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pulling a houdini - 8/13/2011 7:09:59 PM   
weird123m


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/20/2010
Status: offline 		So this is something that has happened to me often, you are talking with someone, you seem to click, and in my most recent experience, discussing the possiblity of moving forward and forming something exclusive, when the other person just disappears and you never hear from them again... Anywho, do you send a final message to try and get some closure with the whole thing or do you just move on like nothing happened?
Note that my decision has already been made, I just wanted to hear(read) some discussion on the idea.
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RE: pulling a houdini - 8/13/2011 7:51:40 PM   
domwithrespect


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: weird123m

So this is something that has happened to me often, you are talking with someone, you seem to click, and in my most recent experience, discussing the possiblity of moving forward and forming something exclusive, when the other person just disappears and you never hear from them again... Anywho, do you send a final message to try and get some closure with the whole thing or do you just move on like nothing happened?
Note that my decision has already been made, I just wanted to hear(read) some discussion on the idea.



Chatting online and getting to know each other that way is fine, but it doesn't start to become real until you meet. And, frankly, some people don't want it to be real and are terrified of it being real.

And really there was a red flag in your comment: "discussing the possiblity of moving forward and forming something exclusive." If you haven't even met someone in person, how the heck do you even know if you want to move forward let alone be exclusive?

So it sounds like both of you were engaged in your own individual fantasies, and the other person pulled out of the fantasy first.

I doubt you'll get the closure you want, because the other person -- if they just disappeared -- probably won't respond or give you a real answer.

The best advice is don't get too worked up about someone until you've met them in person. I've had plenty of experiences of being enraptured by someone online or on the phone and then we didn't click when we met in person.

(in reply to weird123m)
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RE: pulling a houdini - 8/13/2011 7:54:11 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Both. You write a big, long, heartfelt letter to them, pour out all of your feelings and emotions, be as melodramatic as you can to get your closure.....and then don't send it. And then move on. Let them think you think even less of them than they obviously did of you.

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RE: pulling a houdini - 8/13/2011 8:25:12 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		FR i wouldn't even see exclusive even being brought up until i've known them in real life for a bit.

Meeting and getting that out of the way should save some of your frustration. if they disappear before, look how much time you didn't waste :) I wouldn't contact but that's just me.

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RE: pulling a houdini - 8/13/2011 8:50:05 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I would just shrug my shoulders and say "NEXT".

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RE: pulling a houdini - 8/13/2011 8:59:38 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		i was going to make a reply, but i read through the other replies first and noticed that some snippy little bitch had stolen my idea. so i'll just repost what she said.
quote:

Both. You write a big, long, heartfelt letter to them, pour out all of your feelings and emotions, be as melodramatic as you can to get your closure.....and then don't send it. And then move on. Let them think you think even less of them than they obviously did of you.

and i was thinking i was going to be so fucking brilliant here and wow everybody.

grumble grumble fucking grumble grumble windy grumble fuck grumble


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i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

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RE: pulling a houdini - 8/13/2011 9:33:52 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		They just disappear?  Is this about being online?  If so, what's with the "forming something exclusive" requirement?  If I ever did cyber and you got like that with me, I'd disappear too.  Cyber-people are mostly acting out a fantasy relationship to fulfill some emptiness they are either too lazy or too affraid to have in the flesh.  It's like mutual mental & physical masturbation in the form of cyber romance, cyber sex & cyber BDSM.  "Exclusivity" in that environment is like telling the jerk-rag fans they can either have Hustler or Penthouse but not both. 

You don't need closure when you cancel a porn magazine subscription
You don't need closure after sending a call girl home
You don't need closure after dumping a booty call
you don't need closure . . . for a cyber relationship that never got started in the first place

Just move on like nothing happened because "nothing" did happen.


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RE: pulling a houdini - 8/13/2011 9:53:05 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		123 m,

I'm not one who believes that "cyber" relationships are not real.  I have a number of them - I have several friends that I've never met in real life (yet), but they still are real in my life.  It seems to me that when one embarks on a journey of getting to know someone, there are a multitude of ways to do it, and in this day and age, the Cyber Relation Ship is just as valid a vessel as any. other.  However, it has some inherent risks - it has a false sense of knowing due to the amount of self-imposed fantasy (not in the hoochie coochie way but in the kind of way in which your expectations are placed upon another person.).  

I remember a few years ago a number of people from these very boards (and on this very thread) meeting in Florida, and it was like we all knew each other already - because we did.  A number of people started relationships here - message board to chatting / phoning to visiting to long term relationship in real life.  It's not unheard of.  It working out is not high in probability imo. 

Is closure important - even in a relationship in which you haven't met?  Of course.  How many women have miscarriages need to have closure?  I dare say most if not all.  How many adopted children have some sort of relationship with bio parents they've not met?  Again, most if not all of them.  Even realizing that Prince Charming is not showing up can cause grief.  We come to terms with people - fantasy, potential, or real -  however we do.  Your relationship is YOURS (generic you).  If it is real in your mind, it is real. 

Anyone who feels grief is grieving - the object of the grief is not always relevant.

Best wishes,
sunshine


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RE: pulling a houdini - 8/13/2011 10:02:11 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		^ can I interest you in a magazine subscription?


Luv ya. 


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I give good thread.

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RE: pulling a houdini - 8/13/2011 10:15:57 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: weird123m

pulling a houdini



Could be worse... could have pulled a Ted Bundy?!! 



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RE: pulling a houdini - 8/14/2011 7:34:00 AM   
coookie


Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: weird123m

pulling a houdini



Could be worse... could have pulled a Ted Bundy?!! 




haha that would definitely be worse!

OP it sucks but ultimately you had more invested than the other person did. I am with windchymes and Hannah on this one. Oh and after you type it ... burn it! (do i sound like a pyro these days?)

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
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RE: pulling a houdini - 8/14/2011 8:18:46 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

i was going to make a reply, but i read through the other replies first and noticed that some snippy little bitch had stolen my idea. so i'll just repost what she said.
quote:

Both. You write a big, long, heartfelt letter to them, pour out all of your feelings and emotions, be as melodramatic as you can to get your closure.....and then don't send it. And then move on. Let them think you think even less of them than they obviously did of you.

and i was thinking i was going to be so fucking brilliant here and wow everybody.

grumble grumble fucking grumble grumble windy grumble fuck grumble



Watch and learn, grasshopper, watch and learn.





_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)
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RE: pulling a houdini - 8/14/2011 11:22:27 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Is this a different person than the one you are referring to in this thread?  http://www.collarchat.com/m_3808083/tm.htm  The two situations seem rather contradictory.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: pulling a houdini - 8/14/2011 1:53:18 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Don't put the cart before the horse. The time to discuss exclusivity is after you've met, not before. Demanding a commitment from someone you've never met is guaranteed to scare them off.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: pulling a houdini - 8/14/2011 3:01:35 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		I've had Doms disappear on me.  I don't worry about it, we never got to the stage of meeting, obviously they felt the need to end the back andforth for their own reason.  So NEEEEEEEEXT is now the order of the day.


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Profile   Post #: 15
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