subs and slaves shed some light

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

subs and slaves shed some light

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> subs and slaves shed some light

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

subs and slaves shed some light - 10/15/2011 4:34:53 PM

Posts: 24
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline

my user name is dom66666.im not new to the lifestyle or cm but id like some honesty by real slaves and or subs.ive talked to several subs and or slaves in the past few months.i got to know them and they me.ive asked them all do to fakes on here if they wanted to go to the next step,which is meeting in person.they all say yes.however,all of them when asked personal info of where they live or ive even offered my address,all of them block me.my question is this,why go through weeks to get to know me only to block me when its time to meet?its alot of bs to go through only to get blocked.i am real and I take this seriously.i know games are played but to play a game for weeks seems like bs.again I ask,why

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/15/2011 4:47:57 PM

Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline

In general, there are a lot of people on computer sites similar to this that aren't truthful. They're getting their jollies in some fashion and it works for them. Maybe these women don't match the pictures they sent you, or are married and when it comes down to actually meeting they don't want to follow through on it. Maybe they're not even women. The game playing might be all these people want to get out of being here, they never intend on going any farther.

(in reply to dom66666)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/15/2011 4:59:05 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I'd have to go along with Darksteven's response to this on the other thread. My best guess is that you're pushing too hard, even though they say they want to meet, giving them your address and suggesting the meet being at your place as you mentioned on that thread, is simply going too fast for many women. If I were meeting someone for the first time I'd generally want it to be in a public place where I'd feel safe like a coffee place. Even if I had spent a few weeks getting to know someone online, I usually wouldn't be willing to forgo my own sense of personal safety and meet at his house.

They could have had second thoughts after agreeing to do it and felt it was too risky. I don't know what else you're asking or saying, but that one thing stood out to me as having the potential for them to cut off contact.

(in reply to dom66666)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/15/2011 5:16:20 PM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dom66666
all of them when asked personal info of where they live

I certainly wouldn't give you that information. It's not safe.

quote:

ive even offered my address,all of them block me.

And I wouldn't go to your house either. It's not safe.

Beyond the safety aspect, if you came out with either of those suggestions, I'd be convinced that you're just looking to get laid...and goodbye.

Why don't you suggest meeting for coffee instead?

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 10/15/2011 5:18:28 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to dom66666)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/15/2011 5:21:29 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I thought of something else. You say that you've had several women do this over a couple of months...well, that's odd to me. There aren't that many women on an adult site compared to the number of men and the men I know here have a success rate with finding women to talk to that is much lower than what you are saying Which means to me that you aren't screening well and ending up with scammers and people whose only intent is to be online.

The profiles with the hot pictures of young women are most likely not going to give you a steady relationship- which it seems like you are looking for. You might have a better success rate with women if you are more realistic about who you are contacting. Look at it this way....if there are more men then there are women, then the young attractive women are going to get a lot of attention and offers. It's kind of a rule of thumb that if someone here who is amazingly hot is interested in an average guy - it's pretty much not a genuine situation. Look at who you are contacting and getting to know - that might be part of the problem is you are contacting people who never intend to go past being on the computer.

(in reply to lizi)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/15/2011 5:35:04 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: dom66666
all of them when asked personal info of where they live
I certainly wouldn't give you that information. It's not safe.

Geez, I missed that! Good catch OsideGirl.

OP, I didnt see that part about you asking them for where they live. I'd never give you that info. That would be instant bye and block. The fact that you thought it was ok to ask for says you are pretty cavalier about my safety, which means I wouldn't trust you. Just the fact that you asked for it is creepy. There's your problem. Stop expecting the women you are meeting to put their safety concerns aside for some stranger on the internet. You'll never get anywhere if you are that inappropriate as to assume that someone you don't know is going to give you a key piece of information before they've decided if you are the right person for them.

Based on that bit of knowledge and also knowing that you're asking to meet at your place I'm going to say that you're coming off as the weird, icky guy- and I'd probably never give you another thought. I don't let strange men decide what my risk tolerance is, I do that for myself. If you don't get why this was a bad thing to do....ask for a woman you've never met before's address, or suggesting that the two of you meet at your place....then you'll have to go on in life without a partner.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/15/2011 5:50:04 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

Definitely it is a safety issue. Would you give a potential sub your social security number before meeting her so she could do a background check? If not, then why do you expect her to give you personal information that could lead to you finding her easily? Her physical safety is just as important as your financial safety.

(in reply to lizi)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/15/2011 6:43:43 PM

MstrDennynSlave

Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

When I first met Master in public, I suggested a location that was not anywhere near where I lived. I met him at a restaurant for breakfast. When we were through with breakfast and talking, I didn't head straight back home. Though I liked him and wanted to see hiim again, I didn't want to take the chance that he would follow me home before I was ready to let him know where I lived. For a woman, it is all about safety. It should also be all about safety for you, too. Though it is rare, but not as rare as it once was, there are crazy, unbalanced women that can and will hurt men also. Do you really want to take the chance on meeting one of these women in your own home?

(in reply to searching4mysir)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/15/2011 7:53:49 PM

Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dom66666
all of them when asked personal info of where they live or ive even offered my address,all of them block me.my question is this,why go through weeks to get to know me only to block me when its time to meet?its alot of bs to go through only to get blocked.i am real and I take this seriously.i know games are played but to play a game for weeks seems like bs.again I ask,why

I would not give out personal information to ANYONE until I felt really comfortable doing so. Just because they won't give out personal information doesn't mean they are fakes. I'm as real as can be and take all this meeting people business seriously, but I still don't want someone knowing my address/phone# until I can really trust that they aren't a weirdo. I will, however, meet someone in a public place and not immediately go home right afterward, in case they follow me. Paranoid? No. Being safe? Yes.

~Hisprettybaby~

(in reply to dom66666)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/15/2011 8:46:11 PM

Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline

Ya if someone from the bar asked me where I lived I wouldn't tell them nor would I tell someone on the internet. If I were going to meet up it would be for a coffee and a chat. Are you perhaps expecting more? If not I would say that you come across as expecting more.

(in reply to Hisprettybaby)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/15/2011 8:46:58 PM

Posts: 54
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline

+1 on Dark Steven. You might be rushing.

In the world of sales, if your product isn't selling you need to either fix your product/pitch or broaden your base.

Munches? That at least puts you in a r/l room with people into or curious about BDSM. Curious enough to turn off the computer and show up somewhere.

I don't know if this applies to very many people, but when I'm looking through profiles, after perving the pictures and reading the bio, I look at their forum posts if they have any. It is a good window to see a little bit more than a picture or bio will give. So... Maybe posting a little more, creating another dimension for prospective subs to view, will also help their comfort level.

(in reply to Hisprettybaby)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/15/2011 9:22:05 PM

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

offer to meet in a public place or at a local munch. i drove nearly 3 hours to meet my Mistress for the first time and not to play. ask them where they would feel comfortable meeting.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to roscho)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/15/2011 10:12:42 PM

Posts: 141
Status: offline

The first meeting for Win and I was in a park. Had he wanted my address on that first meet, we would not be together now. To me this has nothing to do with the kind of site this is, but as others have noted, it's a safety issue. There are many public meting places that allow for conversation and time to become comfortable with each other.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/16/2011 1:05:07 AM

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I'm going to echo what others have said. You're pushing it too far, too fast and getting burned in the process.

Every guy I've ever met from cm has been in a coffee shop in the middle of the day, or somewhere very public and safe.

Sometimes the chemistry has been there, and we've arranged another date. Sometimes it hasn't and we said goodbye.

No way on EARTH would I go to someone's house for a first meet. No way would I give them any personal info about me other than my first name and the town I live in. Not until I know I can trust them, and that takes time.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to winspiritsbaby)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/16/2011 2:02:04 AM

Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline

Why the hell would you meet at a coffee shop? That's so....vanilla! Meet somewhere more interesting, a park, golf course, any place public with lots of people that you can do something together besides just talk. You spent weeks talking and chatting, now it's time to move on to participating in activities together. Art museums, golf kart courses, any place well lit and comfortable that you can have fun at. My first blind date ever was at an indoor rock climbing facility. All of these suggestions are very inexpensive and if you don't click, you have something to do with your time besides go home and sulk!

As others have said, jumping to addresses is a little stalkerish. Meet publicly a few times, see where things go. You can build your chemistry in person and get to the physical when the time is right, going somewhere private will feel natural. It's all about building comfort, not just for her, but you as well.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to Lillsissybrat)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/16/2011 2:23:42 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

I wouldn't want you to know where I lived until I knew I actually liked you in person.

Oh, and any girl who took me indoor rock climbing on a first date would be halfway into my pants before the date even started!! What a cool idea Endivius!

<Looks pointedly at the three lame asses who have never taken me indoor rock climbing.>

(in reply to dom66666)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/16/2011 3:03:51 AM

Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline

I have never taken a woman to dinner and a movie. I believe I'm more creative than that. I've had a few disaster dates, but it was never because of the venue. My favorite places to go are golf kart courses and paint ball. I have had the most fun on dates doing paintball, and never had a bad date doing it.

Softball games are another great date venue, so is disc golf. I could go on and on...

Edit to add : Psst...aren't you supposed to be moles--err... I mean
"examining" eachother for lumps right now?

< Message edited by Endivius -- 10/16/2011 3:06:29 AM >

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/16/2011 4:15:34 AM

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

those are some awesome ideas, Endivius ^_^
plus, things like that help you stand out, especially if a girl has gone on a ton of "dinner-n-movie" "coffee shop" dates.
being actively involved with each other gives you a good chance to see how you work together, what the chemistry is, how your sense of humor works, etc.
"just grab a coffee" never works out to be the nonchalant no-pressure hang-out guys try to make it out to be. plus, asking for addresses so soon seems a little... eeh... maybe you should stop doing that, OP.

when you throw your address or phone number at someone who isn't really interested in giving theirs just yet, you set up this sort of "pressure" to reciprocate, and some chicks don't respond well to that, if they aren't SERIOUSLY interested in you.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to Endivius)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/16/2011 4:20:03 AM

Posts: 24
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline

ok,for all those who answered,thankyou for doing so.in response to what alot of you said,i have asked if they wanted to meet at coffee shops,hence the whatever after stating at my place.ive asked them if it should be at coffee shops,my place their place or wherever.also,its not like we have only talked online,they all have given me phone numbers and they all have mine.ive talked to all of them offline.i know of their families,brotgers sisters,where they were bborn,their likes and dislikes both in and out of the lifestyle.as I said,ive gotten to know them.im not just some perv whos an idiot.ive been a part of this lifestyle for 13 years.ive bneen trained by a real dom on how to be a dom.im good at what I do and im real.im not expecting to meet someone ive only talked to online.trust when I say,i know better than that.again,these arewomen ive gotten to know over weeks,(plural),as in more than one.everything is great until its time to meet face to face.ive trained 5 women in the 13 years ive done this.one to bbe a pain slut,one to be submissives and three to be slaves.i met all of them offline at parties.all those parties I go to and still go to are for master doms and subs/slaves looking for more training or to train more.plus were all kinda friends.nobody at those parties is looking for LOVE.a friend told me about cm and fetlife.ive tried them both.all this being said,why go through all the trouble og getting to know someone only to block them when its time to meet.

(in reply to Endivius)

RE: subs and slaves shed some light - 10/16/2011 4:32:54 AM

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

i doesn't matter if you've talked offline "for weeks" -- if i've never hung out with someone in that span of time, i'm still not going to his house.
it's possible that they get the sense you're trying to move things forward and they just aren't interested. girls who are actually interested will move along. maybe they just want someone to talk to, but nothing more than that.
or maybe you are pushier than you think.

quote:

have asked if they wanted to meet at coffee shops,hence the whatever after stating at my place.ive asked them if it should be at coffee shops,my place their place or wherever.

for a first time meet, if someone suggested meeting at their place or my place, that would be a no-go. no matter how much you've talked with these people on the phone -- the phone is still not in person, and for whatever reason, they're just not interested in pursuing an "in person" relationship of any kind with you.
do you harp on this "we need to meet up" thing with them?

none of your so-called "credentials" matter if you don't have good social skills.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to dom66666)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> subs and slaves shed some light

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.102