Alecta
Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TripleNipple53
My Master has allowed me to join Collar Me to find people that I can talk to, to learn how to become a better slave for him. I am not a masochist, nor have I ever in my entire life had a desire or fantasy about being a slave, but here I am. I am having more trouble mentally then with the physical or actual acts. Mentally I wonder what have I done to deserve this treatment. I know that my Master does not know that I entered into this agreement feeling obligated or like I had no other choice, but that is the case. Now that I have done this, I am trying to find a way to ignore my thoughts and feelings while I am in a scene with my Master. I signed up for 24/7/365 slavery, there are no limits and no time restrictions. Slavery is something that is important to him, and I promised to always submit, to never argue, and to do whatever whenever without thought or hesitation, I promised him complete and total control of everything, and would like to find a way to keep my promise. But it is causing me a lot of mental anguish and suffering that I have or am creating for myself. Is there anyone else out there that has done this too? and if so how have you learned to cope or what advice can you give me? I do not want this to be an issue, but my brain cannot let it go. HELP!
I'm going to lead off with the underlined portion of your OP... YES, I have been in a relationship where I unwittingly let myself be held to certain expectations from him and became obligated to keep them even though I deeply reviled it. I was younger, reeling from some personal family shit and trying to be "normal" and he took advantage of it. What did I do? Well, I got my head together, kicked his windows in and left.
Being a slave in the D/s context is a consensual agreement. The mind agrees, the body follows, because the D/s relationship, more than any other kind, is a mental, not physical, thing, especially I think for woman. We have always tended to be more led by our hearts and minds than bodies. There is such a thing as non-consensual slavery, yes, but it is something that the slave in some part of their mind, and it has to be an equal or majority part, that wants to be controlled that way, beyond his or her complete control and will.
The thing about certain men in the lifestyle, Dom or sub, I've found, is they think men and women are the same and that we get the same things they do out of... well, everything. They want you to believe that agreeing to be their live-in unpaid unappreciated fuckpuppet housemaid is the only thing you're good for, that you honestly feel it is a privilege. They want you to believe that having indiscriminate sex is the show of your "feminine power". I am not saying that this is not true, I'm saying this is only true if it is something you arrived at in yourself independent of his influence.
The right of a slave to be a particular person's slave is irrevocable. The only thing that an Owner can do is to help the slave make this option inaccessible to the slave's panic response, but he cannot take it away. From a legal standpoint, none of these agreements are enforceable anywhere. This lifestyle, legally speaking, is considered role-play. This means that when the role-play ends for you and you find yourself in genuine jeopardy, you always have the option of reaching out to authorities for help. If ever you feel it is NOT ok what he is doing to you and he is unable to make it ok, you can always get out.
Understand that everything in this lifestyle has a "fantasy" side and a"realistic" side. The latter deals with issues such as health and logistics that the fantasising side of a person does not want to consider because it may not make the thing seems so cool or complete. Complete abject slavery 24/7/365 is a fantasy. Ask anyone who's actually owned a slave for a respectable period of time! There has to be periods where the slave is allowed to be themselves, there has to be times where the slave is treated as a person not a slave, and there has to be times where the Master looks after the slave. Not because of what the slave wants, but because of the Master's need.
The lifestyle is very subjective and personal, but some basic guidelines for thought is this: your Owner is responsible for your physical and emotional well-being. The Owner should have a vested interest in keeping you around, healthy and alive for as long as possible. This means being watchful of your headspace, this means being aware of what you feel and think. Just because you are the slave does not mean you do not have the right to pull your owner up to task if your owner fails to fulfil their side of the bargain. In fact, if you are the only two people in the relationship, it is your responsibility to do so. (Some slave/Master couples invite a third objective character to oversee from time to time, this person makes sure that the slave and Master are treating each other ok or at least to mutually agreeable standards.)
The big question is, do you enjoy the anguish you have created for yourself? Some slaves get off on it, some even get off on hating their Owners. If that isn't you, then you have a problem and need to sit down and talk to Terry. If he is half the man he says he is, you two should be able to come to a resolution with some open honesty.
BTW, how do you feel about him looking for other submissive women?
< Message edited by Alecta -- 11/16/2011 12:40:35 PM >
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Slave, Help me - 
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