RE: When a Domme Blackmails you

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ETOX123 -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 10:59:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus So I didn't misread you. :) Honestly, OP, it's not like we aren't trying to help, in our scattershot way. Being trans is a hard path, and there are lots more resources available to you than there were in past years. Build a support system, and get your head straight. Unless you have been the genius of hiding your personality, it's possible that your family suspects that you are not heteronormative. Good luck. Well to be perfectly frank, I have been very good at hiding my personality. If my family knows, then they went to a psychic at some point during my childhood. I'm not going to say there weren't some close calls. For instance my mother nearly finding the dress I was hiding under my mattress....how did she not find it? She lifted the mattress up but didn't look any further than the first half inch of space. I was so careful that I didn't even keep a journal. I didn't discuss it with my therapist, I just let it grow inside. The only person I ever talked to about it was a woman I met online, and she was the first. Now a few members of my family know, for instance my Aunt and my Cousin, but they haven't told anyone.

agirl -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 11:02:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JanahX And he also stated that YOU PEOPLE that means EVERYONE... not just some here and there, keep attacking me. I didnt see a lot of attacks. Sorry, I saw a lot of people that tried to help him and he just continued to whine on. I didnt see anyone picking on him. Not at all. I saw people that were questioning him on why he is bothering on how to fix a mistake, but yet is in turn setting himself up for more of the same on what his fear is based on. And then he goes on to say that by replying to him .. by his words picking on him ... all of us? some of us?.. are making OURSELVES LOOK STUPID. ... REALLY? well at least I didnt send a complete internet stranger compromised pictures with written communication on whom I am, and then come to a public forum and contradict myself every single time I posted. I read a lot of .. I am saying one thing but mean another and its everyones fault here but mine.. so thus that makes everyone here STUPID by trying to help me. No, That doesn't mean everyone. It means the ones that were picking on him. I've no doubt that's how it might feel to be on the recieving end of some of the frightful posts here. He thanked the people that gave him constructive advice. (read back) I saw very little whining on, if any. He is the person best placed to make the decisions to utilise any advice given. I would be exactly the same way. He didn't say he was afraid.To recap, this is what he asked. Quote: 1) How exactly do I deal with this? 2) My family is going to find out that I'm a transgender, what do I say to them? 3) Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Let me know what you think, thanks. Unquote. No mention of fear. He's also made it quite clear (twice) that he's not afraid. The posts he quoted were yours and SB's when he made those remarks and frankly, I thought the same. I think he was remarkable restrained with his responses considering the nature of those posts. I doubt very much that he was including the people he thanked, wouldn't you agree? He didn't call EVERYONE stupid Janah, he marked YOURS and SB's post out. Maybe ask yourself why. agirl

agirl -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 11:12:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I didn't catch that he was responding to specific posts...just that the story seemed rather fluid, and the excuses aplenty. Which is perhaps typical of this place. I often wonder why anyone would come here looking for ADVICE from internet strangers. Usually because they have few, if any other places. It's all very well for people like me, and perhaps many others, who have ample people to speak to about deeply personal things. Not everyone is as fortunate. agirl

HannahLynn -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 11:13:12 AM)
quote: It's called being considerate and thoughtful. yea, well maybe you just skimmed the fucking post i was replying to where we were told that the op's family would: quote: If they ever thought that their son was to be this way they would disown him just to purify the family name. now just exactly where the fuck is there anything considerate or thoughtful of the op in that shit? and how the fuck do you consider people who would do that to be worthy of any consideration whatsoever? like i said, if they really are like that then fuck them, they are fucking toxic and he is better off with them gone from his life. maybe next time you'll read what is posted in context and actually understand what was fucking said.

agirl -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 11:32:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HannahLynn quote: It's called being considerate and thoughtful. yea, well maybe you just skimmed the fucking post i was replying to where we were told that the op's family would: quote: If they ever thought that their son was to be this way they would disown him just to purify the family name. now just exactly where the fuck is there anything considerate or thoughtful of the op in that shit? and how the fuck do you consider people who would do that to be worthy of any consideration whatsoever? like i said, if they really are like that then fuck them, they are fucking toxic and he is better off with them gone from his life. maybe next time you'll read what is posted in context and actually understand what was fucking said. I did actually, perfectly well. Just because your FAMILY is that way doesn't mean that YOU have to, nor indeed, wish to be that way.The beliefs of his family make no sense to me whatsoever and I'd consider them ignorant and misguided but that doesn't mean that he doesn't wish to be considerate all the same. Not everyone tallies up whether or not someone is worthy of consideration. I am considerate because it's the way I want to be, it's got nothing to do with whether anyone is worthy of it. They might be toxic to YOUR way of thinking, but not everyone thinks the way you do and not everyone IS you. As I said before.....families aren't all good or all bad. agirl

HannahLynn -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 11:48:06 AM)
quote: I am considerate because it's the way I want to be by "considerate" here you mean spineless doormat, right? look most of the guy's family are religious fucking lunatics and the less he has to do with them and their vile creed the better off he will be. i don't care who the fuck you are or how pleasant a person you like to be, people like that will seriously fuck up your head, and you're either a complete idiot or majorly self-destructive if you don't cut them out of your life at the first fucking opportunity.

ETOX123 -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 11:59:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HannahLynn quote: I am considerate because it's the way I want to be by "considerate" here you mean spineless doormat, right? look most of the guy's family are religious fucking lunatics and the less he has to do with them and their vile creed the better off he will be. i don't care who the fuck you are or how pleasant a person you like to be, people like that will seriously fuck up your head, and you're either a complete idiot or majorly self-destructive if you don't cut them out of your life at the first fucking opportunity. Religious lunatics or not, they are the people who helped me to deal with my Asperger's syndrome and taught me to interact with the world. If they hadn't put that effort forth I would be either living in a group home or on the street right now with no chance of adapting into society. So yes, I'm going to be considerate towards them, and I'm going to give them the respect they deserve. It is truly unfortunate that they will never know the real me, but there are plenty of other people who do.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 12:00:20 PM)
Thanks for saying that, OP. [:)]

mnottertail -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 12:03:05 PM)
When a domme blackmails a subbie male Can't spend his money on nothing else He'll trade the world For the good thing he's found If she's bad he can't see it She can do no wrong Turn his back on his best friend If he put her down When a domme blackmails a subbie male Spend his very last dime Tryin' to hold on to what he needs He'd give up all his comfort Sleep out in the rain If she said that's the way it ought to be Your miserable worm, Percy Sledgecock

HannahLynn -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 12:03:22 PM)
cool, whatever floats your fucking boat there buckwheat. complete idiot/majorly self destructive, only you know for sure which it is. though given the topic of this thread i'd say it was probably a healthy measure both.

GreedyTop -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 12:03:59 PM)
dammit, Ron.. now I have that song stuck in my head

mnottertail -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 12:04:44 PM)
Ron Melby, purveyor of the planet's finest ear worms since 1954. Pop by the house and give a listen.....

SailingBum -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 12:17:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl quote: ORIGINAL: JanahX And he also stated that YOU PEOPLE that means EVERYONE... not just some here and there, keep attacking me. I didnt see a lot of attacks. Sorry, I saw a lot of people that tried to help him and he just continued to whine on. I didnt see anyone picking on him. Not at all. I saw people that were questioning him on why he is bothering on how to fix a mistake, but yet is in turn setting himself up for more of the same on what his fear is based on. And then he goes on to say that by replying to him .. by his words picking on him ... all of us? some of us?.. are making OURSELVES LOOK STUPID. ... REALLY? well at least I didnt send a complete internet stranger compromised pictures with written communication on whom I am, and then come to a public forum and contradict myself every single time I posted. I read a lot of .. I am saying one thing but mean another and its everyones fault here but mine.. so thus that makes everyone here STUPID by trying to help me. No, That doesn't mean everyone. It means the ones that were picking on him. I've no doubt that's how it might feel to be on the recieving end of some of the frightful posts here. He thanked the people that gave him constructive advice. (read back) I saw very little whining on, if any. He is the person best placed to make the decisions to utilise any advice given. I would be exactly the same way. He didn't say he was afraid.To recap, this is what he asked. Quote: 1) How exactly do I deal with this? 2) My family is going to find out that I'm a transgender, what do I say to them? 3) Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Let me know what you think, thanks. Unquote. No mention of fear. He's also made it quite clear (twice) that he's not afraid. The posts he quoted were yours and SB's when he made those remarks and frankly, I thought the same. I think he was remarkable restrained with his responses considering the nature of those posts. I doubt very much that he was including the people he thanked, wouldn't you agree? He didn't call EVERYONE stupid Janah, he marked YOURS and SB's post out. Maybe ask yourself why. agirl Jeez I just have to chime in here. agirl did you even read the first post? Directly from the initial post. I finally flat out told her that I wouldn't be blackmailed or bullied into submitting, especially since she decided to resort to it before the first meeting. She claims that she will ruin me socially and professionally, and she will do it within the next few days. As to how she got all of her information, I don't know, but all of it is spot on and I know for a fact that she can destroy me. That said, I have a few questions: How convenient of you to leave out the preceding paragraph when quoting the first post. What are you a journalist or something??? When ppl use the words "destroy" and "ruin" I tend to think that person is in some serious shit... but that's just me furthermore when someone writes that stuff I figure them to "worried or afraid" thou YMMV. Now come to find out <again in the OP> That he is worried cuz his mommy <read family> might find out that he wears high heels <read who he is as a person> Really "ruin and destroy" cuz you wear dresses just a tad dramatic don't ya think??? To my mind that makes him a coward. YES a coward. I'm glad you asked me why I say that. He is more concerned what others think of him ...than who he is. As I have said before in countless post. I dont run around telling ppl that I enjoi smacking bitches around however I am not ashamed of it either. Just like I dont tell my kids "ya know I had a great time fucking your mother last night" it falls under TMI and private information. Yet my kid know that at some point I had sex with their mom. That concept of NOT be ashamed of what you do <read who you are as a person> is healthy. The person that is "ashamed" and "hides" is a coward in my book. My assessment of the situation has not changed. Real simple shit "Live by your convictions" BadOne

LafayetteLady -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 12:23:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ETOX123 quote: ORIGINAL: HannahLynn quote: I am considerate because it's the way I want to be by "considerate" here you mean spineless doormat, right? look most of the guy's family are religious fucking lunatics and the less he has to do with them and their vile creed the better off he will be. i don't care who the fuck you are or how pleasant a person you like to be, people like that will seriously fuck up your head, and you're either a complete idiot or majorly self-destructive if you don't cut them out of your life at the first fucking opportunity. Here's the thing. A lot of people who are homosexual, transexual or just "different" spend a good portion of their life after "figuring out" that about themselves thinking that their family will disown them, hate them, turn their back on them. The truth (even in those fanatical religious families) is that the love a parent feels for their child (which apparently yours do) can often override that "desire" to disown, hate, or turn their back on them. I know you think that your mom never found the dress tucked under your mattress, but maybe you are selling her short just a bit. Sometimes, frequently actually, a parent will know and never say or imply anything because they want their child to come forward to them when they are ready. I get that you probably think that your parents could NEVER be that way, they would surely hate you. You could be right and they will. But you also could be very wrong and find out that your folks love you no matter what and while they might not be instantly able to understand or even sympathize, you are still their child. Are your aunt and your cousin as religious or this something special to your parents? Because it sounds like those relatives have found a way to accept who you are. They are probably also your best resource for figuring out how to eventually come out to your parents. Part of being considerate of them is not lieing to them or hiding who you are. You might also want to find a private therapist to help you figure it out. One your parents aren't paying for or having contact with. Not that any half way decent therapist is going to divulge anything about you, but because by doing it that way, YOU will feel infinately more comfortable speaking with them. Religious lunatics or not, they are the people who helped me to deal with my Asperger's syndrome and taught me to interact with the world. If they hadn't put that effort forth I would be either living in a group home or on the street right now with no chance of adapting into society. So yes, I'm going to be considerate towards them, and I'm going to give them the respect they deserve. It is truly unfortunate that they will never know the real me, but there are plenty of other people who do.

agirl -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 12:30:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HannahLynn quote: I am considerate because it's the way I want to be by "considerate" here you mean spineless doormat, right? look most of the guy's family are religious fucking lunatics and the less he has to do with them and their vile creed the better off he will be. i don't care who the fuck you are or how pleasant a person you like to be, people like that will seriously fuck up your head, and you're either a complete idiot or majorly self-destructive if you don't cut them out of your life at the first fucking opportunity. That doesn't matter. What matters is how HE wants to deal with it, and them.....his family. I repeat, not all good, not all bad. I don't think for one second that it's spineless to be considerate...to consider. Far from it, I think it's sensible and rational. I've probably fucked with my children's heads, it's not intentional but there's no doubt that my decisions, beliefs etc, aren't theirs. For some people, family is precious for many other reasons beyond the obvious fuckedupness. There's nothing black and white about it, and certainly not when it's about someone you haven't a clue about beyond a few posts. agirl

agirl -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 12:48:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum quote: ORIGINAL: agirl quote: ORIGINAL: JanahX And he also stated that YOU PEOPLE that means EVERYONE... not just some here and there, keep attacking me. I didnt see a lot of attacks. Sorry, I saw a lot of people that tried to help him and he just continued to whine on. I didnt see anyone picking on him. Not at all. I saw people that were questioning him on why he is bothering on how to fix a mistake, but yet is in turn setting himself up for more of the same on what his fear is based on. And then he goes on to say that by replying to him .. by his words picking on him ... all of us? some of us?.. are making OURSELVES LOOK STUPID. ... REALLY? well at least I didnt send a complete internet stranger compromised pictures with written communication on whom I am, and then come to a public forum and contradict myself every single time I posted. I read a lot of .. I am saying one thing but mean another and its everyones fault here but mine.. so thus that makes everyone here STUPID by trying to help me. No, That doesn't mean everyone. It means the ones that were picking on him. I've no doubt that's how it might feel to be on the recieving end of some of the frightful posts here. He thanked the people that gave him constructive advice. (read back) I saw very little whining on, if any. He is the person best placed to make the decisions to utilise any advice given. I would be exactly the same way. He didn't say he was afraid.To recap, this is what he asked. Quote: 1) How exactly do I deal with this? 2) My family is going to find out that I'm a transgender, what do I say to them? 3) Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Let me know what you think, thanks. Unquote. No mention of fear. He's also made it quite clear (twice) that he's not afraid. The posts he quoted were yours and SB's when he made those remarks and frankly, I thought the same. I think he was remarkable restrained with his responses considering the nature of those posts. I doubt very much that he was including the people he thanked, wouldn't you agree? He didn't call EVERYONE stupid Janah, he marked YOURS and SB's post out. Maybe ask yourself why. agirl Jeez I just have to chime in here. agirl did you even read the first post? Directly from the initial post. I finally flat out told her that I wouldn't be blackmailed or bullied into submitting, especially since she decided to resort to it before the first meeting. She claims that she will ruin me socially and professionally, and she will do it within the next few days. As to how she got all of her information, I don't know, but all of it is spot on and I know for a fact that she can destroy me. That said, I have a few questions: How convenient of you to leave out the preceding paragraph when quoting the first post. What are you a journalist or something??? When ppl use the words "destroy" and "ruin" I tend to think that person is in some serious shit... but that's just me furthermore when someone writes that stuff I figure them to "worried or afraid" thou YMMV. Now come to find out <again in the OP> That he is worried cuz his mommy <read family> might find out that he wears high heels <read who he is as a person> Really "ruin and destroy" cuz you wear dresses just a tad dramatic don't ya think??? To my mind that makes him a coward. YES a coward. I'm glad you asked me why I say that. He is more concerned what others think of him ...than who he is. As I have said before in countless post. I dont run around telling ppl that I enjoi smacking bitches around however I am not ashamed of it either. Just like I dont tell my kids "ya know I had a great time fucking your mother last night" it falls under TMI and private information. Yet my kid know that at some point I had sex with their mom. That concept of NOT be ashamed of what you do <read who you are as a person> is healthy. The person that is "ashamed" and "hides" is a coward in my book. My assessment of the situation has not changed. Real simple shit "Live by your convictions" BadOne Mhhmm, I read it. I also read on..........it helps to do that. Yes YMMV and mine does. Why do you think that half the people here don't tell their families about their bdsm involvement. * They wouldn't understand, it's none of their business, no need to hurt them* ad nauseum. Yes, people often DO live by their convictions, they often don't want to have to explain them, either. While you, and indeed I, might not have a single problem with that, that isn't the case for many other people. Simple shit...Life isn't black and white. agirl agirl

kalikshama -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 1:35:22 PM)
quote: There is a trend among the under 30 posters to get whiny when they don't get total validation...we become bad guys and "haters", they get all defensive and nasty, and the cycle continues. At least none of us are fat cows yet. This reminded of me when I was in charge of volunteers at a yoga retreat center and one of them accused me of "violent speech" after I said, "Ok, it's after 9 AM, time to get to work."

crazyml -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 3:21:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama quote: There is a trend among the under 30 posters to get whiny when they don't get total validation...we become bad guys and "haters", they get all defensive and nasty, and the cycle continues. At least none of us are fat cows yet. This reminded of me when I was in charge of volunteers at a yoga retreat center and one of them accused me of "violent speech" after I said, "Ok, it's after 9 AM, time to get to work." Awesome! Absolutely Awesome.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 3:37:23 PM)
A FR re: the OP and his thread, in general, not to anyone specific: This young man is 22 years old, struggling with Aspergers, feels he is transgendered, lives in the heart of the Bible belt, and has religious parents. I think he's doing great. Who of us knew exactly what we were and were willing to go it alone at 22? Yeah I did. Hannah did. I suspect we were both on our own far too early and guess what folks? You learn a lot, no question there. It does take a toll. It is not a road I recommend for anyone with other choices. Now, this young man may very well eventually realize in order to be true to himself, he has to come out to his family. I, for one, am willing to cut him some slack. He's got a lot on his plate. JMO, YMMV

PeonForHer -> RE: When a Domme Blackmails you (11/9/2011 4:14:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt Now, this young man may very well eventually realize in order to be true to himself, he has to come out to his family. I, for one, am willing to cut him some slack. He's got a lot on his plate. Me too. "There but for the grace of God go I". Though, given the OP's circumstances, perhaps that's not entirely the appropriate phrase. He'll need his sails properly set to sail through what's likely to be the coming storm.

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