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Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 8:57:19 AM

sleazybutterfly

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i am new to this somewhat still..and am not really sure what the "rules" are in some areas. i mean, i want to be a good slave and do everything correctly... yet i know there are some things i just won't be able to do. These aren't the basic things.. so i am not whining..but things like fireplay..or needles. i honestly can't take either.. i have been burnt pretty bad before.. and i have always had a horrible needle phobia.

My question really is.. how do i handle this? Can i not do these things?

i know the idea is to push limits of the slave.. that i understand..but.. how far do You really push them?

Thank You, butterfly

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 9:00:56 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
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From: Cali
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A checklist may help. It will give you an idea of limits, hard and soft limits. A Tops 'job' is topush their bottom's limits and in the case of 24/7 at times it's to go beyond them and help them to be overcome. If you would like a few sample checklists, please email me and I would be more than happy to send you a few I have.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 9:02:57 AM

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That's why we have the concept of limits, and communication.

If something's a limit, then it's a limit.

If something's not a limit, then it's open to discussion.

Where you go depends on what YOU agree upon.

I actually don't push limits at all.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 9:06:06 AM

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Hi seazybutterfyl
about you limits and pushing them is great sweet but if you have phobias the best way to deal with then is by putting them in your profile as a hard limit not to be touched or spoken about i have the same problem with canes and in my old profile i had it in as a hard limit and i am a Gor slave smiles
sexyvampbitch

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 9:07:20 AM

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A good Master will never, never, make you do something that you can not do for physical or mental reasons. Pushing limits is a very gradual process, built upon trust.
Take it easy and don't worry your pretty little head over it.
My best, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 9:07:26 AM

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Yes you can say no to things you are not willing to do. Being a slave does not mean you have to do everything a master wants. That is why there are " hard limits ". Even though you want to be a slave you have a say in what happens. It is about the mutual pleasure that comes from what you and your master do together.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 9:13:19 AM

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From: Texas
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quote:

My question really is.. how do i handle this? Can i not do these things?

i know the idea is to push limits of the slave.. that i understand..but.. how far do You really push them?

Thank You, butterfly

Communicate with potential partners and let them know your fears and stick with those who have the same areas of interest as yourself. If you find a dominant who hates needles and fireplay it will never be an issue.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 9:33:06 AM

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quote:

but things like fireplay..or needles. i honestly can't take either.. i have been burnt pretty bad before.. and i have always had a horrible needle phobia.

My question really is.. how do i handle this? Can i not do these things?

sleazy,
You handle it by keeping it in the forefront of any relationship discussion with a person. Before consummating the relationship, if these things are 'deal breakers', it should be clear whether they will be 'relationship breakers'. If the issue is resolved to be a decision your Master makes when he feels you are "ready"; you best be confident that he has the skill set required to have true empathy for your emotional/mental state and the decision not solely based on his desire.

The last decision a slave makes is to trust the man/woman who they will be possessed with these types decisions. Until your level of comfort reaches this goal - don't enter into a Master/slave relationship. Retain the right of refusal as a submissive with activity limits.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 9:36:15 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I remember the first time I went over BDSM checklist with my former dom. It was overwhelming, and he was the type to push soft lmits and try to talk about limits (as I was rejecting anything that sounded slightly scary, he wanted to discuss these things with me).. Finally I just blurted out "Are you going to tie me up, put needles in me, cane me, and then abrade me all on the first date????" It made him laugh.. it made me relax. Try to ascertain what limits whatever dom you are negotiating with will want to push, or if they will push them at all. Dominants have different desires and if your limits are things a dominant really wants/needs from a sub then perhaps the match is not a good idea.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 10:09:20 AM

sleazybutterfly

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Thank you A/all so much for Y/your advice and help in this. i just wondered if i was not being a "true slave" by having these things i just couldn't do. i guess it's like any other relationship.. not every One.. is right for every one.

i do understand that if some are just fears from insecurity.. such as body image or something along that line..that maybe the need to just push a little should be there. Like for me personally.. i am not fond of being naked.. but i have been pushed to do that.. and i submitted to it. i found that during.. it didn't bother me that much.. because i could see how pleased He was with me... and after.. i felt satisfaction from that.

The thing is.. i don't want to miss any experience from just being scared.. but i will draw the line at the ones i just can't face..and make sure any Master i have.. will respect those.
Thanks for all of Y/your responses.

~butterfly

p.s. Thanks for the list offer.. i do have one of those.. it felt like a million questions..but it's on file. i do think i am still open though..because i revised the list yesterday..and changed some interest numbers. So it's good to know that i am still learning about what i do and don't like.. or can and can't do.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 10:27:05 AM

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From: Portland oregon
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Before committing yourself to anyone at that level ( and it is a much more deep a commitment then any marrage btw) you need to be sure that both of you are sure of what you both want. There are a lot of different master/slave relationships as well my first suggestion is that the two of you seek out a local "MAST" (Masters and slaves together)group and attend a few meetings.
In my opinion there are many "wannabes" in this and few true slaves and probably even fewer true Masters. What makes a "slave" and btw that is a really bad word but its about the only english word that gets close is that they have a inner desire to please their Master regardless of what they may have felt in the past. Conversely the Master has a huge responsibility in the care and protection of their slave and they recognise the huge gift that they have been given.
Again this is only MY opinion.. but would YOU die for him if he asked you to ? and does he have that level of caring for you that altho he has been given that power that he would NOT harm you, nor cause you harm..

Phil

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 10:30:49 AM

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Mercandbeth once again are absolutely correct. The last decision you make (as a slave) is who you trust to make these decisions for you. Don't make that one until you are sure.

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 10:52:39 AM

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From: Philadelphia area, PA
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Hi sleezy,
First let me say there are no correct rules within our lifestyle except what works for you and the people involved in your relationship.

My question really is.. how do i handle this?

You handle it by being open and honest about your fears, wants and needs.

Can i not do these things?

You dont have to do anything you dont want to. It will also help if you find out up front if your hard limits are deal breaker ... example if he loves needle play and your just cant do it, then perhaps he isnt the one for you ... also remember it works the other way as well , if you love needles and he doesnt then perhaps he isnt the one for you either ... Or you can look at it another way ... If he loves needles and you cant do it, perhaps he can find a play partner that will fulfil his needs for needle play, if all the other elements are there.

i know the idea is to push limits of the slave.. that i understand..but.. how far do You really push them?

My Master never really pushed me, he built trust, guided me, helped me face my fears, helped me look inside to find myself until i was at the point i am today....

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 12:04:42 PM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I have a question, is there any reason why you have to call yourself a slave instead of a submissive to start with. Many will disagree with me, but I would think that if one was just starting out with BDSM they may want to take their time labelling themselves a slave when they havent even determined what their limits are and what sort of power exchange they want. It just seems odd to call oneself a slave first rattle outta the box, there is plenty of time to define your submission as you explore it...that's just my opinion and I could be wrong

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 1:04:28 PM

Sab

Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have a question, is there any reason why you have to call yourself a slave instead of a submissive to start with. Many will disagree with me, but I would think that if one was just starting out with BDSM they may want to take their time labelling themselves a slave when they havent even determined what their limits are and what sort of power exchange they want. It just seems odd to call oneself a slave first rattle outta the box, there is plenty of time to define your submission as you explore it...that's just my opinion and I could be wrong

Agreed - and you need communication, honesty with a lot of trust.

_____________________________

God blessed it and it brought me to her.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 1:07:02 PM

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I have to agree with juliaoceania. I think that most people have to go from being a sub to being a slave. You can not give totally give yourself all at once it is a process. And if you rush and throw yourself into it all at once you can get hurt.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/24/2006 1:34:21 PM

Arpig

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From: Increasingly further from reality
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Stop worrying about being a "true" slave, there is no such thing, as each Master will have a different view of what a true sub or slave is (lord knows I expect a damn sight more backtalk and fight from mine than most masters would even consider).
Be the slave you are, and express your limits and explain why they are limits....if he is worth your trust then he will know which limits are pushable, and how hard to push them (with your continued input, either through direct negotiation-style talk, or through revealing your current fantasies, etc.
I am a great believer in pushing limits, but my pet has a limit with fire play, a very firm limit, and I do not push that at all...she also has a limit regarding doing anything with her feet (many medical problems with her feet growing up), but that limit we have already expanded to the point that she enjoys mild play involving her feet.
She also had an issue with needle play...we tried it, and she went along as far as she could, we found her limit, and we respect it...however she knows I would like to go further, and will tell me when she is ready to try again.
Communication is the key to pushing limits, not just understanding what the limit is, but also understanding why it is a limit...your needle-phobia is the sort of limit I wouldn't push, as it is based on a deep underlying issue you have with needles in general, much like my pet's issue with fireplay. Armed with that understanding, your master and you can understand which limits are pushable and which are better left alone for the time being.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/25/2006 7:24:32 PM

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Any Good Master will respect your hard limits but I have talked with allot subs and slaves over the years. I have been told to Hell no they would not do any thing like signal tails or needle play then one year later I would come across them during the different community events only to witness them doing those things. Remember never say never for doing allot of those things take time to build up to them for a year from now you might grow to love it. All I can say is keep an open mind and see them how they are done first. Doing things like fire play and needle play take time to build up were you can handle them. Just keep a mind open to your exploration into this world for you might pass up something you could learn to enjoy later in time. Just be safe and remember your safe word if things get too far out of hand.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/25/2006 8:29:50 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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To the OP..IMO..a limit is a limit..however..that does not preclude you from having continuing discussions with your Master,possibly to expand on limits by simply modifying them,such as find out at what point does it become a limit..does the sight of a needle scare you?does the needle being in close proximity scare you?then you go from there, start from beginning of where the fear begins and ends..and then mildly begin to adjust to needle..like..have it laying about in bathroom..innocently lying there..seeing it every day..until it becomes as if nothing..now these are just an idea..an example..may have no actual credability in your fear base..just a way of leading toward a compromise or an easy way to readjust your fear and mindset..but do not forget..if you cannot do it..then you simply cannot do it...this is just a viewpoint not personal experience talking...Tempting

(in reply to HoosierScorpio)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/25/2006 8:59:05 PM

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A couple people here, have touched the subject well. In that a slave has already made the decssion that they are property, and that their decissions are from that point forward going to be made by their owner. Now that said to remain legal we engadge in Consensual slavery, that means that consent has been given and that consent can be withdrawn. Slaves have limits yes but they have few options as to how to exrcise them. They have the right to vote with their feet as I like to say, ( walk out the door). So Hard limits are those things that will cause you to pack and leave. As has been said already if you are going to be a slave you had best have a really good idea about who you are giving that power to.

All things have some form of limits, a slave cannot fly on it's own, no amount of dominance/ ownership is going to change that.
Force a slave or most any property to go beyond it's actual limits and you end up with broken property. And while, within the strict definition, that is an owner's right; that does not make exercising that right smart or ethical.

So we end up back to the concept of knowing your prospective owner is goiong to operate within an ethical system that you find acceptable. If their ethical system matches yours then you're in good shape, and all the worry about limits becomes far less important. ie. Many slaves put no children as a hard limit for play, this stems from their own ethical idea that children and D/s are not to be mixed. If you find someone whose ethics match your own then the no children limit is shared ground and thus is of no consequence. For most hard limits this works out. The trouble comes in when the activity is off your list for other than ethical reasons, phobias etc. Then ethics still comes into play though because you are looking for a prospective owner who's ethics include not damaging his/her property, keeping their property maintained and valuable.

Now a couple [people have noted that the route of submissive to slave is a good idea, I'll cast my lot in with them and give a personal rule as well. Unless you have served the person as a submisssive for a year or better I would contend that giving over the level of control of a Master/slave is premature. (NOTE this means face to face RT service over extended periods of time)

Remember these opinions is like most other opinions worth exactly what you paid me for it.

In Leather

Archer

(in reply to HoosierScorpio)

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