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SoulAlloy -> RE: what fucking community? (9/1/2011 5:22:52 PM)
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I have to admit I'm semi flabber-gasted! (Such a lovely word but still)
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ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather
i keep seeing people post shit like "people in the community should be more welcoming", or "being hard on newbies will drive them away from the lifestyle". so fucking what i say. who gives a crap if some random person gets into wiitwd or not. what the fuck are you, some sort of bdsm proselyte? out to spread the word?
I know what you mean, but then I look back and think "if I hadn't been invited to that first munch, would I have ever got better?"
I could have gone to pro-dommes sure, when I first started looking at the BDSM lifestyle the only thing I could ever find on the net was pro domme websites. I got into the mindset of how I should act as a submissive, "what would the Mistress want?" without ever considering what I myself needed from it. I found alt.com and signed up, but was coloured by these thoughts and fell into one of the fake money traps, and sent lots of really crap intro threads.
Eventually I was found by a local munch runner. Without them I would probably still be embroiled in wank fantasies and bullshit. So I apply this backwards - do I want other people to stay as wank fantasists? Do I want a large portion of the world to always view what I enjoy and do as unacceptable?
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this isn't a community, there is no community, not online not offline, it's just a bunch of random people who like doing sick-ass shit to other people. all we have in common is the way we fuck. if that defines who you are so deeply, then fucked if your not in the wading pool of life. bdsm is just fancy fucking, and this "community" is no more a "community" than people who like knitting are.
I agree with you to an extent, in that BDSM is just fancy fucking. I have to disagree with the community though, in many ways it is like a large family. We look out for each other, poke our noses in far too much and petty disagreements explode into stupid proportions. Incidentally my partner actually discovered the BDSM lifestyle through knitting lol.
You want to be harsh, be harsh. Just don't expect rallies of support when you need it (and I wouldn't honestly be surprised if you don't - you appear to have one of the strongest minds and souls here).
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sweet mary's tits! we are people from vastly divergent lives, worlds and experiences who just happen to have somewhat vaguely convergent interests in how we like our sex and personal relationships. that implies no obligation to be in anyway supportive, understanding or helpful to anybody. ask a stupid fucking question, get a stupid fucking answer, just like in the real world.
We do, and we embrace diversity. There is never an obligation to be supportive, I must admit I was always brought up to think "If you can't say anything nice then why say anything at all?".
It's a failing in many ways, I am less contentious than I should be of things I think to be wrong, but then most of the time I think "What do I know of this?" or "What can I contribute from my own experience?". If I find something I can add then I will answer honestly and truthfully, which incidentally is one of the things I have always respected you for - honesty.
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why do people seem to think there is more to this shit, where does this backasswards idea of a "community" come from? and why do they think we are any fucking different than any other group of random people?
I would imagine because we can feel more comfortable talking about this shit with someone else who has experienced the same things, and has their own experiences to share for comparison. Or even when someone shares the same hopes and desires for the future.
Do you engage with anyone local to you? Experience a sense of belonging outside your own household? Do you feel more comfortable knowing that they understand how you feel? This is not necessarily restricted to those that enjoy BDSM sex of course.
Personally I have problems, I know my family would reject my crossdressing as they have made many jokes about it in the past, my friends from university and college are largely vanilla and at work being sexually submissive is hardly looked on kindly considering I'm everyone's supervisor.
So where to look? Community starts at the people involved. If you don't want to make an effort that's fine. I agree that expectations are often too high in these kinds of forums, I believe most of the time it's just shock at discovering we are not alone in these desires.
I am largely a quiet person. It took me three munches before I felt I could engage with anyone else confidently. I sat, listened and thought. The munch however kept showing an interest in me, continually asking questions and letting me know about events and other munches.
Apologies for the long post, I can jabber on when I've been drinking.
Edited to fix quote boxes
Edit again - OK just noticed how long the thread is, waaay too much to drink lol, will have a good browse through the thread tomorrow, time for bed - getting up in less than 4 hrs! Sweet dreams all :o)
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