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Kaliko -> RE: Biases on collarme? (11/14/2011 3:20:11 PM)
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I agree that the constant influx of new people on these boards does allow for different viewpoints on what some may consider to be old and used up topics. That is reason enough to not jump to point someone to the search function.
More important to me, though, is the human element - the compassion. The back and forth between people that clearly everyone here - everyone, even the ones that bitch about how much time other people spend here - comes here for. We could all find all the information we want on the internet about anything. But we can't have dialogue, and we can't have someone listen to what we have to say. Just doing the talking can be just as beneficial, if not more so, than the actual information that's frankly, often, dime a dozen.
When I was considering a poly relationship and was scared to death of STDs, did I really need to know about how to protect myself? Of course not. I have a brain and a laptop. I can figure it out. I needed someone to help me calm down and breathe and not make a big deal out of nothing - or - make a bigger deal out of something I wasn't paying enough mind to. I needed to vent, to bounce things off of you guys, and to hear what you had to say to me, not to a black void that can only echo back responses through the blinking cursor of a search bar.
Especially, with all of this WIITWD (oh! I think that's the first time I've used that acronym! What do I win?), many of us are not in the position to talk with others face to face about our questions. It is already a lonely world for some. The casual response to check the search engine, as if we are too busy and important to answer those questions, or how can you be so silly as to not know we already talked about that 52 times this month, can only add to someone's already confused perception of...here I go again...WIITWD.
I am all for linking to a helpful thread as part of a response. Because that is good information for someone to have. I cringe, though, when we start to turn people away and tell them that rather than having a conversation with them, we'd rather they just use the search function and not bother us. It seems rude and unwelcoming. I know it's not our job to be Walmart greeters for the forums. I certainly don't go running to every introduction thread to make new posters feel at home. But for some, it's a scary thing to actually verbalize their questions, and I am sure many of them are worrying, as they type their thoughts out, whether they will sound foolish or inexperienced. I hate to see the door slammed on them before they even make it through the entryway.
Please don't misunderstand. I'm not saying I want to coddle every new poster. I very much like the different personalities on the boards and would hate to see everyone being....you know....nice. (I rather like, in fact, the more matter-of-fact brusque posters.) So, it's not necessarily the manner in which we respond...it's just the fact that we do respond that I think is kind of the whole point of a discussion board.
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