RE: STALKER

RE: STALKER (Full Version)

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merrymasochist -> RE: STALKER (5/24/2006 12:44:50 PM)
There's a lot of good advice above. From what's been written, she's refused, for whatever reasons, all viable suggestions that would actually aid and improve her situation. Unfortunately you can only help those who want to help themselves. You've done all you can. She has to want and work at changing the situation herself. All the advice in the world is not going to change anything unless she decides to take action for herself. Just my thoughts. I hope things work out well for her. Sincerely, merry

suSIN -> RE: STALKER (5/26/2006 10:45:52 PM)
oh boy. You have NO idea what this is about - and I hope that I am in time. I am a nurse - met a respiratory therapist in the hospital. His kids went to school with my kid. Didn't even meet him online. Somehow he was slimey....and I couldn't put my finger on it exactly. He had 1/2 custody of his kids, showed up to PTA, the library and the YMCA. I didn't cross paths with him for a couple of months. The next time I saw him was in jail (calm down - was just working there for extra money), under a different name and in the long term "dangerous" holding area - where overflow Feds and murderers go. Why was he there you ask? Because he took a contract out on his ex-wife with a co-worker at one of the hospitals. Turns out the co-worker thought he was teasing until he showed up with $10,000 cash one night. MOVE call the police, tell your SO..Now. Glad I can help out.

CanadianGuy -> RE: STALKER (5/27/2006 2:02:58 AM)
Her post count won't matter if she gets beaten up or killed. :( Don't let her joke around with this. If it's serious enough for you to involve all of us, then take action, or be quiet about it. Don't ask for everyone's help and then say "but she's INDECENT and doesn't want to go back to VANILLA"...

candystripper -> RE: STALKER (5/27/2006 7:16:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: diamonddreamlove time for her to decide she needs to do something. an order of protection won't keep him from hurting or killing her but will get the police attention quicker when she needs help. she is in need of help to find the strength to say no and mean no. this is not a D/s situation it is a sick and potentially deadly one. ignoring it will certainly escalate it and not having some form of protection set in place is crazy. i know first hand that stalkers kill i lost a friend this way and will forever be sad she could do nothing more than she did to protect herself. quit whining and get busy instead. don't mean that cruely just know that sometimes the sub takes over when assertion is necessary and now assertion of her well being is at stake. i am so terribly sorry for your loss. candystripper

candystripper -> RE: STALKER (5/27/2006 7:28:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VandalHeart OK, I need honest and experienced advice here: Besides a restraining order, what are the police going to do? Pertinent information: this is Kansas, everytime we meet a third party that knows the stalker they claim he is harmless in their estimation, but is acting very strange in their opinion, and this began as a BDSM relationship, which means vanillas may not take the situation seriously. I ask this because I need info if I am going to adequately advise her (meaning, convince her to go to the police). Stalkers in general begin with an eros theme of unwanted attention, escalating in time, effort, money and such. At some point they usually become angry and seek to harm the subject of their obsession, by doing property damage; harming a loved one; causing her to lose her home or apartment (many leases and homeowners' ass'ns have rules against occupants attracting nuisances and disturbances of the peace.) Wiretapping, surveilllance and such is also not uncommon, so she loses her ability to call for help before he harms her. Lastly, and most sadly, the stalker may become her murderer or the murderer of someone she loves. This is not rare. Although the crime rate overall has been dropping for some time according to FBI statistics, murders of women by stalkers have been steadilly rising. Once again i urge you to get a copy of "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. His book is less than 200 pages long and full of solid information. candystripper

candystripper -> RE: STALKER (5/27/2006 7:36:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: desertdancer I had a real life in my face stalker in the state of Kansas, this was a man I met at work, he was a client who received a hair cut, later that day I received cards, and constant phone call..and from there it just got worse. He was EVERYWHERE ! I went to the court house, the first judge I spoke with made me CALL this man to ask him to leave me alone, after I had done that and my heart settled down, the judge then said "well that should be the end of that" and it wasnt....to make a long story short, I had one judge ready to sign a Protective order and another who wasn't..it turned into a lagal battle with me stuck in the middle... ..so I was then sent to see a new judge in an open docket, victims on one side of the room and the accused on the other.. as I was sitting there, a man got up, came over to our side of the room, picked up this little woman, i mean she was tiny by the throat then proceeded to choke her,. the judge then made them sit SIDE by SIDE, and explained to the lady that he (the judge) still was not ready to sign her protective order, but that they would hold this man for 30 minutes in the court house so she had time to get away !!!!! Needless to say, this judge did not sign my order either, he actually suggested I buy a gun and get a big dog ! I've sinced moved twice..I have NO faith in the legal system here in Kansas at all. I will say that local news stations can be a big help, i didnt want to make any interviews so I passed up the news, but they were willing to make a stink about the judges.. If you have a real life stalker, i suggest getting the business around you help keeping an eye out for you if you can, make friends with everyone who works around you, they can be a HUGE help Yours, dancer This is one of the most repugnant stories of judges i have ever heard, and i have heard and seen some dosies. candystripper

candystripper -> RE: STALKER (5/27/2006 7:39:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaMalinche And people are always surprised that I hate living in Kansas and want to move away. Thank you desertdancer. Has anyone else noticed the irony of the advice given? SHE should change her emai. SHE should move. SHE should change jobs. She should change her behavior and life because of something that a screwed-up nut is doing. How this "fixes" the situation, I cannot figure out, meaning that yes, she may make herself unavailable to this guy, but that does not stop him from doing this to others. So in essance, once again, a female should re-order her life so as to not be plagued by a male. Great. . . just great. I have seen this arguement about rapists. . . a female should limit her movement so as not to be raped. No one proposes limiting the rapist. Best, LaMalinche Actually it's probably fruitless for her to move, change jobs or even get a protective order. However, SHE needs to protect HER life. It sucks, but life ain't fair. And btw, men can be stalked as well. There are fewer bunny boilers out there, but enough. candystripper

CodenameV -> RE: STALKER (5/29/2006 8:44:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaMalinche And people are always surprised that I hate living in Kansas and want to move away. Thank you desertdancer. Has anyone else noticed the irony of the advice given? SHE should change her emai. SHE should move. SHE should change jobs. She should change her behavior and life because of something that a screwed-up nut is doing. How this "fixes" the situation, I cannot figure out, meaning that yes, she may make herself unavailable to this guy, but that does not stop him from doing this to others. So in essance, once again, a female should re-order her life so as to not be plagued by a male. Great. . . just great. I have seen this arguement about rapists. . . a female should limit her movement so as not to be raped. No one proposes limiting the rapist. Best, LaMalinche What do you propose people do? Use psychics to figure out who the rapists are and who the normal people are? How else to you suggest protecting women? We can't know who is going to rape whom when until it happens. So the (on average) physically weaker sex (women) needs to protect themselves in the best way they can. Making it about men vs. women is stupid. It's about predators vs. prey. The answer is simple, don't be prey and you won't be preyed upon. There is only one thing CLEARLY understood by those who prey on or use their aggression to intimidate others....and that is aggression. Like one of the other replies indicated...let him step through the doorway and greet him with a 12-gauge to the chest. I'm pretty sure after that he will get the message. And then he can sit in heaven on cloud 13 with all the other idiots who died stupidly, like the guy who wanted to make toast while having his bath.

MistressSassy66 -> RE: STALKER (5/30/2006 3:29:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaMalinche And people are always surprised that I hate living in Kansas and want to move away. Thank you desertdancer. Has anyone else noticed the irony of the advice given? SHE should change her emai. SHE should move. SHE should change jobs. She should change her behavior and life because of something that a screwed-up nut is doing. How this "fixes" the situation, I cannot figure out, meaning that yes, she may make herself unavailable to this guy, but that does not stop him from doing this to others. So in essance, once again, a female should re-order her life so as to not be plagued by a male. Great. . . just great. I have seen this arguement about rapists. . . a female should limit her movement so as not to be raped. No one proposes limiting the rapist. Best, LaMalinche From the posts I have read so far,several have stated she should go to the Police,that in My mind IS putting it on the stalker. Whether she chooses to do so is upto her. I can understand not wanting to give up a profile name. I have had to change My own I usually keep it somewhat close to the one I had. It sucks,but oh well thats life. Luckily I havent had much trouble,so been able to keep the one I have now.

keme -> RE: STALKER (6/1/2006 6:03:28 AM)
had an answer and an opinion deleted it all because what is the point... yes he needs help... yes she needs to protect herself... yes VandalHeart should be concerned....but the system doesn't work and most people in this venue are selfish busybodies with a much bigger fence that either hate themselves or everyone else...lol. For the many who I have noticed are not that way... my apologies I mean no offense... for those who are insulted and wish to attack me.. BRING IT ON... I have no soft underbelly when I face you. LaMalinche well said and many thanks VandalHeart prepare yourself and be supportive because it could end 2 shades of ugly or maybe just maybe someone will perform a miracle and all will be well.

Sensualips -> RE: STALKER (6/1/2006 7:44:02 AM)
The basic rule is do not engage him. That means don't accept calls, don't respond to emails, don't fight back and forth with him on the cm poly board, don't acknowledge him in any way. If you want him out of your life, do not continue to let him in. I completely understand not wanting to reorganize your life and make changes to accomodate his problem. But... quote: she may make herself unavailable to this guy, but that does not stop him from doing this to others. If that is a concern, I fail to see why you would not opt to contact the police. I live in Kansas and am familiar with the way stalking cases are typically handled, for a variety of reasons. It is not a perfect system by any means. But it never works if you don't work it.

timeoutgurlie -> RE: STALKER (6/1/2006 9:43:49 AM)
I'm not buying this at all. I'm a woman, I've been "stalked" (followed home a few times, scared the shit out of me) and I can definitely say it was serious and I wouldn't have worried about my fucking number of post counts. That was where it completely unravelled for me reading this, and it was very loosely wound to begin with. Actually, I'm personally quite pissed that someone would make a mockery of something so serious. IF any of this were true; I can tell you for damn sure the 'stalker' wouldn't stick to online, especially in the case that he knows where she lives, something REAL would've happened by now. It's funny how initially this was all an online thing until people replying weren't giving sympathy whatsoever, and then suddenly it was "No, this is in real life too"...gimme a fucking break. You should watch what you put out there, because karma's a funny thing...you may one day find yourself living out this lie with regret, not that I wish it on you, but it's likely to happen to teach you a lesson and give you perspective. Edited to add: For the original question, which I believe is the truth; being stalked online can be serious, but it's up to the one being stalked to stop it. Change all your info, make yourself hard to find, and remember to never give away personal info until you have a basis for trust with the one you're handing it over to. Should the victim have to bear the brunt? Unfortunately, yes. Life's rough, get a helmet.

redpetals -> RE: STALKER (6/1/2006 10:05:26 AM)
the police will tell her she should simply get off line and they will judge her unfairly at best and file her as a freak most likely its in her hands.. unless hes made a direct threat she wont get any help and you can take that to the bank i have blocked stalkers..it works well.. and if he knows her real address she should be very concerned because scared is smarter here.. i think she needs a geeky friend to find out who and where he is and she should post often about his stalking..stalkers like shadows and ild make the light shine on him.. just sayin'

redpetals -> RE: STALKER (6/1/2006 10:47:07 AM)
and hell no, i'm not saying harrass him.. just be sure if he stalks you you let people know about it

CrappyDom -> RE: STALKER (6/2/2006 4:55:08 PM)
It has been my experience that gaping chest wounds tend to deter stalkers. I have also found that most women make better shooters than men. Make THEM a statistic, not you!

cloudboy -> RE: STALKER (6/4/2006 6:42:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sensualips The basic rule is do not engage him. That means don't accept calls, don't respond to emails, don't fight back and forth with him on the cm poly board, don't acknowledge him in any way. If you want him out of your life, do not continue to let him in. I completely understand not wanting to reorganize your life and make changes to accomodate his problem. But... Funny, a member here accused me of stalking her here on the CMMB. I was rather taken aback, b/c my "stalking" involved no emails and nothing overt at all. I merely kept up with her posts and was responsively challenging to them. This member was no different than some of the other members I keep track of, with the one difference being that she was not in my "favorites" list. Anyway, after I gave her a little shit on some thread, she accused me of "obsessively" stalking her (in a PM.) I responded to the PM, and decided that I would never post to her again. So, its funny, I think craziness and insanity can cut both ways. A stalker can be in denial about what they do, obsessive, determined, creepy and the rest. AND... a regular person can accuse another of stalking when all that's going on is curiosity and human interest. I must say it was rather unpleasant to be unfairly accused of such an extreme thing, but the truth is, this fit this posters MO and personality. Once she leveled the accusation, I felt I had no choice but to cut her loose as a CMMB interest. So, I suppose your "cut them out" rule applies to true victims of stalkers and to those wrongfully accused of stalking.

CrappyDom -> RE: STALKER (6/4/2006 7:35:34 AM)
Cloudboy, You are on the cusp of learning an important lesson. The drama one finds around oneself is created by us. So, by walking away from, rather than surrounding ourselves with drama, we become drama free.

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