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TexasMaam -> RE: Did I f**k up? (5/20/2006 8:09:15 AM)
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Rumtiger,
Since you asked for honest opinions, I'll give you an honest answer, and it's not at all like the responses you've received so far so don't get your feelings hurt, ok?
Your response impressed me as somewhat coarse, crass, unsolicitous and completely unedited.
If a received this email, I would not respond to it, I wouldn't have even read through it completely, for several reasons:
- your choice of language,
- the fact that you didn't bother to edit for spelling or grammar, and most importantly:
- its tone comes across as cavalier,
- rather than that all important descriptor: SOLICITOUS!
When I read a submissive's email, I try to visualize the sub before Me, head bowed, speaking the email contents to me.
There's just not any content here to indicate any respect to the Dom/Domme, or any real eagerness to 'serve', it just sets limits and does so in a very crass way.
I respectfully suggest, (no, I'm not flaming, remember, you asked for opinions here and My opinion is all that I'm posting!), I respectfully suggest that once you write a response to an email, you take that first response and then edit it and re write it from the standpoint of a more eager to please point of view, and be sure to edit it for grammar and spelling before you ever click 'send'!
Don't lose your conversational style completely, but do practice a bit on being a little more formal!
I'm going to edit some of your original email, with notes so you can see exactly what would have put Me off about a few phrases , THEN I'm going to re write it for you as something that would make Me stop whatever I was doing to give you My undivided, immediate attention:
quote:
ORIGINAL: Rumtiger
What sort of things are you into, Rumtiger? ...
"Not as far as most people I've ever talked to lol. As for what i'm into, well i'm pretty open (cut all that gibberish! Your opening should be solicitous, polite and then to the point!)
"Ma'am, to be (honost? tsk tsk tsk : after you write an email edit it for spelling!) honest,
" and have a good pain threshold i've been told, though I think thats only because I try to resist the pain as much as possible," This phrase is ok, just edit it to mean exactly what you say: Saying you 'resist the pain' can be interpreted to mean you are resistant to activities that are painful. Here's where editing is sooo important! Try: "I've been told I have a good pain threshold, but perhaps that's because I cope with pain by trying to resist it as much as possible..." Even that comes across as trying to resist painful activities, so try editing that several ways to make clear what you intend to communicate....
" while the typical submission theme is always fun," oh oh oh Rumtiger! This sounds so flippant and cavalier! Typical submission theme? This makes it sound as though you don't care much for the submissive role at all! Rather, that you want more kink. You'd have lost Me right here!
the things I absolutly (absolutely, spell spell spell) love are primal play [it's tough to find anyone else really into it], queening, but I see it as a bit different then most. (This is all fine.)
, and a few misc. things here and there besides a huge leather/latex fetish, it's actually a pretty long list, really the big limits I have are just anything sharp, so no knife or needle play for me. Virtually everything else is fine though. (edit edit edit, and remember you're writing to a Dom/Domme, not a drinking bud! Run on sentences need to be regrouped and clarified; get that leather/latex fetish way out in front of the "misc things here and there", then edit your limits into a different paragraph)
Of course if you ment (meant! spelling! goodness!) what things outside the lifestyle I like, then first let me apologize for being an ass (don't call yourself an ass!) with my previous answer lol. I love martial arts, been practicing for a good 9 years now....umm, ussualy (sssssspelling and typos are a big no no!) just chilling, maybe put a little rock on, go out to the strip here and there, and i'll be doing some work on my car soon, I had to send it to California for a little bit to get it fixed, I should be getting it back in a month or two...dont worry its not one of those "oh its at the shop" stories lol, right now i'm driving around a stupid Sentra ( don't flame your own wheels! ) until it gets back within a month or so....hate that car. (Rumtiger! you did it again, twice now! Don't flame your own wheels, indicate that you take pride in what you own, or even what you lease, borrow or rent, even if it's not what you want right now...this is a BIGGIE for Me, I'll red-flag onto anything that indicates a sub doesn't take pride in himself or his belongings...) lol. (enough with the lol's, cut them out of your formal emails to a Domme altogether!) Lets see...I'm a pretty good cook, particularly italian food [making some sauce as we speak], and thats just about most of what I can think of lol. (gadzooks another lol) (here's a really missed opportunity! Accentuate the positive! This should have been in the first paragraph header of things you enjoy, because this is a huge draw for a Dom/Domme who enjoys cooking and fine cuisine! This was buried after all the spelling, typos, and self depricating automotive lingo and I might never have read this far!) I'm pretty sure more will come out the more we talk, I scare myself sometimes with what I know about when the time is appropriate, hehe.[:o] (Arrogant! Nothing turns Me off more than conceit! Delete this egotistical line altogether!)
As for the phone number dont worry about it, I'm exactly the same way, the phone is a pretty big step for meeting people online.
So how about you _______? what are some of your favorite things? (This line reads like a frat boy chatting up a chick at a bar and it would get an immediate 'delete' from Me if it were in My email inbox! Always ask first if you can ask a question, she's a Domme, not a groupie! Try "If I may ask a question of You, *capitalize it when you address Her!*, what are some of Your favorite things?")
David. " (That's it, just "David"? No, Respectfully, David, or, Humbly, david" Like it or not, that's a huge flag as to how sincerely submissive you consider yourself to be and it's a big indication to Me as to whether a sub will maintain a submissive persona or whether he's just 'playing at it'. Write like you mean it! You've lost another opportunity to impress Her, you could have signed this: Humbly, david, and yes, using lower case grabs My attention!.
I havent heard from her in a long while and a quick second email wasent acknowledged, whereas before we had been practically chatting by mail...so.....did I fuck up? What can I change in my communication that I dont screw up again?
Alrighty, then, Rumtiger! You asked! Here's an email that would get My immediate attention: What sort of things are you into, Rumtiger?
Ma'am (Mistress, Goddess),
To be honest, I'm pretty open and have been told I have a good pain threshold, though I think that's only because I cope with pain by trying to mentally resist pain as much as possible.
I enjoy the submissive role/theme on it's most basic level, but I must admit I also have some real fetishes and interests that I absolutely love. Primal play, [it's tough to find anyone else really into it], queening, [but I see it as a bit different then most], a huge leather/latex fetish, and a few misc. things here and there, it's actually a pretty long list!
Really, the big limits I have are just anything sharp, so no knife or needle play for me. Virtually everything else is fine though.
Of course, if you meant what things outside the lifestyle I like, I have several core interests that keep me pretty busy. I'm a pretty good cook, particularly Italian food [making some sauce as we speak], and I love martial arts, been practicing for a good 9 years now....umm, usualy just chilling, maybe put a little rock on, go out to the strip here and there. I'll be doing some work on my car soon, I had to send it to California for a little bit to get it fixed, I should be getting it back in a month or two...dont worry its not one of those "oh its at the shop" stories, right now i'm driving around a Sentra until it gets back within a month or so, it's not really the car I want right now but I have to keep rolling!
Lets see, that's just about most of what I can think of right at this moment. I'm pretty sure more will come out the more we talk.
As for the phone number dont worry about it, I'm exactly the same way, the phone is a pretty big step for meeting people online.
If I may ask, Ma'am, how about You? What are some of Your favorite things?
I hope to hear back from you soon!
Humbly,
david
Now, THAT's an email that I would have to put down My cup of coffee for so I could write you back and ask for your phone number!
Good luck to you, and remember, editing, proofreading and practice makes perfect!
Texas Maam
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