lizi
Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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I know you're usually a lighthearted guy LNN, but your post really inspired a big wtf from me. I may have misinterpreted your writing, if I did I'm sorry. I decided to go ahead and post my answer anyway since it addresses the topic.
You know I do get that there are mismatches out there with the wife truly not understanding. Then the situation needs to be evaluated as workable or not, and a solution reached. I may have a deep need to be a prima ballerina, if my husband prevents me from achieving this do I stay with him or not?
It's up to the couple to be fully aware of what each other needs and to have the opportunity to work at things....or not. Plus, in a lot of these cases the guy goes ahead and marries the woman knowing that BDSM is off the table from the start - what about that?
Lack of responsibility for one's self and one's situation does not equate being entitled to what you consider is the solution, unless you take your wife along for the ride on that decision.
There are a lot of things in life that we won't be able to fully understand about another, but me not being able to fully appreciate the effects of testosterone doesn't mean I should have a cheating husband. Does testosterone mean you get special loopholes? What about when women are pregnant, having a period, or menopausal...do they get special dispension then? There's a thing called being an adult and learning to suck up whatever your issue is. I'm not personally acquainted with the efforts of testosterone, but I have no issue saying if it causes you issues, learn to deal with it. How is it that millions of men worldwide find ways to deal with their unique hormonal problem? The few that use something as a crutch, or an excuse, get nothing but disdain from me because we've all got something on our plate to deal with.
It really isn't my problem if sex is easier for me to find. What should I do? Handicap myself? I can't help it that men suffer, it isn't my job to fix things for them because I have rights too, and I choose not to deal with people that are losers who cheat. It's my prerogative. You and I live in a world that grants us the freedom to choose what we want for ourselves, we're not beholden to anyone except our children and those that we choose to be accountable to. Therefore I could care less if random man's wife doesn't understand him and he wants sex. I have the right to look for a relationship of the type that fulfills me and that i want for myself. If I spent my days on my back helping out the horny men of the world become satisfied and happy, I'd never get up again because as we know, its a condition that never changes or has a finishing point.
So what's the solution? Fap like crazy, find a woman who is ok with being a side item, divorce the not understanding wife and find a new relationship...that seems to be the end of the list. It just seemed to me that from your post in order to understand and take care of the issues of the men of the world the women of the world have to put aside their own choices and needs. In the end, people do what they've been doing for eons, trying to find what works for them, trying to accommodate their loved ones and work out that delicate balance of yours and mine, and if they're in a situation that doesn't ultimately work they accept it or move on.
You're right, there is a broad brush of disdain that horny cheating guys are painted with. Because they aren't being proactive in solving their problems, and they're taking people along for a ride that they never agreed to. It's pretty easy to disdain what cheaters do, because it's weak and it's punishing to others. If some guys wife is in a coma and he is truly caught between a rock and a hard place, that's awful, but shit happens. There's also people out there that get hit by cars and never walk again. I'm sorry if the coma situation or something that terrible is your life, but once again, it's not my job to fix it for you and while it sucks that's too bad. I have sincere empathy for terrible situations, I honestly do. I learned long ago that I can't take home every stray, and I can't fix things for every abused child, and I can't help out every horny man either. Sometimes it truly is life sucks and then you die.
On that melancholy note, I'd like to say there's always a choice with whatever someone is faced with. Sometimes that choice may be as narrow as being how you choose to deal with your fate. Be the standup person, bring joy into your life however you can, settle for what you can have and not mourn what you can't. It's attitude sometimes, or do some true problem solving where the first readily available solution isn't the one you pick if it's hurtful to others. Everyone has choices, anyone can take a higher, although maybe harder route to a solution.
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RE: A submissive man needs to be under foot - 
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