * I would want to meet them again. that's what i say too. * this indicates where there would be a variation of "fuck" if i had actually said it.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 2:02:32 PM)
quote: Oh I don't know, it's a great place to find a psychotic killer. ooohhh, so that's where i should fucking advertise.

Awareness -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 2:33:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth quote: ORIGINAL: Awareness Tonight in Stalker Theatre, we'll be showing you how to evaluate the sexual history and net worth of any man you meet. Plus, in our regular series on evidence gathering, we'll demonstrate the five telltale signs that reveal the state of a man's relationship with his mother. You people are fucking nuts. And I emphasise the 'fucking nuts' bit. Arrest records? Divorce papers? Property deeds? Why don't you go the whole hog and hire a private detective just to be sure? I would not waste my time with a woman who was that paranoid, had such low self-worth and whose instincts were so poor she couldn't work me out just by getting to know me. Shit like this screams "issues" in bright red neon. See, to me this screams "something to hide". The men I've chatted with and ended up hooking up with didn't mind my checking them up first. They had nothing to hide and welcomed my doing a check since it would make me more comfortable meeting them. Zeph Oh someone could check up on me all they like. I doubt they'd find anything remotely interesting. However the fact that a woman approaches every man as a potential abuser tells me that she has serious issues. I'm not remotely interested in broken chicks.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 2:36:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather quote: Oh I don't know, it's a great place to find a psychotic killer. ooohhh, so that's where i should fucking advertise. Cool! Let me know so I can answer the ad.

Awareness -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 3:02:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet So, on the one hand, the OP was told more than once that she was a fucking idiot for being taken in by someone she didn't check out more carefully, and now you come along and say she would be a fucking nut if she had? No wonder the poor girl ran screaming from the room. Ah the joys of asking for advice from anonymous people on the Internet. Yes, because all of the fucking nutbags here had really practical advice on how to determine if a guy would fuck you without a condom. Yeah, that shit definitely shows up in public records. I hate to break it to you oh-so-clever people, but integrity doesn't show up in someone's readily available public records. Your advice in this instance is about as useful as an origami self-defense course and you toss around your ludicrous ideas as though you're the font of all wisdom. In reality you're a pack of self-righteous assholes who enjoy the odd bit of schadenfreude. Integrity is determined by watching the degree to which a person's words match their actions. Last I heard, Ted Bundy didn't have a criminal record, so anyone bringing him up is making my point for me. Namely, trust your instincts. Women have incredibly finely-honed instincts when it comes to men - the problem occurs when they ignore them. If you run around digging into someone's past, find nothing and then presume all is copacetic, then you're setting yourself up to be a victim. The most reliable indicator of someone's personality is to watch their behaviour and trust your instincts. If you find yourself making excuses for someone's odd behaviour then you're not trusting your instincts. Security and safety are ongoing philosophical ideas - not procedures you run at the entry point to any relationship and then just presume all is well once they run the gauntlet of your background-checking.

kalikshama -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 3:08:55 PM)
quote: Oh someone could check up on me all they like. I doubt they'd find anything remotely interesting. However the fact that a woman approaches every man as a potential abuser tells me that she has serious issues. I'm not remotely interested in broken chicks. Someone is sexually assaulted every 2 minutes in the United States and you think caution = broken. Sigh.

kalikshama -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/23/2011 3:13:45 PM)
quote: Yes, because all of the fucking nutbags here had really practical advice on how to determine if a guy would fuck you without a condom. Yeah, that shit definitely shows up in public records. I hate to break it to you oh-so-clever people, but integrity doesn't show up in someone's readily available public records. She subsequently did learn from the public records that he was a liar, so yes, in this case, it could have. quote: Women have incredibly finely-honed instincts when it comes to men - the problem occurs when they ignore them. If you run around digging into someone's past, find nothing and then presume all is copacetic, then you're setting yourself up to be a victim. The most reliable indicator of someone's personality is to watch their behaviour and trust your instincts. If you find yourself making excuses for someone's odd behaviour then you're not trusting your instincts. I agreed with most of all 4 statements. Checking public records is one form of exercise in caution - no one here has claimed it is the only. I am encouraging people to do the research before they get burned, not after.

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