RE: STALKER

RE: STALKER (Full Version)

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VandalHeart -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 1:01:51 AM)
OK, I need honest and experienced advice here: Besides a restraining order, what are the police going to do? Pertinent information: this is Kansas, everytime we meet a third party that knows the stalker they claim he is harmless in their estimation, but is acting very strange in their opinion, and this began as a BDSM relationship, which means vanillas may not take the situation seriously. I ask this because I need info if I am going to adequately advise her (meaning, convince her to go to the police).

CodenameV -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 1:20:12 AM)
Usually their response is that they can't really do much until HE does soemthing more physical. There are movies all over the lifetime network about a woman who had a restraining order and the cops did nothing. Oh by the way, at the end of most of those movies, the woman gets killed. Basically it's like this...be SURE she wants it to stop. I mean MAKE her change her s/n, contact info, etc. Then if it persists, and she's serious about the guy scarring her and her wanting him out of her life....then I'd say you can help. Remember, if the cops are 'too busy' to investigate a random mugging in town (a line I've heard they gave friends of mine before) then they would surely be too busy to investigate some creepy guy who got the shit knocked out of him by some random guy. Bottom line, if it comes to that....and make no mistake, I don't advocate ANY form of illegal activity, nor condone it....but if it should come to that....corny as it sounds, think like one of the real ninjas from Old Japan. Strike quickly, strike anonamously, make it count and make yourself forgetable. An old Kung Fu teacher I had once put it like this...."If you feel your life is in danger (or that of someone you care about) and it comes down between the 'bad guy' and the 'good guys' take care of business and then get the hell out of dodge. Nine times out of 10, even if it's in the middle of a mall.....people would be so shocked by what they just saw that the description of the perp would vary way too much for anything to come of an investigation. I'm just sayin'....... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --The above reply in no way condones or advocates the use of illegal activity or force to acheive one's goals.--

MsMacComb -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 1:38:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VandalHeart I have a serious problem and I don't know what forum to put this on other than this one. My best friend is a very active user on this site and she has a stalker. The only evidence of this behavior that she has is on this site, or a solitary email that is four months old. In it he said he would kill her S.O. so that they could marry if she wanted him to. There are other emails, but this one is the surest sign of a mental instability and stalker behavior, except maybe the one where he threatens: "Either I collar you, or you never see me again." I have already spoken with this individual and secured his promise to never speak to her or her S.O. ever again, never to speak about their relationship online again, and also to basically remove himself from her life completely and totally. Unfortunately, neither the spirit of these promises, nor the threat to disappear if the collar didn't go on were upheld. Since then he has never spoken to her or about her in any way, shape, or form, but he has been following all of her posts. Everywhere she posts, he has to add a post. His posts are almost always off topic, and he has even followed her into areas that he has never been before, just to post on one of the forum threads she has shown an interest in. He is attempting to saturate her experience on collarme.com with himself in an asanine attempt to get her to fall hopelessly in love with him and reconcile their relationship, and it is extremely upsetting to the both of us, to the point of outright rage. I am at my wits end. I can't really go to the police, because there is nothing that they can really do about online activity. I can't get in touch with the admins and moderators, there are no links or instructions on how to do so. Besides, we have already brought this to the moderator's attention once. I can't do anything illegal, no matter how much I want to. So, what do I do? Skip the drama and get another profile and another e-mail addy. If the person actually knows the adress of "your friend" call the police and file a report, get a Rottie and buy a gun.

VandalHeart -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 1:44:42 AM)
Wow. May I start naming off the number of things in that post that hit home really hard? 1. Half of my religion is far oriental in nature. Now, mind you, the Middle Kingdom has taught me too much Bushido to choose the path of the Black Wind on this one, but thank you for the suggestion. At the very least, it has moved me to think of this in terms of honor and what my spiritual ancestors would say on the subject. 2. Your handle. I would be hard pressed to do anything my government deems taboo. But I do remember the 5th of November... 3. I've been given the same advice your sensei gave you by many people, many times. 4. The options you and others on this thread have suggested in the "mystery assailant" department have already been discussed. ALL THAT BEING SAID...I am not planning to, and will not under any circumstances break the law in any way shape or form. No conspiracy or plot shall be enacted to hurt this individual outside of police intervention. I am not even joking. V, I appreciate your words of encouragement and advice, but as Bruce Wayne so nobly pointed out in the Kingdom Come graphic novel, vigilantes, while necessary in situations such as the DC metaplot, are criminals...real or not. I will not become that. . .no matter how badly I want to.

marieToo -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 5:11:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VandalHeart There are other emails, but this one is the surest sign of a mental instability and stalker behavior, except maybe the one where he threatens: "Either I collar you, or you never see me again." I personally would not consider the above statement a stalker threat. Perhaps more of an insecure partner, but certianly not life threatening. Since then he has never spoken to her or about her in any way, shape, or form, but he has been following all of her posts. Everywhere she posts, he has to add a post. His posts are almost always off topic, and he has even followed her into areas that he has never been before, just to post on one of the forum threads she has shown an interest in. So he's not spoken to her but leaves posts where she leaves posts? Again, it sounds more like an insecure and jilted lover who is trying to maintain some form or presence in her life. This is just my opinion for what its worth, but again, this does not seem like stalker-type behavior. He is attempting to saturate her experience on collarme.com with himself in an asanine attempt to get her to fall hopelessly in love with him and reconcile their relationship, and it is extremely upsetting to the both of us, to the point of outright rage. So? Let him attempt. Some people have a hard time dealing with rejection/disappointment and continue to try and coerce or convince or manipulate the uninterested party to maintain contact with them. If this has you in a state of "outright rage", perhaps you should look within and ask yourself why. This person's harmless behavior can only enrage you if you want to be enraged. I am at my wits end. I can't really go to the police, because there is nothing that they can really do about online activity. The police cant do anything about it because what you describe is not the behavior of a stalker. Maybe a pain in the ass, but not a stalker. I can't get in touch with the admins and moderators, there are no links or instructions on how to do so. You click onto the word "support" at the bottom of every collarme page. But I doubt they can control him either. You need to change your reaction to it. Ignore it and not let him get the better of you. Eventually, if ignored he will tire of it. ( For heaven's sake, this is the advice I give my 12 yr old daughter when someone is teasing her in school) But right now, he is getting the reaction that he craves and you are feeding the very fire that you claim to abhor. Besides, we have already brought this to the moderator's attention once. I can't do anything illegal, no matter how much I want to. You want to do something "illegal", while condemning another for something that isn't even against the law? So, what do I do? You let it go, before you cause your own demise over something that you are magnifying into more than what it is. Sorry, if I'm blunt. But come on!

mistoferin -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 5:50:28 AM)
Here us a copy of the link that will take you to the Kansas stalking info brochure. If you do a search on "stalking law Kansas" it will give you more links that directly cite the law as it is written, including the cyber stalking amendment. http://www.kcsdv.org/stalkinginfo.html As for those who say this is not criminal...you are wrong. As for those who are proposing violence....well that explains why our prisons are so full. Advising this man to engage in violent interaction on a PUBLIC message board would surely not help his defense team on the day he is standing before the judge.

zumala -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 7:31:29 AM)
If there's a real life problem, there needs to be a real life set of actions taken in response. If she feels that her life or the lives of her family members is in danger, it is her responsiblity to act. If at all possible, MOVE. Change the phone number. Don't list the number in the phone book. Don't go shopping in the usual places for a while. If she can't afford to move, then she needs a security system, a guard dog or two, and a gun. I don't know what Kansas law says, but in Texas you can shoot a man dead for entering your home unbidden. And there's no penalty against you for defending yourself and your property. Self-defense. zuma

Moloch -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 9:52:52 AM)
I think violence is an answer , the stalker is unstable and has threatned to kill her, If he tries to break into her house a .357 or two in the chest is the proper remedy to a metal desease.

diamonddreamlove -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 10:31:48 AM)
time for her to decide she needs to do something. an order of protection won't keep him from hurting or killing her but will get the police attention quicker when she needs help. she is in need of help to find the strength to say no and mean no. this is not a D/s situation it is a sick and potentially deadly one. ignoring it will certainly escalate it and not having some form of protection set in place is crazy. i know first hand that stalkers kill i lost a friend this way and will forever be sad she could do nothing more than she did to protect herself. quit whining and get busy instead. don't mean that cruely just know that sometimes the sub takes over when assertion is necessary and now assertion of her well being is at stake.

slaverosebeauty -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 11:53:55 AM)
Speaking from persoanl expereince. She needs to keep a list of EVERY time he emails her, date/time/sn {if its an already opnened email, then copy and paste that as well plus keep the original} he uses, EVERY time he sends a chat request or IM. If she responds to his emails it only make things worse. Blocking a stalker won't work, they just find ways around that, they can change their screenname or handle among other things. If he makes personal threats she should report him to CM is thats where its taking place or to the site where its occuring, its its happening to her preivate email, she can notify her ISP and block him. Since this is occurign online somthing CAN be done, contact the cyber-division of her local police department and report the online-harassment. Cyber-stalking is a federal offence and its taken seriously, at least in my case I MADE them take it seriously {one guy is now serving time for cyber-stalking me}. Fighting back is the ONLY thing to do if the creep doesn't get the hit by her ignoring him, she MUST ignore him though. No email responses or Im repsonses, just document the harassment and ignore it. Most stalkers are cowards and after a while they go away and find someone else to stalk and harass.

windchymes -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 2:10:10 PM)
Okay, her life is threatened, but she "doesn't wish" to take action against him, and her main concern is to protect her CM post tally. And the OP is opposed to following the path of the Black Wind and is quoting a Batman comic book. If it saves her life, (and makes the drama stop), I'm sure one of the mods would just give her four paddles.

desertdancer -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 2:33:22 PM)
I had a real life in my face stalker in the state of Kansas, this was a man I met at work, he was a client who received a hair cut, later that day I received cards, and constant phone call..and from there it just got worse. He was EVERYWHERE ! I went to the court house, the first judge I spoke with made me CALL this man to ask him to leave me alone, after I had done that and my heart settled down, the judge then said "well that should be the end of that" and it wasnt....to make a long story short, I had one judge ready to sign a Protective order and another who wasn't..it turned into a lagal battle with me stuck in the middle... ..so I was then sent to see a new judge in an open docket, victims on one side of the room and the accused on the other.. as I was sitting there, a man got up, came over to our side of the room, picked up this little woman, i mean she was tiny by the throat then proceeded to choke her,. the judge then made them sit SIDE by SIDE, and explained to the lady that he (the judge) still was not ready to sign her protective order, but that they would hold this man for 30 minutes in the court house so she had time to get away !!!!! Needless to say, this judge did not sign my order either, he actually suggested I buy a gun and get a big dog ! I've sinced moved twice..I have NO faith in the legal system here in Kansas at all. I will say that local news stations can be a big help, i didnt want to make any interviews so I passed up the news, but they were willing to make a stink about the judges.. If you have a real life stalker, i suggest getting the business around you help keeping an eye out for you if you can, make friends with everyone who works around you, they can be a HUGE help Yours, dancer

LaMalinche -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 5:26:02 PM)
And people are always surprised that I hate living in Kansas and want to move away. Thank you desertdancer. Has anyone else noticed the irony of the advice given? SHE should change her emai. SHE should move. SHE should change jobs. She should change her behavior and life because of something that a screwed-up nut is doing. How this "fixes" the situation, I cannot figure out, meaning that yes, she may make herself unavailable to this guy, but that does not stop him from doing this to others. So in essance, once again, a female should re-order her life so as to not be plagued by a male. Great. . . just great. I have seen this arguement about rapists. . . a female should limit her movement so as not to be raped. No one proposes limiting the rapist. Best, LaMalinche

stef -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 6:06:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld In light of that fact, she needs to take the threat (print out) of killing her S.O. to the police and have him arrested. The police aren't going to arrest anyone over a printout. If she has documented the property damage he caused and has witnesses, they might get involved but right now it'll just be a pile of "he said/she said". Unless he escalates his behavior or she can come up with some corroboration for the things he's been accused to have done, there's not a whole lot anyone can do. ~stef

candystripper -> RE: STALKER (5/23/2006 7:11:13 AM)
Internet law makes threats of bodily harm a crime. i recommend "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker, particularly his advice concerning getting/not getting a restraining order. However, SHE must take action apart from scaring you to death for her sake. candystripper

Lashra -> RE: STALKER (5/23/2006 7:18:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: VandalHeart Loki, you rock. Unfortunately, she doesn't want to do this. Even though stalker-boy has broken their agreement (sorry, agreementS), she does not wish to. Then in that case, she has effectively tied your hands. You have no other options unless this man will somehow respond to your appeals for no further contact, which I highly doubt will happen. Anything beyond that on your part could also be seen as criminal. I am sure the Moderators could step in...but that really wouldn't solve your problem would it? Yes unless SHE really wants do put an end to it, it will go on. I know I've been in stalked IRL. She needs to disappear from his radar as best she can or take steps legally to stop him. The problem with stalkers is the longer you let it go on and the more threatened you appear the more you empower them. I don't know this woman and I'm not saying this is what she's doing but, could she be allowing it go on for attention getting purposes? ~Lashra

candystripper -> RE: STALKER (5/23/2006 7:38:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lashra quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: VandalHeart Loki, you rock. Unfortunately, she doesn't want to do this. Even though stalker-boy has broken their agreement (sorry, agreementS), she does not wish to. Then in that case, she has effectively tied your hands. You have no other options unless this man will somehow respond to your appeals for no further contact, which I highly doubt will happen. Anything beyond that on your part could also be seen as criminal. I am sure the Moderators could step in...but that really wouldn't solve your problem would it? Yes unless SHE really wants do put an end to it, it will go on. I know I've been in stalked IRL. She needs to disappear from his radar as best she can or take steps legally to stop him. The problem with stalkers is the longer you let it go on and the more threatened you appear the more you empower them. I don't know this woman and I'm not saying this is what she's doing but, could she be allowing it go on for attention getting purposes? ~Lashra Yes, some P/pl enjoy the drama and do not recognise danger. That is why i recommended the book i did; allowing stalking to continue is really dangerous. candystripper

Kirei -> RE: STALKER (5/23/2006 7:54:12 AM)
If the person has written a death threat to her. She needs to take that email with her to the police and get a PPO(personal protection order) against him. It will only last for 6 months, and during that time she needs to keep track of him and if he is still doing, and making those threats. If the killing threat was like 6 months or longer and has not come up again....your less likely to be able to get a PPO. A PPO does one thing. It puts a flag in the police that you have had trouble with this guy. It may not entirely help you out, but it may help others down the road, if they have to do the same. The bad thing about all this is that from what I hear it is all being done on the internet. If its being done by word of mouth locally too you have a much better ground to stand on. If there is a enough of you that fear for this person, then maybe all of you should go to the monitors for help. Record the email and keep it. If they do nothing and something happens, and she has a PPO against him they can be held maybe in some way accountable....but don't quote me on that. Koneko

candystripper -> RE: STALKER (5/23/2006 9:10:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kirei If the person has written a death threat to her. She needs to take that email with her to the police and get a PPO(personal protection order) against him. It will only last for 6 months, and during that time she needs to keep track of him and if he is still doing, and making those threats. If the killing threat was like 6 months or longer and has not come up again....your less likely to be able to get a PPO. A PPO does one thing. It puts a flag in the police that you have had trouble with this guy. It may not entirely help you out, but it may help others down the road, if they have to do the same. The bad thing about all this is that from what I hear it is all being done on the internet. If its being done by word of mouth locally too you have a much better ground to stand on. If there is a enough of you that fear for this person, then maybe all of you should go to the monitors for help. Record the email and keep it. If they do nothing and something happens, and she has a PPO against him they can be held maybe in some way accountable....but don't quote me on that. Koneko The typical procedure is to get a Temporary Restraining Order ex parte (w/o notice to the other party) followed by a hearing, at which evidence is presented, and if determined to be compelling, a Permanent Restraining Order is granted, generally lasting 12 months and perhaps longer, if the judge decides. These Orders are subject to modification; i see no reason why contact via the 'net could not be added. However, i recommend "The Gift of Fear" in part because of the author's erudite discussion of instances in which a restraining order actually put the person at GREATER risk of harm, since it so inflames the object of the Order. There are no lengths to which i would not go to protect myself from physical harm; my 1st step in this case would be to take the death-threat email and march into the local FBI office, seeking prosecution criminally. candystripper

VandalHeart -> RE: STALKER (5/23/2006 11:06:29 PM)
The link erin gave me helped a lot. We are going to go downtown and talk to the Survivor Service and get some advice from them as soon as we can. I don't want to say any more, because the individual in question is on these boards, and has already looked at this thread. Hopefully, it will encourage him to back off, but if it doesn't, I don't want somethong said here to arm him with info he could cover his ass with. The better our chances to put him in jail, the better. And if you are reading this, I hope that now you understand how much I meant that I am not fucking around when I last talked to you. You only have a few days to get your fucking act together, and then I'm going to the police with everything I need to fuck you any way the law can. I am done wasting time on you. This is the last thing I say to you when you're not behind bars or in court. It would be fine if you don't want to speak with me ever again, but I've told you what you need to do to keep that from happening. Choose carefully. I've already told you: you may not be worth it, but she is.

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