My dearly-departed mother was an RN for many years. She was a single mom and I her only child, and a fairly good listener from early on, so I got a lot of um, interesting stories from the hospital.
One of my favorites was from back when she was in school at a training hospital back home in CA, circa late 1950's. There was this one fruitcake that kept having to be brought in for sticking weird things up his bum and either losing them up there or having them get stuck, like.. D batteries. A rutabega (and other vegetation. Usually these were fetched out with a corkscrew, she said.).
I mean srsly. Why bother with all that when there are so many lovely fleshly penises (penii?) hanging about? Clown not understand..
P.S. Speaking of penises/penii, then there was the college kid pledging a frat (same time frame) whose requirement was that he insert one of those little birthday cake candles in his urethra, light it, and let it burn down so far. No, he didn't get burned so far as I know, but the wax did melt down and plug up the hole, as it were, and they had to knock him out and um (guys, plug your delicate virgin ear canals..), ream him out with a little tiny thing that was rather like the above mentioned cock, I mean corkscrew..
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. <93>)O(