LadiesBladewing
Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
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One of the things that we look for is the person who is already on a road of growth. We tend to have individuals come to us who are already working on expanding their perceptions of themselves and the world, and who are both ready and willing to explore new tools in the process.
I believe that it is impossible to change another person. The only way that a person will change is if he or she is motivated within him or herself to make changes, and the changes will always be the ones that are personally beneficial. An individual may attempt to change to fit someone else's idea of who and what he or she should be, but in the end, changes made for someone else without any sense of personal growth and benefit from the change in question almost always end in backsliding and a huge well of resentment.
Change is a good thing. It marks our ability to adapt to our increased perceptions of our place in the world around us, and to work towards flourishing in that world. When we stop growing and changing, we start to stagnate, and eventually, whether our body continues on or not, we begin to die inside. I find it invigorating, challenging, and an incredible blessing to be able to work with people to help them to obtain their vision of themselves and assist them in becoming more "oneself" than they ever believed that they could be. At the same time, it is not my job to try to force people into becoming my vision of who and what they are. I can encourage, but the only useful motivation comes from the internal desire to do the work that comes with progression.
I see my role as both a dominant individual and a spiritual and life-guide as being the structure and pillar against which an individual can strive. I provide a safe foundation on which the vision that a person has of him or herself can be built, and provide strength, direction, and tools that can be used in obtaining and maintaining that personal motivation to grow, change, and progress.
What I do is not selfless. I thoroughly enjoy the success of those who serve in the House and who have grown from the experience. That enjoyment is my reward. Some will want to change just one aspect of themselves, and some will change from root to branch, but no matter how much or how little, every bit of progress is a huge rush for me. That is my "bennie" from choosing to take on the responsibility to dominate, protect, guide, direct and challenge changing human beings.
ZWD
quote:
ORIGINAL: perverseangelic
The post on weight got me thinking about the subject of changing one's partner, and rather than co-opt the thread I thought I'd start something new.
What are your opinions on changing the person you are with, either physically or mentally? That is, do you think it's a good thing to find someone and mold him/her to your expectations? To find someoen who matches your ideas physically and change his/her mental outlook? To find someone whose brain you like and change his/her body?
How about the degree? For example, do you think you would start a relationship with someone who -totally- doesn't match your critera or who has a factor that would otherwise disqualify him/her and plan on changing it (as in the fat thread someone who is overweight when you detest overweight people). What about getting involved with someone who is just slightly different than your criteria (a blonde when you prefer red heads).
Do you think it's a good idea to enter a relationship -knowing- you want to change the person?
_____________________________
"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave
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RE: Changing the person you're with - 
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