RE: Looks (Full Version)

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MadAxeman -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 12:47:45 AM)

Thanks Greedy.
This thread is really working for me.



LaTigresse -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 4:26:49 AM)

Looks, attractiveness, hotness factor..........a very odd thing to me.

Seriously if I could post photos of each person I've been in a lustful loving relationship with......you all would be hard pressed to find any sort of commonality at all. Seriously nada.

A person can be totally gorgeous, the hottest thing walking, smart, funny and yet lacks any sort of 'Ohhhhhhhhh........I waaaaaannnnnnttttt!' to me.

Yet, it's not that looks and how a person takes care of themself does not matter because they do. Personal hygiene is a huge thing to me. Excessively personally destructive behaviour matters, including bad personal habits, lack of good ones, etc. But I have found that even the occasional freak show, wrapped up with a good brain and a wicked sexy sense of humour and some of those undefinable things, can be totally fucking sexy....to me. Remembering a double amputee with a nasty scar down the side of the face that totally rocked my world 25 years ago.

For myself, about myself, I know I am not a perfect 10 and quite frankly, most days I prefer that. I've no wrinkles and very few gray hairs, even though I am a few months from 50. I get more and more fit as time goes on. Better now than 20 years ago even though I wear a larger pants size. Most often, when I look in the mirror (except for the rocking bed hair I've got going on at the moment) I am okay with what I see.

I am enough in tune with my body that I notice in the mirror, when I am not eating right or not getting enough water or sleep. It shows in my skin. That matters to me so I try to do the right things for me.

I am happy. I am happy with myself and my life. I think that shows. I look for that in others. Maybe that is the undefinable 'it', I don't know. I just know that whomever has to have 'it' and if they don't.......meh. For some, I've got 'it' and for others, that 'it' is simply annoying as fuck.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 4:50:34 AM)

For me, my self esteem has been rebuilt in a much different way than I started out. It's independent of my appearance. I look in the mirror and sometimes genuinely dislike what I see, which motivates me to do something about it.
I do have anxiety about my hair, but that's less to do with appearance and more to do with a bad accident. =p

I can't fix everything, but I can fix some things. But also, who I am is independent of it. Without going into details, I've never really got along with my body anyway, it never seem to fit. So I feel kind of separate from it at times. hahaha =p



VirginPotty -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 6:10:31 AM)

Looks do matter to me.  To paraphrase what heartcream said, I take care of myself why shouldn't I want someone who takes care of their body/mind too?  I don't expect perfection but what I do expect is someone who'll respect themself/me enough to strive to get as close as possible.

If there is a part of your body that you just can't change that that is part of your charm (ie head size[;)], pigeon toed etc) but don't "not exercise" and tell me you're overweight because you're big boned!  I'm not trying to start a "oooo you hate fat people" argument, I have loved many overweight men in my past and still find myself attracted to them but  the overweight men I've been attracted to had a GREAT personality that completely bowled me over.

"Beauty comes from within" (Truer words were never spoken) but there is a flip side and that is taking care of your outter self (appearance) shows a respect for yourself and if you have a great personality but don't brush your teeth, wash your hair etc., then we're just going to be friends and nothing more.



littlewonder -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 6:46:50 AM)

Looks mean  a lot to me. Having grown up with extreme eczema on my face and body has left me with paranoia about my beauty. It's been in remission for a few years but if even a small patch breaks out I'm panicking. I do everything within my power to keep my looks and will continue to do so. I admit I'm vain and shallow.

I've always been attracted to men who were considered hot, who  had a nice slim build, who you can look at and know he takes care of himself and knows how to present himself to the world. That being said I need the entire package as well. I never settled for less and if it turned out I was wrong then the relationship never ever worked out in the long run.





LaTigresse -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 6:48:47 AM)

To ME.........there is something very interesting and sexy about a person that will leave a perfectly good television or computer shut off to be out hiking (or something active).

Seeing a woman bit into a fresh juicy peach and have the juices running down as she laughs/giggles is wayyyyyyyyyy sexier than seeing a woman stuff pizza in her face. Just saying...



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 6:51:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty


"Beauty comes from within" (Truer words were never spoken) but there is a flip side and that is taking care of your outter self (appearance) shows a respect for yourself and if you have a great personality but don't brush your teeth, wash your hair etc., then we're just going to be friends and nothing more.


I think the articles are talking about something beyond just a lack of general maintenance. =p I had a roommate who was like a Barbie doll -- I really can't describe her any other way -- but she had the worst breath I'd ever smelled on a person. =p Plus, she was lazy and couldn't be bothered to do anything, and manipulated people (mostly men) to do things for her, so she could sleep in until 2. =p Still, a lot of people flipped out over her because she had awesome bone structure and flat ironed her hair into oblivion.

I think they're talking about the general standard of beauty, and how you accept yourself if your bone structure isn't quite right, if your waist-to-hip ratio isn't ideal, if you don't have any of the myriad of features that are generally regarded as attractive, in spite of how much you might take care of yourself.



tazzygirl -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 6:54:30 AM)

lol... maybe its just me Lilly... but when I find someone as "perfect" as your roomate, and then find that hidden flaw (bad breath)... it makes me feel so much better about the world!



NocturnalStalker -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 7:10:44 AM)

At my age, personality matters less.  Looks matter more. 

But don't tell them that. [;)]



Hillwilliam -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 7:13:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

At my age, personality matters less. 


Good thing.



poise -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 7:14:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
Have you ever found yourself associating something negative with an unrelated yet undesirable
physical attribute?


I hope I don't get laughed at for this answer, but I feel it's more prevalant that undesirable
characteristics are applied to those that have looks that are deemed too good to be true.
I think many of us can remember in our younger years thinking that Sally Ann must be a bitch
because she is gorgeous, or Anthony must be a player because he attracts all the girls.
In this respect, I feel the pretties and the not-so-pretties both suffer from the need to prove there
is much more to us beyond our looks, and thankfully there are people out there that know how to dig.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
Do you think there is a difference between the genders in the way this comes out? Like you
hear "well men are visual creatures," but I've known plenty of very appearance-minded women
who say that looks don't matter to them, and yet they do. I'm not sure there's all that much of a difference, really.


There is an interesting debate going on in my head over this one. I've never heard the phrase "trophy husband",
so while both genders may be appearance-minded, I think it speaks more to the mans pride at having captured the
cream of the crop. This is not to say woman don't care how thier man looks in public. Nor does it mean that men are
shallow enough to just want someone to look good on thier arm.
The debate continues.......darn it! [:D]

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
You want your partner to be attracted to you, but not to the point where they would leave you if you were disfigured, or
as the natural aging process takes a toll -- how do you determine the balance?


I'm not as concerned about my looks as I once was. I no longer worry that my legs are too long, or that my neck
is too long, or that I have ears that can give Spock a run for his money. I know that if he were to put a bag over my
head, he would still have an amazing creature in his grasp, and he calls that beautiful.



GreedyTop -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 7:32:45 AM)

quote:

I hope I don't get laughed at for this answer, but I feel it's more prevalant that undesirable
characteristics are applied to those that have looks that are deemed too good to be true.
I think many of us can remember in our younger years thinking that Sally Ann must be a bitch
because she is gorgeous, or Anthony must be a player because he attracts all the girls.
In this respect, I feel the pretties and the not-so-pretties both suffer from the need to prove there
is much more to us beyond our looks, and thankfully there are people out there that know how to dig.



My friend/(now ex)boss (the bitch!! LOL) here in Savannah.. when I first met her, my immediate reaction to her was "ICE QUEEN BITCH", based solely on her appearance. Happily, we soon got to know each other (we were both attending travel agent school), and we have remained great friends ever since.

That experience brought home to me how often in highschool, and into my adult years, I had made the same snap judgements. It made me wonder how many potential lifelong friends/possible romantic partners I had missed out on.






LaTigresse -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 7:40:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

That experience brought home to me how often in high school, and into my adult years, I had made the same snap judgements. It made me wonder how many potential lifelong friends/possible romantic partners I had missed out on.



It sucks, how much of that baggage we tend to carry with us long after it means a damned thing.



GreedyTop -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 8:12:15 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

That experience brought home to me how often in high school, and into my adult years, I had made the same snap judgements. It made me wonder how many potential lifelong friends/possible romantic partners I had missed out on.



It sucks, how much of that baggage we tend to carry with us long after it means a damned thing.



yeah, right? another thing to add to my list of why the person I am now doesnt much care for the person I was 20 or more yrs ago..



tj444 -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 8:42:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
yeah, right? another thing to add to my list of why the person I am now doesnt much care for the person I was 20 or more yrs ago..

really? Its the opposite for me.. I loved the way i was when i was a young adult (17years to mid 20s or so). She was very gutsy, "no" wasnt in her vocabulary, she tried things, experimented.. she did whatever the fuck she wanted to do and never let anyone else influence her.. a free spirit.. I want some of her back!.. (sigh)



GreedyTop -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 8:47:55 AM)

I did much the same, tj, back then. but without going into my life story, it would be impossible for you to understand why I said that. This is not to say I REGRET my history - I don't. But that does not mean that if back then, I was the person I am NOW, I woulda LIKED that then-person, if that makes any sense. Now, when I meet people who are like my THEN-person, all I can do is hope that they learn life lessons a whole lot sooner than I did.. because I already know they arent going to listen to any advice I could give them that might make things a bit easier for them *sigh*



tj444 -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 8:59:46 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
And we all hear that real beauty is internal, or subjective, etc., but also that attraction matters in romantic relationships. Where do you draw the lines for yourself?

How much do you want your looks to matter to people you meet?
You want your partner to be attracted to you, but not to the point where they would leave you if you were disfigured, or as the natural aging process takes a toll -- how do you determine the balance?

Have you ever found yourself associating something negative with an unrelated yet undesirable physical attribute?

Do you think there is a difference between the genders in the way this comes out? Like you hear "well men are visual creatures," but I've known plenty of very appearance-minded women who say that looks don't matter to them, and yet they do. I'm not sure there's all that much of a difference, really.

The majority of people aren't the top 1% of super attractiveness, I think it's okay to accept that about yourself, but like the first article says, people do swoop in to "rescue" you from that kind of thinking -- that somehow thinking you may not be the hottest thing on the block is wrong and destructive to you, even if you really aren't. It doesn't mean you aren't still awesome. =p

There needs to be a certain level of attractiveness to me.. There are some things that will likely never be attractive to me such as a bald/shaven head.. I have met very nice men that look like that but sexually, romantically, it just doesnt do anything for me.. trying to change that would be like me trying to become a lesbian..

I am attracted to men younger than is practical, its like the whole Demi/Ashton thing.. too big an age difference and you risk it ending at some point.. So age is a factor in attraction.. I want someone with various life experiences and someone that will stay with me for the rest of the journey.. But to get such a man which i find physically attractive means that i must be very attractive as well... and I like myself better when i feel attractive too..

I think generally, yes both men and women want someone attractive and women are just as visual as men are, in that respect.. however, there are a fair number of women that will overlook a man's unattractiveness if he is rich and spends money on them.. There are a lot more gold diggers than gigolos..



Iamsemisweet -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 9:05:22 AM)

I am very vain about my personal appearance, so this is something that is important to me.  I never felt very attractive when I was younger, and certainly no one ever told me I was.  Now people stop me in the grocery store and tell me how beautiful I am.  I can only conclude I have improved with age.

When I first started dating my love, I was also dating another guy, kind of tall, dark and handsome.  I wouldn't describe my love that way, he is actually kind of "dumpy" for want of a better word, and his face is pretty weathered from all those years on fishing boats.  I was a little taken aback the first time I met him.  Nonetheless, by the time I dumped tall dark and handsome, he wasn't attractive to me at all.  As for my love, the more I know him, the more attractive he is to me. 



tj444 -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 9:13:28 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
I did much the same, tj, back then. but without going into my life story, it would be impossible for you to understand why I said that. This is not to say I REGRET my history - I don't. But that does not mean that if back then, I was the person I am NOW, I woulda LIKED that then-person, if that makes any sense. Now, when I meet people who are like my THEN-person, all I can do is hope that they learn life lessons a whole lot sooner than I did.. because I already know they arent going to listen to any advice I could give them that might make things a bit easier for them *sigh*

Yes, i think i understand that.. but for me,.. the differences between the "then" me and the "now" me is something i have been thinking about for a while now.. and wondering how to get more of the "then" me back..

I think trying to tell someone young about life lessons is hard since they are trying to spread their wings and want their independence.. and the freedom to make their own mistakes.. and imo it also depends on how they were raised/taught.. a few kids are good at absorbing advice




GreedyTop -> RE: Looks (11/14/2011 10:11:02 AM)

I wouldnt want teh THEN me back. I still do stuff that the THEN me would have approved of, but I do it a LOT with a lot more sense of the consequences, and the NOW me takes appropriate measures to minimize the risks that teh THEN me wouldnt have given a thought to.

i.e. I no longer drive under the influence/no longer indulge in reality altering drugs that cause my judgement to be iffy, at best/ put myself in situations that could cause anything from life altering harm, to death.

thats just a nutshell of the things teh THEN me wouldnt have given a second thought to.

Hmm. The THEN me was also the one that was concerned about how I appeared (physically) to others!

(not saying ANY of that applies to anyone else.. just something I twigged to just now about myself...)



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